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BY M

04/01 Direct Link
People got baptized and received into the Church last night. One young man whose name is John fell to his knees to receive Jesus for the first time. I couldn't believe it. I cried because sometimes I wish I had the faith of a convert and didn't take my faith for granted because I'm a cradle Catholic. God has watched over me for a long time, and I was taking that for granted last night. I can't understand why things turn out the way they do. Nobody does. I have something of a plan but I don't know how to follow it.
04/02 Direct Link
Time to pay the bills. I like to pay them all in one shot rather than wait throughout the month, but I guess some people don't have that option. Oh, no! My privilege is showing! What am I to do? 

Anyway, I finished the book about Eleanor of Aquitaine, which was fascinating. I would like to read more about her and about the old kings and queens. I never thought I'd be interested in that stuff, but that time period alone was fascinating. Saints walked the earth, and they don't do so today. Well, they might but we don't see them.
04/03 Direct Link
I can't walk up stairs anymore. Need to do some kind of workout. I have the body type that doesn't accumulate much muscle, so I'm skin and bone. I don't really understand that, but I guess it runs in the family. I need to get stronger at some point, so maybe I need to use the workout room. Just got back from work after 1.5 days of time off and had 70 emails, most of which were crap and could be deleted right away. I just hope I don't get sucked into a conversation right before I leave work today.
04/04 Direct Link
Apparently a book with only blank pages was published and made a lot of money. It was supposed to be satire, like "Trump's Accomplishments" or "Times When Hillary Told the Truth." I wonder who bought it and why. I guess it would make a good coffee table book or conversation piece if it wasn't so ridiculous. Or maybe it would make a good coloring book for someone's bored kid who wanted to decorate the pages. 

I need to get pretty. Put makeup on. Shave my legs. Get drunk and be somebody. Or at least pretend to get drunk and be somebody.
04/05 Direct Link
Crazy proposal madness at work. But that's what I like, so it's all good. Nothing like an adrenaline rush to get you through the day. I remember the first few proposals I worked on. 

Still having a debate with myself. Not sure what to do. I think I need to talk to a priest. I keep putting it off. It's so awkward to approach people and ask them about something, especially something personal. I know they will be sympathetic to me, but that somehow makes it more awkward. I want to say it in confession, I can't confess someone else's sins.
04/06 Direct Link
Dollar pastries at the coffee shop today and they are HUGE. I'm not used to eating something that big for breakfast. But if they want something like that, they eat it. Someone got charged full price and complained, but ever since they opened the new coffee shop and cafeteria at work, they have been complaining. I can't believe it. Finally someone actually managed to say "thank you" for everything and I was like "it's about time" instead of listening to all the complainers. I didn't complain. I said nothing and rolled my eyes at how stupid others' complaints were. 
04/07 Direct Link
I feel miserable. I bet this is all just PMS, but it sucks nevertheless (hey, that rhymed!). I want alone time, but I can never get enough. I want to go away to a deserted island somewhere, and it will only get worse once I have kids. How do you keep them away from you when you can't afford a babysitter? I guess have husband and mother-in-law take them from you... and let them drink sweet tea and eat fried food. I don't understand the Southern diet, and I've been here for most of my life. These people are odd. 
04/08 Direct Link
I debated with myself about buying bottled water. The water we have from the tap doesn't taste right and never really gets cold. Yes, there's ice, but if I'm not being too picky, ice makes the water too cold. The only issue with bottled water is that we can't recycle it, so I'd have to bring the bottles to work to recycle them there. I want to write something beautiful and poetic, but those words just won't come to me. I will read others' beautiful words all day, but to write my own is a monumental task. And I have too many.
04/09 Direct Link
Ugh. I hope today won't be another boring one. I should have enough to keep me occupied, but I'm not sure. Depends on what I get sent. I could take PTO and just sit around and read something. The book I'm reading is about someone whose husband died and after his death, she found out he was cheating on her basically the whole marriage because he has narcissistic personality disorder. Oddly enough, NPD is low self-esteem, not high self-esteem. The person who suffers from it just wants you to think he is all that. In reality, he feels terrible.
04/10 Direct Link
Back in the waiting game. I have a very strong opinion on dog breeding: don't breed unless you genuinely care about the welfare of the breed and you are accredited to do so and you are breeding a rare breed that will die out. Most dogs are a dime a dozen. Like labs and pit bulls. There are a million of those, and I get so tired of hearing about them. I understand the appeal, but it's just ridiculous. I like smaller dogs anyway, but I feel the same about breeding them. If I get a dog, it will be a poodle.
04/11 Direct Link
Well, Zuckerburg apologized for Facebook's issues. Nice, but does he really mean it? Maybe he's just a perplexed nerd who had no idea how much his business would get out of hand. The cynic in me doesn't think he'd be that naive. 

