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Yay, I finally finished a full month. The month for October wasn't finished b/c I began this project the 4th day after Oct began. I hope to continue working to this until I finally decide what to do with these entries. I was thinking of writing them on pieces of toilet paper, but then the whole idea of 100 words is kind of lost because I can write however much I want to. I don't like Micheal Jackson, he's creepy and his music annoys me. I guess he's fine when he was black and part of the Jackson 5...actually everyone liked him then. Why did he become so creepy? I guess the first step was becoming white..I don't know anyother celeb that has changed their skin color. So are Micheal's kids white too? Or were they born half/half?...B/c his genes must still have same gene for black skin...Why am I even devoting an entry for him? Hah, it's only half an entry now.
I want to return to writing for literary magazines, even if I don't really get paid much for getting a submission in. They usually only pay you a copy of issue that your work is in, but sometimes that's all that matters. It only costs half a dollar or whatever to send in a submission, I usually did simultaneous submissions so my chances of getting accepted were upped a little. I've been rejected several times though, and I've kept all the papers them. I stopped submitting to lit. mags b/c I was too busy with school and wasn't writing anymore. But since I'll have more free time next semester, since I'll be a part-time student, I might return to submitting to literary mags. It's nice to have the stuff on the resume at least, and to be able to say to others, I've been published.
After I accumulated different categories of subject matter, I began to break the sentences into line breaks so they would visually look like poetry. I edited some of the words for clarity and voice; I copied the tone and vocabulary for others. As I worked within the limitations that were set by the found text, a cast of characters began to manifest themselves in the work. I created them because the voices in the found texts sounded real and I saw several themes that I personally related to, such as domesticity and the act of writing letters. Just as how I can only learn about the people who wrote the found texts through the handwriting and words, we can only learn about Donovan, Sonia, Helena, Sam, and Daniel, through these poems. Though I knew I would never meet the authors of the found texts, I realized that these words could have been written by anyone. The found texts reveal that no one is unique and that we all share the same problems and concerns; we are still apprehensive to speaking to each other, face to face.
I have my final review tomorrow but I'm trying not to be stressed out b/c it's not going to be the end of the world or my career, or my school career or whatever. And I think I wrote too much for my thesis...50 pages, yea. Well that's b/c my teacher wanted me to include big photos of my work. I included a lot of photos too...and I wrote about my work from freshmen year till now. I know it was supposed to be a giant summary of what I've been doing for the past 3 years at school, but I didn't want to ignore anything since I've been making books this semester, instead of painting. I didn't want to just look at making books though, or talk about why I didn't want to do any painting at the moment...those seem like a waste of space b/c these ideas will change. They always change somehow.
I have my final review for my studio class, I guess that's like the equivalent of a final test or something...except it's only for 30 min. I have no idea how it'll go, but I must remember that no matter what these teachers say or suggest, it's not the end of my career as an artist, it's not the end of my life as a student, though I shouldn't go into the review with an attitude either, thinking "well I know I'm not serious enough about my studio work right now, and I wanna go into teaching anyways." I don't want them to think they're wasting my time, they're not...I just need to learn to take criticism I guess. But I'm not stressed really, well I wanted to display my books on shelves but that's not gonna happen b/c we're only given half an hour to install our work, and when we had a curator come to look at our work, it took me an hour to install two shelves and they still not balanced.
I like to play video games. I think it started with the Sega Game Gear. Remember that? It had a color screen and you could play sega games on it. It was kind of like the gameboy color but a little bulkier. Well my brother and I would play that all the time. Only one person could play at a time, but I remember we learned about it from a friend while my family was on a plane ride to Kauai. We heard some noises coming from something in one of the seats in front of us, and eventually we became friends with this boy who was my brother's age. He let him try out his game gear, playing Sonic 2 or something. Eventually the system broke though...one of the buttons got stuck so your character was always running to the left. Kind of hard to play like that. It sucked, b/c I had some favorites...like Jurassic Park and Ecco the Dolphin.
I'm almost done with my school work. I had my final review so that ends my studio class. I still have to print out two copies of my thesis, plus two copies of my capstone. That's going to be alot of paper. I also have a final test in my film class, but it's open notes. I hope there are no trick questions though...oh well, the good thing about having a test the last day of class is you don't have to worry about getting it returned to you, so you end up seeing what you got wrong. I have all A's in all of the assignments though, so if I mess up, it'll be fine. I have this bad habit of writing alot like "alot". I know I'm supposed to separate the a from the lot, but I still type it like this, and then have to go back and fix it. I know I don't type properly, I'm probably killing my wrists or something. I guess we'll see in a few years.
