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Well I finally finished one month, sort of I guess, since I began this project on the 4th of Oct. Now I feel like I may not actually go through this and create something that I can use in the future for an artwork, I guess because I'm afraid I will run out of things to say. It's the first of November, and I have 5 weeks of school left, that sounds scary, since that means my second to last semester of art college will be over. I don't know if I'll go to college again right after graduating, but if I wanna do teaching, I know I'll probably have to get some sort of degree. I wish someone would tell me what that is because I don't know. There's so many options and I need a direction. Hmm, what else should I write about? My boyfriend and I are going to Disneyland once the semester ends, plus we like to go every holiday season, since they have fake snow and everything's all Xmas themed.
Should I return to October and fill in the days I didn't write? Maybe I should be writing stuff for the days ON the day that I didn't write, but then that would sound like a blog or LiveJournal. I do have a blog but I hardly leave anything in it, only because I don't know if anyone is reading it. I used to blog a lot in high school, on xanga.com, seemed like the thing to do, this was before myspace became really popular of course. But I would write in the xanga almost everyday, it still exists, I kept my account in case I ever want the entries. I've used them for a painting...I like looking back at them because they make me sound silly and immature, but that's what I was. I also have private entries that no one can see. Also, in the beginning, I wrote really long entries, with multiple paragraphs and such. I even posted photos. And then there were those entries with survey questions. I wonder if anyone would read those ones.
So yea I stopped writing in my xanga once I got to college, since no one was hardly using theirs, plus I figured no one was reading mine anymore. I think some people were reading my xanga, people who know me in real life I mean, but they never commented or talked back. It's the equivalent of having a real conversation with someone but they're not replying. But I guess that's the beauty of a blog, you don't HAVE to talk back really, no one is forcing you, so if you're shy, it's okay. Well since I am shy, I would talk back however, since type can hide your face and tone of voice. I knew some of my friends were reading my entries when I began college, since when I'd later actually speak to them, they would know what's going on with me from the entries...so there'd be no reason to talk to me about my school. Yea, that was the downside.
The time went backward last nite, which is good I guess b/c I got an extra hour of sleep, even though I woke up at 8 am, which would really be 9 am if the time hadn't changed. I went to sleep at 12:50, which would really be 1:50 if the time hadn't changed. I got 7 hours of sleep I think. I remember one time when the time had changed, but I wasn't sure which direction it went in, so I got up and found out it was earlier than I wanted it to be. I think we had fell backward then...but no one had told my roommate, so she was all confused. My roommate just woke up now, so it's 10:32, but if the time hadn't changed, she'd be waking up at 11:32. I don't know what time she went to bed though b/c I was asleep before she even came home. I guess I was so tired b/c I didn't even hear her.
I think 100words should not allow you to write for past dates (they don't allow you to write in the future obviously, but who could tell?) because maybe then another aspect of this site would be that the person has to write everyday, but then it might become like another blog, since there are many blogs that are not updated daily. I listen to Podcasts, but sometimes wonder if they'll make them be buyable in the future, since Podcasts are free and so most of the creators need to make their own way for funding, but I guess then they get to be little business men. I've listened to many podcasts, but most of them are from official sources. I've listened to astronomy, Harry Potter, Disney, psychology, and weird cartoons. The cartoon podcasts weren't being updated though, so I unsubscribed.
So when I was little and my parents were married, my family lived on this called St. Claire Dr. It was a nice small street, and most of the houses were old and either contained old people, people whose children grew up and were now successfully living on their own, families with children, and families with babies (this is different than children b/c children implies that they go to school during the day). Behind this street however, there was this giant field of dead grass, cracked earth, and those prickly bushes. This field belonged to a church that was also behind this street. My brother and I, along with some of the other kids on the street, used to go to the field to run around and explore. Sometimes were found lots of big spider webs, and one time we found dozens of ladybugs in the bushes. It was awesome, we caught a bunch in jars. But my mom made my brother and I set them free, b/c this was "cruel".