I wonder what happened to the baby. I think he'd be 8 or 9 years old now, not exactly a baby anymore but still someone's baby. His mother might have gone to jail. Some people just have that look about them. Or they get corrupted somehow. Life can do that to you. I wish I could plan better. 
04/12 Direct Link
It's April 12 and we are expecting tax refunds. I guess this is a good thing. I don't like to rely on money from the government, but so many people get almost an entire month's salary worth back. I never thought about that, how we might get lucky next year. 

I am annoyed at myself for getting annoyed so easily. I guess it is better to have many annoyances than to have a few epic blowouts, but all those annoyances can lead to a blowout. I'll be all right, I suppose. Need to write to let off some steam.
04/13 Direct Link
There is a weird case of incest going on. Some guy gave his daughter up for adoption, when she turned 18, she found her adoptive parents, then proceeded to have a sexual relationship with her father. They had a child together. The father went crazy and did something, then killed his kid, the daughter/wife/girlfriend/baby mama, and her adoptive father. Or something like that. I wonder what will happen to the father. I can't remember whether he killed himself or if he's still alive but in custody. Either way, it is a very strange case to get national attention. 
04/14 Direct Link
Got a ton of books at the book sale; I have lots of reading material, but I was never lacking it before. My husband is trying to teach himself Greek. I'm still tired from this week; it was a long one and I didn't really sleep as well as I could have. I'm trying a new thing in terms of my mother and our parents: not telling them as much. Some things need to stay between me and husband. I can rely on them for advice, but I don't have to take it. It's hard to balance all this stuff. 
04/15 Direct Link
My blog might get comments again, if not by just friends and relatives. That's fine. Long-term commenters turn into friends, even if you have never met them. I guess that's how Facebook is. You meet people online only, and they turn into friends. That is the one true power of the Internet and one of its only goods. I would never have met some of my better people if not for the Internet. The Internet brought me and my husband together, so I guess it's not all that bad, as much as I complain about it. Long story, people...
04/16 Direct Link
Tomorrow is the actual tax deadline. I'm sure places like Liberty Tax are hopping. That was the ugliest place I have ever seen. The plastic baseboards were peeling away from the wall, and it looked like it hadn't been vacuumed in years. That will be the last year I get my taxes prepared there; not to mention, it's super expensive. I guess that's OK because it was coming out of my refund and I really needed help this year. You can't depend on tax refunds for income, although for some people that's almost an entire month's salary. Gotta love the government. 
04/17 Direct Link
What does it mean to be an LGBTQ ally? What I believe goes against what they believe, but I am still their ally. I can still look out for their souls, right? 

I don't believe the birth rate is really falling. It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant and having kids. Maybe I don't know the right people. I think they're basing it on big cities like New York, where people stay single for longer and don't have kids because they're so focused on their high-falutin' careers. 

I don't want a kid right now because of mental stability.
04/18 Direct Link
What is a brain attack? An ischemic stroke? I guess so. Perhaps a brain attack is when you start wildly PMSing and you aren't even aware that you're acting how you are because it's the time of the month. Take a break. Take deep breaths. Look at a calendar. People are going to think I'm neglecting my own husband and I don't care because I know I'm not. Sometimes I feel like I live with King Henry II, who would like on the floor and chew the rushes in a made-up rage. If I had rushes, he'd totally be chewing them. 
04/19 Direct Link
It turns out my eggs were included in the recall, upon further inspection. I ate half the eggs and a whole bag of salad mix and didn't die, so I guess they would have been fine. I understand that they have to be overzealous, but it seems like such a huge waste of eggs. 

