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08/01 Direct Link
I am drinking apple juice with ice in it and the cup is sweating with condensation on the side and my hands and desk are wet with water so I get a napkin and wipe off the cup until it is dry and now my hands are dry and then the juice is gone but there is ice left so I chew it and feel the coldness take over my mouth and I focus on my teeth coming down on the ice, shattering it, and how the smaller pieces easily melt in my mouth and now the ice is gone.
08/02 Direct Link
I wonder how often people really pay attention to things going on around them. When I walk outside, normally I just see how the temperature feels on my skin and I walk around. But sometimes when I really stop to think about things, I can smell, and almost taste, the heat or the possibility of rain or the fabric softener from the Laundromat. I see the color of the sky, the shape and speed of the clouds. I hear the birds chirping and the sprinklers stuttering and sputtering, the sound my feet make against the sidewalk or grass or blacktop.
08/03 Direct Link
All of this wondering has naturally caused me to wonder about other things. We just call the 1980ís ďthe eighties.Ē What about in 2109? Will the people alive then call 2080-2089 ďthe eightiesĒ or the ďtwenty-eightiesĒ? What would they call 1980? Then that got me thinking, I have relatives who were alive in, like, 1880. That stemmed to, isnít everyone related if everyone came from Adam and Eve? But how is that possible? Did they even exist? How does the world exist? Why does the world exist? What would be here if there was no universe? Do we really exist?
08/04 Direct Link
No one knows the answers to these questions, unless they somehow knew everything. And no one knows everything but God. But does God really exist? Is there really a Heaven and Hell and Purgatory, a devil and angels and everything else some of us were taught growing up? How could all of that be? When will there no longer be a missing link between science and religion? Why does there have to be? Why do we have to believe anything? What happens to people who donít believe in anything? Why canít I stop asking questions that no one can answer?
08/05 Direct Link
Then what happens when people die? Where do they go? Does it really matter what they believe and what their life was like?

I donít need to figure out all of the secrets of the world right now. My mind canít take it, and I have the rest of my life to do so, although I never know when ďthe rest of my lifeĒ is going to be cut short. I am going to just live life to the fullest, happily and appreciatively, and whatever happens to be when it is over is what happens to me, and thatís it.
08/06 Direct Link
Every time we are alone, we go just a tad bit farther than the last time. I donít want to go too far, and I wonít do anything I donít want to do. And I donít. He doesnít pressure me. And I donít pressure him. He is just too amazingly incredible and I canít believe how close weíve gotten in so little time and I canít believe Iím feeling this way and I canít believe how young we are and I canít believe how much I want to do and how much I canít do and itís all just insane.
08/07 Direct Link
Warm soft comfortable excited nervous happy anxious longing realizing wanting shaking mind racing legs gripping lower region tingling tickling flirty kinky shhh kissing tongues teeth lips fingertips eyes smiling phone ringing laughing pleading touching reassurance skin touch blood rush shirts in the way no longer ready not ready yes ready canít go too far keep in check breathe relax cool off more kissing heat up blushing faces teen hearts beating faster faster now flirting shallow breaths shirtless chests love lust more longing wanting waiting logic takes over time to chill out breathe just breathe time check oh wow 3 hours?
08/08 Direct Link
I think I am selfish. Weíve seen each other for the past 3 days in a row, and I miss him so much that when he went to go play Rock Band, I let him go because it's not like Iím going to say, "No, you can't play video games, talk to me instead." But I really wanted to say that at the same time. It physically hurts me to be away from him. I don't feel like doing anything because I feel like something's missing in me because he's not here. Yes. I am selfish. But am I crazy?
08/09 Direct Link
Lyrics:

ďItís Been AwhileĒ ĖStaind


ďItís been awhile since I could look at myself straight; it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry. It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face; it's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste. Everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem, I know it's me I cannot blame this on my father; he did the best he could for me. It's been a while since I could hold my head up high; it's been a while since I said Iím sorry.Ē
08/10 Direct Link
So I just decided that tonight, Iím going to finish my August batch. Then I signed on, clicked ďwrite,Ē and saw all the dark blue spaces. Right now, itís actually 9:20 P.M. on September 5th, and Iíve done other random entries from when I remembered to. So the ones I have done right now, after this one, are the 12th, 14th, and 18th. Those were written on the actual days of the actual events. So this is for the 10th, and I have to write for the 11th, 13th, 15th, 16th, 17th, and 19th through the 31st. Wish me luck?
08/11 Direct Link
Sometimes I look out the window into the backyard, and I see the big tree, the growing grass, the sky, with a sunrise or a sunset, all its pretty colors, the fluffy clouds, the birds, the swing, the deck, and I just marvel at the beauty of everything.

