There is this overload function built it. When tension, anxiety - whatever that thing is - builds to a certain level, the switch is thrown and you're in another place, off and running down a track of fantasy. This is undoubtedly in place for the protection of its host. There's a catch though. See, the more you use it the lower the threshold for triggering it. Before long the switch is thrown at the fist hint, when the juices of anticipation start to circulate. Before you know it you live in that place, and it gets harder and harder to stay here.
Fell asleep early last night and missed my post. Consistency has always been tough for me and kind of a drag, to be honest. It bores me. I hate having a script, a schedule, knowing exactly what I have to do this hour and the next and tomorrow. Feels like prison - always has. Like card games or golf or watching professional sports on TV. I can't explain it but, even now beaten down and disillusioned, I still have a sinking feeling doing these things - like my shining moment, my golden opportunity, is happening just out of reach.
Maybe a pseudonym is advisable - feathers will get ruffled.So I change my name to something silly.I listen to the general lack of courtesy outside the door.I wonder about the effects of chemicals on developing brainsand whether we are getting dummer, more fucked up, as a species. Swimming in circles with two heads not quite separated or two tails working furiously against each other.I have nothing to say again. This 100 is an obligation not an inspiration.Hope I didn't wait too long. Was there more to write about when I still believed?