At this same house that I lived in while my parents were married, when we had first moved in (I was 4 at the time, my brother was 2), there was only a front lawn and concrete. There was a house of course, but there was no grass in the backyard, only a big tree that grew kumquats. I know what the area looked like b/c my parents took photos (that was smart). So my dad decided to put in grass himself, along with many bushes, those small trees that had white bark that peeled and grew bigger over time, as well as flowers and rocks. I remember spending lots of time looking at the plants and picking the flowers. I'd play the flowers, turning a poppy upside down to pretend that the stem was a body and the petals were a dress...these flowers became little ballerinas. I also used to find caterpillars, I'd pick them up and make them crawl over various things, finding out what they were capable of. One time, I left one in a spider's web to see what would happen. Yea.
I am debating whether I should send Xmas cards to my friends. I like giving gifts/cards to people, but then I get disappointed if no one sends me a card (a physical card, not one thru an e-mail). When I do send cards, all I get is a thank you message thru myspace or facebook, along with the words explaining how "we should get together sometime". They also tell me it's sweet. Well I want my friends to know that I'm thinking about them, not constantly in a weird way, but that I am reminded of them at certain times. Am I only one this way? Am I just lonely? Plus since it costs more now to send mail, 41 freakin' cents. And also I won't really know what address to mail them to. Since most of my friends live either on a college campus/apartment, I'm not sure if they're be at their school during the holidays or back home. I think what I did last time was send it to their school address, so even if they go away for a while, they have a little present waiting for them when they return. I'd like that.
Why is everyone ragging on me since I wrote 46 pages for my thesis? Yea, that's alot of pages, but when I get into writing and typing, I tend to get carried away. I may end up editing some stuff out anyways. Plus, I have photos inside the text, so there's probably 4 or 5 pages worth of just images of my work. I also have a few images of other peoples work. Yes, I worked hard on it, I worked so hard that I neglected my other work, so then I had to spend the following week working on my studio work, where then I neglected my poetry for my capstone, so then I had to quickly bust my ass to get something done for that. This semester has been weird for time management because all my teachers are expecting everything to be done on time. Oh, it'll get done, but I won't have fun doing it. They don't even seem to care that I need to somehow find work after Otis...
I wish I had a more active social life, where friends invited me places and people had parties. I don't necessarily mean parties where people get drunk, but where there's dancing or a reason to get dressed up. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. I get lonely just doing my homework all the time, but I guess since everyone either has so much work, has their own set of friends outside school, or has actual work during their free times, it's harder for us to be "friends." Maybe I don't fit in with them. Will I ever fit in? Am I just too awkward? Too quiet? My co-workers in the tutoring cenetr think I'm too quiet, they even nicknamed me the "quiet tutor"...well, I'm just professional that's all. Maybe I take myself too seriously or something...but I figure if kids are coming in to be tutored, why do I have to be loud? What is the opposite of quiet?
I sometimes wish I was like my friend Shelly. I met her in 8th grade, we were in the same homeroom class, plus we had a few friends who knew each other. I used to borrow her colored pencils alot b/c homeroom was always boring, but we had to meet every Wed after lunch. I have no idea why they made us do homeroom. That's where we had to meet before 8th grade graduation, just to make sure all the kids were there I guess, plus we'd be paraded out for that event. Weird now that I think about it. Pointless too. Graduating from 8th grade, big deal. You're still a teenager, but now your hormones are raging even more, but you still can't drive for 2 years, and when you enter high school, you'll be the little kids again b/c you're in the youngest grade. I thought all the seniors looked so big and mature. Then when I was a senior, the freshmen looked like little kids.
Now why did I begin that last entry about my friend Shelly? Oh yea, well a few years after high school, she moved to Arizona b/c her dad was retiring from his work. Sometimes I wish I was like her b/c she has a learning disability. It wasn't so evident when I first met her b/c we were still immature, but as we grew older, it became more apparent. She's always been a few years behind me in terms of maturity, but she's almost a year older than me. Well sometimes I wish I was her b/c she looks at life with simple mind, sure she's suspicious of strangers and she even freaked out in a bookstore once b/c someone grabbed her arm and thought they knew her. But all she cares about right now is her homework for her community college courses, her crush on this guy from her old church back in CA, and her events with the young people at her church. Life is simple for her, she lives with her parents, she's afraid to drive...
