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BY M

04/01 Direct Link
I got punked on Tumblr. They had this weird voting thing where we were voting for amphibians and reptiles with hats on, and my avatar is actually a lizard with a hat, so I got punked big time. I wonder what possessed them to make it lizards/amphibians/reptiles with hats. 

On the road: the haters, the tailgaters, the instigators, the regulators, the commentators, the spectators, basically everything that rhymes with hater, but you don't get any appreciators unfortunately. 

Going to start writing my NaNo story after eating some sushi. Wrimos against the eating of Sushi, if I remember correctly.
04/02 Direct Link
My subconscious mind is trying to rewrite history. For some reason I always have this odd dream where I am on vacation and going through airports and I'm in this Louisiana-like place with bayous and ferries (but I have never been to Louisiana in real life, so I have no clue what it's like). And then my subconscious tries to make me have feelings for people I never had feelings for in real life, so I wake up all confused, and I wonder why I'm liking this person, then I have to realize that they're irrelevant and/or a scumbag.
04/03 Direct Link
My favorite YouTuber is finally back, and I totally get what he was talking about: wanting to do something with your 20s instead of spending it on the Internet or in front of the computer with some mindless game. I want to do that too. Totally blow my schedule to hell and do something outrageous. But outrageous for me would be something as silly as wearing a dress in public. (I'm a female and I don't like wearing dresses.) Anyway, the point is that it's good to break out of the box every now and then and do something different.
04/04 Direct Link
Had a crappy day, mostly because of garbage that floats through my mind and prevents me from being a human person. Actually I'm frustrated with my lack of perfection, which is the stupidest thing to be frustrated about in the history of humanity since nobody is perfect, and we drive ourselves insane when we try to be. I want to plan something fun this summer. Like going on a World Tour. Or at least a Tour of My Surroundings. Just something different. I'm so tired of the same old routine and the same old thing day after day. It's old.
04/05 Direct Link
Some people have the right idea and will never cave and give in to the zeitgeist of the day. I want to be that kind of person, but I fear I am too ditzy for that. Today I was at a traffic light that turned green. The guy at the light beside me (which was also green) didn't go, so I held back, too, thinking that there was an ambulance heading up the road that I didn't see. But nope, he had just fallen asleep. I was waiting for him to act before I did. I hate that about myself.
04/06 Direct Link
I am so over Harry Potter. I liked it a lot before everyone really got into it, but the more popular it became, the more I slowly began to drift away from it. 

Agh! In other news, there is a diabetes epidemic. You wanna know why? Because people don't care about what they eat! They don't watch what their children eat! They don't exercise! And you wanna know something... I don't exercise either, and I don't eat right all the time, so I shouldn't be pointing the finger. But still. Tons of government intervention won't solve a damn thing.
04/07 Direct Link
Agh! Never install a mobile app on your phone! That way you can get work emails after hours and generally be harassed by work on your time off. I mean, it comes in handy when you realized you forgot to send an important email, but other than that, it's just an annoyance. Too much email and screen time is no good for you. I wish I could get away from it for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, the working world is too dependent on it. I don't envy those people who have four monitors in their office. Surrounded! 
04/08 Direct Link
There's nothing like that dopamine rush you get when your blog suddenly gets a surge of hits from nowhere. Like any other kind of writing, blogging is a waiting game. Absolutely not instantly gratifying. It can take years to get a good following and finally write that one post that gets you a million subscribers and puts you on the map. It's something crazy, man. 

In a New York minute (i.e., very fast). I said I would marry a certain person in a New York minute, but the very idea of marriage is repulsive to me now. Time o' the month.
04/09 Direct Link
GIDDYUP 409!

(Isn't that how the commercial went?)

I saw a billboard for the Coast Guard yesterday. I guess they're trying to recruit. So the first thing I thought was "Coast Guard... jobs that matter!" 

It's funny how advertising sticks in your head, even when you didn't watch TV. 

My mental DJ likes to irritate me with stupid songs stuck in my head all the time, but lately they have been religious songs, so I guess that's good. Better than bullshit like Kreayshawn or Zendaya or some other chick who used to be from Disney and can't sing.
04/10 Direct Link
Thinking a lot about Pope Francis's document on love and joy and family life. I genuinely think that Pope Francis is someone who cares deeply for others and is himself not a judge of people, like some people are. Everyone has different weaknesses, and judging just happens to be one of my main ones. Like I said elsewhere, the exhortation was a wake-up slap to me in that I need to work harder to avoid making snap judgments about people I happen to meet.

