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11/01 Direct Link
It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life...

AND I'M FEELIN' GOOOOOOD

Bawm, do, do, bawn bom, do, do bawn bom, do, do, da, da, de, da, de, da, doom.

I like to spontaneously burst into song. You should never keep these things bottled up, it's not good for you. I do get the occasional glance from strangers whilst walking down the street, but who cares what they think. I'm true to myself, flatly refusing to compromise my being in order to fit in with the social norm dictated by unelected officials.

What is normal, anyway?
11/02 Direct Link

Without truth, there is no meaning. Without meaning, what is the point of existence? There are those who prefer to inhabit their own realities, creating at will characters, plots, situations in an attempt to escape from the pressing normality of life. Nevertheless, even these people have a truth. A self made truth, certainly, but a truth none the less. To take the philosophy of Decartes, any reality we inhabit, self-made or not, is truth. Personal truth. Therefore, we should never discount those who seem to be in the world, but not of the world. 

Imagination is wonderfully powerful.
 

11/03 Direct Link
I know you're out there. Statistically you must be. But that's the problem. Constantly thinking in statisitcs, ridged grey lines. The fire died out in me long ago. Passionless. An empty husk of a human being. Machine man, spewing forth equations and metal-bolt thoughts. The man in the mirror, made up of other people's reflections, one quick blow will shatter the whole facade. I'm the never-in-a-million-years-you-must-be-joking. Faded into the walls who will never talk. A boring lump. That's me. Even loneliness refuses to befriend me. Ghost in the city of lights.
11/04 Direct Link
As promised

The traffic warden walks over to Santa's sleigh and waits. When Santa returns, he hands him a ticket.

Santa: 'What are you doing?'

Traffic Warden: 'I'm afraid that you parked on double yellow lines sir.'

S: 'I'm not parked on them, the sleigh is floating idiot.'

TW: 'Nevertheless.'

Sniff

TW: 'Have you been drinking sir?'

S: 'That's no business of yours.'

TW: 'Please move way from your vehicle, ready to be breathalised.'

S: 'Try it and I'll report you.'

TW: 'You cannot report me because you are, in fact, a myth.'

S: 'Yeh, will myth this.'

In a drunken rage, rudolph attacks the warden. In the morning, the only reognisable thing left is a hat covered in hoofprints
11/05 Direct Link

I did it.

I finally took my fiddle upon the roof.

After 2 years of strenuous practice and forgoing a social life, I finally managed to achieve a relatively reasonable standard. The first time I tried, the elements forced themselves upon my intentions, rendering them impossible. Nevertheless, after seven more days of waiting, my moment arrived. I climbed onto the roof of my own house, set up my stand, pegged down my music and just simply

Played.

I have no idea if anyone was watching. Quite frankly, I don't care.
I have finally done something interesting.  

I achieved a dream.

11/06 Direct Link
'What the...?'

'What?'

'Look up there.'

...

'Someone's playing the violin on the roof.'

'It's a fiddle actually.'

'A fiddle is a violin, imbecile.'

'...Why do you constantly insult me?'

'It's how our relationship functions.'

...

'Why do you think he's up there?'

'Fulfilling a dream.'

'Nobody fulfills there dreams, that's why they're dreams, not realities.'

'Now who's the cynical one.'

'Your twisted logic's rubbing off on me.'

'Nevertheless...'

...

'Do you think we should, you know, give him a round of applause or something?'

'No.'

'...Please elaborate.'

'This is his private moment, his escape from reality. Leave him be.' 
11/07 Direct Link

And there you stood, with embracing smile,
said 'Come, to rest with me a while.'
Yet, I, the ever gentleman
replied 'No.' But took you by the hand

And took you to that secret room
filled with love and fear, hope and gloom.
Showed you the jumbled wires, the knots of life
cut cleanly through by the love like knife

'It was dark in here.' I simply remarked
'Black walls, black floors, depressingly stark.'
'But now cream candles line the walls,
illuminating the colours all.'

