I don't want to play. I really don't.It won't be right. It'll sound all wrong. Out of place. A slight dischord to the the rest of the evening. I know you don't really want me to play, either. You just want to try and include me. Which is ever so kind, of course. Nevertheless, please don't feel that you have to do this. I am quite happy to be left out, on this occassion. I'll be too loud and too harsh and too brash. All the peace and reverence will be destroyed. I don't want to play. Not now.
The fear is there, just behind everything else. It's lurking, waiting. Biding it's time. It knows what is happening in two days. It will slowly start to make its presence felt.Its purple fur will brush against my nerves. Its claws will irritate my skin. Its teeth will bite and rip at my brain.This fear wants to be proved right. No doubt it will. Already the fear has started to emerge. A small scratching underneath my heart. It won't stop.I want it to stop. In two days time, it will be gone. Who knows what will replace it?
A brief intermission in life:It was a muggy day, like someone had turned down the intensity of all the colours. He was walking home, his thoughts keeping him company. Mostly they were pleasant, but a few of the more nasty ones were lurking at the back of his mind. Gingerly, he climbed up the grass bank that was next to him. He suddenly remembered his childhood. The banks looked so much bigger back then.Stopping, he looked around to ensure there was no one ot watch him. Then he ran down the banks, arms outstretched.He smiled and continued walking.
Ok, I'll admit, it's slightly slower than normal. That doesn't mean...no, of course it'll work again.Because I just know, that's how. It's not that bad, really...Fine, it's true, it's not at it's best, but we just need to, you know...Stop being so negative. No, you're negative, not realistic.Pass me the jump leads. Yes I'm sure. All it needs is a quick shock of electicity and then it'll be away. Look! I told you! It's working again! Look how it's whirring away. It's not a short term solution. It'll keep on working. Yes I'm sure.
I tried to meditate today.Apparently, according to the 'New Scientist' (which is never wrong about these things), meditation can help you to remain healthy.I sat down on my bed, unsure of what position I was meant to be in. Opting for crossed-legs and hands resting on my knees, I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing. I tried to empty my mind of all thought and block out the world.However, my door was not closed properly and it kept on banging. It was rather off-putting and not helpful when trying to meditate.
New York is being hit by a hurricane. Actually, it is only a tropical storm.There is already flooding, and they are expecting more damage as it continues. At the last count, there had been a loss of 21 lives.It's horrible. Of course it is. Any form of destruction and death is terrible.Nevertheless, a part of me wonders how long it will take the American government to react to the storm in New York compared to, say, New Orleans. I would guess quicker. New York has the advantage of being predominantly rich and white.