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07/01 Direct Link
Snap! Crackle! Pop!
No, it’s definitely not breakfast time...ssssshhh...BANG! Boom! Boom! BOOM!
No skill involved in lighting a fuse on fireworks, or maybe there is a skill to be able to do it without hurting yourself, accented by the number of injuries each year from doing just that. So, not a lot of skill involved, but it really gets everyone out and going and excited!
Chicka chicka chicka BANG! Squeeeee...Boom! Squeeeee...Boom! Squeeeee...Boom!
All the pretty lights! All the loud noises! All the colours, all the fanfare!
All the singed eyebrows and all the burnt fingers...
07/02 Direct Link
The corrugated iron that made up the walls of his tin bungalow mesmerised him. He knew what corrugated iron was, and how it was made, but the longer he stared at it the more he lapsed into a trance-like state. He couldn't tell which ridges went up and which went down. He was physically unable to pull his sight (or his mind maybe?) into focus enough to work it out.

Bugger Gerry, he thought. Him and his 'You don't know what you're missing - just try one hash cookie, it can't hurt you.' I wonder how it'll feel up his arse...
07/03 Direct Link
The bathroom of the room I’d rented was so clean, as clean as anything I’d ever seen, it was almost antiseptic. I’m not a clean freak or anything, but I do appreciate it when I notice something so out-of-the-ordinary in a good way. No kidding, as I bathed I could see my reflection in the white porcelain tiles.

After bathing I relaxed with the local newspaper. Page 3 reported on a murder case at a local motel. On reading further, I noticed it was my motel, this motel. The victim was cut into pieces in the bathroom...
07/04 Direct Link
It had been hot. Really bloody hot. So waking up to a cool breeze in the morning was somewhat of a pleasurable gimmick. It was still hot, no doubt about it, but I left the main door open, just the fly-wire screen closed, so I could enjoy the movement of air, which hadn’t happened much in the last week.

I was on holiday, relaxing, so I’d tried to cut myself off from everything else, but by 10am the build-up of wind velocity and the darkening sky forced me to turn the radio on.

Immediately I heard: Cyclone Stephanie was coming.
07/05 Direct Link
In the middle of the desert, so much water, running free over falls, creating swimming holes and beautiful sources of fresh water. Edith Falls: every bit as beautiful as what everyone had said, or maybe it wouldn’t be an over-exaggeration to say it was perhaps more beautiful than I’d expected.

The amazing thing, especially to a southerner like me, was that it wasn’t even the wet season. This was the high season, the dry season. And still there was an abundance of water.

I want to come back in the wet season. It’ll be awesome to see the water then...
07/06 Direct Link
The tree sat, seemingly motionless, at the edge of the little pond in the middle of the desert. Of course, it wasn’t motionless, for it was truly alive, and had grown from a single seed over many years to become the stout and robust entity it now was.

It had seen storms come and go, and drought more regularly than not. A temporary home to many different breeds of birds, and shelter to a few other animals. Never truly motionless, even the slightest breath of air would cause movement in its limbs.

The tree: a beautiful and inspiring life source.
07/07 Direct Link
Driving hundreds of kilometres, the journey at times seemed mesmerising and endless. But it wasn’t endless; as we knew a pre-arranged accommodation lodging awaited us at the culmination.

Journeying from day to night, many possible ‘interactions’ with native animals existed, many we didn’t wish to experience. The land structure changed, from hilly to flat, lush with trees and shrubs, then a virtually treeless, open expanse, noticeable even in the moonlight.

Arriving at our destination, we looked forward to unpacking and relaxing before ending our day with sleep. But the journey wasn’t over. Forty-five kilometres ago we’d passed our similarly-named booking...
07/08 Direct Link
Her name was Glendulatia. As a child her mother had told her it meant ‘carer of souls and bringer of light.’ Her mother wasn’t lying, even if she wasn’t entirely being truthful, for her mother never mentioned that she had, in fact, invented the name, so it could therefore mean whatever her mother wished it to.

In a way, Glendulatia’s mother wasn’t lying at all, because at the time of her birth things were very difficult for her parents, both practically and relationally, and Glendulatia’s arrival brought blessings that could never be repaid.