Your eyes drank in the changes wrought
compelled to see my bundled thoughts
You whispered, 'Did I do that what we see?'
said I, 'Of course, my one, my me.'


11/08 Direct Link
100 words...a sincere apology

I, David Budd, would like to give a heartfelt apology.

Two of my enteries have been over the 100 word limit. I feel ashamed. You know I can do better, I know I can do better.

My excuses are either:

1. The two works were so fine tuned, so perfectly crafted, that reducing the number of words would have been like cutting the head of the Mona Lisa.

or

2. By putting too many words, I am symbolising a breaking away from conventional meathods that restrict natural creativity

Choose whatever reason you feel appropriate

Yours forever

David.
11/09 Direct Link
I have the upmost respect for those who work at QVC.

Constantly prattling on about one of the most undesireable objects possible, desperatly trying to think of something to say that will get the Great British Public to purchase a plastic, flouresant snowglobe that also plays 50 Christmas tunes (which all sound surprising similar...). Whilst talking about 'unique, hand crafted, one time only' products, you can see the desperation in their eyes. A dull glint, trying to communicate.

Why am I doing this? What happened to the young child wanting to be a nurse? What happened to my self-respect?     
11/10 Direct Link

I have an overwhelming compulsion to tell the truth.

It sounds quite nice, quite honorable and worthy. When you really think about it, its an unconventional curse. For example, a conversation with my late girlfriend.

'So, how do I look?'

'...Please, please don't make me answer.'

'Seriously,' giggle 'what do I look like?'

'Mutton not quite managing to look like a lamb. Your over-relience on make-up and jewelry, coupled with unflattering colthes creates the image of someone who wants to try hard, but can't be bothered.'

'...'

'I told you not to ask.'  

11/11 Direct Link

'There are an infinate number of possibilities, right, so, to take a simple example, you're having breakfast. You have two cereal, frosties and coco-pops.'

'I hate coco-pops.'

'Shut up. So, as you walk down the stairs, there's the reality where you eat frosties, and the reality where you eat coco-pops existing at the same time.'

'But I would never eat coco-pops.'

'Shut up. Yeh, so, when you pick one type of cereal to eat, the other reality where you eat the other cereal ceases to exist.'

'...why coco-pops?'

Never explain parallel universes to small children.

11/12 Direct Link
Sometimes, you just have to celebrate normality.

Nothing exciting has happened, and isn't it wonderful! No out of the ordinary occurances to distract, a complete lack of thrills. To much excitment plays havoc with your blood pressure. And anayway, the unordinary is only a fleeting mistriss. It never lasts for long, and in the end, all you are left with is an empty feeling and very little stamina. Normality is always dependable, always there, never leaving. It's just around the corner, ready to greet you with open arms. Embrace. Like a still breeze.  A familiar face. Normality. 
11/13 Direct Link
Sometimes, when all inspiration has left you, when writers block comes for you, when imagination betrays you, the only thing left to do is...

scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream scream 

...

That's better
11/14 Direct Link
I feel strangly alive.

Which is strange, because, surely, you should feel alive all the time, right? I mean, you are alive, so you should constantly have the particular feeling at every waking moment. You should only stop feeling alive when you are dead. Maybe I feel more alive than usual. Then again, it could just be that I'm in a rather euphoric state after having four sleepless nights. It could be that running on empty smashes home the sensation of running on full capacity.

But how should I know? What qualifies me to judge the feeling of aliveness?

Nothing.
11/15 Direct Link
I got into trouble with the police. Again. I can't help it. Honestly, I can't. Thing is, dead people inhabit my body occasionally. That's exactly the same look the policeman gave me. It's true. Really. They often come at the most inconvenient time, without warning. I will happily be listening to the school's junior strings when suddenly, Mozart will enter my body, make me stand up and shout in a German accent, 'So you call zat music?'

Anyway, today it was the turn of Michael Jackson.

