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12/01 Direct Link

Did you see the moon last night? I hope you did, it was beautiful.

I couldn't sleep. I looked out at the garden, everything an eerie white. Daytime, only someone had sucked all colour from the world. Disturbing, but beautiful.

August 11th 1999. Total solar eclipse;†first one visible in England since 1927. I was in nursery, and as all the other children whose parents worked at the Bell came to collect their children†I waited, knowing my father wouldn't come. He didn't, but it hurt, watching all the other children with their parents.

I'll never be able to ask him why. He died 301 days later.

12/02 Direct Link
This was going to be memories month, but then I had a sudden thought.

I want to live in a block of flats when I'm older.

An odd ambition, yes, but I love the idea of other people having their lives going on all around me, hearing them going around their flats or 'apartments'. Of course I'd have to wear earplugs at night; I'm a light sleeper. And then one day you'd see them in the corridors and you'd put a face to all those arguements at 2am, or the man who has 20 lady friends visit him a day...
12/03 Direct Link
I want to write something beautiful.

Is this vain of me? No, I don't think so, I just something I write to make people stop and think about their lives. I want to inspire someone, just one person, to take a risk, to make someone happy. Don't have regrets.

I've already made two mistakes in my first entry. Dad died 666 days after that memory, pure coincidence, but uncanny nonetheless. I also got the date for the full moon wrong, but ironically on the actual day, clouds were covering the moon entirely.

I suppose it shows my recent absent mindedness...
12/04 Direct Link

Age: 6ish
Place: Tesco.

"Dad, can I have a CD player?"

"No, you're too young. You'll have to wait a few years; I will not spoil my daughter. ....Hang on, how much is it?... Only £20!?"

*drops CD player into trolley*

My father was a bit of a bargain addict. He loved Tesco.

------------------------------

Another memory.

When I was little I got bored of cereal, so Dad gave me iced buns. And then he gave me Pepsi. So for about two years I ate Pepsi and iced buns for breakfast. Once he gave me a chocolate muffin as a treat.

12/05 Direct Link
It's scary how alike we are.

Everything you say, I agree with, everything I say, you agree with. It's like you echo my thoughts.

Yet I'm not attracted to you, and you're not attracted to me. I used to be, but as we grew up we only seemed to get more alike.

I guess they're right when they say opposites attract. In theory it would work perfectly; we'd like the same books, films, go to Greenpeace demontrations together...

But I'm not attracted to you and you're not attracted to me. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. It's funny really.
12/06 Direct Link

I feel pretty good at the moment. It's a warm feeling in the centre of my chest, reminding me to keep attempting optimism and although life can't be perfect, it's pretty good, and should remember†not walk under any buses.

I've made loads of really good friends this year, people I'd never really talked to. I feel like I finally fit in with my friend circle, which is cool, because they're pretty awesome people.

Also, it's nearly Christmas, meaning I can unwrap the guitar tuner to†tune the awesome guitar I found in the loft. (Itís also missing a string)...

12/07 Direct Link

The still, lifeless water hangs all around me. There is nothing in this bowl except for a lone strand of plastic imitation-algae and a handful of pebbles.

She considers herself a good owner, feeding me every other day, cleaning my bowl once a week, following the strict instructions in those millions of 'How to Care for Your Goldfish' books she reads. The other day she and her spotty little boyfriend had sex right there on the couch, right under my nose.†Can you believe it?!†A truly traumatising sight.

There wasnít even a bloody plastic imitation-rock to hide in.

12/08 Direct Link

Iím sick of perfect people. They're everywhere, standing silently, perfectly... They always say the right thing at the right time; act the right way in front of the right people; wear the right thing; do the right thing.... Everyone loves them; they don't even need to try. Theyíre designed to make the rest of us look bad.

Being around these people just seems to make me more rebellious. I start to snap at them, to get angry with them: if I canít be as perfect as them, at least I can show them I wonít†get sucked†into their perfection.

12/09 Direct Link

A little insight into my mind

Apparently Iíve changed, better or worse I donít know. I suppose Iím more confident.

Here are some things Iíve learnt this year:

1. People are probably a lot nicer than you think they are (i.e, I need to give people a chance).

2. If you talk to people, they will talk back. (Honestly, this was a real discovery to me)

3. Despite the previous two points, some boys are still too shy to talk to girls. I feel at the age of 15-16, they should be working on this.

4. I hate biology coursework.

12/10 Direct Link

"What a wonderful wooooorld..."

Louis was right. What a wonderful world. So complex and beautifully knitted together. Humans, 6.5 billion of them. Each with their own lives, their own memories, their own emotions... The world is beautiful, with its intricate patterns of nature. The leaves grow, the leaves die; the trees grow, the trees die; humans grow, humans die. Life is fleeting, intangible.

Yet somethings will always be around. The sun rises every morning, sets every evening. The sea swirls, edding and flowing. The mountains stand squat against the earth. This is our world.

Yet we won't protect it, why?

