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11/01 Direct Link
'I'm going to have to put you on hold.'

'Please, please, I beg you. Not hold, anthing but...'

Tall and tan an young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes
Each one she passes goes a-a-h

Sigh.

'What's wrong?'

'They put me on hold.'

'What's the song?'

'The girl from Ipanema.'

'Hm. That's not a bad one.'

'Not originally. Now its been destroyed by being played for people on hold and in lifts.'

'Put it on speakerphone.'

'Why?'

'I want to listen to it.'

'Ok...'

...She walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead not at me...
11/02 Direct Link

If you were to look through the window of this particular house, you would see something rather beautiful.

You would be watching a couple dancing around a phone in the middle of the floor. It seems to be playing 'The girl from Ipanema.'

They seem quite oblivious to our prying eyes.

The music starts to fade out. The dancing stops. An passionless voice explains that the call is important, and could they please wait.

A waltz starts playing. They start laughing and, taking each other in hold, they glide around the house to the metalic tune of the 'Blue danube'.

11/03 Direct Link
We have been away for a few minutes, doing other things. Now we return to the couple.

It seems that things have moved on considerably. The man has unpacked a saxophone, whilst the female is nursing a harmonica. They seem to be playing with the music from the phone, trying to out-solo, out-perform, out-musician each other.

The solos are wild and unpredicatble. Not neccessarily pleasent to listen to, but we have to admire the skill involved.

Inevitably, the music fades, this time to be replaced with a human voice.

The man hangs up immediatly and calls again.
11/04 Direct Link
'So, you think YOU'VE got problems? You don't even know the half of it buddy. I'm the key A flat minor. You know what that means? That means that I'm NEVER used. C major, very popular, D flat is for those who want to sound proffesional, but A FLAT MINOR? I'm just too ordinary. I'll tell you what. I'm just a joke.'

'At least you're somewhat useful. I'm contrary motion scales. I'm POINTLESS. Completely POINTLESS. I exist only to annoy pianists. Do you know how that makes me FEEL?'

'...We should run away together.'

'That'd show them.'

'Yeh.'

'Right on.'
11/05 Direct Link
I love you.

I have analysed the situation from every possible angle. I have considered, thought and worked through my feelings.

I visited numerous psychiatrists, who all told me I wanted to kill my father and sleep with my mother. Having disregared what they told me, I visited a doctor. He explained that I was suffering from delusions, and gave me a wonderful drug.

It didn't help, but now I get visits from purple elephants.

I even took my hormone levels. All pointed to the same conclusion.

That I am madly, desperatly, stupidly, wonderfully, strangly, in love with you.

Sorry.
11/06 Direct Link
-You're always in the wrong

-I know

-You are. Every single time. In the wrong.

-I know

-You do realise that you can do nothing right, don't you?

-Yes

-Good. You need to understand how pathetic you are.

-Do I?

-Yes. Pathetic. Pitiful. Destined to forever be a failure. Alone. Disgusting. Foul, grubby minded trollop

-Am I?

-Of course you are. You are doomed to die alone, crushed by your feelings of inadequacy

-I might not happen...

-I will happen. I know it. You know it. The whole world knows it.

-Really?

-Yes. You're pathetic

-I know

-Pathetic

-I know
11/07 Direct Link
Fireworks yesterday. 

Wrapped up against the cold in an old trenchcoat, hat and gloves, I looked like I was about to 'case the joint'.

It was a night where you could watch your breath curl upwards. I had a difficult time stopping myself pretending that I was a dragon.  
 
Lovely fireworks. Bright to the point that it was almost unbearable to look at .

The best part was listening to the small children behind you, oohing and ahhing.

It reminded me of when pretty lights in the sky were the most encaptiviating thing in the world. 
11/08 Direct Link

To...well, they don't like to be mentioned, but you know how you are. I hope.