Policeman: 'Why did you just kick me?'   

Me: 'Sorry, I just can't control my feet...'  
11/16 Direct Link
'...'

'What?'

'Am I weird?'

I sighed inwardly, knowing that this was going to be another hour of my life that I would never get back.

'Why do you ask?'

'Well...lots of people seem to be avoiding me lately.'

'Such as...'

'Everyone. Apart from you.'

I once again wondered whether it was possible to be too kind. I decided to revert to lying. It always worked before.

'I suppose that they just don't want to take the time to understand what a wonderful person you are.'

'...Yeh, that must be it.'

I'm safe. For now...

   


11/17 Direct Link
'You're going to end up alone.'

That's what he said to me. Well, not directly, but that's the rough gist. When he had written a character for his story who was, quite franky, socially inept in every way, hated life and everyone around him and was destined to end up dying a miserable wreck with no one to comfort him, he turned to me and said

'You know what. You remind me of him. Except you care a bit more about people.'

...

My dear friend, should you ever read this, I am not angry. Nor sad.

I'm just...

Alone. For ever.
11/18 Direct Link
'So...'

'This is going to be stupid question.'

'It's not stupid...'

'Well?'

'How does a proper romantic relationship work?'

'We throw two banannas/from a tall tree/I hit you/but you miss me.'

'...What are you talking about.'

'Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.'

'I'm being serious, really. I mean, what do you do? How do you get into one? What do you say, do, think, feel...? How do you act? At what point do you hold hands, hug, kiss?'

...

'HOW DO YOU DO IT?'

'How should I know? I've  never been in one. 
11/19 Direct Link
I don't like the news.

It's too negative. The world is a hell hole. Everyone knows it. So why report it to the masses? Floods, wars, deaths. I don't mean to be insensitive, but I am tired of feeling depressed whenever I turn on the television. Therefore, I have drawn up my own proposal. For every suicidely depressive item on the news, there should be one upbeat, happy and cheerful piece of news. They can talk about the war in Afganistan, but must balance it with a story about a rescued kitten.

Coming up on the news...  
11/20 Direct Link
I'm scitsophrenic

No you're not shut up

No, you shut up idiot

Hey you guys, stop fighting, it's only deconstructive

Yeh, well deconstruct this

Lady like scream

Somebody please stop them!

SHUT UP, all of you.

Ah-hem...

As I was saying, I'm a scitsophrenic

No your're not

SHUT UP

As you can see, this greatly inhibits whatever I can do. I cannot maintain a relationship, as at least half of my personalities will hate the person. I cannot keep a job, have friends or engadge in any form of socialising. But the thing is... I wouldn't trade them for the world. 
11/21 Direct Link
What would happen should penguins ever get organised...

Nothing much. I mean, they're pretty organised already.

Sooooooo...

I was planning to write something rather depressive, but I'm not in the mood. For some reason, I am happy. Why? Who knows. And, more importantly, who really cares? I feel less inclined to sarcasm, no longer have the need to hide myself behind insults and put downs. This would have been the perfect day to meet my potential partner. I haven't. But still...

One day, when I look back through this, I will laugh at my younger self.

Until then.

Bye
11/22 Direct Link
'...It's your move.'

'Oh, were we actually playing this?'

'Of course we are. You were the one who suggested this in the first place, I wanted to go out and make smokers feel guilty by walking past them with an inhaler whilst coughing.'

'...I was just trying to make a joke.'

'Oh...Didn't you steal that off 'Friends'?'
 
'You fail to remember my birthday, but you remember an obscure joke from a television show.'

'I can't help it, it's how my mind works.'

Sigh

'...It's your move.'

'click'

'Checkmate'
 
'...What now?'

'...Do you want to make smokers feel guilty?'
11/23 Direct Link
'Daaaviiiid!'

She was calling me with that annoying lilt in her voice again. It only ment one thing; her ego needed to be massaged.

'Yes?'

'Can I ask you something?'

