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I made it to Friday and I made it to August on the same day. It is best when the last day of a month is on a Friday, but that's only for the purposes of "payday." Only 11 days to go until my trip, and I can't wait. This is going to be the first real vacation I've had since 2008. I am going to see my homeland. Also, I'm trying to come up with ideas for blog posts for this coming week. I can't really think of anything beyond mundane pop culture stuff that nobody will care about.
Nothing is true of the entire human race, of every single human, except that we all need air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, and shelter to keep us safe. No two of us are alike, but another thing we all need is love. We need to belong. I don't care what culture you're from; if you're a human, you need love. The tough thing about love is finding the true version of it and not some pastel bland version that pop culture or society tries to jam down your throat. Love is rare, not to be bought.
It bothers me when people brag about the kind of material things they own. Like their car, or their electronic devices, or their computer, or their house. Anything really. As a matter of fact, it bugs me when people brag about their kids, too. I hope that if I ever become a parent, I'm not going to brag about my kids and that I will see them with at least some objectivity, so I'm not blinded by my love for them. But that may very well be impossible. Perhaps some parents are programmed to idolize (and idealize) their kids.
For some reason, I feel like I start too many entries with "ugh." I used to be such a shiny, happy, positive person, but now I'm not like that anymore. Well, I still am, but only after I've had caffeine and only at certain times of the month. Weird how hormones can dominate your system and turn you into a person that you don't even recognize. It is nice that you can attribute all your madness and irrationality to a bunch of hormones and not your true personality, but it's still bothersome and off-putting. I don't feel terribly happy.
Sorry I'm so boring lately, but nothing's been happening. Work has been same ol', same ol', and my personal life has been full of hobbies. Writing and a couple of video games. For a long time, I didn't see the point of continuously playing video games, and I still don't see the point that well. There isn't a point; they're enjoyable, and the best ones are the hardest to quit. I might stop playing my favorite game, but I'll always pick it up a year or six months later. That's how much fun I have with some of those games.
Had a dream about ex-boyfriend, walking around with his new girlfriend. She was fictional: short dark hair. She looked younger than she said she was, and she said she was a year older than me. Odd. My ex always did like "older women." I forget what she did for a living, but it didn't pay as much as what I do for a living. It might have been working in a daycare or something. She was a female nerd, really into video games, so naturally, I had nothing to compete with her in. Didn't even want my ex back.
Today my grandma turns 100. I can't imagine living that long. So many thoughts and so many memories. I wonder that if dreams are very closely related to memories... do your dreams get more crazy the longer you live? I don't think so. My parents are in their 60s and their dreams are pretty mundane, at least from what they tell me. Maybe it's the opposite: the younger you are, the crazier your dreams are. It's a mystery to me. But 100 years on this earth... and 40 of them as a senior citizen... that's difficult for me to understand.
I'm such a baby. I got a 2DS the other day because I've heard that it's cheaper than the regular 3DS and slightly more ergonomic. I don't care too much for 3D and I like ergonomics, so this was a good buy for me. I tested it out for about an hour last night and really enjoyed the graphics, and even the sound. Although it's mono sound and not stereo, it sounded good to me. Reminded me of my old Game Boy Color, which was mono but stereo if you plugged in headphones. I will have fun with this gadget.
Another dreary weekend, exactly the same as last weekend. Nothing but rain. I'm just glad I don't have to drive in the rain. If it rains only a couple of drops, traffic slows down for miles and nobody goes anywhere.
Motorcycles bother me. I saw one guy on a motorcycle, zipping his way in and out of stopped traffic. I guess it's nice for the cyclist, but it always freaks me out when they move so fast and you never know where they are. Makes it harder to see them. I'm always terrified I'll collide with a motorcycle.
Last night, there was a special on TV about music of the 50s and 60s. The parents of the kids who listened to that music back then thought it was devil music, which is hysterical because... what would they consider today's music? Back then you would have a group like Fred Parris and the Satins all dressed in tuxedos and today you have a group like LMFAO dressed in their underwear talking about getting drunk and banging chicks. I mean... if Fred Parris et al. were satanic, what the heck isd LMFAO? This makes no sense to me at all.