I live in LA, yet I still look up other malls to visit. Near me, I have the Santa Monica Place (with the 3rd St Promenade), the Fox Hills mall, the mall on Pico Blvd, Del Amo in Torrance, the South Bay Galleria, and the Beverly Center. Well that's what I'm aware of. They basically have the same layouts, mostly the same stores, same brands, same food. Yet I still want to visit some malls in Orange County or up in Glendale. Though it sounds stupid, I want to visit just to see what they're like. Yea I'll probably buy something, but I don't think I'd drive over 30 min to a different mall (this is LA however, the time estimates on MapQuest are never correct) just to do shopping. No, I believe I want to visit new malls to see what they offer in terms of stores, layouts, brands, clientale. I like going to new places for a change of atmosphere. It's hard to explain...maybe b/c I'm a woman?
Why do people laugh or smirk when I inform them I want to become a teacher? Is this just an LA thing? Are people in LA that un-compassionate? Am I just too enthusiastic or they think I won't survive? I am cynical enough as it is, I don't need people telling me I should go into something else. If they want to laugh or smirk at me, then they need to suggest a different option, rather than just have their fun. I find it insulting to every person who wanted to be a teacher...maybe I am just in the wrong area. Maybe I'm a fool, maybe they're fools. Maybe I am just too young and I need to grow up a bit. But how? How will I grow up? I thought I was grown up enough, but I will never be enough for some people. I don't want to listen peoples words of advice, telling me...you should do something different.
When the school year ends, I always find it so uneventful because I work work work so hard, busting my ass, getting stressed out, freaking out b/c I think I won't finish a project in time, though I always manage to do so, and then feel proud but then everyone just wants more. Suddenly I want to relax b/c I have no schoolwork, but then I feel the need to be busy again, just to feel some worth. I only have 4 weeks of break though, that's not alot. Yea I could make something but it's the holidays. I want to relax, do things I wouldn't normally do during the school year. Maybe this is an Otis thing. Maybe it isn't. Haha, now I'm just typing, trying to fill up this box. I still wonder what I'll do with these entries for a project. Oh it'll be fun. Who will read this? Are you reading this? If so, congrats from me.
What is really strange is I like airplane food. I always hear people rambling about it, bantering about the taste, look, temperature...But I've never really had a bad experience with airplane food. Yea, it sucks when they give you a small bag of peanuts, but whenever I fly, I always get a ginger ale. I usually don't eat the peanuts, sometimes I'll just take them with me, thinking I'll eat them later, but I never do because it's just not the same. I liked getting airplane food even when I was little. I like it how the food is already put together, with a dessert, water, fruit, whatever else, bread. I think I've had some very good airplane food, such as when I flew to China, well they gave us Chinese food of course. But when I flew to Paris, they gave us American food, which was kind of weird because it's AirFrance.
The good and bad thing about the ending of school is everyone wants to have parties and serve lots of food. On Mon, we had a small gallery show opening and so we had snacks and cookies, and that was basically my meal. Not very healthy, yea. And today our student activities center had a luncheon for staff and tutors, and they brought in food from a very good Italian food place. They also had several kinds of cake and cookies for dessert. I could only fit in a cookie b/c I had ate so much pasta. Apparently the cookies were expensive, and they were really good. But then when I go home, I'll be eating lots of food again. And plus I have alot of food at my apartment, so I know I won't go hungry for a while. Maybe I just need to fast, or something weird, or skip a meal, but that never works b/c if I don't eat, I then get hungry.
I don't want to use this 100 words website area as a blog, even though I've been writing in this thing more often than my real blog. I haven't written in that blog since Sept. I think it's b/c I know no one reads it or even knows about it. But no one knows about this thing either, but I guess since the space to write text is confined, I don't feel as bad as writing in here, plus I know I'll use this stuff later for a project. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep this up. Is someone actually reading this? I don't even know if I'm typing 100 words or not. I don't count and don't plan on counting. If you are reading this, let me know. B/c then that's like stalking, which is weird but I know we all do some form of stalking on the web, such as browsing peoples Myspaces and looking at their photos. Maybe that's why everyone's going private on myspace.
