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BY M

05/01 Direct Link
Reading a book about racism and thinking that it all comes down to thinking about people as individuals. I can say that I dislike an entire group of people, but when I meet individuals from that group, chances are, I end up really enjoying their company and getting to know them one-on-one. That's the problem with government trying to fix people's problems. It can't do a good job because it doesn't look at people as individuals but as a big group, and if you look at them that way, it's easier not to have any sympathy for them.
05/02 Direct Link
So hungry. I want to eat some kind of Greek food. Like gyros. Or go to the Irish restaurant near my house that I haven't been to in like 400 years because I wasn't a big fan of the food. The only reason I'll go back now is because of the nostalgia. That place was my favorite when I was 12 or so. It had more to do with the music they played in the restaurant. Oddly enough, I don't believe I have ever been to a French restaurant. I wonder what rabbit tastes like. Or escargot. Must be delicious.
05/03 Direct Link
It's raining, it's pouring, and somewhere in the world, an old man is probably snoring. Actually, it's not just rain, it's hail.

The power cut out, but I managed to save my 100 words before they were lost. I think the storm is pretty much over now. 

Some people are so fascinating to me even though they're just ordinary people (get out of my head, John Legend!). I don't know why this is the case. I am fascinated by humanity in general, I guess. Everyone is an individual, yet everyone is part of some group to be classified. 
05/04 Direct Link
Got a 23 on the Scripps spelling test. I would not advance to the finals, unfortunately. I admire those kids. They're all so freaking smart. I wish I had been that smart when I was young. Some of them seem so innocent, like the homeschooled ones. I really do think that homeschooling makes for better kids. They know more, they're hardworking, they're well rounded, and they're not socially awkward in the least. I feel like public school kids only know how to talk to their friends/peers. Homeschooled kids get more experience in talking to all different types of people.
05/05 Direct Link
The Fine Bros on YouTube have this series called "Kids React" and I enjoy watching it because sometimes it's fun to see what little kids think of stuff that was the latest and greatest technology when I was younger, but I didn't like Kids React to Donald Trump because they should have done a Kids React to Hillary Clinton just to make it fair. I mean, come on. I wonder why those kids' parents let them participate in those YouTube videos. It would be cool if they surveyed kids all over the nation for those videos, not just the same group of kids.
05/06 Direct Link
5/7: I had another no Internet day yesterday (well, at least no Internet after I got off work). I saw a picture of myself when I was 15 and relatively still innocent. I was wearing some "Limited Too" shirt that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago, but because I have never been in fashion and was still small enough to wear it, I wore it. I had these greasy bangs and I weighed a little bit more than I do now. I got rid of my bangs shortly after I turned 16. Best decision ever.
05/07 Direct Link
Drat. Hit the wrong button and deleted my post. It was about that picture of myself at 15, and I was wondering why I appeared to have lost weight between then and now. Most people gain weight as they get older. My three theories were: (1) I was still growing. (2) Hormones. (3) I didn't spend as much time in my head as I do now, and when I spend too much time in my head, I don't think about eating and eating just isn't as important. Food doesn't taste as good as it did when I was 15.
05/08 Direct Link
So my mom and I were going through my grandma's old costume jewelry that she doesn't want anymore and some of it was stored in a sandwich box that was made of "Lustrex" plastic by the Monsanto Chemical Company. The box appeared to have been made in the 1970s, probably before Monsanto was outed as an evil enterprise that's poisoning us all. I didn't realize that Monsanto made things as innocent as plastic sandwich boxes. I thought they just made dangerous chemicals that destroyed lives and ruined the planet. In any event, that was an eye-opener for me. 
05/09 Direct Link
I had something profound to write (yeah, right), but I forgot what it was. I'm reading a memoir now, and it's amazing how some people survive such shitty childhoods. I realized that I can achieve things if I put my mind to it, but I always forget what I achieved in the past, so I believe I can't do the thing (whatever it is), but I have to remind myself constantly that I did in fact do it, and I didn't do all that bad of a job. 