She was strangly quite when she said this. I worried me.

'Of course.'

'How long have we been friends?'

I didn't like this trail of thought.

'Well, I should think...at least six years, possibly seven.'

'I was just wondering...'

The slight pause froze my very being. I tried to fill the silence, but couldn't.

'I was just wondering...you know. I mean. Do you think we should get together?'
11/24 Direct Link
To 'Older Self':

Hello 'Older Self'

I do hope you are not boring. I hope you still think of strange ideas that only you find funny, such as 'what would happen if you fed a penguin LSD?'

Please remember not to be a conformist. They are annoying and serve no purpose to humanity.

I hope the A levels and University went well. If you achieved your dream of becoming a neurologist, I congratulate you. If not, you had better be an author. Seriously.

If you are alone, sorry. If not, I hope she is special.

Please remember 'Youger Self'. 

Goodbye
11/25 Direct Link
To 'Younger Self:

Hello 'Younger Self'. Due to you manging to switch on the hadron colider, I can send you a message.
   
At the moment, I'm Prime Minister of Great Britain. I hope you find this occupation acceptable.

I would like to think that I'm not a conformist. I still detest boring people.
  
I have written a book about what would happen in you fed penguin's LSD. It did not go down too well.

I have yet to find someone. Nevertheless, I persevere.

Goodbye 'Younger Self'. I pray you're not ashamed of what you turn into. 
11/26 Direct Link
'Are you all right? You don't look happy' ...

'Cheer up, it might never happen' ...

'Are you grumpy?' ...

'What's wrong? Why are you sad?' ...

Apparently, I tend to look gloomy. I don't mean to, I suppose that's how my face has naturally set. I am happy, ecstatic even, most of the time. It's just that I prefer to keep my emotions locked up, centered in my body. They're much more powerful that way. Once they get out in the open, the emotions start to defuse, spread themselves in the air, ready for anyone to pick up.

When in me, they're mine.
11/27 Direct Link
'Hi.'

'Hello.'

...She replied. She actually replied. Now. Erm. What to do? I hadn't planned on making it this far. I was sure that she would refuse to aknowledge me. Uh-oh. She's staring at me. There's been to long a pause. What to do?   

'Sorry about the pause...It's just...I didn't really plan on getting... this far...'

'What?

'You know. I thought that you would refuse...to speak to me....Heh...'

'You think I'm so up myself that I wouldn't speak to you?'

'No! It's just...why would anyone as beautiful as you talk to someone like me?'
11/28 Direct Link
'Is that present for me?'

Uh-oh, I've just been asked a stupid question, Whatever shall I do?

SARCASM MAN TO THE RESCUE

'Nooo, I'm Santa in disguise and am delivering presents early this year as all the reindeer have gone on strike.'

Do you have friends you no longer need?
Do people not think you are enough of a prat all ready?
Are you in desperate need to terminate all conversations?

Then call in SARCASM MAN who will give you all the possible comeback lines you will ever need.

'If it worked for me, it can work for you.'
11/29 Direct Link
One rhymes with bannana
The other likes pi
Together they will live, and together they will die

They fit together perfectly
Like the clouds in the sky
I hope they get this metaphor
Otherwise they are idiots

Their love is an example
To all us miserable guys
It will make your stone heart tremble
And bring tears to your eyes

So harken to this couple
This one plus one makes two
If you never find a love like this
Then you will stink of...something very bad

...

Friends 

I do hope you enjoy this effort. Now everybody can understand what you two have.
11/30 Direct Link
My mind had never worked so quickly. I could feel the neurones screaming at each other for ideas, for inspiration. How could I tell her that I would rather have rats burrow through my eyeballs and knaw at parts of my brain, without using those exact words? It was my conscience again, it never lets me say what I actually feel. She was staring at me. I had to make a decision.

'...Do you really think it could work?'

Ooh, good one. Now she has to evaluate her decision. She might change her mind.

'Yes, I do.'

'Then...I guess...'