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The first day of the new year.
What did I do?
Went to sleep, that's what. Slept for only 4 hours and woke up to a phone call from a friend.
Ah, this year's started already. That also means that school's coming. My bffl and I made plans to "get fit". I don't really care about my personal appearance much. I still don't.
Argh, I don't know if I like this one kid or not. I probably feel closer to him just because we talk often online nowadays. Oh well, when school starts, it'll all go back to normal boredom.
I thought about it for a long while and realized that I was only attracted to him for that bit due to isolation.
From yesterday, it's been going downhill from there. He's too much like me. Not in aspects of "talents" or "skills", but in mindset.
... I guess.
I had an epiphany when I saw his argument for why he's "being mean".
He sees the world as a place full of lazy idiots who don't try to understand. He's sick of it, so he plays along-- because playing along is easier than to fight for something nonexistent.
I brought Evan, my unicorn pillow pet, to the car to sleep on.
Even though I had enough hours of sleep, all I did was sleep in classes. I don't think I'm accustomed to the working hours of schoolwork because of that break.
I'm getting into acapella groups. Mostly the ones that were on The Sing-Off. I liked acapella before, but it's obviously reaching its height now. I love Committed, Street Corner Symphony and OTR. Gosh, I've been listening to them non-stop.
...I have to write an essay for school right now...
I ended up not writing that essay.
I typed about a third of it and thought, "What's the point?".
I didn't find that there was any meaning in seeing if Kennedy or Johnson was a more effective president. I started thinking about life and how it sucks. I went into a rather depressive state before going to school. It was really annoying...
There was nothing I could do. I started pondering about life again, thinking of what people do to distract them from the obvious mission of living. They drown themselves in work or "love". Man, life really sucks.
Days are passing by slowly.
I watched this one episode of Law & Order SVU. It had this notorious pedophile who makes kiddie porn. It was an old man.
He had this little girl about 11-12 years old in the bathtub wearing a swimsuit when he was shot in the head by one of the kids he stole before. It was pretty cool, but I think it ended crappily. It had a good storyline and everything.
I feel rather lonely lately. My friends have better friends they talk to than me. Going to school's harder...
I read an excerpt in Brit lit today. It was about how "Love" can be healthy. It had these doctors state and prove their philosophy through monkeys.
The whole thing actually gave a pretty good speech through medical reasons and science.
"Love" is very mysterious.
It sounds like bullcrap, but in a way it sounds right.
I realized something new about myself today. Nothing too serious, I think. Maybe one day I'll grow out of it. I don't like being left alone--No one does, but--I ended up having this breakdown that began with a tantrum.
We watched Case 39 today.
I wanted to run away because I thought it was scary, but my mom and uncle wouldn't let me leave the room.
I ended up watching it the whole way through. I was happy that Lilith died, but, that would mean that she'd be reincarnated again...
I kept thinking about this onto the night that I ended up not sleeping until 5-6am.
My laptop caught trojans because the antivirus expired last year November and I forgot to install a new one. I was able to clean it without worries.
I thought I was gonna get my Raikou today, but I guess it's gonna be tomorrow.
All I did today was play around with some CSS. That's just about it.
I feel kind of upset.
I wish I did something with more use of my time like homework... I feel like I'm just letting everything go to waste. Nothing was happening and I'm always just sitting in the dirt by myself. I guess I'll start doing actual duties tomorrow after getting Raikou and going to church. I'll go write a poem or something like that.
I woke up exactly at four.
I did what I wrote out on my schedule... But not the parts where it included doing homework...
Ahh... I'm staying up for nothing. I hope I don't crash at school...
I feel worried. My Brit lit grade dropped because I wasn't paying attention...
My thoughts are starting to wander in class time. I'm getting more tired by the day and I'm starting to get used to afternoon naps.
I'm going to quickly look up things that would help me pay attention more and bring water to school... That'd help.
There's this cat on Facebook who's super annoying. I don't have anything much to write but this child, because nothing really happened. He doesn't make for much conversation though, so... Uh... I'm not gonna write 'bout him. Forget about that.
Gee, since when did I write out my thought process? Blaaaah. What happened today...
Oh, I know!
I HAD THE GREATEST DUMP EVER.
Gosh, it felt so good. It just went out without any pains or strains to push it out; it was only but a nudge to get it to come out. It was a beauteous feeling.
I had to take a test in Algebra Trig today. It was this test called the "Gains" test. We take it at the beginning of the year and then around the end of the year to see if we learned anything.
