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10/01 Direct Link
The first of october.
And don't we all know it.

The day was littered with rain, wind, colds, tears, cookies and memories.
The rain and wind were, of course, the weather.
The cold was nearly everyone - including our poor sniffly friend who was forced to leave me in latin yesterday - I hope you feel better soon!
The tears were shed by a beautiful friend of mine, who hates to think she's ugly. I love her.
The cookies were good.
The memories scared me - I had a dream and woke up clutching my alarm clock.
10/02 Direct Link
Eye contact. An embarrased giggle. He carries on, his deep voice resonating in my ears. Athenian gives him some trouble, as does Egeus, like it always does. My voice is clear, but my character is undecided. I do not know how to act here. I don't want to create unwanted first impressions. I want to fit in. I want to make solid relationships here.
The others enter. He speaks to them, then leaves. I follow as I should. It feels as though I should be on his arm. We will be married before long. I wonder how the wedding scene will be staged.
10/03 Direct Link
Today is a sleepy Sunday, littered with science homework, messages, and waiting for you. I'm wearing a loose skirt, orange cami, too-big t-shirt and slip on woollen boots. I am comfortable. I am warm, while looking outside at the rain. A friend left this morning, after proudly showing us her new belly-button piercing. I shall see others later, all the while dreading next weekend. I am debating being another year older in about 6 months. I am remembering yesterday.
I am also thinking about the slogan on my t-shirt.

Hello sunshine, will you be mine?
10/04 Direct Link
What have you done today to make you feel you proud?
We need a change, yeah,
So do it today, yeah,
And what have you done today to make you feel proud?
We could be so many people,
If you make that grab for freedom,
What have you done today to make you feel proud?



I love this song. Today I started off happy, middled out as angry and upset, and am relatively ok now. But I have a question for you...

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
10/05 Direct Link
Whatcha' drinking,
Rum or whiskey?
Whatcha' thinking,
Did ya miss me?


I love this song, by the Noisettes I think. I don't know what it reminds me of, or rather I do, but I can't put it into words. Maybe love gone by. Maybe trying to grasp something in the air, like smoke. Someone like smoke. Seeing someone after a long time. Trying to recreate something. Rememberence. Returning something after too long a time.

I'll never forget you,
Don't you know that you're my joy,
Always Remember Me...


Thank you.
10/06 Direct Link
I don't know what it was. Something in the wind, the air, the tea I drank this moring. It put me on the edge. One minute I was euphoric - the next I was sobbing.
I was euphoric when I saw you, at the end of the day. I forgot my bass, and had to run back. All the way home on the bus I looked upwards out of the window. The world looks good upside-down. We drove over the underhanging boughs of trees, watched the endless mass of blue ground fill out below us, solid concrete sky holding us in.
10/07 Direct Link
Footsteps. Along the corridor, lights above you flickering. Head up, eyes down. Watching your feet, listening to those in front of you.
Glance.
Up.

Eye contact.

Happy, ever so slightly exaggerated smile, gone in a flash, like lightning. Hollywood teeth, eyes wide, mouth stretched towards the heavens.
It is returned, the only way of venting such a feeling of recognition. I know you.
Then it is gone. Over. Done. Heads turn away, and footsteps continue along the corridor, electric light still flickering, still listening to others in front.

Life continues.
10/08 Direct Link
Littlest things
Falling on a tin roof
Off to London, not today.
Did you know
That I am so
Alone with you
Singing
All night long.

Prettiest thing
I ever did see
Your smile
Right here
In front of me.

Did you know
That I am so
Happy
With you?
I wanna smile
All night long.

But it's too far away
I know you'll be back some day
Wishin' you were here with me.
10/09 Direct Link
Sometimes what I write is not mine.
A little while ago I wrote down all my favourite songs at the time, and published them as sort-of poems.
Often my writing is inspired by what someone else has said to me.
I think of different things when I sit down at the computer.
I am an odd sort of person.
I have started to think in 100 words.
Is this worrying?
Sometimes I write my days backwards.
Most of what you read is not mine...

But it is my interpritation.
10/10 Direct Link
10/10/10

Won't get many more of these.

Anyone who has read my previous batches will know how I feel about camping, ie. badly.
However, I just got back from possibly one of the best camping trips of my life. They say it's all about the people you go with. Although I told my friends that I only enjoyed it because I knew I only had to spend one night in a tent, it really was them that pulled me through. So I just want to say: Thank you.