The backspace key on my keyboard is jammed, so I have to use the delete key every time I want to erase something I just typed. I ought to unstick the backspace key... let me try now... OK, it appears to work. Just let me make a mistake and try again. Yeah, it works. The next thing to do is replace my mouse, which has this annoying side button that I accidentally press and it causes me to go back a page on my browser. You would think I'd know not to press it by now, but stuff happens.
I have four 100Words entries to catch up on because I was voluntarily without the Internet for four days. It feels funny being on my computer again, and I don't know whether I missed it. I guess I missed fast Internet because the hotel where I stayed had slow wireless. Trying to debate whether I want to write today. I doubt it because I just got back from the trip, I have a raging headache, and I have to go to church for a holy day of obligation. I missed the mass at in the morning, so I'll go tonight.
Magical realism. I'm not sure I'm that into it. I finished a book by Lewis Nordan, and it was full of odd happenings and things that were supposed to be funny but seemed to me either gross or sad. The magical elements were weaved into the book well, and I was glad that I understood some of the symbolism. I remember reading Wolf Whistle back in college, and I really enjoyed it. Lightning Song was similar and a very fast read, but I don't think I enjoyed it as much, maybe because I didn't get the same kind of analysis.
I couldn't believe it when Robin Williams died, but at the same time, I could believe it. Celebrities and people who have genius in some area are always more vulnerable to those kinds of things than others. I suppose fame makes you feel more alone than anything else can. There are all these people who love you and your work, but none of them know you for who you are. They only know the version of you they see on the screen, which may not be the real you at all. So nobody knows you except your loved ones.
I realized something about a lot of people on YouTube who vlog about Pokemon (the card game and the video games). They don't say their age, maybe because they're embarrassed to still like Pokemon at their age. I wouldn't be embarrassed. I'm in my mid-twenties and still enjoy the video game. I would collect the cards and play the card game, but there's nobody my age who would play or trade with me. At least, nobody that I know of in my area. If I was more social, I'd start a meet-up group or something, but who knows.
I have a bunch of stuff to get done today, so I made a list of the stuff to do in no particular order. I think the first order of business is to get my keyboard fixed or get a new keyboard because my backspace key is still jamming, so I have to remember to use the delete key every time I make a mistake. I type about 85-90 words per minute, but that's with mistakes. Without mistakes, it's probably around 60-70. You'd think that with way over 10 years of typing experience, I'd type faster.
I can't believe those race riots in Missouri are still going on. It's like we haven't progressed at all as a society. I think that racism will always be with us, in a way. We live in such a sad world, and I'm not sure it will get any better. The technology that we use to communicate and get closer to people around the globe has just pushed us farther and farther apart.
On a related note, I don't understand 4chan. I thought I used to, but as time went on, I realized I didn't get it and wouldn't.
Back to work after a vacation. It's an odd feeling. I really wish work was like school, and they would have vacation periods where everyone is out at the same time and we all come back at the same time. I can't help feeling behind, even though I know that it's all in my head. I haven't had coffee yet, so my brain won't be back in order for at least another 15 minutes, but once it is, they better watch out because I'll be taking jobs left and right. So I guess I'm ready to get back to work.
Frustration! I really have no idea what I'm frustrated over. I guess certain people. I suppose I was raised as a people-pleaser, that people should like me all the time and I should like (or at least get along with) everyone. But there are some people who rub me the wrong way, and literally everything they say irks me. Should I say something to them? Should I stop hanging out with them? Should I suck it up and act pleasant when what I really want to do is spit up some venomous words and never speak to them again?
I do not know who sings it, but I have had the song "Earth Angel" stuck in my head for the longest time. It's an oldies song, and all of those songs are earworms because the lyrics are simple and the melodies aren't very complex either. It's a nice song because it's not talking about how the guy wants to get in the girl's pants or how the girl wants to seduce the guy. That's the good part about oldies songs; they're a lot more "courtly" if that word can be applied. Today, there is no respect for love anymore.
Getting followers is a big deal in the blog world. It's like any other social network; most of the people who follow you don't really care that much. Maybe five or ten percent actually comment and genuinely care about what you have to say. This has proven true in every blog and in every social network I have ever had. It's also the same in real life; out of all the people you encounter, very few will remember you and stick with you throughout your life. Most will be forgotten and will fall by the wayside. This is a truth.
