02/01 Direct Link
I love food. I love wine. All the dogs in the street bark at someone who has the temerity to walk by. I love it because I love dogs. They join in the pack mentality and cannot help themselves. Sausages and red devil potatoes and beans and tomato for dinner. Very yummy. A food a dog would love. The noise of a dog barking at a passer-by is better than streams of traffic, no? Today I will begin a KAL (knit-a-long) where you get ten rows of a dishcloth pattern emailed to you every day. How bizarre.
02/02 Direct Link
It is Tuesday and that is the day I cook dinner for my boyfriend. I have it all ready to go while I steal a few little illicit glasses of wine before he arrives with a bottle. Hee hee. We are having chicken and pasta. A recipe I have not cooked before that calls for the garlic to be cooked in the skin before crushing - the crushing makes snakes. I can hardly wait to see how that ends up in the final result. I am knitting the next ten rows of the KAL while I bide my time to dinner.
02/03 Direct Link
I am tired. I have eaten dinner and feel like going straight to sleep. If I do I won't sleep through the night. I wanted to do some work from home, again, but am too tired. I will cope tomorrow, with too much to do, crawling through the tasks like some kind of pregnant snake in molasses. I have offered to babysit the toddler of a person going to a job interview. I am not looking forward to that, I can tell you. I hope the toddler does not sense my snakiness and then refuse to be left with me.
02/04 Direct Link
I slept well and woke early. I was wide awake and so got up and went in to work. The train was not too full, air-conditioned, and very civilised. Unlike the usual hell-train I catch. I was running around a lot at work doing one thing and another. The babysitting was not necessary. "I'm not sure how it would go..." the father said after explaining his wife could care for the kid after all. Too right! I could just see the kid take one look at me trying to be friendly and cling on to her dad's leg.
02/05 Direct Link
And today it is Friday. I used to love Friday, when I was young. Now it is just another day. I used to get lonely on Fridays too, when I was not-so-young and single. It is the worst night to be lonely when you are young, or at least it was for me. I think I have reached the age when I am happy to be at home relaxing on Friday but I go to my friend's place every Friday instead. He cooks dinner and wants to canoodle. The routine of our relationship is making it very dull.
02/06 Direct Link
It is a hard day but it ends alright. I spend a lot of time planning my next holiday, and planning other weekend trips to fill in the days before the holiday. I plan a trip tomorrow to the Blue Mountains. Tonight all the pets come in and lay about on laps and such. I get the dog's mat out and he dutifuly lies on it with a ball, flexing his jaw muscles. He accidentally ends up on the lounge at one point and gives my friend's foot a good licking at another point. So handy to have a dog.
02/07 Direct Link
I take the train to Katoomba where I plan to buy a chocolate rat from the Blue Mountains Chocolate Company for my son's birthday. It is a long way to go for a chocolate rat, but I was going anyway. I thought of the present idea later. I saw the rats on my last holiday there. You see, all the pets will give him a birthday present and I though it a perfect present from the cat. I have bought him a vacuum cleaner. Hmm, two more presents to think of. That took up most of the day. Good night.
02/08 Direct Link
He asks me if I have bought a birthday present. Yes, I say, why - was there something you wanted? A TV he says. There is always Christmas! I say, and What is wrong with your TV? HD would be good, he says. He may be disappointed with the vacuum cleaner. I can't wait to find out. I think he will like it. Something to make him more ACTIVE is better than something to make lazing around more attractive. Speaking of which, I have my robotic vacuum cleaner going right now, and today the man is due to mow the lawn.
02/09 Direct Link
The man does not turn up to mow the lawn. I am disappointed to arrive home and not have that feeling of elation that the lawn has been mown, and that someone else has done it. It is just like being married again, being let down by a man. Never mind, I think, he does a rough job anyway! At least when my boyfriend arrives for dinner I don't have to let him in on my secret. He knows I have not had the chance to do it myself. Why it has to be a secret, I do not know.