And add that I spent 2 hours locked in the garden when I got home. Funny.
10/11 Direct Link
Everyone has a role model, a hero, someone they apire to be like.
My hero, my inspiration, is a young woman. She is about my height (if slightly shorter) and has spiky short hair.
Today she wore hot pink, high heels. She told stories about how to make the world a better place, not for everyone, but for someone.
I don't know if she is here.
I know little about her personal life, although I know some things.
I want to be like her when I grow up.
I want to be like her now.

I will.
10/12 Direct Link
Heavy.
The world feels heavy right now.
It's like everything is coming to me through a thick blanket.
Words are muffled.
The air is warm and soft.
I am tired, so tired.
Sleepy.
My brain is struggling to catch up with the world around me.
I can't really concentrate.
Sunlight streams through in waves.
I feel like I'm underwater.
Softly, so softly.
Creeping, warm air creeping, seeping into my lungs.
Slow smile.
Deep breath.
Listen.
Listen.
Can you hear it?

I can.
10/13 Direct Link
Thank you.
For trying.
I hope you finish, I really do.

Did you know I have a 6th sense?
It's quite faint, but it's definately there.
I can..... sense people. Does that make sense? Probably not.
I'll explain.
When I know someone, I can tell which writing is theirs, even if I don't know they've written it. See? I can also imagine people accuratley. As in: I can so imagine you doing this right now - and they are.

When I see words I like, I follow them.
Turns out I know them too.
10/14 Direct Link
I really like her. She's really pretty, not just on the outside. God, she's so beautiful. It's like a light switches on when she smiles. I think... I think I'm in love. I really do. I think I am. Oh, but she's too good for me. What do you think? Do you think she likes me?

I only looked at him. Watched his mouth move with foreign words. I didn't want to hear about how much he loved her. Could he see that I had been infatuated with him for the past year?


I think.....
I think she really likes you.
10/15 Direct Link
Cold, blank eyes.
They say the life goes out of a person's eyes,
when they don't know you anymore.


Her hands are cold,
mine are colder.
I wish her all my luck,
all my love,
please let it work out.


Are you here? Have I been surreptitiosly reading your inner thoughts, without realising the significance they hold for me?


Will it never end?
The endless awkwardness
between us, like
firework embers, drifting endlessly?
I promise never
to say
any of those things
that you are afraid of hearing.
10/16 Direct Link
A heart shaped potato:

Maybe my heart is here, but damaged, or dirty.
Maybe I must overcome the dirt, to let my heart shine once again.
Maybe my heart is hard, but not hard enough to withstand breaking.
Maybe I should treat my heart with more respect.
Is my heart deformed slightly? How can I recuperate it.
My heart may be due for a cooking.
Should I eat my own heart?
What does this potato tell me about my heart?


I don't know, but I'm worried about my mind.
10/17 Direct Link
The 14th.
Is it true?
Yes. It is. But I was young and foolish and not quite myself. So it doesn't matter.
Another story perhaps...

Of course I don't like him. Eeew, how can you even say that? It's so gross.

How dare you? How dare you talk about him as if he's beneath you. Show him some reapect! He is a million times too good for you, and don't you forget it!

Really? You think so?

Yeah

I don't know. He seems quite nice...
10/18 Direct Link
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day

For love may come and tap you on the shoulder,
Some star-less night
Just in case you feel you wannad hold her,
You’ll have a pocketful of starlight

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day

Never let it fade away...

Perry Como
10/19 Direct Link
One of these messages is to you:

Happy Birthday!!

School photos - what a joke

I read your words

In fact, I read everyone's words, everyday

Do you read mine?

Where (or rather who) are you??

Miss, I keep seeing you together, and I can't help but think 'there goes the cutest couple in the world'. Which is patronising, but true

I enjoy our conversations. A lot

Americano dance ;)

It's gonna rain all this weekend. NOOOO!!!!

Leave me be...
10/20 Direct Link
I find comfort in a song. It sings the words upon my soul. About how I have become, the one who never lets go. I hate to think that I am living in the past, but it was better there. And today I saw him laugh, and I wished that I were there. I find comfort in this song. When nothing else can heal my pain. It is not about the love. It is not about the rain. It is about time that has been lost. And what this time has cost.

I find comfort in a song.
10/21 Direct Link
I might as well join in with the whole kettle thing....

1. Boiling water
2. Getting the scum out of river water
3. A mirror
4. A weapon
5. Decoration in an old kitchen?
6. An odd sort of basket
7. A reason to get into Harvard
8. An odd topic of conversation
9. An artistic flowerpot
10. Erm, (nearly there, come on, think of something...)
A shield? Don't know why, but it's possible I'm sure.