The fiasco with these bills in NC and MS just keeps on going. Truly madness.
04/11 Direct Link
My brother has a nice notebook, and I want it because I'm the notebook addict. I have about ten of them right now that need to be filled, and I'm working on filling them. 

Working on one of them as I type this (well, not at the exact same moment, obviously). This week is going to be so busy that my head will explode off my shoulders and be catapulted into oblivion. (Sometimes hyperbole is fun.) I remember learning about hyperbole in sixth grade. I learned the word "epitome" then, too, and that was one of my favorite words.
04/12 Direct Link
Maybe my life will change. I spend so much time thinking about my life flatlining in a way. I know things aren't supposed to be constantly interesting (and isn't that a Chinese curse?), but I do wish life be a little bit less paint-by-numbers. But it's all in what you make out of it, right? I would say so, and now I'm saying it to myself. So I guess I should use the "royal we." Work is kicking my ass lately. There will be a lot of overtime this week and nothing to be done about it. 
04/13 Direct Link
I'm actually writing on 4/14 because I managed to spend some time away from the screen. Glad I'm not in high school, glad I don't have to live with the drama. Living a drama-free life is critical right now for my health and well being. On CNN, they're trying to explain what a genderfluid person is. I suppose, by that definition, there have been times when I've felt more like a boy than like a girl, but in a way, I think everyone feels like that from time to time. We're all on the gender spectrum in some ways.
04/14 Direct Link
Speaking of CNN news, it just gets dumber and dumber and less and less relevant, and people really do think that it's a compendium of the most important things that are going on in the world today. All the important stuff is so relative.

My eyes are tired and they hurt, so I have to get off my butt and stop staring at screens. I keep telling myself I will do this, but I have tasks I must complete that don't involve screens. 

*sigh* Right now I'm just tired, and there's nothing that can be done about it. 
04/15 Direct Link
I'm glad it's the weekend (well, almost). Apparently there was a debate last night, but I haven't seen it yet. I think I'm going to do that tomorrow so I can have pizza and politics. I have to finish stuff I started earlier in the week but didn't get around to finishing because I was too busy. I almost used the word "to" just then when I meant too. I mix up homophones when I get in a rush or when my brain isn't fully functional. I have no coffee or dopamine in my brain right now, which explains it. 
04/16 Direct Link
Honestly, I just feel like sleeping. I'm reading a book by Carson McCullers, and it has her face on the front cover. She looks so depressed, with dark circles under her eyes. It's apparent that she didn't give a shit how she looked, which is awesome, but she died at the age of 50. I think she had some kind of auto-immune disease, if I'm remembering correctly? Anyway, I think that having any kind of genius overburdens the human brain and makes it think a lot harder. That's why geniuses go crazy and/or die way too young.
04/17 Direct Link
It's sad when teenagers decide to kill people, especially young teenagers.

I don't listen to music anymore. I remember when my local variety station used to play decent music, and now they play stuff that I would be ashamed to have my kids listen to. They used to be a fairly family-friendly (try saying that five times fast) radio station, but now they keep playing the same disgusting, oversexed Maroon 5 garbage. Adam Levine has been used up so many times that he is not attractive in the slightest. He reminds me of James Deen, who's also used up.
04/18 Direct Link
Get laid. Get lucky. Get some.

And there are many worse "euphemisms." 

I could go on and on with my non sequitur opinions about sex, but no one cares, and I hardly care anymore. 

I think I was in the fifth grade when I first learned what sex was and the actual mechanics of it. I was thinking to myself... how could someone ever do that and keep a straight face? 

They described it so mechanically that I had no idea that love was even a part of it. Or that lust was even a part of it. 
04/19 Direct Link
Supposedly tons of people are in debt from student loans, credit card purchases they can't really afford, living beyond their means, and so on. 

My own brother irritates me so much. How can two people who grew up in the same house be so different? But it happens all the time. Parents can raise children a certain way, but the kid is still going to be who he or she is meant to be. 

All this metal, all this wearing black... it's so immature. Grow up, get over yourself. But I guess there has to be some kids at heart. 
04/20 Direct Link
Doing that delegate math to figure out who the heck will win the nomination. I'm going to be sad when Bernie inevitably loses. I don't believe that any of the GOP candidates remaining can defeat Hillary. I'm firmly in the #NeverHillary camp.

Time to put on my tinfoil hat and invent some conspiracy theories. Time for more than this. Time to go get high on life because it's 4/20. If they do legalize weed throughout the nation, I wonder if they will do it on an April 20. That would be hilarious. 