This is supposed to be my space to type whatever I want to, and just when I sign in, I still don't feel quite free. Maybe it's b/c of this blue line that makes up the space of the text box, or b/c I have to write 100 words EXACTLY. I sometimes think, "oh I should write this for an entry!" and then forget all about it. If I forget about an idea, then I believe it wasn't meant to be used. If I have an idea and I constantly think about it, imagining it in my head, then I'll want to use it b/c that means something. Even if the idea turns out to be dud, or it doesn't look as great as I thought it would be. It's hot out right now, but it's the middle of November, so when I go home, it'll be freezing and rainy. And then my skin will dry up. I think my skin absorbed so much crap from the LA air, that it freaks out when I up north b/c the air is much more...virginal....there. Well it is.
Now that I'm older and I haven't been to Maui for a couple years now, I've begun to look at the island in a critical light, I don't want to though. My family used to vacation there alot ever since I was 5. We would go every summer for a week, my brother and I still went with my dad when my parents got a divorce b/c my dad still owned the timeshare we had. It became harder though to go with my dad and my brother b/c the trip became a big habituable journey, where we ate at the same restaurants and did the same things every time just b/c. My brother wasn't really into going, he'd always say, "We do the samething every time". I always loved going to Maui though, from the long plane ride, to arriving at the airport, enjoying the tropical breeze, sun, sunburns, lying on the sand, swimming in the ocean, lying on my boogie board, watching the islands around me, watching people around me...
I'm not sure if I've written about this, but I usually don't think much about my death anyways. It is a grim thought, yes, and so I sometimes don't want to consider that I am mortal and fragile, and I'd like to believe I have some sort of guardian angel looking out for me from above, preferably my dog or something. But when I go, I want to go fast and painless, obviously I'd like to die in my sleep, even if I had to die before the age of 50, at least be in my sleep. If I can't die in my sleep, then I'd like to die with everyone I've loved around me. I guess that would mean I'd have to be sick or something, but not necessarily so. Is that being selfish? Can one have a selfish death? I know there are selfless deaths. Well this thought came up for me because I watched this animation that was narrated by someone who was explaining how they wanted to die. The animation was beautiful and the narrator died of cancer in the end, but she choose to end her treatment, so she was able to die with her loved ones around her.
I sometimes feel like I have an itch inside my head, or near the back of my mouth, but I can't reach it b/c if I try to scratch the back of my mouth, I will make myself gag. Plus no one can scratch the inside of their head w/out doing surgery. Ew. It's almost like when you're driving and you have an itch on the bottom of your right foot, but you don't scratch it b/c you're pushing down on the brake, or the pedal. And it always happens when you're concentrated on driving or on the highway when everyone's going fast. Or when you become aware of one itch and then you scratch it, another itch will pop up right after. Itches are weird. It's not even really an itch, it's an irritation and usually it's b/c of the clothing material or tightness of the clothing. But then what about itches on the top of your head? Is that from lice or head mites or something?
There are several animals I want to be if the reincarnation thingy is true: Dolphins are awesome b/c they can fight off sharks, plus they get to swim all day. Sloths are cute looking, they hang around...literally...all day, and only climb down very slowly to poo/pee or mate. Manatees are kind of like dolphins and sloths combined, b/c they're slow but they swim. Plus their eyes look cute. Parrots are fun b/c they're colorful and social. Dogs, well obviously everyone wants to be a dog. Tigers are beautiful and though they're not quite graceful, they seem to know that they look beautiful. Giraffe would be cool b/c they don't have much enemies, they just eat all day, have those long necks...hooves. I guess being a starfish wouldn't be so bad, except they can't move that fast. Horses would be fun, they're social...except I'd want to be a wild horse.
Going home in a few days, back to Palo Alto. I like coming home because I get to see what has changed and what hasn't. Yea sometimes it's disappointing if someone disappears and no one told you. Now I see on TV that elephants can swim. That's awesome, so they're large and yet they can float in the water. I wonder how long they can swim for though, they must get tired. Well that makes sense since dolphins came from land animals, so maybe they came from something that swam. Okay now I'm just grabbing for whatever I can to fill in this entry. That's bad, I thought I was trying to follow a project. Maybe I've been typing too much, I thought I was typing 100 words but maybe I'm not, or I am. I don't know. I just fill this window up with text to the end of the box. I can just keep typing and typing.