Sorry. I'm so sorry. You have absolutly no idea how sorry I am. I completely disregarded your feelings, which was wrong and horrible and I feel horrible and I wil not even demean this apology by trying to beg for forgivness, I won't, promise, I'm sorry so so so so sorry.

I feel terrible. Awful. Like a devil, sick of sin. I feel like my soul has been dipped in oil, all slick and sticky and disgusting.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

11/09 Direct Link
'Right, up and at 'em lads.'

'What?'

'It's time to sing the morning chorus. Today, it will be...The Everlasting Chirp. That's always a favourite.'

'You do realise no-one actually listens to us, don't you?'

'What do you mean?'

'The only people up at this time are insomniacs and vampires. And vampires don't like music.'

'So?'

'So...why don't we just record ourselves?'

'What?'

'You know, record ourselves singing, rig it up to a few amplifiers and use a timer to switch it on every morning. Then we can have a lie in.'

'...You disgust me.'

'...It makes sense.'
11/10 Direct Link

He was sitting in the maths challenge. Apparently, he was doing this because he had a love of anything mathematical. Had he been asked, he would have said that he was doing it because he would be missing the chemistry test.  


One of the questions involved finding the side length of a triangle in a circle. He drew it out, hoping that, by doing this, the question would make sense.


It didn’t, but unbeknownst to him, he had drawn the diagram perfectly. The angles, sides, shapes were beautifully correct.


He didn’t know this, and threw it away after the exam.

 

11/11 Direct Link
When I was younger, I used to imagine that there was a giant.
 
I thought that he moved all the people in the world around, much like children move dolls. I considered that I was simply a doll, with someone else acting my life out for me, telling me what to say, where to go and what to do.

Then I thought that maybe there was a bigger giant controlling the giant that was controlling me. Then I thought that maybe the dolls we move around think and feel, just like I do.

This was my first outing into philosophy.
11/12 Direct Link
She knelt on the floor, moving the dolls around carefully. Occassionally, she was too enthusiastic and would break one. Somehow, this made her feel sad, as if the dolls were actual people, with feelings and emotions.

It was ridiculous, but people believe strange things.

Moving one towards the bedroom, she basked in the control that she weilded. At any point, she could make this lifeless puppet dance, cry, get married. Even die.

She would never grow tired of playing with them.

Now, she sat one down in front of the computer, moved its hands, and told it what to write.
11/13 Direct Link
I woke up surprisingly early this morning. She was on my mind, as always.

For a few sconds, I curled up inside my blanket. I then thought that, as I was up at this time, I might as well see what the world looked like.

Walking over to my window, I felt goosebumps erupt on my skin. I ran my hand along my arm, feeling the hairs brush against my hand.

Opening the window, I swear for a few seconds I heard 'In the mood' by Glen Miller. Then, some frantic chirping to be replaced with the normal birdsong.

Strange.
11/14 Direct Link
'Right! Which one of you swapped the CD of us singing and replaced it with Glen Miller?'

There was the sound of birds trying not to snigger. The noise resemebled a squeaky toy.

'You!'

He singled out a bird covered in scruffy black feathers. His eyes were twinkling.

'It sounds like something you would do!'

'Well...You know. I thought they might like a change. Something other than birdsong.'

'They've had birdsong since the dawn of time! We are not changing it now.'

'Maybe we should. If I'm honest, I think they'd perfer it.'

'What?'

'Jazz is better than birds.'
11/15 Direct Link
Driving.

Check in the mirror to see how close I am to the middle of the road. Check for too long.

Hand flashes across, turns the wheel desperatly. I wake up and start steering again.

'You nearly had us up that curb', he said, in calm voice.

It's at that point that I realise I'm in control of a killing machine. Just one flick of my wrist and I can end lives. Mine and others. Complete control. Responsibility. I'm only 17. I can't handle that.

I drive home slower than usual. More careful. In, I like to think, complete control.
11/16 Direct Link

Pudsy sat in the corner of the bar, cradling his whisky bottle like a child.

