On the 31st of December, I was finally able to meet my cousin's triplets.In order to spice up the occasion, (the babies were surprisingly dull) my parents and I had little competitions with them.My father won 'who's baby could go to sleep the quickest'.My mother won 'who's baby could finish their milk the fastest'.I won 'who's baby could throw up the most'.Not the most pleasant of sensations. Nevertheless, it was a joy to hold this little lump of life, squirming with potential. I suppose I was getting a little sentimental.Note: Must be more synical
Lesson #38 - How to insult nerdsThere are many different types of nerds, each with their own weaknesses. However, here are a few universal below-the-belt jibes that will have them reaching for their inhaler.1. Pi is exactly 32. Shakespeare's plays have no relevance in today's modern society 3. Footballers provide a valuable serivce to the community 4. Maths is never useful. When was the last time you used trigonometry in the real world?5. There is no point to the semi-colon6. No matter how hard you try, science will never be cool
'Happy Birthday.''...Good guess, but that's not why I'm surrounded by presents.''Oh. What's that occasion?''I'm getting married.''...You can't get married. Why didn't you consult me?''Well, I...''I mean, this is a big decision. I've been your primary care for, what, eleven years? Now that you've got her, the whole status quo of our relationship will change forever!''Hang on, let me...''I bet she forced you into it. I can help. I can poison her drink.''Hey!''What!''I was only kidding...it is my birthday. That's why there are presents...''Oh. Well. Erm...Happy Birthday.'
'Do you know what?''What?''I have climbed the highest mountains.''Have you really?''I have. I have also run through the fields.''You haven't!.''I have! I even scaled these city walls.''That must have been difficult.''Yes, it was. I've spoken with the tounge of angels.''Angels or angles?''Angels. I think. Anyway. I also hedld the hand of the devil.''Was it warm?''Actually, it was surprisingly clammy. Still, I haven't found what I'm looking for.''Well, maybe you should actually try looking for it, rather than doing all those pointless activities.''...You could be right.''I am.'
Inspiration has left me, so I'll point out all of the mistakes in my previous entries.01 - cynical is spelt wrong02 - categorise, medium and between are spelt wrong. Also, it's terrible 03 - exclusivity and inherent are spelt wrong04 - preferred and endeavour are spelt wrong07 - quarters and because are spelt wrong10 - mathematical and murderer is spelt wrong11 - depressive and frolics are spelt wrong14 - service is spelt wrong 15 - legends is spelt wrong16 - have should be has and Germany’s spelt wrong17 - nevertheless is spelt wrong19 - tongue and held are spelt wrong20 - my should be me
02 - categorise, medium and between are spelt wrong. Also, it's terrible 03 - exclusivity and inherent are spelt wrong04 - preferred and endeavour are spelt wrong07 - quarters and because are spelt wrong10 - mathematical and murderer is spelt wrong11 - depressive and frolics are spelt wrong14 - service is spelt wrong 15 - legends is spelt wrong16 - have should be has and Germany’s spelt wrong17 - nevertheless is spelt wrong19 - tongue and held are spelt wrong20 - my should be me
Attempt number one:'Do you fancy going to the ball with me?''No. You are far too ugly.''...I see your point.'Attempt number fourty seven:'I don't suppose you want to go to the ball with me?''Of course not. You have the personality of a cockroach and the wit of a carrot.''I'd like to think more the wit of a potato.'Attempt number two hundred and five:'Do you...''You've already asked me.''I was actually just wondering whether I could possibly borrow your pen?''Oh...well...no.'
Day...quite frankly, I don't care anymore.It's nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. Who would have thought that Atlantis would have been so hard to find?After spending the last of my parent’s money, It finally dawned on me that I had searched everywhere. There was no rock that I had left unturned, no mountain unclimbed, no sea unswum.There is now a great gaping hole left in my life. What to do? Write a book on my adventures? Possibly.Or, I could start looking for something even rarer and more precious.I could start looking for Heaven.