School is over. I'm so glad. Though I wish I could have closure on the amount of stress I experienced. I had never been so stressed out before with all the work that I had to do. I got it all done, and I guess I'll do need to go do something to make myself feel better. No, not eat. Probably shop. Yea, it's sad. I'll spend money to make myself feel better, but there's worse I guess. Such as smoking or drinking. I don't smoke or drink, never have been interested. Growing up, my parents didn't drink much either. Yea, sometimes my dad would have beer after dinner, or my mom would drink some wine during her dinner, but it wasn't everytime. They didn't get drunk or whatever, alcohol just made them sleepy. And the one time I did have alchcol which was when I was 17, I felt a little sick. I remember sitting on the toilet just thinking. I didn't throw up, maybe I was buzzed but didn't know it.
Apparently this website is more popular than I thought. I guess it's b/c it's such a simple concept. I was reading about this site on a random blog. I wonder if it matters that I don't know if I actually type 100 words or not. But I guess that's not the point. Ahh, I go onto this website with an idea in mind on what to type, and then I totally forget. This happens to me whenever I open up my laptop, I start thinking, oh I should look this up on wikipedia, and I sometimes actually do what I planned on doing, but then I'll think of something else to check, or I'll find a blog that's interesting to read, or I'll look at a Maui webcam, and then I'll totally forget why I went on the internet in the first place. It gets worse if I get an interesting...or bad news, e-mail, that I then read and begin to think about. Good thing that hardly happens to me.
I have gotten so behind on these things, it's not funny. Hey I think I already typed that before. Its actually Dec 22nd but this is an entry for Dec 16. Hmm, let's write about why I haven't written an entry for a week. Well one b/c I'm lazy, two I forget, three I don't know what to type about so I don't get around to doing it, four I was wasting time, five I'm on winter break so I'm not keeping to any special schedule right now, and six I can't think of something for six. Hah, that's dumb. This is a stupid entry. Oh well, everyone needs one of those. I'm actually home right now, even though on the 16th of Dec I was in Los Angeles. What was I doing on that day? I think I was playing a video game, or looking at stuff on the computer, or showering, or reading, or eating, or buying something, or wondering what I was going to do.
I like Christmas songs, but I don't like hearing them at all the stores when I go out. I also don't like it when the radio plays them continously, so in one day, you end up hearing five different versions of White Christmas. And then when you watch a movie that's Xmas themed, like Home Alone or Jingle All the Way, they play Xmas music again, and it's usually the same songs you hear at the stores. I wonder what it's like for Jewish people though, b/c even when I went to Jamba Juice and got a smoothie, they said Merry Christmas when they gave me the smoothie. Hah, like it's a present but it's not b/c I paid for it. But what if I was Jewish? They also said Merry Christmas to me when I bought something at a store, why?....Don't they usually say Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings. Seasons Greetings could work at any season however.
(stolen from Neatorama post) For years, Steve Flaig, a delivery truck driver a Grand Rapids Lowe’s store, had searched for his birth mother. He found her last Friday, working the cash register at the front of the store. For several months, Flaig and his mother, Christine Tallady, had known each other casually as co-workers. It was a tough decision for Tallady, unmarried at the time, to give him up when he was born on Oct. 5, 1985, but “I wasn’t ready to be a mother,” she said. Flaig had always known he was adopted. It was never hidden from him by his adoptive parents and they supported him when he began to search for his birth parents. When Flaig turned 18 he asked DA Blodgett for Children, the agency that arranged his adoption, for his background information. A couple of months later it came and it included his birth mother’s name. He searched the Internet for her address and when it came up empty he gave up the search. But around the time of his 22nd birthday he again took out the paperwork from DA Blodgett and realized he had been spelling his mother’s surname wrong as “Talladay.” He typed “Tallady” into a search engine and came up with an address less than a mile from the Lowe’s store. He mentioned the coincidence to his boss, and she said, “You mean Chris Tallady, who works here?” “I was like, there’s no possible way,” he said. “It’s just such a bizarre situation.” He had been working at Lowe’s for two years. She was hired in April as head cashier.
I didn't start drinking coffee until this past summer. My mom suggested it b/c I was usually tired and groggy when I got up, okay yea what else was new, but also after I started drinking it...not strong or anything, I use lots of creamer to make it taste better, I'd get less headaches. But when I stopped drinking it, it gave me headaches, I guess b/c my body was reacting from the lack of caffeine. But I don't want to buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks or something b/c I'm afraid of what would happen if I had a strong amount of caffeine. Sure nothing might happen, but I guess it's like getting drunk of alcohol. Since I don't really drink, I don't have much a tolerance for alchohol. Yay I finally spelled that word right. Hah, since I don't have to spell that word that often, I usually misspell it. Misspell is a strange word.
