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March when the springtime in near but not quite all around. When I can see the sun but not quite feel its rays. When snowdrops litter the garden paths and frosty mornings are a little less common. When I can wake to sunshine - that day is a good day. When darkness does not follow and envelope every hour. When depression rules from cold and traps you inside. When fresh air grows stale from rushed breathing. No, now I can sense the sun again. Almost taste the warmth, almost taste the smiles. Let spring reign over all living things this day.
Bad me. Ooops. Took me a little while to get started there. Sorry. And right now I have absolutely nothing to say of any worth at all. Whatsoever. Except that maybe I am as changing as the wind, susceptible as the British sunshine.... and as melodramatic as I don't know what. A very melodramatic thing I guess.
There's an advert for 100 days about Swine Flu staring at me. I remember when my younger brother had it - a week of bedside unrest. He was really sick, too sick for my liking. I was scared. He always scares me most.
Sorry, but I have to get back to it. I welcome any constructive critism - you guys can be my editors if you like. Ahh, excuses.
Benedict smiled uncertainly and shook Everson’s hand. Something about the man’s face unnerved him slightly, but he didn’t know why. The inspector coughed to regain his attention. ‘I’ll get a team out there now to look at that building you saw. I want you two out there to check things over. Anything, anything at all – report back to me, you hear?’ ‘But sir…’ ‘No buts Smiths. Only results.’
It was cold for September. Especially now, at nearly midnight, standing outside in the steady drizzle that was so common for England in the autumn. Benedict was feeling a little miserable because of just that – he was standing outside.
This wasn’t what he had planned. He thought it would be him and Everson looking things over inside, searching for ‘clues’ or something like that. But Everson, although he couldn’t possibly be any older than Ben, appeared to be a lot more qualified because when they’d got there he had slipped past the yellow tape without a word; even chatting to the scout as they walked inside.
But when Benedict ad gone to follow, a 6ft giant of a man had held a beefy arm across his path.
He had been trying to reason with this grizzly for the best part of an hour, with no response. Well, no response of any sense anyway.
‘Why can’t you let me in?’
‘I’m with Everson. You know, Samuel Everson. The man who’s already inside.’
‘Please? What, do you want a bribe or something?’
‘Ooh, um, look – a… erm… goose! A man-eating goose! Now if you’d just sidle over there…’
‘I give up’
So Benedict sat grumpily on an upturned oil barrel and shivered, a scowl firmly planted on his face. An hour or so must have passed before any noise came form inside. A bang caused him to look up, and a window on the 2nd floor opened. Everson’s head poked out.
‘Still down there? Well come on, I need a professional opinion up here’
The window banged shut again.
Benedict sat for a second or so opening and closing his mouth in shock. Then he turned and stormed into the building and up the stairs. Once he reached the second flight though, he had to watch where he walked.
The staircase was skeletal, barely ribbed enough to walk on. Some of the step bowed under his weight, and every creak made him jump. Finally he reached the room where the forensics had set up. It wasn’t large, but was covered with an inch-thick layer of dust and grime. It was sparsely decked out, with little more than a rickety table, small camp bed in the corner and sideboard that ran across the length of a wall. Oh, and it had a body in the centre.
The next bit is horrible. Sorry.
1. When you want my attention you need to actually wave in my face. I am not ignoring you, I am just the most unobservant person on the planet.
2. At least 27 people have told me to say yes (some quite violently - I was rather scared) and you know what? I might just be convinced.
3. If you write an entry about how my life would be better if you'd never been born, I will cry. On you if necessary.
4. That was not an empty threat - be warned!
5. 5 words left and counting...
Benedict blanched. Although most of the… well it had short hair, so he assumed it was a man… was covered over by a sheet, he could still see the blood stains on the shirt collar, and the criss-cross of bloody scars that had deformed the face. Dark bruises covered the crown and neck, and the jaw hung at an odd angle. Tufts of hair were still left, but most of the left side was bald, and the hair that was left looked singed. Benedict turned away to prevent himself from being sick.
... It is one thing hearing descriptions, and another to see pictures, but to actually have this mutated body in front of him, to be in a room impugned with the smell of rotting – it was enough to make even the strongest man turn away in horror.
Everson gave him a wry grin.
‘Recognise him?’ he asked.
‘I don’t want to get close enough to recognise him’ Benedict muttered under his breath.
‘Well forensics have dutifully informed me that there are traces of stage make-up on his face…’
Everson paused, if only for effect, ‘… white stage make-up. And kohl around the eyes, you can see the smudges here.’
‘You’ll need to come closer than that’
‘I’m sure I’m fine’
‘Suit yourself’, Everson shrugged. He turned again to Benedict and raised one eyebrow, cynical expression unchanging. Benedict stopped looking at the body long enough to start to think straight, and began to unravel the idea.
‘You think’ he began ‘that this is the man I saw leaving this house earlier. What, he nicked whatever he’d come for and ran off and then came back and got killed did he?’
‘What was he carrying?’
‘I don’t know, a TV or something’
‘Something big. Something heavy. Something that would have to be passed out to him.’
‘An accomplice?’ ‘Could be. But with the same facial make-up. The same war paint perhaps. So which one is this?’
‘What do you mean?’ ‘Is this the runner or the lifter?’ Benedict turned to that raised eyebrow. ‘There’s more than one’ he realised with a start. Everson nodded and grinned that slow grin of his.
‘Let’s get started’.
Well, that's as far as I've got. I've got another creative writing lesson soon, so I'll probably get some more done then. Anyone got any opinions so far? Anyone want me to carry on? Let me know in a post near the end of the month, and I'll write just for you.
