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BY M

10/01 Direct Link
I suppose I'm not supposed to work from home today. My computer wasn't working when I plugged it in at home, so I figured I might as well go up to work so IT could fix it. Plugged it in at work, and it worked like a charm. Crazy. God is telling me not to stay home. I wonder why. 

Meanwhile my son is going crazy banging his head into my ribs. Some other part of him is hurting my legs. The strange thing is that this is only going to get worse for the next three months or so.
10/02 Direct Link
Sometimes sending emails gets old. I feel like a friggin' bureaucrat sometimes, but I guess that comes with the territory. Lawyers don't necessarily want to write verbosely, but they do because they were trained that way and much of what they read is written that way, so that's what they are used to. I guess since I'm reading more verbose, scientific stuff, my own writing is starting to get that way, and I can actually comprehend it without it having to be broken down or dumbed down into short, choppy sentences. Now time to file an expense report. Bureaucracy never ends.
10/03 Direct Link
Choking! I hate when I drink something and it goes down the wrong pipe. Also pregnancy is giving me a stuffy nose and heartburn, but there is nothing that can be done about that. I think the baby's feet are resting on my bladder. I wonder if he can feel all those other organs or just the walls of the uterus. I wonder what it feels like. I guess the umbilical cord must be a kind of toy. Anyway, I'm 25 weeks today, so let's see what kind of joys and struggles that brings. Taking computer from husband has worked, I think...
10/04 Direct Link
I dislike days when I don't have enough work. I need to restrain myself from saying the word "hate" because I remember learning that to hate someone or something meant that you wished it to go to hell. There is literally no one I would wish to go to hell. Things are another matter, but even then, it is a strong word. I should say "I dislike" or "I don't care for" and let it go at that. I don't want my kid walking around all the time saying stuff like "I hate this" or "I hate that". Little complainers.
10/05 Direct Link
Yuck, I really don't like heartburn, but it seems like it will be a pretty consistent occurrence until I'm done being pregnant. My greatest fear is getting pregnant again right after this one, so I have to adhere to the chart. Easier said than done. I'm hoping I'm able to breastfeed, so that might stave off ovulation for a while. It should, according to science and books. Other greatest fear is not having time for anything or not doing well at work anymore because baby will be my biggest concern. I guess I will have to make a sacrifice now.
10/06 Direct Link
This is rough. I watched parts of the hearing/trial of the guy who killed his wife and blamed it on cold medicine. Initially blamed it on cold medicine. Turns out he was a liar and suffered from severe depression and anxiety, and even separation anxiety because of events that happened in his early childhood. I thought the whole story was a horrible shame. The guy could have gotten help. Whether he would have been amenable to it or not is another matter, but it is the story of two wasted lives. I hate it for their families, I really do.
10/07 Direct Link
This weekend was a busy one, especially Sunday. I had to cram my shopping into a small window of time while my husband socialized. But it's weird. Most relationships, the woman does all the socializing and the man couldn't be bothered. In this one, it's the other way around. Not that I mind. I don't think I could be married to another introvert. We'd never say anything to each other, or we would have a whole bunch of cats and talk through the cats, like my brother and his wife. Not that it's entirely a bad thing. Kind of cute, actually.
10/08 Direct Link
I'm glad Kavanaugh made it to the Supreme Court, against all the liberal wishes. I bet the people I work with are upset, but they won't say a word about it. They'll be walking around with sad faces, perhaps with the news turned off in the break rooms.