Finally after about 4 or 5 minutes I see a CM walking by, I say to her ma'am, ma'am and she finally realizes I am talking to her, she comes over and I say, someone left this here. She looked at me like I was crazy and then opened it up and looked inside and said, looks like someone's diaper bag. She stood there and looked at me some more and I finally said, can you take it to lost and found. She huffed and said, I'll take it over here and they can do something with it and pointed towards Star Tours. I just sat there baffled. I sure hope that person got their bag back and she didn't just throw it in the trash on her way by. (That was taken from a Disneyland trip planning forum, the topic was about bad cast members. I went to Disneyland on Wed with my boyfriend and his brother. It was really fun, I went on Space Mtn twice. I usually hated that ride, but now I can tolerate it. Yay)
And so another post from a Disneyland forum: I was out shopping today at the movie store. They had all previously viewed movies 50% off. I was looking through the bin and I came across Roadhouse 2. Who knew that they made that movie?? There were a few other people looking through the same bin. I say, "Who knew that they would make a sequal to the movie? The first one was bad enough." The lady next to me giggles and says, "That is my favorite movie. My son is named after Patrick Swayze's character in the movie. His name is Dalton." I should have apologized and shut up but,no. I pick up the movie and say, "Well apparently this one is so bad that Patrick Swayze isn't even in it." She laughs and says, "Yeah the girls at work always think I am joking when I tell them his name and how I named him." I laugh and say, "I like his name, I just didn't like his movie." She and I laughed. Her phone rang so I just walked away after that. It is just my luck that I would find the one person who actually liked that movie. I felt pretty bad. Note to self: Only make fun of movies with people you know.
Well it's my first day at home today in Palo Alto. Everything is cold, but it's not rainy. It's chilly but the air smells clean and fresh. Not like LA, where it's stuffy and full of smog. Even the tap water is better in Palo Alto. Or maybe it's just b/c I live in an apartment in LA and so I have to share the tap water with 100+ people. I swear, the tap water there tastes like chlorinated pool water. Ew. And when I lived in Arizona, we had a pool...so I know what pool water tastes like. Ew that sounded weird but funny. It's cold here, probably about 54 degrees, but at least there's no wind right now. I don't hear much traffic, some leaf blowers but that's b/c there's a neighborhood next to my mom's apartment. At my apartment in LA, I have to listen to the traffic on Lincoln Blvd. I swear, who thought of building an apartment there? I also have to listen to the LAX planes.
I hate his family and I don't care if I regret this later. Even if he eventually reads this, I don't care. I guess that'll prove if he actually reads my artwork and sees what I write. I don't care. His family is weird and stupid and I hate them. I want him to become more independent, he's 24 and he's just a big baby. I guess there is more I would type but I'm still afraid if he'd read it. I have no where else to type however. I'm angry and pissed off. I hate his family. I want them to all go away and I want him to grow up a bit, he won't until he moves out their home. Even then, he'll probably live with his brother. But no, I will not live with him until he has lived on his own for a bit b/c if he lives with me, I will become his mother and caretaker. That's not what I was raised to be. I don't think I'll ever want to be a wife, even if my intended career profession fails.
Wow I must be typing really interesting entries b/c one of my entries is the featured one on the main page of the 100words website for a few days now. Weird. It's like having a photo of yours featured on the main Flickr webpage. Maybe that's the same though, except the person has to read my entry. Well they read the image too. Hah, I don't wanna get into that stuff right now. I'm on vacation and I haven't made any artwork for about a week now. Nor have I typed anything majorly big, or thought about anything "deep." Mmmm, I like that. My brain needs a vacation, my mouth and mind need a vacation from all those big words. I'm still reading, but it's about shopping culture. Good timing huh? I wonder why they posted my entry on their main webpage...maybe I'm typing interesting entries. Is someone reading this? I'm not.