I feel like so cool to say that I understood everything. I feel so confident in my answers that if I could compare to the feeling of confidence I had when I submitted that scantron sheet to a more physical thing that would need guts to do, it would be going streaking in a traffic jam. I feel badass.
"Baby, what's your sign?"
Is that a pick up line? I googled it and I got this really adorable site that shows up compatibility signs for Mother and Child.
I remember hearing it was a pick up line on another site... Wow, I should be doing homework, yet here I am, googling random things.
I hope, if I ever get married and have a kid, I hope my kid's born under the crab. Then we'd possibly be close 'cause I'm a pisces. ...Well, according to the compatibility signs. I hope he won't grow into a douchebag.
Oh, another depressing day.
Everyone's accomplishing so many things that may seem really insignificant, but, it's making me slightly envious that I don't do anything.
My best friend's exercising well, my friends are concurring fears and working hard on a play, classmates are improving on testing and classwork faster than Edward Cullen running from that one newborn vampire guy whatever. Or was it Jacob? Ah, forget it, I don't really remember plots with guys who turn into dogs or have sparkly bodies.
On a side note, "Come On, Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners is oddly motivating.
Today was fairly interesting.
It was my friend's birthday and her pa' brought some tasty pastries to school. It was a big box of 'em. I picked a bag of a large honey bun. It went well with my cinnamon roll.
I feel kind of like an outcast in one of my clubs... Last year, I felt like I played a pretty darn good part in it, but this year doesn't really feel that way. My friends found better ones, and I'm off in some other world that they don't care to acknowledge anymore. I hate loneliness.
I was supposed to spend the day with my friend Lauren.
I ended up not being able to because my phone didn't ring or vibrate when she called.
I feel like I'm a douchebag because I still didn't call her back.
We were supposed to spend the day reminiscing on old times, talking about current events, and making new memories we would look back on.
I feel like I'm breaking our friendship apart with my unhappy attitude towards everything. She's a very good friend to me, but right now I'm treating her badly. I'm a bad friend...
I wonder if I can ever get anything done tomorrow.
Today I got to choir at church and I also watched a four-five hour movie called Red Cliff. It was pretty good, I liked how it related to Chinese history.
I feel regretful today, however. I didn't get to call Lauren today either or apologize to my friend for not being able to lend money I promised on friday...
I also have a really big Chemistry lab report to do, as well as ROTC homework.
...But I didn't even bother to look at any of them...
So I spent the day watching this one drama called Mr.Champ. Yeah, the title's kinda... but, anyway, the plot's been nice. It's starting to seem kinda "ehh" around the middle bits though.
I feel so unenthusiastic. Those three sentences pretty much wrap up my day. It's kinda sad, isn't it? I wish I had something else to write about. Hmm. Oh, I have homework I need to get started on... But... I'm not gonna really start it... It's too boring... Ahhh, why do I have to be so unamused?! Enthusiasm was going real swell last year-- why now?
I like cooing at the bunnies on DailyBunny. Why did it have to be so odd to do it at school? Gosh.
Today was kind of sad. I had this good plan and everything on what I was going to do when I got home, alloted the time to fit within the schedule and everything... But then I got detention and ended up losing like 3 hours. It threw me off and I started slacking off again. My grade in history went down to a C. It's irritating me. I don't think this teacher teaches well...
I felt happy on how well I was able to rush out a good lab report this morning.
I heard my cousin's dog was pregnant.
Shih tzu puppies! I wish I could have one. My mom doesn't want to get a dog. Athough, if she did, she'd blame me for their bad behavior and take credit when they do good... That's how she treated my rabbits... In the end, she threw them away into a shelter without telling me.
... But If I could have one, I'd name him Dave. After Davedays. He looks like a shih tzu.
So, finals are coming up.
They're actually coming next week.
I'm freaking out...
It's totally obvious that the finals are gonna be really... Hard, this time around. I have to actually study, instead of winging it like last year and the year before.
Man, I wish I could get my notebook and merge it with my brain. Then I'd have all my notes and everything all up in my head when I get the test-- then it'd be easy, and I wouldn't feel so nervous just thinking about it.
Lately, I'm still slacking off. ...I gotta change my habits...
I felt... lonely.
By thinking about the way people talk towards me, I feel like a total stranger. One they'd leave alone unless they need them. Even so, that's their last resort.
They'll turn to people they knew longer instead of talking to an acquaintance about things.
People are too afraid-- why won't others think about how other people think?
Is it too hard to care about the person beside you? The quiet one sitting in the back? How about the obnoxiously loud one?
Why do people have to be rude enough to just block them from sight?