I heard his voice yesterday. He still has some of the same vocal mannerisms and the words he used were still unchanged from five years ago. Something in his voice sounded familiar to me, but it is hard to hear on the radio. Like an old friend. 
04/20 Direct Link
Happy April 20! Remember to take things one step at a time. One of those steps is Mass. I'm so happy it's Friday. The weekend should hopefully be nice, even if it's not as warm as I'd like it to be. I'll be happy if I get to spend some time writing or revising. Just hours of silence is nice. I'm not going to buy a house yet; the market is too crazy. Rent is going to go up, and that makes me sad. I wish it would stay how it was. They do not build houses for normal people. 
04/21 Direct Link
I realized that I hate the Spencer's Gifts store and most other forms of materialism. I have never been in the back of the store, where they keep the dildos, but just a few glances back there have told me more than I needed to know. There was a bin of condoms by the register. If you buy one, you supply one condom to someone in a third-world country. Is that really a good thing? I can understand buying a pair of shoes and giving a pair to a person in a third-world country, but not a condom.
04/22 Direct Link
Today is Earth Day and Good Shepherd Sunday. Those two parallel each other. We saw a movie on National Geographic about Planet Earth and how it is so precious and interesting with all of its ecosystems. Nobody pays attention or thinks there are other biomes besides the one we live on. (Biome is a word! I know! I learned it in biology back when I was in sixth grade!) Don't tell me it is not a word. Someone will figure that one out. Eventually all will be fair game and all words will be real. Because of liberalism and relativism.  
04/23 Direct Link
*sigh* I don't know what to do. I haven't abandoned him. Haven't given up hope. I hope this is just a medication issue. Some weird stuff happened. I don't know what to tell anyone. I guess I'll let his parents talk to them. They know more than I do at this point. He seemed so happy, then all of a sudden he wasn't. But pretty soon things will turn around. I have faith. I'm trying to see the good in this. The good is that we may get a second opinion and finally a solution to this problem. What a relief.
04/24 Direct Link
Do you only do this to get attention? I don't think so. Something very strange is going on and I don't know how to fix it. I wish I had the tools, but I can't find my toolbox. I don't think I even have the toolbox in my possession, and I don't have the money to pay for it. I wish things would get better, and I know they will. My life is going to be something I never thought it would be, but all I can do is try to see the light in the dark days and get through it. 
04/25 Direct Link
I am pretty sure when I asked for toothpaste, the hotel gave me some that expired in January 2016, if I am reading the label properly. 

My parents still have no idea that I'm up here, and I don't think any of our friends do either, but that's OK. It is good to be hidden from the world. When I get home, I have to check the mail.

I had possibly the worst spaghetti in the world yesterday. The sauce was like nothing I had ever tasted, and the noodles were too bland and mushy. I can't wait to cook my own.
04/26 Direct Link
My computer's fan was running nonstop. I managed to figure out what it was and stop it, so now my machine is pleasantly quiet. I thought I heard it raining outside, which is strange because I could have sworn it was supposed to be sunny today. I heard three accounts of the weather, and they're all wrong. Even the weatherman was wrong. How can you predict the weather accurately? God could always throw you for a loop. He does it all the time with things that are not the weather. We are fools to think that anything is totally predictable. 
04/27 Direct Link
Only a couple more days until he comes back home. I am going to try and have fun without him, but I don't think I will be able to. Now I have to face the music and tell everyone what happened, or at least the condensed version. I don't think I ought to. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and smile sweetly. My parents, on the other hand, will never need to know. Life is about knowing what to share and what secrets to keep. This is something I realized. Unfortunately, you can't be open with everybody. 
04/28 Direct Link
We're getting ready to go to a conference. I still have mixed feelings about this site. I don't really know what to say today. One of those days where I have too much to write about and all the thoughts are threatening to spill out of my head all at once, so in the end, nothing comes out. 

A year ago, we were doing marriage prep. I really miss those days, but I guess I have the full experience and it is somehow better. I didn't have to worry about being lonely. I could have gotten a cat or puppy.
04/29 Direct Link
Yesterday I went back to my old college stomping grounds for a conference. You know how little of it I actually remembered? They rebuilt and remodeled a lot of campus after I had graduated, so it was all new to me. The students walking around looked the same as I had when I was there age. In college, I didn't party. I holed myself up in a cloister and studied as hard as I could so I could get the hell out of there in four years. Do I regret it? Not really. I just wish I had been a bit smarter. 
04/30 Direct Link
Last day of April. That meme should be coming up if it hasn't already. "It's gonna be May!" with Justin Timberlake. And I got a curly fry that was shaped exactly like a rabbit in Arby's today. I have no idea how that was possible. This is one of the few times I wish 100 Words would let me post pictures, because I would seriously post a picture of that bunny-shaped fry right about now. I made up a song for it, but I can't for the life of me remember how the song went. If PMS is this bad, I won't hurt.