Today is Christmas. Merry Christmas everybody! Let's see, well today I woke up and my mom was already up, I gave her a hug and wished her merry christmas. I watched a bit of the Disney Christmas Parade, though it was pre-taped, which is kinda dumb. I also watched a bit of the San Jose Holiday parade. I drank coffee and ate breakfast. I got dressed. My mom had placed the presents in front of the tv since we don't have a tree. Haha, let's all worship the tv. Well I guess it could suffice a little if you put that channel on that shows the burning log and plays holiday music. My mom wanted the Christmas Story movie on, that's always good to have one. They play it for 24 hours on TBS every Xmas, and you really know it's really Xmas when you see that movie on and the tv tells you it'll be on all day. I think we usually only watch it about 3 times though, b/c it gets dull. I don't think I'd want to watch that money anyother day however.
Wow someone is dumb. Someone actually sent a paper to the tutoring e-mail address for online tutoring, but they sent it last week when school was already finished. Uh. What were they thinking? I sent a nice reply, informing them to send their paper again next year. For Christmas I got underwear, pajamas, two sweaters, money, a card (do cards count?), an electric toothbrush (it massages your gums!) and a little back massager pillow that uses batteries. My boyfriend got the same one too, except his is blue. Mine is red. I'm not used to massages, I actually tense up if someone tries to give me one. Plus I get ticklish. My aunt sent me a giant candy apple from this company in Arizona called Candy's Apples. They make many kinds of toppings, my favorite is the Kom-By-Yah. It has chocolate, marshmallows, caramel, and pieces of graham cracker. Oh yeah, yummy.
So apparently at the San Francisco Zoo on Xmas eve, a tiger got out of its exhibit and killed one person, hurt two. It happened at around 5:30. To me it's a little suspicious that it happened that late though, and why would the tiger suddenly want to leap out of it's enclosure? I mean, I've been to that zoo, I love that zoo, I have many childhood memories there. And everytime I've been there, there's always a little kid or even a grown-up yelling at an animal to get it's attention. Usually the animal doesn't react, or may look over at the person, but not get up or do anything. I bet those people threw something at the tiger, angered it, and then somehow got it to leap out of its moat. Apparently the moat is only 12 ft, but it's unusual for a tiger to leap out that much, especially in captivity. They think they might have to close the zoo b/c of legal fees...I hope they don't.
A confession...and I guess this proves that I may...or may not, use these entries for an assignment. But, I've had crushes on several teachers in middle and high school. I liked a science teacher, a history teacher, another history teacher, a substitute teacher, an astronomy teacher, an English teacher, a math teacher, another English teacher, and another history teacher. A few lasted all year...one lasted for two years...others lasted for the amount of time I was in their class. I'm usually not open about this, mostly because I am embarassed. I was foolish and dumb to believe they would love me back. But when I look back on all this, all I can say is it helped me figure out what kind of guy I want to be with...and the fact that I had too much love to give and has no where to give it to. Um...not in "that" way.
Shoot I found out that since I didn't complete the October batch, I lost all those entries. I didn't want to make up entries for the days before I started...darn that stinks, b/c I wrote stuff in there that I won't ever remember again, and even if I do remember, I won't be sure if that was what I had typed. I know I typed stuff about that this was for a project...Now I feel like that is ruined, though of course I know my art teacher would say, "But that's interesting because it starts randomly, without knowing that it would be used for something else." But that's not true, I knew that before I even wrote the entries. Damn, now I'm angry...B/c every project I do always has some sort of mess up, they're never perfectly executed and I don't know how to make that intentional. I don't want it to be intentional.
I took my e-mail address off of here b/c I don't want other users to be able to talk to me. Yea I guess that's being selfish or something like that, but I guess I'm using this like a journal. It can't talk back to me. Woah I suddenly had an idea of using this as a sort of Humument wanna-be project. Of course you probably don't know what A Humument is, and you can't even ask b/c I'm not letting you contact me. Someone did, but they just made a comment on my photo. I'm not here looking for comments on my photo...if I wanted that, I'd be on myspace. Well I am, but that's not the point. They didn't even speak to me about my entries or, "that's cool that it's for an art project." Nope none of that. They were just only interested in what I look like, not what I was saying or feeling. Typical men.
Last day of December. I like looking at historical info and photos from old San Francisco. I'm not that interested in old LA though, maybe b/c I don't know the city as well. But since I've been around San Fran for so long, it's interesting to see what the city used to look like. Plus lots of the buildings in San Fran still look the same, the city likes to keep old buildings. It's a good and bad thing b/c that means some might be dangerous, earthquake wise, but I guess it's better than LA which bulldozes everything away, covering old history, only b/c it's not related to tourism or making money.
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