He remembered the last time he had been in here. It was when he had lost his eye in a bar fight. Sure, it had hurt, but you should have seen the Easter Bunny. It took the police 8 days to find his two front teeth.

A grim smile wormed its way across Pudsy's face, as he reminiced.

Soon, he would have to shed this image, and become the lovable, huggable bear that everyone 'knew'.

For now, he simply drank the whisky, being only himself.

11/17 Direct Link

'So, did you hear the news?'

'No.'

'Prince William's getting married.'

'Is he? That's nice.'

'It is.'

'Why are you grinning?'

'Well, I had an idea.'

'Which is?'

'You should ask her out when they get married.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Well, it would be really romantic and stuff, and, and, and, I could be there and take pictures of you smiling and stuff.'

'Maybe YOU want to ask her out?'

'What?'

'Yeh, YOU want to ask her out, but are too scared and pathetic to do so.'

'I think you might b reflecting...'

'Maybe YOUR reflecting Mrs reflector!'

11/18 Direct Link
-You're a coward

-...I suppose I am, yes

-You don't deserve anything

-I don't deserve anything?

-You deserve nothing at all. You have failed everything you ever attempted

-No...not everything

-Yes, everything. Your list of failures stretches beyond the horizon. Your writing. Your work. Everything

-There must be...something...I've done right

-No. Quite simply, no. You are doomed. To remain alone. Forgotten. To fade into grey 

-Am I?

-Yes. If you were to die, right now, nobody would care. Nobody would worry

-Some would...

-No, the wouldn't. You're pathetic

-I know

-A coward

-I know 
11/19 Direct Link
All at once, time slows down. Rather than rush, which is its default setting, it settled into a normal pace. Somthing I could cope with.

I like walking, espcially in the fog and the cold. It seems that you could hide away forever, from everything that no longer matters. Those once important things that you soon realise hold no significance.

It was lovely, for the few brief minutes. A quick goodbye, then off into the fog.

Disjointed thoughts. As always.

It's even more foggy now. No way of seeing you at all anymore. I wish I could.

Until next time.
11/20 Direct Link
The Easter Bunny was playing a round of golf with Santa Clause. One might expect Santa to be busy, but he was just the delivery man. The elves did the work, in a room that resembled a Chinese sweat-shop.

Whilst contemplating his shot, the Easter Bunny tapped the golf club against his exposed teeth. They were plastic, of course, ever since the run in with Pudsy.

The Easter Bunny shivered at the memory. After the fight, the only hopping he had been doing was on crutches.

Disregarding this, he rolled his shoulders, closed his eyes, and hit the ball.
11/21 Direct Link

I always feel sorry for the minesweeper man.

The yellow happy face that stares at you with such hope and trust as you begin a new game. His eyes seem to say

'I know you can do this.'

You start clicking, and his eyes widen, as if he is suddenly worried by the faith he placed in you. When he realises it's all fine, he's smiling again, sorry that he ever doubted you.

But when you hit a bomb...

The eyes cross, he frowns, child-like, being dead.

'Why did you let this happen, how could you be so careless!'

11/22 Direct Link
He had a lopsided smile, which made him look like he had suffered a stroke.

It would start on the right side of his face, and as the humour increased, so did the smile.

Many mannerisms adorned his person. Whenever he was deep in thought, he would scratch his chin. He would hop down stairs. His eyes would widen for no reason, causing a rather disconcerting atmosphere.

The most prominant feature was his voice. It could cause an oscilliscope to commit suicide. The pitch rose and fell, like a drunken bird in flight.

Nobody knew who he really was, though.
11/23 Direct Link
-Do you know where she is?

-Not at this moment in time

-Well, we do know she's not with you

-That's true

-Do you know why she's not with you?

-I could hazard a guess...

-She hates you

-Does she?

-She detests you. Being near you makes her physically sick

-Does it?

-Yes, it does. You are going to be alone forever

-Am I?