Glendulatia was always loved and cherished greatly.
07/09 Direct Link
Fifteen.
Arrogant.
Irresponsible.
Crass.
Elevating self while denigrating others.
Rednecked.
Repetitive.
Repetitively annoying.
Lazy.
Inconsiderate.
Constantly seeking positive approval without doing anything to earn it.
Ungrateful.
Untruthful and deceitful.
Violent.
Insulting.
Ignorant.
Overly popularity-motivated.
Pathetically underachieving.
Pretentious.
Speaks without thinking.
Speaks without thinking whether what he is going to say is worth saying.
Superficial.
Undisciplined.
Actively seeks to annoy others.
Always seeks the easy way out.
Selfish.
Self-centred.
Materialistic.
Compulsively, automatically, repeatedly lies.
Conniving.
Is amused at the expense of others’ misfortune.
User.
Loud-mouthed.
Regularly blames others for anything negative.
Irrationally violent.
Insincere.
Destructive.
Knows everything.
Knows very little.
Fifteen.
07/10 Direct Link
Doors locked, heating off, blinds closed, no noise, and no presence.

The oily thickness of the lipstick mark on the outside of my rim was not something new to me. I’d regularly been in this situation before, but to this day it still discomforted me. She always guzzled down her morning allocation of juice just before leaving for work every morning, and left me there with a remainder of between two and five millilitres in my base. Today there was just over 3. Oh how I yearned for the pleasure of my cleansing wash at the end of the day…
07/11 Direct Link
No stakeout had ever been like this, he thought to himself as he entered his ninth hour straight. Five men working concurrently, from half a mile away, each equipped with ultra-powerful telescopes and radar-aided long-distance microphones. Every single thing needed reporting, but none of the assigned officers knew why.

So far there’d been multiple toilet visits, a few meals, lots of television watching, a bit of sex, some dog walks, and some exercise either in the swimming pool or inside the private gym. Not much interesti --- what was that??? A beefy, hairy European man wearing high heels and purple lingerie?
07/12 Direct Link
Early.

I finally get the gumption up to ask Sally out, and to my surprise she said yes, but on her terms. I agreed, and smiling, asked what her terms were.

That was yesterday. She said the date would be today. She would pick what we’d do and when we’d do it. She wouldn’t tell me what we would do. Then I asked her what time, and she said early.

What does early really mean? It’s 5 a.m. and I’m showered, shaved, dressed casually, and have my tux in my suit bag with dress shoes ready to take with me…
07/13 Direct Link
The butler had a strange look on his face when I told him my feelings. The family butler since I was a child, I’d known I’d loved Mannix for many years. It was difficult, but I had to tell him that if a relationship wasn’t possible between us then he’d have to end his position, as I couldn’t cope any longer.

Mannix’s face was more than just the distress I’d expected. It was dismay, confusion, and open sadness. My face must’ve appeared strange as he told me he loved me also, but had been loving my father for twenty years.
07/14 Direct Link
“Mate, have I got news for you! The fifth race at Flemington today, 3:25, number 6 is a sure thing…and it’s 25 to 1 odds!”

“So how much you gonna put on it Sam?”

“Well…I’m kinda between pays at the moment, so I thought if you could lend me twenty…I’d give you a hundred back after winning.”

“Sam, I know for a fact that your ‘sure things’ don’t always come in. And you know we’re skint ourselves…Erica would kill me.”

“But tips like this…”

“Here’s a tip, Sam: use your own money or forget the bet.”
07/15 Direct Link
Places I want to see before I die:

Iceland. Days and nights that last six months would be exciting to experience.
Ireland. My dream is to spend at least a couple of months riding around the island on a bicycle.
The Appalachian Trail in North America. I want to walk it.
The Inca Trail. Ditto.
Moscow. And other parts of what was the Soviet Union.
Alaska. Not just the tourist destinations.
China. I want to spend an extended period there and get to know the people and culture.
Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, Africa.
Antarctica, preferably to live and work there.
07/16 Direct Link
I stumble and end up taking the last flight using my hands as well as my feet.

