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Rabbit rabbit baby. Can you believe that it's already the last month of the year? My, how time flies these days. These days it seems like I can't hold on and time keeps on slipping into the future and it's like I look back and another year has passed. I'm getting older and all I want is more and better. Why do things stay the same? Oh yeah, it's because I haven't done anything to make things change. It's all up to me. I can do it. But I think my get up and go just got up and went.
Even though I worked away from the office today, and it was a change of scenery, it sure was an awful lot of work. When I look back and think about all the extra work I've done in the past couple of months, I wonder if it's really worth it that we made like $25,000. They were gushing about how, in the past eight years of doing this same thing, we've made almost quarter of a million dollars. That money has helped to pay my salary and buy many things that are needed in the factory of the mind.
I'm not very happy with 100words.com right now. The last day I was able to write here was December 2 and I just realized today that the site is finally fixed, so here I am catching up with the entire month of December. There's no way I can remember every single day of this month, so I'm just going to have write some kind of bull malarkey or some stuff. Or I could just blow off the rest of the month and tell myself that I'll start again for the new year. What's a mother to do, I ask?
What is it about December? Time seems to increase to a fevered pitch and the events come and go fast and furiously. Every single day there are two or three events competing for attention. I default to doing nothing but going home after an exhausting day at the factory of the mind and eating dinner, vegging in front of the TV, schmying on the Internets, and passing out at some time. It's a boring existence and the days just pass by. I feel like I'm serving a sentence over here, just going through the motions. It's not easy being December.
Just another Monday, much like any other weekday. I'm in a hopeless routine that has dug me so deeply into a rut that I'm struggling mightily to get out from under it. I get up each day quite thankful just for that simple event. I go to work and produce like a champ. I come home and do nothing but eat dinner, schmy around the Internet and watch TV, eventually passing out. It's a routine that is hard to write about. Sounds dreadful, eh? It's no wonder I'm constantly self-medicating. I guess it could be worse. First world problems!
I don't even really understand the meaning of Advent. I know that the Catholics are crazy about it and its meaning for their relationship with Jesus. I have no relationship with Jesus, because I identify as Jewish and I simply think he was another rabbi who mysteriously never got married and had kids. His Mom, if she was purportedly the owner of an immaculate conception, was a nice Jewish girl. The whole story is a bit much for me and I've never been able to buy into any of the mumbo jumbo. And how is Santa related to Jesus anyway?
Go go go. That's what December is all about. I try to take a few minutes each day to just stop and appreciate the moment. It's not easy living in the present. There's always the past haunting and future creeping in every second. What I just wrote is already in the past. I'm in the moment while writing this but as soon as the words appear they are part of the past. The future holds the possibility of this drivel becoming something other than pure drivel. That possibility is rather small for I write the most mundane of thoughts here.
I go through the motions and before I know it, another day has passed. Am I a zombie, or what? I don't have plans for the future. I just let the days go by without a care in the world. I have a paid-for house and paid-for car that takes me back and forth to the factory each day where I create beautiful things and endure the pathology of my coworkers. I have dreams, but that's all they are until I get the motivation to try to convert said dreams into reality. I know I can do it.
An apple a day should be an easy thing, eh? A fresh apple represents the fact that eating more fresh fruits and vegetables is supposed to be ideal. Then why and how can I go for weeks and months with little to no fresh veg or fruit? It's easy. With today's go-go lifestyle, we're always picking up something to eat that's already been processed beyond imagination and is cheap and easy and quick to eat. Next! I sure do crave a fat-filled burger and fries and shake more than can be good for me but that's the diet.
When one has a certain routine, it's not easy to have it changed. Today it was because I had a house guest - my darling sister. She cares not what my Saturday routine might be. She is a tourist and wants to do things on her agenda. Never mind my routine. That will wait until next week. So, I skip my routine and the day never feels just right. I can't believe how much I've become a creature of comfort needing that routine to feel just right. But I made it through the day and I'll pick up again next week.
Another day where the apple cart is overturned. The daily routine is out the window, except we must make our first stop of the day at the produce market because we'll never be able to make it through the week without our beloved manzano bananas. I really love those little bananas with my daily oatmeal. As a little aside, I've also discovered that if it isn't old fashioned oatmeal, I don't want it. That instant oatmeal is what I call a punishment. It's like eating paper mache paste. But even though we altered our routine, it was a good day.