02/10 Direct Link
I arrive home again to a lawn not mown. I take the money from under the door mat. I think that rather than cancel he'll simply not come back. Rather oddly, when he turned up to do the quote, he did remind me of my ex-husband. I will most likely mow it myself this weekend and get some more quotes for the next time. If it is neat the quotes might be more reasonable. I complain to the teenager when he sprays and kills a huntsman. He says it doesn't pay rent. I say I don't mind free lodgers.
02/11 Direct Link
It is getting hot again. It is very humid after all the rain. I don't like my mouldy, humid house. I get an answer from the real-estate agent re not raising the rent. He says it will rise anyway, and it would rise more if I were not a good, long term tennant. I think he is an idiot but can't really say so. Perhaps I am not as good a tennant as you think, I would like to say. That would make him wonder. Have you seen the house? I asked some time ago. No, he said. Idiot!
02/12 Direct Link
Today is birthday day, and the vacuum cleaner is a surprise. He says it is pretty cool compared to the old one, but he doesn't want to tell his friends he got it for his birthday because it is too weird. I say I would have thought you'd be used to being weird by now. Yes, no, he says. He doesn't want to eat the chocolate rat because it is so cool. It is as steamy as hell today and the house is terribly hot. I go out and leave the boy (man) to wait for the party to arrive.
02/13 Direct Link
Another Saturday morning waking on the pallet. I am home mid-morning to a messy house and the smell of vomit. I do nothing about the mess until hours later when I shower, put out the rubbish and wash the dishes. I leave the clothes-washing until tomorrow as it is raining again. My lawn is now very long. Andy makes a nice dessert. We walk the dog in the rain. I enjoy the first walk in a week or so. The house smells mouldy again after the benefit of the few sunny days of last week has worn off.
02/14 Direct Link
More rain. I decide to buy the LCD HD TV after all and look up prices on the Internet. I go to the usual place and buy a 32" for a good price. I ask him to help me get something out of the car. He is very happy, says thanks, and I get a hug. I am happy too. I walk the dog then drive to the bottle shop for a six-pack. After dinner I inexplicably eat the rest of a big packet of corn chips. I wake with a stomach ache and big thirst during the night.
02/15 Direct Link
I begin a "diet" today. I measure my breakfast cereal to find "a serving" is much less than I normally have. I pack a salad for lunch. I eat dinner but have no snacks. I hope to have a beer when I get home but the teenager has finished them all. I knew that was on the cards but chose to not buy back-up beer. He had also done the washing up that had been sitting there since Saturday! He put it in his jobs book so he gets paid. Fair enough. My tenses are all over the place.
02/16 Direct Link
It's a Tuesday. It's a little cooler I think and a little less rainier. The lawn guy phones and asks if my grass needs cutting. Yes, I say. He says the rain has mucked him around. I say that must be hard for you. He says it is a good thing he can do other jobs when it rains. He can come tomorrow. I am glad. I have not taken the money I'd put out for him last time out of the envelope. When I get home I put the money back under the door mat. Andy comes to dinner.
02/17 Direct Link
I arrive home to a mown lawn and it is not as exciting as the other times. I am not sure why that is. It is good that it is done. The diet is making me tired and hungry. I am not eating between meals. I decide I need to have a bigger breakfast to get the day off to a good start. My sister and nephew will visit on the weekend, and I am going to a concert. It will be a busy one. Andy asks if he should come over on Friday and I say I think not.
02/18 Direct Link
I have a big breakfast but I pack too-small a lunch. I eat some cracker biscuits and get a bad bloating problem. When I get home from work my stomach is huge. I eat dinner before shopping because I am always too hungry when I wait until I get home. When I eat late I have trouble going straight to sleep. After I eat I have a lie down to help the stomach go down. I go shopping and meet Andy and am as unenthusiastic as ever about life in general. I wonder if I am border-line depressed.
02/19 Direct Link
I wake up far too early. I am so tired! I am not ready for the guest's arrival tonight. I decide to have the day off work. I get up and SMS work and Andy. I go back to bed. I am hungry and last night's bloating has gone away. I turn my mobile to silent so I won't be bothered by work (I am not anyway). I do some washing. I plan dinner. I drive out later to buy beer. I cook chicken and risotto and make chicken nuggets for my nephew. My brother comes for dinner as well.