We wander in the pitch black night - no way to see except for our meager tourches. One by one, we turn them off and are left in the blackness. The ground is uneven underfoot, and I stumble and fall. This place is marchy, treacherous - we feel for every step. A girl to my left screams, and I stop dead, hardly daring to move, hardly daring to breath. I can hear the wind whistling past, and then a light begins to come towards me. Closer and closer, faster and faster, closer and closer and closer....
I turned and fled.
Sunlight filters through the trees. A herd of deer run across our path, and we stop for a moment, breathless at the beauty. The forest fills up every corner, but the paths are winding and quaint. Bright red berries litter the ground in places, tempting birds of all kinds. The air is fresh when I inhale, and I savour its sweetness. This forest, despite its name, isn't New at all. The wizened trunks are knarled and twisted. I like it here among the trees, with the sunlight filtering through. 'If I lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?'
ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
This was a chainmail I recieved from a teacher some years ago. I'll follow up with the others, don't worry.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'cause I got time while she got freedom
'cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days are some of my worst,
She'll find a man and a man who's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even,
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you, and
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
Don't do it. If I finish this and find out you've gone and done it, then I'll... I'll... I don't know what I'll do. Not show you any petit jetés for a start.
Don't do it. Don't convince yourself that you're second best. Just give me time. Time is all I need. I know I'm awkward, in my body, in my bones. I
Adele cannot help me here, but I'll quote her anyway:
Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too,
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said:
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead...
Don't listen to her.
TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
CANCER - The Beauty
Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most's are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Sitting on the stage under the bright lights. Singing about a Sinner man (not cinnamon) and laughing with you afterwards. Having to yell to make myself heard over the din of instruments in D2. Following Ally off stage only to discover that there really wasn't much room, and having to put up with Tristram shoving a programm down my saxaphone. Coming to stand at the back, to watch you play - all those amazing songs. You play wonderfully. And, even though I'm tired because I haven't been home yet, I still love listening and feeling the music and the beautiful sound.
I went to the most amazing lecture today. It was by Dr Charlie Weiss and Gail Trimble, on Latin Literature (to be precise, Gods in Homer and how Virgil's Aeneid relates to Homer's Odyssey and Illiad). I feel inspired - so much so that I'm considering Latin as a 5th A level. It's silly, even thinking about that amount of work - but I feel compelled to do it now that I've set myself the challenge. I love Greek and Roman literature - the connections seem so obvious once pointed out, so full of meaning. I love the feelings behind it, thoughts conveyed.
Tomorrow was the first day of true sun. Wait, I tell a lie, Saturday was pretty sunny, wasn't it? When we went down to the duck pond, and felt the warmth on our faces. I went down there again today, but in the dark. It looks different at night, with only the street lights, and all the ducks asleep. Spookier than in the daytime, when there's no one there. I (kind of) finished my tech today too, and my brother jumped off the curb and bruised my hip by accident and I couldn't catch the balloon. Anything else? Not really.
You know what's funny?
What I can see even through that thick wall of guilty conscience?
Emma calls it 'the voice'. She says I have an awkward voice and a friendly voice. She says that she can tell when I'm comfortable talking to someone - because I put on funny voices, or something like that. And I can talk easily to people on the phone when I'm comfortable with them.
The other day - what was it? Wednesday or something? - when I was talking to you, Emma turned to me and said
'Annie, you did the voice!'
The weather didn't take the hint. It wasn't a pathetic fallacy - it didn't reflect my mood at all. I was all sunny and warm. The skies were grey and cold. True, I ended up giving in, but I swear my hand was freezing your's. You know it's funny - Finn (who was the one up the tree) saw me later, and gave me that knowing grin. I just grinned back, remembered burying my head in your shoulder.
Anyways, Jamie might have thrashed me at tron or something (it's a car racing game, I've forgotten the name of) but I beat him at just dance 2. So.
My mouth hurts because I'm wearing my brace. My head hurts because I'm doing technology coursework. My eyes hurt because I've been staring at the computer all day. My nose hurts because I managed to catch a cold overnight. My hip hurts because of poor Alex. My pride hurts because it always does. My sanity hurts because I'm 16 in under two weeks and I really, really,
don't want to be 16.
My decision hurts - to do 5 A levels or not to do 5 A levels? It's been a bit of a hurty day really. In red socks.
Sitting in the wind, flowers in her hair. Eaphones in, eyes closed. Listening to the music, reveling in it, loving it. Wishing the notes away, hearing the words deep within our souls. It makes sense, to us. It makes sense, because we understand. You understand, beacuse the song is about standing out. You think you stand out from the crowd, you think everyone but you is dancing. I can see you dance, flowers in your hair. You make a daisy chain, and string it along in the wind. It makes you smile, this music. Red red hair, like a flame, you listen.
LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
They're all very similar, aren't they? I guess everyone's equal.
I'm too proud, for love
But with eyes shut
It's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B
it can't be up to me
Cause I don't know
Eye to eye
Thigh to Thigh
I let go
I think I'm a little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
In lalalala love with me
I tried to convince myself. I said 'Annie, you've only got a year, a year and a bit maximum. Don't go there. Sure, be happy, have fun but... don't get too caught up, ok?'
'Sure' I replied.
I love a lot of people. It was easy to love you. So many people sit close to my heart that there's hardly enough room for them all.
I tried to stop myself from falling. Told myself it was for the best. Checked myself, didn't let myself go in too deep.
It took me one dream to realise:
I'm falling in love.
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