Soon it will be Christmas Day. The one thing that I really like about December is that I can unabashedly listen to Xmas music every day, non-stop at work and in the car while traveling to and from the factory. I don't make it a habit to listen at any other time, though, but I love having it on in the background at work during the month of December. I even have my days of Chanukah music. There's not a whole lot of that I can tolerate for more than a few minutes, but I really loves Xmas music.
Not even halfway through the month of 100 words a day. Since the site was wacky this month, I didn't write and now have spent a couple of sessions just randomly writing 100 words at a time until I can't take it no more. It's fun and quirky to do it on a daily basis, but trying to do it over and over and over again just to fill up a month's worth of entries feels a lot like a writing assignment. I find it most ironic that the person who told me about this site no longer writes here!
Here I sit on December 29 working on exactly 100 words - no more, no less - for a date only two weeks ago yet I can hardly remember what actually happened on that day. If I go back through work e-mails I can remind myself that it was a day much like any other day in December 2011. I got up, got ready, drove to work, worked a full day at the factory of the mind, came home, ate dinner, played around a little and went to sleep. I live a rather uneventful life and I'm kinda happy with that.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. We can look forward to at least a couple weeks of cooler weather and the humidity drops to a bearable level. And then one day it's like early summer all over again with the heat and humidity back up to intolerable levels. The weather is not predictable on a day-to-day basis, but generally we know that this time of year the weather is going to be chamber of commerce perfect. After all, we endure the horrible summers to have the enchanting winters. People pay good money to come here wintertime.
It's Friday. Yay. Halfway through the most grueling month of the year. It's just another day. The beat goes on. I'm glad to have made it through another week at work and knowing there are only two more weeks left of the year seems to make the days pass that much more quickly. The treats and snacks and holiday goodies abound. At every turn there is something tempting. I feel like I have gained 10 lbs. just since Thanksgiving. It's been a food fest for the past month and it doesn't show signs of stopping. I need corn for popping.
December 17 is St. Lazarus Day. I know that because my husband is a St. Lazarus freak. He has a little statue that gets candles lit, cigars, and other things. He gave me a gold St. Lazarus medal that I wear around my neck. And on December 17 every year I am reminded that it's St. Lazarus Day as a candle is lit, a cigar is smoked and a prayer is said. St. Lazarus, pray for us. St. Madeleine Sophie, pray for us. St. Philippine Duchesne, pray for us. I need a whole lot of prayer. I believe in miracles.
Sunday is the best day of the week. I like Sundays because I hardly ever plan anything and I just let the day happen on its own. There are some routines that we follow, like going to the produce market also known as the ghetto farmer's market. If we do anything after that, it's from Raoul's desire to either go buy shoes or buy bird seed in Hialeah or going to Costco because I didn't go on Saturday. There's almost always an afternoon nap during the local public radio's broadcast of folk and acoustic music. It's day for recharging batteries.
Ugh, Monday. So, what of it? Especially since this week is going to be a short one. We have a holiday on Friday. Praise Jesus. And really, it's not such a bad Monday because there are holiday treats around every corner, people are passing out gifts left and right, and I'm playing holiday music non-stop while working. And we are working like busy little beavers. I think that knowing we have next week off work is making us all work a little harder this week to get prepared for our return in 2012. There's a lot to be done.
It's amazing how I can whip myself into such a bad mood so easily. It happens most every Tuesday. It's just resentments that I've allowed to fester. I have to deal with such passive aggressive behaviors in the workplace and I'm angry with me for accepting it for so long that it has become customary. It's outright abuse, but I endure it because it seems to be my lot in life. No matter how hard I try to frame the situation differently, the bottom line is I let other people make me miserable. Why do I let the shitty committee?
My darling coworkers had a holiday party. It was so sweet because there was no set time and virtually every single person just served themselves some holiday foods and went back to their desks and continued working. It was in the spirit of, "Let's get this job done and go on vacation." The fact that the work load is so great and we have a full week of vacation makes the work so much more intense this week. Tomorrow is the last work day of the year and I'm very much in disbelief at how quickly the time has flown.