12/11 Direct Link
The last entry:

I'm aware that my last entry sounded like a bad greenpeace advert, and†was really really pretentious. If I could delete it I would. To be honest the last†6 words were just filling up space. I'd written 94 words, it was 12:30, and I wanted to sleep. I wish we treated the earth better, but I'm just as bad as anyone else when it comes to turning off lights.

Anyway, I'm starting to think that a little pretentiousness is good in the world. After all, every artist, writer, designer has to be a bit pretentious, right?
12/12 Direct Link

I love winter. I love the feeling of stepping out of the cold and dark into the warmth and light of home. Unfortunately, our house is a bit cold, but I love the roaring of the fire.

Still, I love the feeling of sinking into an armchair,†biting into a mince pie, tearing open the foil in the advent calender, sipping a hot chocolate...

I wish we'd have a†white Christmas this year. You instinctively know when it's snowed by the muffled sounds it creates. I love the way snow can transform the most mundane of places into something beautiful.

12/13 Direct Link

You caught me off-guard today. I turned around, and finding you standing behind me I found the old part of me reflecting your warm smile. The new part of me was stuck, surprised at rediscovering feelings, being caught out.

Once you'd gone I was able to pull myself back into the comfortable familiarity of emotional detachment.

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I find looking through glasses makes me space out; it's like looking through a TV screen onto life, the world too crisp and precise after months of fuzzyness. I find myself openly staring, crashing into people. It's like living in an HD world.

12/14 Direct Link

It scares me how volatile the world is. Everythingís constantly changing. You can never get it right because when you do, everything shifts, it becomes all wrong. Lifeís just a series of fleeting moments. All good things come to an end, as they say, but what if they never begin?

I was thinking about how Iíve changed recently; even if I wanted to, Iíve no idea how to change back. That version of me has already gone. People talk about being true to yourself but what if you lose yourself? What if you canít find yourself in the first place?

12/15 Direct Link

Unrequited love.

It is absolutely everywhere; in films, songs, books. You overhear people's conversations; you see it on people's faces.†There†are 6,692,030,277 of us on earth, 60,943,912 of us in the UK, 15,000 people in this little town alone. Therefore, if you think about it, the probability that two people pick each other's face out of the crowd is fairly low. Maybe we are too picky, maybe we are simply too shy. Some people are completely in love with each other yet never do a thing about it. But thatís the thing with Ďloveí, itís never simple is it?

12/16 Direct Link

Iím getting my braces off tomorrow. This is the end of an era. Iíve been waiting to get them off for a year (every since I got them) and yes, it will be nice to brush my teeth normally and not have to check my teeth in the mirror every time I have finished eating, but I now feel a little saddened at the idea of never being able to run my tongue against the metal brackets cemented to my teeth.

So these are 100 words dedicated to you, dear braces, I will never forget the time we spent together.

12/17 Direct Link

You know climate change is happening when it snows twice a year. Unfortunately theyíve fucked up our dreams of Hopenhagen.

Waking up to an eerie silence and an unnaturally bright light filling the room, you know before you have even reached the window. There will be children playing all over the town, yet all I can hear is the muffled sounds of traffic. I must spend at least ten minutes just staring at the cotton wool blanket swaddling the world below. Lopsided snowmen are popping up all over the town.

There will inevitably be a giant snow-penis on the common.

12/18 Direct Link

Dear World Leaders,

You ruined Copenhagen, and possibly our planet. Are you happy? It took two years to get to Copenhagen; we probably won't get another opportunity like that again.

Did you guys notice that Obama didn't actually save the world? I guess that means he isn't superman reincarnated... I'm sorry for your loss.

But how different would the world be now if Al Gore had been elected instead of Bush? Gore would've championed the idea of a lasting, legally-binding treaty. Looking at it now, nothing has happened. Brown really isnít doing himself any favours. What a surprise; well done.

12/19 Direct Link

Sometimes I wonder about my parents. How†Dad's cancer affected how they were together; how mother felt when he died; how she coped. So many people have divorced parents. In some ways I'm lucky my parents were always happy.

I laid all my secrets bare in the snow yesterday. Standing there next to them, with the snowflakes swirling through the inky sky around me, I felt totally at peace. It makes everything seem simple and insignificant. When you think of the size of our universe, it makes the things humans do, the lives we lead, seem trivial and foolish.

12/20 Direct Link

She leans against the lamp-post, watching him sitting at a table by the window, waiting for someone. He checks his phone. She wants to go up there and comfort him; sit at his table. He looks defeated. He hasn't noticed her. She wonders what she does wrong when she talks to him; what makes her any different to anyone else. She is awkward, shy, clumsy; he is mysterious, handsome, interesting. Watching the waitress asking him if heís ok, she wonders who this girl is; why he waits so eagerly for her; what secrets he keeps behind that thick, dark hair.

12/21 Direct Link

I like me.

Is that so bad? I seem to be the only one of my friends who is happy with the way she looks, who is okay with who she is. I am aware there are areas of me that could be better, physically and personality-wise, but I am contented with how I am; whilst I often have doubts, I feel no need to tell others I am fat and ugly, that I am a horrible person. Yet others often tell me these things about themselves. I feel sad these wonderful people have to feel that way about themselves.