02/20 Direct Link
The big day. My sister goes to her conference. My brother arrives to pick up my nephew to go see the sprint cars. I feel very listless as usual. I put on some jeans that don't fit and so put on another pair. They fit. They used to be loose. I wear comfortable clothes and pack everything I want to take in pockets. I wish I had time for a nap but for some reason Andy arrives an hour before we plan to leave. We go to Homebush on the train to see the ACDC concert. It is very good.
02/21 Direct Link
I wish I enjoyed the concert more. I find it almost impossible to enjoy anything right now. I enjoyed about an hour of the evening. I think must hate myself at the moment. My guests left very late today and I had to go have a nap anyway. I find it very hard to cope with my nephew turning on all the radios and TVs he can, opening anything that should be shut, and closing anything that should be open. I don't think he should do these things in my home. I feel mean if I tell him to stop.
02/22 Direct Link
I went for a walk with the dog last night after dinner. The walk helped me sleep. It was a hot night. Today the heat ramps up some more. I don't know it until I leave work. The temperature in the house is 35 degrees. I cook some chops for dinner and it goes up to 36. I watch some TV, do the dishes and take the dog out for a quick walk. It is 10pm. Back home I have a shower and go to bed and sleep all night, waking just before the alarm. It is 31 degrees inside.
02/23 Direct Link
A cool change comes through and the temperature is not so hellish. I cook chilli for dinner with rice. I am finally used to the diet. There is still no difference in my weight. My previous experience of losing a lot of weight (hoping that this is my second experience of losing a lot of weight) showed me that it is best to get into the swing of it and forget about measuring or weighing. I even think I can handle the hot weather a little better, but that might be my imagination. I do not handle work well today.
02/24 Direct Link
I wake during the night and don't go back to sleep until the early hours. It is not easy to get up after that. What is wrong? I don't know. I suspect it is just a part of being human in thinking something is wrong if it isn't always right. I don't do much better at work today than yesterday. I pick up my new glasses today. I like them. Multi-focals. Black metal frames with square lenses. Quite a masculine, dramatic look, which I think quite suits me. I always wanted to be feminine but I am not frilly.
02/25 Direct Link
I wear black stockings to work today with my skirt that is reminiscent of my old box-pleat school uniform. I have an interesting day in which I think to myself that I am not bad at what I do and perhaps I should stick around. It is satisfying to do a hard job well. Someone once said that I manage people, meaning that I treat people as individuals, rather than working to an inflexible system. Ironic as I don't get on with people, as a general rule. Work has always been different, but work and social have rarely mixed.
02/26 Direct Link
I am very happy it is Friday and I have a normal weekend ahead. I do love the average. I wear pants to work for a change and carry a bottle of wine for the birthday lunch I am going to. When is yours? asks the birthday girl (turning 50 today)... Next year? The year after? I am only 46, I say. Oh, I'm sorry! That's alright, I feel a hundred. Wow, that is the first time my age has been over-estimated in my life... well, since I was in my late teens, when of course it always was.
02/27 Direct Link
I plan to see a movie at Imax tonight to use a free ticket, but the movie ends up being sold out. I most likely couldn't have used it for that movie anyway. The ticket expires tomorrow and there is only one other movie on but I don't want to see that. I've had the ticket for months. What a waste! I walk the dog instead. I cook some sausages for dinner and watch the end of an old black and white movie on TV, and the start of an even older black and white movie. I go to bed.
02/28 Direct Link
I get up early and go to work to catch up. It is quiet for a while until the people start to wander in. Six of them in all. Half of them speak to me about work as though it is a normal day, and then one tells me I should home! I will, when I am left alone to finish! I go into the city after that and sucessfully buy a couch for my other manager, after he's been waiting for over a month. Then I go home and relax, cook dinner and wash two days worth of dishes.