But there's always runner's high instead. 
04/21 Direct Link
Prince died today. I wasn't a big fan of him, but I understand the appeal. And now I have "When Doves Cry" stuck in my head. Awesome.

Nothing else to say that's not too personal, really. Madness at work, but a good kind of madness. 

If men leave women alone, how will all the random meetings happen? How will I ever meet Mr. Right if he is afraid of me and thinks I'm an insane feminist who will bite his head off just for talking to me? 

#singlechickworries #NeverHillary

Why am I doing hashtags? This isn't Twitter, last I checked.
04/22 Direct Link
I think I'm going to give up on Camp NaNo, at least for the April round. I don't really feel all that much passion or enthusiasm for my story. There is only one story I have excitement about, so I probably ought to just focus on that one. 

And this transgender law thing is getting insane. On one hand, it's like "just let people use whatever freaking bathroom they want," and on the other hand, it's like... people are going to make excuses to go into the opposite sex's bathroom to mess around with kids. There are all kinds of creeps out there. 
04/23 Direct Link
Peer pressure. I remember learning about that in elementary school, I think when we did the whole "D.A.R.E." thing about not doing drugs. It's kind of hilarious because after you've been a teacher for a while, you lose the sense that the kids are going to turn out all right. You know which kids are going to be stoners and dropouts and drunks by the time they're in third grade, and you know that no matter what you do, you can't turn them around. It's all up to the parents, and the parents think it's your job.
04/24 Direct Link
Turning the Internet off after this so I can write about 4,000 words that I didn't get a chance to write yesterday. I realized that Karl Marx's ideas sound great in theory, but with human nature being the way it is, it would never happen and would only cause chaos, as has been proven in several countries already. Equality is just not realistic, so I guess we should focus on achieving equity. The only way to really achieve equality is to lower the quality of life for most people. So we'll all be equally low. But it's equality, right?
04/25 Direct Link
I was trying to think of words that sound hilarious. The first word that came to mind was "doily," which I'm sure I've written about on here already. The second word was "skunk," so I put them together and thought of what the heck a "skunk doily" could be. It was ridiculous.

I thought of some other piece of stupidity when I was in the car driving home, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. 

Never mind. I just remembered it. "If you were a talk radio host, what would your bumper music be?" 
04/26 Direct Link
Feelings, feelings, feelings. I read somewhere that worrying about your gender identity and worrying too much about yourself and who you are as a person means we are living in a decadent society. When all the basic issues of food, clothing, shelter, and adequate money are out of the way, your mind has nothing better to do than to worry itself and eat itself from the inside out, so you end up with ulcers over nothing. Sometimes it sucks being a human. I'd rather be a cat and sleep all day and worry about nothing in particular except my next meal. 
04/27 Direct Link
So many weird things going on. I'm so busy at work that I feel like working 24/7, but that would be in the domain of the workaholic, so I'd rather not. Nothing else to say, really, other than that. Camp NaNo is almost over, which is good. The story isn't firing me up that much, maybe because I'm doing less of a story and more of an outline/draft of a story (something like that). Ah, whatever. I don't know what I'm doing. Thinking about why in the heck Fetty Wap is still stuck in my head, that's all.
04/28 Direct Link
And that Nightwish song appeared in my head. Can't remember the name of it now, but as I remember, it's close to 10 minutes long. I would love to listen to it, but I have lost the urge to listen to music that I used to have when I was younger. I keep waiting until the urge is so great that I give in and turn on Spotify again, but so far that hasn't happened yet. 

Ah, crud. The lonelier I get, the more I will want to type pointless status updates on the Internet. It's sad, I guess.
04/29 Direct Link
Writing on 4/30. I was thinking about this yesterday when I went out to dinner and saw everyone with their head in their phone or their laptop screen. I saw a young man come in carrying a Song of Ice and Fire book, and he looked my age and was cute, and I was saying to myself, "I bet $10 he's married," and so I went outside and casually (I hope it was casually) got a glimpse of his left hand, and sure enough, he was wearing a silver ring and I got kind of angry at myself because...
04/30 Direct Link
...it wasn't like I would have talked to him anyway even if he didn't have a ring. Men could be ring-less and still be engaged or have a girlfriend or they could even be married and not have a ring. It's so ridiculous. Time of the month I'm in now is making me look at guys more often. Sometimes I wish that I could fast forward through life because without anyone to share it with, it's just not fun. A continuous cycle of work and sleeping and eating and hoping you're making a difference to someone in the world.