As a side note, I hate fleas. And leaky roofs. 
05/10 Direct Link
It's hard to sleep with cats. My cat curled up by my head last night and slept on my hair so I couldn't move my head. My other cat stretched out and took up the entire bed (well, it felt like it), so I couldn't turn over. All of this resulted in broken sleep that I'm pretty sure wasn't healthy. So the cats will not be sleeping with me anymore. They have plenty of other places around the house where they can sleep. I think a dog would be less of a hassle to sleep next to. They wouldn't sleep on my head.
05/11 Direct Link
Writing in a neat little box is part of my day. I write about 300 words every weekday now, counting these words. Hey, at least I'm writing. There's something called the "Rate Your Day" journal where you rank your day from a 1 to a 5 and give it a headline. I used to do that in my regular journals back when I was in high school. It was fun, that's for sure. I mean, I didn't write a true headline. I could have been a random quote I heard or something like "Today was great and awesome" so not always interesting.
05/12 Direct Link
This morning, on one of my favorite sites, I found a really awesome article and as I was reading it, I kept pointing at the screen and yelling out, "THIS! THIS! THIS TIMES A MILLION!" I love when you can come upon stuff online (or anywhere else, really) and you can relate so much to what the author is saying. I thought I was the only person in the world who thought that way, and it's good to know that there's someone out there who agrees with me. I will now proceed to stalk this person's social media sites. (Joking, of course.)
05/13 Direct Link
5/14: I have had a song stuck in my head that I don't think I have ever heard before in real life. I guess I must have heard it at some point and my subconscious mind stored it away in my brain, but I just don't consciously remember it. More people graduated from college this weekend. Congratulations to them. It's a hard road out there, but you'll manage it. I always wonder how people do it. I get too scared and hesitant and stymied by decision, so I end up doing nothing. Life takes bravery that I don't have.
05/14 Direct Link
The media is going to rip Trump apart. I mean, I've said before that I'll vote for Trump over Hillary but I really do think that at this point, it's the lesser of two evils. The best person for the job will never get the job because the best person would never want to become president. I can't imagine what it must be like to have the fate of the free world on your shoulders. To carry around that presidential football and know that you have the power to fuck up millions of lives all over the world. It's crazy.
05/15 Direct Link
People who think they're so freaking smart annoy the hell out of me. You're not smarter than God, and (God forbid I say this) you're not smarter than the Catholic Church and years of accumulated human wisdom. You can try to argue your way out of it, but all your arguments will fail. 

On to writing in my main WiP, which I hope to finish either today or next week. 

Nothing in the news to write about. They're already talking about the 2020 election. I don't care! There may not even BE an America in the year 2020!
05/16 Direct Link
5/17: Get out of my head, Josh Groban! Don't get me wrong, I like his voice, just not when the same song has been stuck in my head for days on end. 

I realized that my nails are getting too long. Then they start scraping letters off the keyboard.

Whenever someone makes the typo "I scrapped my knee," I always picture them as a robot with a metal leg, tossing their leg into the scrap heap. 

This is honestly how I amuse myself these days when nothing is amusing and reality is so bleak. 

/end emo whining.
05/17 Direct Link
I guess you have to face reality: Pokemon games are made for kids. It's disappointing that Nintendo won't make a different style Pokemon game for adults who have grown up with it from Red and Blue, but their target audience has always been children. So we have to grow up eventually and quit bitching at Nintendo because it doesn't change. They know who their audience is. Yes, Pokemon isn't as big as it once was, but that doesn't mean it won't get big again. And that doesn't mean that it won't change. But in the meantime... it's a kids' game.
05/18 Direct Link
Man, I feel like crap. The tide has to start turning at some point, or else I'm going to force the tide to turn. I hate when people creep on my blog without introducing themselves. Then I'm left wondering whether it was someone I know in real life or just a random curious stranger. 

Who would I pick for the Supreme Court? Hmm... Elmo, Big Bird, Mr. Rogers, Shari Lewis and her lamb puppet (that would count as one justice, right?), Bill Nye the Science Guy, Bob the Builder and a host of other popular children's characters and personalities.
05/19 Direct Link
It has been a long time since I've had Goldfish (the crackers), and they taste the same as they always did. Shades of childhood, or whatever. Along with Capri Sun and those little cups of Jello and pudding. What was something else I used to eat as a child? Oh yeah. Lunchables. They were ludicrously expensive and don't provide much in the way of nutritional value. It'd be cheaper and healthier making a real sandwich.

Totally unrelated: there is an article online about how scientists attempted to bring corpses back from the dead. Holy crap, it's an odd world we live in.
05/20 Direct Link
5/21: It's my brother's birthday. Ever since he moved out, I haven't really been missing him much. That sounds weird, I know, but I guess I've been so busy with other things that I haven't had time to miss him. Out of sight, out of mind, or something like that. 