In other news, there's another hurricane supposedly coming for us. Hurricane Michael, which is a familiar name. I'm not looking forward to it, but who actually looks forward to hurricanes? I suppose the people who track them and people who are adrenaline junkies or have a death wish. What a bunch of weirdos.
10/09 Direct Link
I am reading a book on parenting, and it tells you not to be as involved in your kid's life so you don't turn into a helicopter parent, among other wise things. I will teach my little one to be responsible and to take responsibility for his own actions. To care for others. I really want to be a good parent, and all I can do is guide him and follow the Padre Pio principle: pray, hope, and don't worry. Not compare to other parents or compare him to other kids. It all seems like common sense, and I hope it is.
10/10 Direct Link
Baby was kicking all night, but that wasn't what kept me up. I had a dream I got in a car accident. There were two school buses in front of me, both coming at me head on. I think they had their yellow lights on, so they were going to stop, I assumed. So I was slowing down, and all of a sudden, this red truck somehow zooms between the two buses and hits me head on. Somehow I wasn't injured and the car just had some ugly scrapes. But the three jerks in the truck blamed me because I was too slow.
10/11 Direct Link
Went to the longest Mass ever yesterday. I don't know what it is about the Masses at this particular church, but they are all conducted with great pomp and circumstance (as the Mass deserves, but I'm not used to it). Incense everywhere (the little girl in front of me was sneezing) and an organ whose sounds vibrated in the wood of the pews. At least 30 altar boys, the Knights of Columbus, and five (or was it six?) priests. It was the church's 50th anniversary, so a very big deal for that community. I felt funny being there when it wasn't my home parish.
10/12 Direct Link
The hurricane came and went, and now we have a blue sky and fall-like weather. It did knock out power for almost 12 hours yesterday, but it was at night, so it wasn't like I lost any working time. So that was to my advantage. I wish I could stop getting distracted by the Internet. I feel like I have zero will power these days, and I need to have more. Also, pregnancy has given me many things, but it did not give me the ability to see in the dark. We had candles, but they burned out quickly.
10/13 Direct Link
Well, he got paid and didn't waste it all. Astounding. I'm eating Fiber One and wondering how dangerous it might be to eat that stuff before the fair. I think I'm having these stomach issues because I'm eating too much during pregnancy and my poor tiny stomach can't process it. It's not used to eating that much anyway and my intestines give out halfway through. When it's over, I'll go back to my normal diet, but I'll probably need to eat more anyway for breastfeeding. Lactation cookies are expensive. You can probably make your own and save a lot of money.
10/14 Direct Link
Sometimes I forget that I'm grateful that my husband is not a huge video game fanatic. I mean, he does play the games, but he's not obsessive about it. You won't find him sitting on the couch for hours on end with a controller in his hand. I used to be a fairly big video game freak, but not so much anymore. And it was never the console games, only the handheld Game Boy type things. And some PC games. I got over it pretty quickly, though, once other things started taking precedence in my mind. I don't want my kids addicted to games.
10/15 Direct Link
I always find myself speculating about the people at work. Like what their personal lives are like. At work, they always seem so orderly and put together, but I wonder if they are like that at home. Maybe, maybe not. I can't imagine that they are a total wreck, but some people do a good job at hiding it. Some people pour all their effort into work, so there is nothing left for home. Human beings are not good multitaskers, so one has to account for that. Today's world forces you to multitask and do it well. But we just can't.
10/16 Direct Link
Trying another Internet blackout. I hate how distracted I get by being on a computer all day long. Waiting for stuff at work that was supposed to come in but isn't coming in now, and I have no idea if it in fact will come in because people don't answer emails. 

I looked at an example birth plan yesterday, and I have no idea what to make of it. Most of the stuff, I don't even know what it means. Why would a baby be given sugar water in the first place? Why would you want to refuse vitamin K? 
10/17 Direct Link
When you get used baby clothes, do you wash them in hot water? I never wash with hot water because I'm cheap, and I don't get sick. I never use the dishwasher and don't get sick. So I don't get it. Most of the time, to be honest with you, I wash the dishes by hand in cold or lukewarm water. Never get sick. I feel like a lot of this stuff is old wives' tales or persuasive crap from the companies who want us to buy their products. If my new house comes with a dishwasher, I'm either selling it or using for storage.
10/18 Direct Link
My husband found all his old Harry Potter books in the attic at his parents' house, so now I'm re-reading them. I really loved those books, and time has not diminished my love for them. The only thing that has is knowing that everyone else is obsessed with them and that JK Rowling has a political agenda. She can be so stupid for someone so smart, but I've found that to be the case with most liberals. Also, I don't like how she's come out with stuff like "Dumbledore is gay" after the books were already published. Who cares?
10/19 Direct Link
I am equipped, apparently, to do wonderful things. Childbirth will be one of them. I strongly suspect they will make me get a C-section, but I'll only accept it if I really need it. To be honest, I'm not worried about the pain unless it is accompanied by nausea. In that case, give me ALL THE DRUGS. That is literally the only reason I take ibuprofen during the time of the month. The cramps aren't bad, but the nausea is what makes them bad. I wish I didn't have that problem. I don't think all women experience that nausea.
10/20 Direct Link
Today is the Sweetest Day. I'm not sure what that means. I always thought it meant that you had to make candied apples today or something. But today is a nesting day. This house is disgusting and I'm going to clean it. 

I think it's detrimental to call a child "baby" once he gets out of the baby stage at probably 2 years old. Then he's a child. I would never address him as "baby" because then he'll always think he is a baby. Who knows what will come out of my mouth when I see him, though? 
10/21 Direct Link
The liberal thought police might kill me for saying this. OK, so at work, they pick a random person to answer 5 questions. One of the questions is "Which famous person would you choose to be stuck on an elevator with" or something like that. Someone picked Barack Obama and said a whole bunch of glowing stuff about his so-called integrity. OK, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I don't see how people with PhDs and Master's degrees can be so dense sometimes. I'm just relieved they didn't say Hillary Clinton. I don't think they cared too much for her.
10/22 Direct Link
Not too many days left in the month, but that doesn't mean anything, really. I'm probably still going to go over on the budget, but I need to exercise self-control and not pull any money over from the other areas into the one area that I keep emptying.