My friend's mom said something to the effect of, "If you need to put a ton of sugar in your coffee, you probably shouldn't be drinking coffee." Oddly enough, when I first started drinking coffee I used to put way more sugar, but nowadays, I have begun to put less and less. Eventually, I'll drink my coffee black, but for now I can't go utterly without cream (even if it's that nasty powder stuff). My brother puts about 12 sugars in his coffee. Anyone who puts more than one Splenda in is insane because that stuff is way too sweet.
Sometimes I find a blog or a website I really like, and I look at it all the time, so much that I feel like a stalker. But in fact, I'm a very benevolent stalker. I won't carry my obsession out in real life. I'm not going to find the person who runs the website and start following them all over the place after I figure out where they live. Instead, I'll just quietly view their page on the Internet, not saying a word, not making a single comment. That's the "quiet" way of "stalking" that's not that bad.
I know God made humans to connect with each other and live in harmony together, but sometimes I don't feel like I connect with anyone. I have always gotten along better when I've been alone, with no people to mess with me or to ruin my happiness. That makes no sense, I know, especially because I do get lonely from time to time and it helps to talk to someone. Even so, I wish there was a way to get around that all-too-human hurdle that is the need for others' companionship, although that would be cheating at life.
Well, today would be the first day of school for me if I was still going to school. I miss it so much. Getting new school supplies and seeing all these people you haven't seen over the summer... and going back to the school itself and thinking that you've missed it. I always hated to admit that I couldn't stand summer vacation. After about two weeks, I was ready to go back to school, and I always missed school horribly. I pick up on cliches from reading too many books, and this is what causes me to have these views.
In a way, I miss my old story. I miss the characters like they're old members of my family whom I haven't seen in a long time.
On a totally different note, I worked from home yesterday, and I honestly hate my home "office," which is really my bedroom because it actually has Internet that plugs in. Too many distractions, the ergonomics suck, and I'm tempted to slack off because I'm at home. I like to separate home and work; home is a place to relax, and work is a place to, well, work. But I managed to get along.
Online dating seems so manufactured. (I may have written/ranted about this before, but I don't care, and I doubt anyone reads this stuff anyway.) What I mean is... I would rather meet someone randomly, in real life, than in a pre-manufactured setting like a dating site or a date set up after meeting on one of those sites. I have never really "dated" per se; I have no experience in asking guys out or making the first move. I personally feel like I shouldn't have to. I don't care about feminism, but I think the guy should initiate.
Yay, tomorrow is Friday! It's weird because my officemate is leaving early, and when she leaves early, I start thinking that I ought to leave early, too. The day drags on by, and when I leave at my usual time, it feels like it's midnight (doesn't help that the area of the office where I work has no windows). Maybe I ought to start leaving early on Fridays... but the second I left, the time would probably fly on that much faster, and I would crash into Saturday wondering what happened to the week that I had abandoned too early.
Is it only at certain times of the month when I want a boyfriend? It sucks, but I want a boyfriend for all the wrong reasons: (1) as a kind of life insurance policy against loneliness, (2) so I can finally forget my ex-boyfriend(s), and (3) so I can have someone to be with on Friday nights after work. Not that I go crazy and party on Friday nights, but only so that I can have someone to share my crazy week with. But other times of the month, I have little interest in the opposite sex.
I was reading an article about teacher burnout. I think teachers should be paid far more than what they get. It's not all about the summer vacation. It's not all about the joy of teaching... it's about the bureaucracy, the demanding parents, and people who think that teachers are just glorified babysitters. I think it has to do with the kids themselves also; kids are not taught to show respect anymore. They have been told that they are great, and they don't like anyone telling them otherwise or giving them criticism. So teachers have to deal with that as well.
Why are YouTube comments so silly? One time, I was watching a video and the creator of the video gave instructions on how to win a giveaway that he was sponsoring. Part of the instructions was to leave a comment including certain information; I was reading through the comments and almost nobody gave all the information like the instructions in the video said. I was flabbergasted that nobody pays attention... I guess they must not want to win. But, I mean, free stuff... of course you want to win, right? In general, I've found that people don't like following instructions.
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