-Yes. Alone forever. Unloved. Untouched. Unembraced

-Those are compound adjectives

-Stop diverting the conversation. You are a failure. You will end up alone. Forever

-Is that true?

-It is

-I'm a failure

-Yes. Yes you are
11/24 Direct Link

One of my friends recently expounded the theory that, instead of molten iron in the core of the earth, there is a large brain.

He then went on to say that it is this brain that controls the warmth of the planet. Therefore, he argued, in order to stop global warming, all we have to do is appease the brain.

Possibly with a human sacrifice.

Another of my friends is on a quest to become more manly.
I sing show-tunes in chemistry with another.
With others, we debate the courting positions of ducks in biology.

I love my friends.

11/25 Direct Link

Thoughts...

Tomorrow could be a turning point. Unexplicable happiness or utter depression co-exist, side by side, both realities running parallel until the verdict is announced.

Apparently, you can get an A* in AS levels. Why does it annoy me so much that I have yet to achieve this grade? Why do I feel I have to achieve it?

I want to sleep, from now until Christmas. I can do without the stuff in the middle.

Courage is key, according to literature, but what do writers know?

Love. Possibly.

Two tests. Chemsitry and biology.

Why have I stopped being creative?

11/26 Direct Link
Did I ever tell you about dragons? I don't suppose I did, they don't normally come up in normal conversation, which is a shame, I suppose...

Anyway, dragons. Yes. Well, the thing about dragons is, you have to lose all you pre-conceptions about dragons.

They're not really big or strong. They can't fly. Or breath fire. They just hired PR people to give them that image so people don't disturb them.

Normally, dragons are librarians. The collect books and catalouge them. They don't read them, rather, they prefer living in the knowledge that everything is in order.

That's dragons.
11/27 Direct Link
I tried to resist. I honestly did try to resist, with all my might.

But I couldn't. I have to write about it.

IT SNOWED!

Not much. It looked like a giant had spilt some flour on the earth, and cleaned up all but the thinnest layer. But still...

IT...SNOWED!

There's not much left anymore. It just clings to the edge of the road, looking like a massive cocaine line, just ready to be snorted. But nevertheless...

IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED! IT SNOWED!
11/28 Direct Link
Do you realise you are one of only a few real girls left in the entire world?

Honestly. It's true. The others, you can hear the clockwork whiring. The gears are grinding as they move, and their metalic jaws scrape together when they smile.

Fake. They receive radio transmissions to their brains, telling them to say the same things, think the same thoughts, act in the same way.

Clones. Fasioned out of a media obsessed culture.

You are nothing like that. Nothing like that. At all.

Unique. Moreso then anyone else. Individual, and completely mad. All the best people are.
11/29 Direct Link
-You are a failure

-Am I?

-Of course you are. An abject, useless...

-No, but really. Am I a failure?

-Yes. Of course, We have already established this

-Actually, you already established this

-But you are a failure

-Maybe I am, but that's for me to decide. Not you. Not anybody else

-What?

-I determine what I am and who I am. Maybe... maybe I'm not a failure...

-You are a failure. You are

-I don't have to listen to you. I don't understand why I did so in the first place.

-Because I am right about...

-Go. Away.
11/30 Direct Link
Wake up. Unwillingly.

SNOW!

Not quite enough to validate staying in bed.

Walk. Pretend I'm a dragon.

Dodge snowballs. Wonder where everyone is.

First lesson. Normals.

Second lesson. English. Coursework. Improvements. Need bigger type, apparently.

Break. Talk. Old friend. Penguin bars are made of actual penguins. Fact.

Period three. The lungs. They used to belong to a sheep. The air-pump didn't work.

Four...meh...

Lunch. Can I tell her, can I tell her?

Sigh

Ok.

Whisper, whisper...

SCREAM!

Roll eyes.

Briefing. Charities week. Money needed.

Final. Paragraphs. Improve.

Walk. Home. Not as cold as this morning.

100 words.

Work.