Celebrities who I think are awesome/hot/funny/intelligent: Anthony Bourdain (the host of No Reservations on the Travel channel, a chef and writer...his humor is dark but I love it), Bill Bryson (another writer whose humor I find hilarious to read), Ioan Gruffudd (he's Mr. Fantastic in the Fantastic Four, but I watched him on A&E's miniseries Horatio Hornblower, he was hot then...now he's old and married), Jeff Corwin (that OTHER guy who has an animal show on Animal Planet, he's funny and makes me want to watch his show), Ewan McGregor (this one is plain obvious, guy from Scotland, who sings, takes on interesting roles in films, and rides a motorcycle for fun and isn't afraid of giving to charity...I think he and his wife just also adopted a kid from Africa), Colin Firth (aw he was good in Pride&Prejudice, as well as Girl with the Pearl Earring)...I can't think of anyone else right now...but notice how majority of these men are not from America.
I think it's funny how Yahoo! news posted a story about how there's this camp in South Korea for kids (from Korea) who are addicted to internet games. They're talking about it, but they don't seem to ever suggest that this may have occured in America already. I know there are people who there who live in front of their computer, and may only venture out into reality for a CosPlay or whatever things happen at Convention Center. I mean, you've got everything there on the computer now, you can even order meals ahead of time thru the internet...though you still need to hop into the car and drive and pick up the stuff. I bet that'll change eventually. And if you get lonely, you can chat on random chatrooms or get lucky on a porn site. I wonder if those kinds of people get alot of e-mail, b/c I realized if I keep checking my e-mail every few hours, I don't seem to get much. Hmm, I need to NOT check and let the mail pile up, then I can say I get alot of e-mails.
When I'm on winter break for four weeks, I should really consider trying to do some artwork. I always say I will but when I begin something, I don't finish it. I don't know why I can't finish it, you think I'd be able to focus better but then I become distracted if my mom wants to take my somewhere, or go see my friends, or I start a different project non-art related. Well I should try to complete some sort of project so I can get a head start for my studio work for 2nd semester b/c I think we have 2 months less b/c of the preparation for the graduating show. Hah, my grandma wants to come, but I know I'll get annoyed if my parents hang around me during the entire show when I keep telling them to go look at the other work. Or then they'd want me to walk with them but I think I'll have to stay with my work. Hmmm, I don't know. I shouldn't be thinking about this.
Argh, it's actually Sunday even though this is an entry for a Thursday, but I've been lazy and haven't written an entry everyday. Now I need to make it up. I will eventually have enough for a project though. Okay, so this entry was supposed to be written on Thanksgiving Day, so that's the theme. Uh, I'm thankful for my family and my friends, being able to go to school, people who have helped me, I'm thankful for some of my teachers who have pushed me to become better with my work (though I'll complain and whine silently), I'm thankful for my car who hardly has any problems, and I'm thankful for my boyfriend who is so understanding, patient, loving, and is able to put up with me even at my worst. He is the best boyfriend ever and I couldn't ask for anyone else. That sounded cheesy, well it sounded cheesy to me, but it's true.
And now so today is supposed to be Black Friday, where everyone will go spend their money money money b/c there are lots of sales, some stores even opened at 4 am. Ugh. My family has never been one of those types of people, so I would never consider joining the crowds. I need time when I'm shopping for someone and I need to have a specific idea on what to buy for someone, either a price range, size, or what type of gift it is. When I was younger, I used to buy a few things for one person if it was their birthday. When I got to high school and had several friends, about 6 or 7...I never had had so many friends like that before...I've always only had a few friends. I only had 3 friends in elementary school. But in high school, I would get everyone the same thing for Xmas, so I'd usually buy something that came in a pack, such as candy or candles, so everyone got the same item, same size and price.
I was looking for my old blogs, I have two old ones on livejournal.com, and I had posted several quotes I had collected when I was a freshmen at college, here we go: "Did you see Courtney's sperm?" "It's like going from taking an asprin, to stabbing yourself." "It's like ParisHilton-hotness. But you need to make it hotter." "So, it's "kick-ass". Does that help you Elizabeth?" "In the laughing cow, there's a picture of that same cow in the earrings, and in the earrings, there's that picture of that same cow, and in the earrings..." "Ahhh, it's the Satanic Cow!!" "Oh my gouache." "Let's go party with my half-inch pinewood." "I might just be a dirty old man..." "When men become old and senile, they're prone to bad puns." "I couldn't see her, but I SMELL her." "Let's begin with a rousing rollcall..." "You all look so pretty today! I must have my pretty-eyes on!" "I have achieved poo."