I was so drawn into the whirlwind that is December that I woke up this morning and decided to celebrate the Winter Solstice by going to the beach to see the sun rise. I got out of bed at 0600, threw on a t-shirt and jeans and grabbed the camera and got into the car and drove three minutes to the beach. The winds were a little brisk and the temperature was lower than I realized but I loved being on the sand waiting for the sun to rise. It wasn't a particularly memorable sunset, but I was there.
It's nice to have house guests, especially when they're family. The Son, His Wife and Their Cat are in the other room visiting us and we're having a very nice time together. We went to the movies and got a call that our very dear friend died in surgery. I could tell at that very moment that this year's celebration would be rather subdued. The rest of the day was kinda surreal as I dealt with the news. It's amazing how you can be happy and sad at the same time. It's not easy, but I did it. I'm okay.
Christmas falling on Sunday has made Christmas Eve into just another day, more or less. The Son and His Wife did their own thing today while I did mine. Then, later we had a dinner of barbecued steak, salad and stuffed squash. We opened presents and called it an early night. Everyone is still a little sad over Debbie's sudden death. If she were alive, we would be celebrating at her sister's house. As it is, there is very little celebration. Tomorrow morning, The Son and His Wife leave very early to drive back north for Xmas with her family.
It's the most wonderful day of the year. Jesus doesn't need to be reminded that he had to sleep with his own mother to create himself. Praise the lard. I love to mock the whole concept of immaculate conception and the holy spirit but today is a good day for Chinese food. We went to Melinda's and felt the full weight and gravity of her sister's death as she asked us to help with some funeral arrangements. We came back home, zonked out from exhaustion and grief and when we woke up we ordered Chinese food for dinner. Merry Christmas.
Having a whole week off with no agenda is kinda exciting for me. I know that I will totally eff off the entire week, but at least knowing that I have the possibility to do many things is truly exciting. Today, I begin my week of sloth with a lot of sitting around doing nothing. Watched way too much TV. Had a serious nap. Nibbled all day on junky things. And just generally had a great first day of vacation. Well, technically Friday was the first day but I had company to entertain. Today was my day to do anything.
It's not easy going to a funeral service during the holiday season. No one is really in the mood to be somber. But, it's amazing how we can switch from jolly to serious in a heartbeat. After all, just entering a funeral home is enough to wipe the smile from anyone's face. I was honored that I had been asked to provide a photo, since we have spent most major holidays with Debbie and her family for the past seven years since both our mothers died. I remember we were accepted as part of the family, so it wasn't easy.
The days go by so slowly and I'm not even truly part of the grieving family. But sitting shiva can be draining. There is so much grief and sadness and I just can't even bring myself to mention Debbie's name. Every time I look at her framed photo sitting there on the counter I just get a little misty eyed. It's a hard week to be celebratory on the one hand and funereal on the other. We go to Melinda's house daily, but these are not party occasions. This is the stuff of seriousness. Someone died and we go on.
The year comes to a bittersweet end. I can't say 2011 was the best year on record. There have been many that were far worse, but on the whole it wasn't a very good year. I keep saying that we're going in reverse when it comes to our financial health. The price of everything skyrockets while wages are stagnant to the point of negative growth. I bemoan the fact that benefits costs rise more than personal income raises each year therefore causing a negative impact on the balance sheet. Gross income truly is gross. It's time to think about taxes.
What are you doing new year's eve eve? It's like we get a double dose of party time with Friday night not even the real holiday. That's tomorrow night when we act like it's 1999. Another year over and deeper in debt? Well, the year's over but our debt level remains the same. We have virtually no debt. I'm very proud of that fact. Although sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't be like the rest of America and in debt up to our ears. Of course lots of those folks lost their homes, and I don't want that to happen!
We made it through another year. I'm ready to have a large year in 2012. It's amazing that I can say twenty twelve and not be just stupefied. After all, this year I have a very major milestone. I never thought I'd live to be 100. I'm glad to be alive. My new year's resolution is to continue to provide myself with whatever happiness I can conjure. I let myself become too sensitive and hurt by others' unkind words and actions. I'm not going to let them do that to me this year. I'm putting on my big boy panties.
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