Wah, I spent a whole day catching up on a Korean drama called, "It's okay, Daddy's Girl".
It featured Super Junior's Donghae in it, so I decided to watch it. It was either that or "Dream High", but I chose it 'cause I like Super Junior more than 2PM..
Ughhh, I stayed up till 3 to watch it... I smelled bacon too... My uncle probably got up early to cook. I still had half an episode and a few more till the end.
Geez, I'm supposed to be studying! I'll study tomorrow after this... Really, I swear...
I guess it wasn't the end of the drama at episode 16.
But, it's sure getting there... To the end, I mean. I also watched a couple movies, some really bad military one and "The Social Network".
...Here I am, watching these when I'm supposed to be studying for finals tomorrow.
.... AND MY CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK. I didn't do it. It's too wordy...
Ughhh... I think I get distracted to easily... Why me?! WHY!? Oh whatever, it's all my fault, no use in blaming others.
I guess I'll just wake up early to cram. Wish me luck!
Oh, thank God.
My finals for today weren't that hard. French and Algebra. I also had ROTC for today, but we just watched a movie to contemplate on.
Tomorrow's going to be real bad, though... Chemistry final! If I fail that, my grade's going to sink lower than it already is.
I don't think Chemistry is hard, it's just really annoying when it's an Honors class with a crappy teacher ATTEMPTING to teach...
It makes me irritated when people say, "Oh, don't worry, it's Chemistry-- everyone fails it at one point."
I don't think I can accept that.
So today was just a huge waste of time.
I was supposed to go watch a play my friend's in, but I ended up not doing that.
I didn't even get to do my Chemistry or memorize the poem I was supposed to memorize before.
I saw some of my finals scores. They were all horrible. None were even past 76. I felt confident that I did well, very well, I hoped. I failed almost every single one. My History and Literature class dropped one letter grade. My Chemistry grade didn't even budge.
I'll end up repeating classes again...
So we ended up not going to choir practice... Again... This is getting ridiculous...
Same with me.
I'm getting too ridiculous for words. I just can't focus anymore. My mind keeps drifting, and when I snap to reality, I think:
"It doesn't hurt to play one more round".
I'm tired of rushing homework in the morning just to end up not learning a damn thing.
The poem I chose was already recited by a good chap named Jose. He did it really well. I don't want to be compared so I chose another poem. Hopefully I'll do well...
My chemistry grade finally went up today.
We went to Pizza Hut after I saw my friend's play. ...They ended up at the same Pizza Hut we went in... I didn't make much conversation. I'm not that close as I wish to be...
I told my mum that I don't quite like my aunt for being rude at that Pizza Hut.
I don't regret what I said out loud for "revenge", but in a way I do.
...I said it a bit loud, and the cast sat next to us... I hope they don't think low of me.
Today was wasted away.
I don't have any homework, or anything to really study for. Finals are done, grades are put in...
I sat and attempted to socialize online. I didn't really succeed at that. People weren't very talkative.
I ended my day watching several shows on Boomerang and a movie called "Ginger Snaps". It's about a chick who starts turning into a werewolf. It's an old movie, and I remember watching it when I was a wee tot, falling asleep 'cause there were constant parts where my mom had to cover my eyes. It felt cool to remember.
A lazy Saturday.
I spent the day playing boring games. I also got a new game too, called "Rhythm Heaven".
I wish I had medicine for this stupid cold. I hate runny/stuffy noses the most.
I don't really trust my mom in getting the medicine. She's probably going to keep delaying it until my cold gets too hectic that I have to see a doctor.
My cold's minor right now, and my throat doesn't seem to feel like it's closing up anymore.
I'm gonna be one crabby cat if it gets worse tomorrow.
I kept sleeping at ten minute intervals after my alarm woke me up at 4.
I couldn't stand it. Not being able to breathe out of my nose, the constant blowing of the nose...
Walgreens was just a block away. I was determined to just walk over and buy Robitussin.
I stuffed 10 bucks in my pocket and put on my coat, and whatever to get me to stay warm.
I opened my door and saw that my dad was watching TV. I was able to get a ride instead and got my medicine.
I saw my cousins today.
I didn't get to go to school today. I feel kind of sad. No one really asked me why I didn't go to school. I started pondering about my life again while I was playing tetris. I feel kind of disappointed with how I am. I don't do anything useful, and I always seem to let people down. I'm forgetful sometimes, and I'm too negative. I hope I don't get all sickly when I go to school. I don't want to keep blowing my nose and all that. There's a practice for the ACT tomorrow. I hope I do well.
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