Totally unrelated: I put too much milk and sugar in my coffee. I guess I overestimated the size of my cup and the amount of coffee I already had in it. I have so many Starbucks gift cards, but I never go to Starbucks. (Well, hardly ever.)
05/21 Direct Link
So Maroon 5 cancelled their concert in North Carolina because of the HB2 transgender bathroom controversy thingy. They said something about "morality," and I'm like WTF how the hell is Maroon 5 anywhere near moral?? They put out pornographic music videos and songs talking about people screwing like animals, and how is this moral??? I hate how people in bands seem to think that they're above everybody else. That they have some insight into human nature because they happen to write crappy songs and sing about it and have a gazillion fans. I've been over Maroon 5 for a while now.
05/22 Direct Link
Well, I found out that my parish priest is leaving for another assignment. He says it's not likely that he will be a parish priest again, which makes sense being that it didn't suit him to run a parish. I think he was much more of an introvert who didn't like being around people as much. I can't blame him, because I am the exact same way. So I hope he does well in his new assignment. And I know what everyone is thinking: they reassigned him, so he must be a pedophile. That is one hundred percent not true.
05/23 Direct Link
Ugh, it stinks and I don't remember farting. (More first world problems?) Anyway, that was TMI. I tend to do a lot of that on here. Today was decent. Commute was good both ways. No traffic but lots of cops out. Just posted my newest story to two different sites and hope it goes over well. I mean, the worst that happens is it gets ignored, plagiarized, or panned. I'm a decent writer, not the greatest. I haven't posted something in ages, so I'm out of practice. It feels funny to post something somewhere, but I used to do it often.
05/24 Direct Link
Why do people get songs stuck in their heads? I guess because your brain is trying to complete the song. So that's why listening to the song can sometimes clear it up. I find that listening to the song only makes it worse, so what I do is just let the song run its course. It's been worse since I've stopped listening to music. I hear the faintest trace of lyrics or melody, and the song is cemented in my head for all eternity. Nothing I can do about it. Nowhere to turn. And so on. Stuck in music land.
05/25 Direct Link
I had a dream about a guy. The dream was actually somewhat realistic, but I wasn't getting the greatest vibes from the guy. In real life, I'm a jumpy, nervous person. The halls at work are very narrow and I walk extremely fast and have a long stride, so I crash into people (or nearly crash into people) a lot, and every time I do, I jump and my nerves get all jangled. I really ought to learn to walk slower, but it frustrates me to do so. I guess this is just how I roll or whatever, you know?
05/26 Direct Link
Joyce Carol Oates writes about some depressing stuff. Both characters (presumably both protagonists, although they were in no way 100% good) died at the end of the story. Well, we know for sure that there is no sequel. I admire the way Oates writes. She has this strange intuition into human behavior, and I get the feeling that in real life she would be interesting to talk to, although probably batshit crazy like any self-respecting and famous author. Having all that stuff, all those characters' stories, in your head all the time must be overwhelming to even a sane person.
05/27 Direct Link
5/28: Never tell anyone your income. They will make judgments on you regardless of whether you're the richest person in the world or the poorest person in the world. I honestly think the only person you should share your income amount with is the person you marry or share a household with. And the whole idea of having a joint account with your spouse is upsetting to me. Now that's trust. I mean, I understand having a joint account but still having your own personal account. That makes sense, and I'd be open to that. But pooling all your money...
05/28 Direct Link
I'm really not the biggest fan of Starbucks. It's too expensive to justify buying it every day, but I have a gift card, so I have an excuse to buy Starbucks until my Starbucks bucks run out. Nothing else much to say. I mean, the store had a friendly atmosphere filled with quiet people mostly surfing their phones. Some were reading books, and a couple guys looked like they were having a work meeting. They pulled out all these manila folders and started going through them. When I was a kid, I thought "manila" was a flavor, like vanilla.  
05/29 Direct Link
It's raining, and I'm glad I don't have to be anywhere. Just have to watch the Memorial Day tropical storm roll in. I don't think they even named it. Wait, let me check the news... its name is Bonnie. That's a cute name for a tropical storm. It's kind of weird how they name them, anyway. I'd just number or letter them. Like we're having Tropical Storm B right now. Giving it a name makes it sound warm and cuddly, and in reality, it's rainy and gross, like something wet and still warm that the cat left on the doorstep.
05/30 Direct Link
Sometimes, in this driven world, it is hard to relax on the weekend and realize that it is OK to be lazy. You don't have to be doing something productive every single second. Like right now, I really want to play some Pokemon Alpha Sapphire, but I have this nagging voice in my head that says I ought to do something more productive. It's funny... because when I get too busy on weekends, I start getting a headache. Like I can't find the right balance between productive and lazy. I think a lot of people have this same problem.
05/31 Direct Link
In another one of those dark moods. It seems like there is a force trying to tell me that God does not exist. Is it all chance and circumstance that my life is happy? Does nothing come from God at all? Is it really all just randomness? I find it so hard to believe. The greatest temptation for me right now is no longer lust... it's the temptation to believe that God isn't real. Even though I know darn well he is real. Help then, O Lord, my unbelief. Or something like that. I don't like having existential crises anymore.