My in-laws' dog died on Saturday morning. She was only a little over a year old. Had leukemia. Happened really suddenly, but I guess it was better that she didn't suffer long with it. Now they're talking about getting another dog but not a big dog this time. A poodle?
10/23 Direct Link
I always wonder whether I was deprived as a kid. Deprived of social interaction. I mean, I did have friends, but I was never outgoing and to this day, I wonder if that is some character flaw or just my personality. I don't want to cause my own child to be less outgoing, but he may be introverted by nature. Or he could take us all by surprise and be a party animal, but I doubt that, given his genes. You never know. A wild card could show up out of the blue and change everything. He will be who he is.
10/24 Direct Link
I have entered the third trimester as of today. Supposedly I will have trouble sleeping. I find that hard to believe because I'm tired all the time. I think the nesting instinct has kicked in, but then again, I have always liked to have a clean house/area. From here on out, things are going to be rough. Baby supposedly weighs 2.2 pounds, which I can believe. It is getting harder to get up and change position, and it's harder to do something simple, like curl up on the couch with a book. And the heartburn... ooh, man, the heartburn.
10/25 Direct Link
Went to my old Pizza Hut last night because my husband and I were visiting my parents. It reminded me of good old times. It was sad that there weren't very many dine-in customers on a Wednesday night. I remember that Wednesday nights used to be kind of bad because of the after-church crowd. Mondays and Tuesdays were moderate to slow, and Thursdays and Fridays pretty busy. Saturday was a hit or miss during the day; same with Sunday. Both Saturday and Sunday nights were fairly busy. I remember when they used to have the salad bar and buffet.
10/26 Direct Link
I hate going to bed with a headache and waking up with the same headache that doesn't get better during the day unless you take something for it. I think it means that this is the start of the third trimester hormonal shift. I hope my boobs start getting bigger. I really really want to breastfeed, mostly so that I don't have to buy expensive formula and also because it's supposed to be better for mother and baby. Promotes bonding and all that. May help me not get postpartum depression, but I think if I stay busy, I won't be depressed. 
10/27 Direct Link
I read writing books that said you have to be selfish to guard your writing time. I never realized how true that was until I got married... we only have one computer and most of the time I let him use it and he stays on it the entire day. I get on it once or twice during the weekend and that's it. Not nearly enough time to write anything, and I find it useless to write on paper if it's going to be transcribed into a computer anyway. Paper is good for sketching out scenes or characters or doing ancillary stuff.
10/28 Direct Link
I wonder if a study has been done (or a poll) about which trimester of pregnancy is the worst. How many think the first trimester is better or worse than the third and for what reasons? Is there anyone who thinks the second trimester is the worst? I would like to find out who these people are and ask them... why do you say such a thing? Having not been through the third trimester yet, I can't officially say which was my best and worst trimester, but so far the first was the worst. I'm not that far into the third, so can't say.
10/29 Direct Link
Sometimes I feel like jumping on top of my desk and screaming at the top of my lungs just because I hate the office sometimes. I want to yell. I really do. Not out of anger, just out of an excess of energy. I got a good sleep, my little kid is punching around in my ribs, and I have to take the glucose test today. I guess I have to pretend I'm Harry Potter and taking the polyjuice potion. But what will I turn into? A mother? My husband? Who knows? I just wish people would stop being pricks.
10/30 Direct Link
Prenatal appointment is over. The glucose drink wasn't bad at all. It tasted exactly like Mountain Dew or Sierra Mist but without the carbonation. Probably had the same amount of sugar, too. I think it took me 2 minutes to drink it. Everything is good with the baby. I should find out the results of the glucose test today or tomorrow. Hope I don't have diabetes, but a high result doesn't necessarily mean that you have it. So now I start going to ob/gyn every 2 weeks. Awesome. I don't want to do kick counts because I'll freak out unnecessarily.
10/31 Direct Link
Halloween. I wonder how many people at work will dress up. I could have painted a pumpkin on my stomach like some pregnant women do, but I guess I'll just wait until next year when I can dress the baby up. He will be cuter than me. Maybe he will be an adorable bat or a tiny wizard. My husband will probably want to dress him as a saint. Can't say no to that, but it would be cuter to put him in an outfit that everyone would immediately recognize.
I get the terrible feeling that work will be boring.