12/22 Direct Link

We are taught by society that to be openly happy with ourselves is arrogant; to be attractive as women we should be modest, honestly or falsely so. However thereís a double standard here; many of the most attractive men are arrogant in one way or another. This is seen as acceptable for men, yet not for women. This probably explains the amount of teenage girls with low self-esteem. As women we are bombarded with images of stick-thin models who are supposedly 'beautiful', suggesting any larger is unattractive, yet it's seen as acceptable, attractive even for a man to be chubby.

12/23 Direct Link

She is here to discover more about her heritage, following the death of her father. He is here because after†15 years of marriage, they could do with bit of help with the romantic side of things; this is the city of love after all. He gazes up at the intricate iron bars of the balconies above, before glancing anxiously at the snaking queue ahead, the restaurant is booked for†seven. It is already six thirty. Calm... He isn't going to get anywhere like this. He catches her eye and she smiles. He is the luckiest man in the world.

12/24 Direct Link

We sit there watching the hazy city below waking up. One by one, little squares of light appear, stacked up on one another, fighting for space. The morning's first rays glint off the windows; shapes become clearer, sharpened by the orange glow. The sounds of traffic start to†filter up. We are no longer alone in the darkness, the morning must be shared with the commuters dashing off to their offices, the children drifting reluctantly to school. We watch in silence. The only sound is the rustling trees. Our fingers lie intertwined on the bench between us. The moment passes.

12/25 Direct Link

Christmas 2009.

A day of excessive tea-drinking, port-drinking, sherry-drinking and Champagne-drinking. And that was missing out on the three glasses of red wine. Apparently this is usual for the Davis-Ings. I get a bit dizzy after some port and two glasses of Champagne.

Two things I decided during the day: I should spent more on presents. It is awkward opening the 5th CD from someone, when all you got them what a plastic Morph model. (Even though it is the thought...blahblahblah.) Wrapping paper is the most wasteful and needless tradition. From now on all presents shall be wrapped in newspaper.

12/26 Direct Link

Nine things Iíve seen in Paris:

A sofa by the side of a railway track

A TV in the middle of the pavement

A boy grinning whilst his girlfriend was violently sick

About 10 kissing couples

A guy driving a quad bike down a main road

A lady leading about 8 ponies and donkeys through the streets

A 70 year old man freestyliní to a busking Jazz band being cheered on by a large audience

A man collapsed in the street next to a bottle of Malibu

A man leading possibly the same 8 ponies and donkeys through the streets

12/27 Direct Link

Iím reading Perfume at the moment Itís about a murderer with an amazing sense of smell. His hobby (apart from killing of course) is sniffing, and he can deconstruct smells into individual threads of scent, like atoms, and he gets all these amazing emotions from scents, which lead him to kill people (I think - Iíve only just started it). Anyway, it got me sniffing stuff, and thinking about how amazing smell is; it has the power to be alluring, repulsive, bring back memories, emotionsÖ Morocco smelt of spices, raw and cooked meat and petrol. China smelt of soy sauce.

12/28 Direct Link

The Eiffel tower glitters in the distance; the Seine sparkles. There is something magical about Paris, a Je ne sais quoi, and I†love it. The English could learn a thing or two from the French about relaxing. Here, people will dance in the street (sober), they will demonstrate if they have a problem. They†are a lot more open with emotion.†I probably ideolize France too much. My grandma hates France and loves England.

I'm just rambling to fill up space. It is New Years Eve tonight and I†promised myself I'd finish on time.

12/29 Direct Link

I feel bad when I submit space filler entries. I feel like all entries should be chosen and considered blah blah blah. Now I will count down the words; 71 70 69 68 67 66 65 64 63 62 61 60 59 58 57 56 55 54 53 52 51 50 49 48 47 46 45 45 43 42 41 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10†9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

12/30 Direct Link

How did I get this far behind in my 100 words (can't find the question mark on the french keyboard - please imagine one) Oh, I found it ?. ? ? ? ? ?. There, have 6. My mind has gone blank. I am sitting in the hotel's 'Business Center' with four VERY LOUD computers. They hqve no wifi, and wanted me to pay 7 euros for a cable for my laptop, or use this free room. I don't particuarly want a cable, but it is taking me ages to find my way around this keyboard, which is driving me mad, and turning my words to†mush.

12/31 Direct Link

Soooo. End of the year, end of the decade. Before these†10 years there were no iPods, Xboxes (or were there?), ps3s, DSs, internet was fairly basic, now we rely on it constantly. Teenage pregnancies were lower, binge drinking was lower, Spice Girls were popular, 911 hadn't happened, 100 words wasn't around, umm... I think I'm all out of ideas there.

I wonder what we will call tomorrow's decade, the tennies? No, that sounds lame. It will be weird in 20 years time no not be able to call the 20s the 20s anymore though.

See you next year J