When I look out at night, and itís super dark out, where it almost looks black, and all I can see is the outline of the tree and its branches, the streetlight lighting up the alley, and the pitch-black sky with a few spots of shining stars, I still think itís beautiful.
08/12 Direct Link
First stop: my house. My friend is on her way over. We walk to the train station, and we are on our way downtown. Next stop: bus stop. We wait, then we board a crowded bus, my balance failing and my center of gravity threatening to tip me over as I stand and hold a pole. Next: Navy Pier. We watch Harry Potter in IMAX, ride the swings and Ferris wheel, buy McDonaldís, and find a dollar with a message: ďHey Devon dude my man I like your taste in furry jackets. -Cory Crayola.Ē

It was a very interesting day.
08/13 Direct Link
I canít think of anything else. All I can think about is him. All I can think about is how much I miss him. All I can think about is how much I love him. All I can think about is how much I need him. All I can think about is how much I want him. All I can think about is the future, my future, his future, our future, and if we have a future. All I can think about is love and life and college and sex and loss and families and every single thing in between.
08/14 Direct Link
ďCímon, thereís no line!
This never happens!
Letís go

I knew that he would eventually get me to ride Vertical Velocity. I was terrified when I looked at it, but I knew that I wasnít going to die, and he would be right beside me. I knew I was going to agree to go on, but I pushed it a little, saying, ďNooooo,Ē and stopping in my tracks. He put his hand on the small of my back, pushed me forward, told me it would be okay, and kissed me.

I said okay.
I loved it.
We went on again.
08/15 Direct Link
Who, oh who, reads these batches of mine, my random windows to my soul? Why, oh why, can I not think of anything to write at this very moment? Where, oh where, has my imagination gone . . . where, oh where can it be? How, oh how, did I sit at this computer for ten hours today and do nothing else, other than eating and getting up to use the facilities? When, oh when, will I stop procrastinating and get my homework done before the day before school starts? What, oh what, can I write for sixteen more entries?
08/16 Direct Link
My lips feel his touching them ever so softly, my face feels warm from the blood rush, my hands feel the warmth of his face, and my body feels the warmth of his body. Now my lips feel his tongue tracing them ever so gently, covering my teeth, teasing the insides of my lips and my own tongue. My teeth close over his bottom lip in a gossamer fashion, and I can sense the rising level of our desire. I pull him closer, breathe deeper, kiss harder, wanting more. He does the same, but thatís all. Just kissing. For now.
08/17 Direct Link
Thatís the problem. I want more. But I donít know exactly what I want. Because I know what I will end up wanting, and I know I canít want that yet. So I donít know how far I can want things at this stage, and I donít know how far we can go, and I donít know if we are far now. I would say we are, only because Iíve never been so close to anyone else in my life. But weíre not as close as close can be. But we are close enough for now; thatís all that matters.
08/18 Direct Link
Frozen Oreos and vanilla soy milk as a midday snack tastes absolutely delicious.

All I can think about is how much I miss him. When Iím in my bed, it feels empty without him in it, although it is full of sheets, blankets, pillows, and not to mention me. I am tired and awake; hungry for food but eating a snack; not dressed, though wearing pajamas; I feel like Iím running late but I have to be somewhere in an hour; my room is clean though there is hidden clutter. Iím a pack of contradictions. But I donít like Starburst.
08/19 Direct Link
Already, I miss him. By the time I turned to walk away, I began to miss him. Certainly I am not going crazy, but I would love it if I could just sneak out and go to his house or something. Doing so, of course, would result in both of us getting in major troubleó plus I donít know how long it would take me to walk that far. Eventually weíll be able to see each other all the time without having to sneak around to do so. For this amazing future, Iím totally excited. God really blessed me, dude.
08/20 Direct Link
Holding me close, his soft lips touch my neck, my shoulder, my cheek, my nose, my forehead, and finally my lips. I kiss him back, wondering if this is all real, if itís all just a dream, if this is just too good to be true. Just when I get comfortable, the mood shifts in a good way. Kissing me like thereís no tomorrow, he holds me tighter, and I can tell he wants me. Lust is threatening to take over my better judgment. My body says yes, my mind says no, and my heart says, ďThis feels so fantastic.Ē
08/21 Direct Link
No way will anything happen before we are ready, before both of us are ready, before our minds and bodies are ready together. Of course, who knows when that will be? Probablyó and preferablyó it will be sometime after we turn 18. Quickly time is passing; faster than I thought would be possible. Really, it is true when everyone says once you get older, time flies faster and faster. Sex is definitely something worth waiting for, in my opinion, and something I would want to share with the one, my one and only. To tell you the truth, heís it.
08/22 Direct Link
Until now, I couldnít wrap my brain around the concept of true love; but my love for him is totally true. Very, wholly true. When I met him, I didnít think Iíd be feeling this wayó well I wanted to believe I would be, wanted to hope I would be, but I didnít want to get my hopes up too much; then fate just wanted things to be this way, and we ended up together and in love. You gotta believe me, falling in love is absolutely amazing and is filled with so many different feelings. Zany, crazy, awesome feelings.
08/23 Direct Link
Iím lucky to have him. He is just so sweet, intelligent, funny, respectful, strong, sexy, understanding, and just perfect. Every time I see him, he makes my heart race and I forget all my negative thoughts. He always finishes my sentences and makes me smile. We have so many amazing, funny, cute, weird, romantic, and perfect inside jokes and memories with each other. He is the kind of guy who makes me really feel wanted, like my soul is on fire with the electricity of love, like I'm truly present in the world, fully alive. And that feels so amazing.
08/24 Direct Link
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08/25 Direct Link
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08/26 Direct Link
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08/27 Direct Link
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08/28 Direct Link
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08/29 Direct Link
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08/30 Direct Link
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08/31 Direct Link
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I have nothing else to write. Itís too late. I need sleep. Sorry, but this is only a few days of my slackerness. The September batch will have none of this, I promise. Thanks for reading, dudes.