I thought it was a good idea asking Jethro if I could use his pad when I came to London while he was away.

I still thought it was a good idea, even after he told me he'd moved into an floor 22 apartment of a high-rise.  

I knew it was a good idea when Joeline asked me out to dinner.   I got a kiss, a promise of another date, and I got unbelievably drunk.

I then found out the elevator was broken...
07/17 Direct Link
"Pointy ears really aren't that bad."   I tried to reassure Allan, as the devastated look on his face seemed to elongate before my eyes, confirming that my efforts were futile.

"She said there'd be five curses," he whimpered, barely maintaining control over his voice.   I'd always believed his wife was unstable emotionally, and could prove dangerous if ever she let loose.   The fact she practiced witchcraft had always elevated my concern.

When Allan pleaded that he didn't know the sexy voice on the answering machine, it made no difference to her.   His black teeth seemed to be curse number two...
07/18 Direct Link

It couldn’t happen again, surely…three spins on the Wheel of Luck for three wins!

 

No luck for the whole day, then your wife says she wants a lie-down before dinner.   Down to your last $10 chip, you thought the wheel would be as good a place as any to lose it.

 

You won.   And again.   And again.   Letting it ride was working, as you were up to $1250 now.   One more go, you think, and you win!   $6250!   Without wifey you were winning, one more for a killing.   The croupier spins…

 

Behind you, your wife’s voice calls, “Oh, Darling…”

07/19 Direct Link
I didn't know it then, but that was the beginning of the end.

When Marty stopped the night we hit the buffalo on the back road, it was a godsend.   He picked us up, drove us home, and used his own truck to get the vehicle back to our place.   Even more amazing was when he told us he lived only a few kilometres from us.

His kindness and generosity proved the start of a close friendship between him and our family.   Our children called him Uncle Marty.   I called him friend.   Unfortunately, my wife called him far too regularly.
07/20 Direct Link
My father, my brother, my God, wherever you are, may you be honoured and exalted.   May your wants and needs be met on Earth, for our greater good, just as they are where you are.   Grant me spiritual sustenance, inspiration, and all I need, as well as forgiveness for my failings, in the same way I should forgive those whose failings personally affect me.   I trust you will not lead me astray with deception or trickery, and I implore you to please protect me from the grasp of evil.

I ask of you these things from freedom and faith.   Amen.
07/21 Direct Link
Seventy-six grams!

He couldn't believe his luck!   Ben had swum here, his favourite section of the river, for the better part of ten years.   It was his favourite because it was pure sand across the bottom.   His surprise at treading on a stone after diving in was incomparable to his amazement when he handled it, and stared in disbelief at the visibly gold-coloured little boulder.   Not a prospector, he hadn't heard of a find this big in the area, well...ever.

The dealer surprised him also.

"Yeah, it's impressive in size mate...for iron pyrite.   Fool's gold is usually smaller."
07/22 Direct Link
Dear Carly,

I'm sorry it's come to this, but finding out about you and Ian was too much.   Your recent coldness, and lack of affection concerned me, but I thought it was due to fifteen years of marriage.

I've taken my car, a few kitchen accessories, my computer, a lot of tinned food, and Harvey.   His daily walks will continue with us apart.

The few other things I want will be gotten soon, and my lawyer will write you explaining my visitation and custody needs.

Keep the bed.   At least you know it's good for Ian's back.

Yours (not),

Angus.
07/23 Direct Link

Sitting there in the concert hall, Bevan thought this must be what heaven is like.   Eyes closed, head back, satiating the aural beauty of Handel’s Messiah, it was the first time in forever he truly didn’t have a trouble that could bother him.

 

He’d been a lover of this piece since childhood, when his grandfather first played it for him on the old record player.   He still had that old record, too, as it was the only thing he had kept when pop died in an impoverished state.

 

Now, aged forty-three, he was hearing it live for the first time…

07/24 Direct Link

A letter arrived from one of his best friends.   They still kept contact, but it was still unexpected.   He’d always felt that she was his best friend, and perhaps at some stage his feelings got overly pronounced, so strong that he couldn’t take it anymore.   No problem from her side, but he had chosen to cease contact except when absolutely necessary.

