I've been trying to write a research report for over a week and have got nowhere. Today,after a lovely sleep, finally, I'm more focussed and the words are flowing. That is a relief! I wasn't sure what I was going to do if my fuzzy head continued. The pressure to get exceptional marks in this subject doesn't help. But it's time to stop focussing on the marks and just enjoy the subject. It is fascinating, so it's time to immerse myself in it and stop stressing! I can only do my best (please let it be enough!)
I know you think I'm smart, and oh, how I wish you were right. You have no idea how I tiptoe on the tightrope between pass and fail; how close I come to failing each semester. I have no idea how I get the marks I do, because, honestly, what I know could probably fit on the back of a postage stamp. And the more I learn the more I realise I know nothing. And what will happen at the end of this degree when they let me loose on an unsuspecting public? Who knows, but atleast I'll be careful!
I'm tired of it all today. I'm tired of the expectation that I'll be everywhere and do everything. You're supportive until it impacts on you and then suddenly you're like a bear with a sore head. I'm not having my TV interrupted, I'm working 18 hours a day, and incidentally, for a damned good reason. I've been there for you for years and it's my time. I'll be there again soon enough, but for now, I need to do this for me. It's my time to pursue my goals. I'd support you to pursue your goals in a heart beat.