Well, there it is. I wonder if I'd get in?
10/22 Direct Link
The faery had small, neon blue wings. It's face was also a pale shade of blue, but it's eyes were completely black. Sharp little teeth were just visible when it smiled, but it was not very pretty. However, this didn't mean that it wasn't beautiful.
It had no voice, so to speak, and hissed when I approached. It flew away, as if I had startled it, but not before leaving me with a parting bite on the finger.


The odd thing was, I woke up from this dream with two red beads of blood on my finger...
10/23 Direct Link
A sound so loud I forget to breathe.
So I scream...

Fear, plain and simple. Colourless, odorless, translucent, simple fear. I have never been so afraid. As the lightning struck the ground beside me, I have never been so afraid. The wind blew me meters to the left before I had run forward two paces, and I have never been so afraid. Tears threatened to cascade my cheeks, hail and rain caressed my face, and still the thunder roared, still I screamed. This is fear, white hot, terror. I have never felt this before.

Fear, plain and simple.
10/24 Direct Link
Ice white, cruches under the soles of my tired feet. Smoking breath, like dragon cries, pale face and fingers. Cold, stiff grass. Soft labouring of the lungs. We plod onwards, through this icy wasteland. I breathe.
Bright blue eyes sparkle, alive in the frost, shining, beautiful but strange. Strangely alive. Eyelashes are frosted white, lips a light shade of blue. Skin and teeth paper white. A blanket muffels sound, peace reigns. Slowly plodding onwards, forever onwards. The full moon brakes the pale dawn sky, dark hills fill the horizon.
I am happy here. Content. Imagine. Stay with me.
10/25 Direct Link
The earth stretches away below me. The wind rushes up to meet my face, causing my eyes to water. Everything is blown away, as I settle here to stay. The sky is a clear, fading blue. The rolling hills are a wavering green. This is good. I am happy.
I turn to catch a glimpse of those behind me. They, too, look enraptured by these breath-taking views. Their faces are stretched into wide, sucessful smiles.

Later, one will fall asleep on my shoulder, but first we will lay upon the beach.
They make me happpy now.
10/26 Direct Link
I ache all over, but not inside. Inside I am merely tired, contented with the completion of my quest.
I have never enjoyed camping so much as I enjoyed it this weekend. Anyone who has read my May batch will know how I feel about tents (especially in the rain), but I had an amazing experience this time. I think it was down to the people I was with.
So thank you. Thank you for making it great.


The rest of the week will be dedicated to revision, balancing friends, and more and more revision.
10/27 Direct Link
A girl in striped stockings, sitting atop a stack of newspapers, boots hanging a couple of inches off the floor.
A man with a guitar, and a mic, singing along the dull halls and up the steps of the escalator, hat pulled low over his face, coins rattling at his feet.
A woman with limp hair over her face, tears falling from her cheeks.
And a black man, sitting on the tube train floor, son in his lap. The boy giggles with delight, and is happier than anyone else in the world...

London. Live a Little.
10/28 Direct Link
I am learning more. About you. From other words, from other thoughts and opinions and freedom fighters. And even if we don't try to hide it we still know it deep inside.
I am learning more about the friends and the faces above me, surround me and love me, please.
I am learning more about the birds and the bees and the trees, inside jokes which make me laugh till I wheeze.
This is song that isn't sung much anymore, but I'll sing it for you, yes I will.

And now we reach the end my friend...
10/29 Direct Link
Yesterday I danced alone, to the busker's music. I took a CD, love it, live it. I danced around the empty house and pictured you, and laughed. I spoke aloud, in my own little world, flew down the stairs, carried on living. Make a mocha, bite a biscuit, love the feeling on your tongue. Shout at the mirror, laugh, cry, why?
Who knows. Not me. Probably you. I don't recognise this feeling 'cause it isn't like the others, but I don't care and I'll hoppity-skip up these stairs all day. I'll meet a friend later, think of you.
10/30 Direct Link
I love the music. I love the feeling of it in my head, the vibrations that shiver down my spine. I love singing along to every song, every note that makes this great. I love seeing them, looking so similar to those from days of old. I love dancing (even though I can't) to the beat, to the vibe. I love The Beatles. I love the bass, the riff, the rhythm. I love the enveloping darkness, the stage lights. I love the music. I love the pictures I can see from the sounds I can hear.

I love the music.
10/31 Direct Link
This is the end, my friend...

1 carboard box
2 creepy eyes
3 girls in orange
4 girls in black
5 bottles of Hobgoblin
6 of us before hand
7 was the start time
8 was when Macky arrived
9 bits of Oli
10 curses from Bradley
11 grins from Paddy?
12 of us at one point

Sure, it's not Christmas, but I can still do Halloween rhymes, can't I? Anyway, it was a good party, and a good end to the month. Here we go...