 

He had realised that he had settled.   Settled, but not for her.   He now knew, in his deepest, most personal mind-space, that she was his soul mate, his improving influence, his completion.

 

It really hurt to hear her voice…

07/25 Direct Link

Lucy was a lovely girl.   From the first time he'd met her she was friendly, open, and accepting of him.   And she was beautiful too.   Her beauty didn't help him to overcome his pervertedness at all: from day one he'd always thought of her as Juicy Lucy.

Tonight Lucy and her dad were coming over for dinner and, although he'd known George for a long time, he was making an extra special effort to impress Lucy, and he was nervous.

-- KNOCK KNOCK --

"G'day Dale, how are you?"

"I'm great George.   Welcome to my home."

"Hi, Dale-y..."

"Hey Juicy."   Oh no...

07/26 Direct Link

Driving around in the rain always relaxed him.   In fact, there’d been times he’d been at home at the commencement and he’d jumped in the car for a drive for no reason other than the rain.   Many said that people drove like idiots during rain, but he really couldn’t care.   For him, it was like a moving meditation, the beauty of the falling water with the ongoing sound of the drops hitting the car.   The heavier the better, he believed.

 

Tonight it was heavy, and at times he couldn’t see the road.   And now he was semi-submerged in Lake Catarona.

07/27 Direct Link

The interior girlfriend understands a cyclist.   But goddammit, the exterior girlfriend wants to spend more time with her boyfriend than she’s getting!

 

Angie had been with Richard for eighteen months now, and she loved him greatly, and believed he loved her.   He was a cyclist, fit and toned, and his physique was definitely part of the attraction.   But, religiously, regardless of the weather, he had to do two training runs a day.   It was at the point now where cycling edged out relationship time.   It was Richard’s obsession.

 

She’d tell him: her or cycling.

She honestly wasn’t feeling that confident…

07/28 Direct Link

Is this what a eunuch feels like?   Having experienced regular marital conflict, been subject to insolence from children, and degradation from their mother, my response was to close the shutters.   I chose to forget about attempting to impart an upbringing of distinction and virtue, as all prior efforts had faced open disdain and contempt.   Taking the road less travelled is too difficult for them, and I’ve now succumbed to it myself, in order to survive.   I now simply listen to the arguments and sharp, crass dialogue, mostly without response.

 

I still have my balls; it just feels like I don’t.

07/29 Direct Link

“Happy birthday, dad!   You’re 70 this year, right?”

 

“Well thanks mate, but I’m actually 69, and my birthday was yesterday, but I’m happy you rang, even if you mucked up the date.”

 

“Oh no…sorry dad, I thought today was the 29th…and 69?   I was almost certain you were 70 this year…”

 

“It doesn’t matter, like I said, it’s the thought that counts, and it is great to hear from you.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’ll take you to dinner to make it up –“

 

“Hahaha!   I’m pulling your leg, mate – I am 70 today.”

 

“Dad, sometimes you’re a big old bugger…”

07/30 Direct Link

As he took the pen offered to him by the shop-assistant to sign his credit card slip, he instantly went weak at the knees when he held it.

 

Oh man, what a beautiful pen!   It feels great, and it looks great too…awesome.   I wonder how tricky I’d need to be to not give it back to her and keep it myself…

 

He slowly scrawled his signature, smiling smugly the whole time.   Her watch made him self-conscious.   Finished, he held the pen out with the slip.

 

“Oh no sir, you keep the pen…promotion.”

 

Free?   Now I don’t want it…

07/31 Direct Link

Dear Diary,

 

Today I kissed Corey.   I took him by surprise, but initially he kissed me back.   We’ve been spending lots of time together and I thought he had similar feelings for me as I have for him, and his immediate reaction made me feel I was right.   It also made me feel very excited.   His lips were softer than I imagined in my wettest dreams, and it seemed like I was in heaven.

 

Then, as if given an unexpected shock, he pushed me away, called me a fag, and kicked me in the balls.

 

I still love him though.