I have this bracelet made of leather that I've had since I was 10 years old. My parents bought it for me when I was at Disneyland for my 10th birthday, I was allowed to invite a friend so I took my best friend with us. All five, her and I, my parents and brother, drove in the car down to Southern Cali for Disneyland. But I still have this bracelet. I remember finding it at one of those stands in New Orleans Square after riding Pirates of the Caribbean. They used this hand-held machine to write in your name into the leather. I choose a bracelet that had blues, purples and pinks that gradated from one side to the other. I also liked part of the bracelet that looked like colors from a Monet painting. I wonder if my best friend still has her bracelet. They still make them, but they use a different machine now, and it's in Frontierland.
When I was in 3rd grade, I remember going on a field trip to the De Young Museum in San Francisco Golden Gate Park to see an exhibit of Monet paintings. After viewing the work, my class had a picnic outside, where we ate cheese and other "French" foods. Since this was a field trip, the parents would tag along. My mom came and bought a t-shirt at the gift shop. I still have that shirt, it's huge now and a little faded, but I use it as a night shirt. I remember wearing a red hat and purple jacket. This was also when girls would wear dresses, hah. But it was fun. So now whenever I see real Monet paintings, I get this twinge of excitement and remember back to when I first saw them. I sometimes wonder if I saw some of the same paintings at the D'Orsay in Paris, as I did in San Francisco. That'd be weird.
Do you ever have a hard time trying to remember how to spell a word, keep misspelling it, and then when you finally look it up in the dictionary, you're so surprised on how it's actually spelled? That happens to me sometimes, Maybe my brain has a minute anemisa or something weird. I can't even spell that word. But for the longest time, I always misspelled perceive and receive because though they sounded the same, I always assumed they were spelled differently. It wasn't until I wrote a 10 page paper in high school on the space race in America, when my history teacher circled every word. I finally understood the spelling then. I sometimes mix up letters, like having a mini-dislexic moment or something. Hah, there I go again. Well there's no spell-check on this website, so anything goes I guess.
Looking at an old blog from high school, this is the entry from Nov 28th 2003: Well, I finished writing (well...typing) my college essays, but I dunno what to do with them now. I dunno if I should make people read them and comment on them. Each one is different, and I have 5 of them. And...I took creative approaches on all of them. Creative writing is starting to control me. My first college deadline is Jan 5th, thats for CA Instit. of the Arts. So I better get to it b/c I realized we only have 3 weeks of skool left till winter break...hmm, how do I go about getting transcripts and test scores sent? I wish they would tell me these things....
Hah, well that last entry wasn't 100 words. Oh well, I don't feel bad that I broke the rules of this website. I still wonder what I will end up doing with these entries. I hope this website doesn't suddenly go down or something, b/c then I'll be screwed. I think that's why I'm trying not to make important entries or write about my daily problems. That's too easy to do. I used to have a blog that I wrote in everyday. No one really commented but I think a few of my friends would read it. I keep the url in my bookmarks just in case I ever need it for something reason. I've used it for a painting, and I'd like to use it again because some of the entries are so rich to me. They're not like diary entries b/c they're so old now. I think my last entry was in 2006...but that's when I was in college and was too busy for blogs. It seems all my high school classmates are too busy for their blogs now.
Another told blog entry, I think I sound so childish...from Nov 30th 2003: Went to see Love Actually yesterday. The ending was predictable, the ending dragged itself alittle too long, but they didn't solve everyone's problem, which was the only interesting standpoint of the end. It didn't revolve around Hugh Grant's character, though it felt like it was trying to. They put Rowan Atkinson as one of the main characters, but he only appears twice. They're for...of course, humorous scenes. It was interesting seeing Alan Rickman play a normal human being for once, rather than the nasty Professor Snape. And Emma Thompson was good too. She's going to be in the 3rd movie, as Professor Trawleny (I think that's how you spell it...I dunno). But overall, I liked the film b/c it took place in London, and British people are so cool. And...um...yep. Hey, instead of being an artist, I should go into the movie critism business... This really sucked....I put a book on hold at the library right? Well I go there to get it, and apparently someone already checked it out. B/c when you get the books that are on hold, they don't check if you're the person who...put it on hold. Ack, I've been waiting for months to read that book...now I'm gonna have to wait again...
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