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BY M

03/01 Direct Link
He says I have a heart of stone. That I am cold.

I gave my love to him and only to him. Nobody else. I had other people I liked, but I forgot about them so I could love him.

After me, he went to girl after girl after girl and claimed to love them, but I don't think he really loves. One girl is as good as another to him. Just as long as he has a companion so he won't feel the "pain" of being single.

I can never find another boy. I never want to, after him.
03/02 Direct Link
It's the first Saturday of March... Daylight Saving Time is supposed to be on the 10th, which is Mar10 day. Yay! But Daylight Saving Time will throw me off like it does every year, along what that scent of spring... and spring happens on March 20, as it does every year. Spring is my favorite season and I know I probably say that on 100 Words every year. Oh, well. Now whoever reads this is reminded of it again. Spring is my favorite season and April is my favorite month. That's when it gets warm and flowers start to bloom.
03/03 Direct Link
I don't like it when you put a guy in the friend zone and they complain about it. There is a good reason why you're putting the guy in the friend zone -- usually because you don't want to date him for whatever reason. Usually, it's a valid reason. The guy's general vibe seems a bit "off" to you or he seems creepy or stalker-ish or you seriously have nothing in common with him and wonder why he's even hitting on you in the first place. Do not complain when you are put in the friend zone. It is useless.
03/04 Direct Link
I have to get back into the swing of the workweek. I drove to work and it's already starting to get light outside at like 6:30, so Daylight Saving Time is getting ready to come around again. That's good, so that means I won't have to come home in the oncoming darkness. I would rather there be more light. My office ought to be more sustainable. If it's a sunny day, there is no need to turn the hall lights on because the sun coming from the ceiling is enough. We could save so much money that way. Really.
03/05 Direct Link
I got a FedEx shipment notification in my inbox. I'm not sure why. I didn't order anything, and as far as I know, nobody is sending me anything. I know it's not a spam message because it had a legitimate tracking number. This odd package notification has got me wondering about all kinds of different story ideas. It could be a present from my "sort-of" boyfriend, though the shipping information says it doesn't come from his address. It could be something sent to me by mistake. Or it could have been sent to my email address by mistake. Odd.
03/06 Direct Link
I had a dream about something that happened at work. It was related to the "reply all" function in email. Reply all is supposed to be some deadly thing and you're really not supposed to click on it unless you really mean to. Some people do it out of force of habit, but I try to really think hard before I send emails, especially if I feel like what I'm sending might make someone feel bad or embarrass someone. Fortunately, there isn't a lot of that at my workplace and we're all pretty friendly, so it's not an issue.
03/07 Direct Link

I got the Camp NaNoWriMo invite in my email a few days ago (or was it yesterday?). You can now select your own word count goal (I wonder if they will do this for regular NaNo?), so what I was thinking of doing was writing my novel in two parts. I'd write the first part (40,000 words) in April and then I'd write the second part (40,000 words) in July. It would be good to take a break from the WiP that I've been slaving over since 2004 to write another story and get lost in worlds.

03/08 Direct Link
Now that work is over for the day, I feel lazy and that I ought to push myself to do something else productive, but I think I'll write my blog post (the last productive thing I'll do today), then sit down with a Stephen King book and some pizza and be a lazy bum. I was going to spell bum with a b on the end, but that would look ridiculous, even though it's like lamb or iamb or thumb, one of those words where the b is nearly silent if not entirely silent. I'm having odd thoughts again today.
03/09 Direct Link
I finished reading Stephen King's Dreamcatcher probably about 15 minutes ago. It was good, but if I was going to recommend Stephen King to someone (as I do all the time), I would not recommend that they read Dreamcatcher first. They should probably start with something like Cujo or Rose Madder or Needful Things. Definitely one of the shorter ones. Dreamcatcher was like a nice blend of It and The Tommyknockers. I don't know why I bothered to italicize the book titles. I'm procrastinating on writing my own book since I finished Stephen King's book. Ah, being a writer...
03/10 Direct Link
When I was a little girl, I was smaller than a lot of the other girls in my class, so to make myself look taller (or to see over my desk), I would tuck my legs under me and sit on my legs.

To this day, I still do that, and I think it's more force of habit than anything, since most of the chairs I sit in are pneumatic and I can adjust the height. Strange. 

On another note, today is Daylight Saving Time. Ew. I had to lose an entire hour of sleep to awaken in darkness.
03/11 Direct Link
Yesterday, I finally got to see what you look like. Or, at least a little bit of what you look like. Now I can picture you when I listen to you, but I don't know how you might look beside me or if you would even really want to be beside me. All of this probably doesn't matter anyway because you're, like, a million miles away and I feel incredibly lame writing this because I said would never want any kind of Internet relationship. As always, I end up eating my words. I'm glad I got to see you.
03/12 Direct Link
My 14-year-old self would have been freaking out yesterday because of an odd coincidence. My sort-of boyfriend/friend/whatever you want to call him plays this old computer game. I tried to type "pithy" into Google because I couldn't recall the exact meaning of the word. I mistyped it and what came up instead was something related to the game that my sort-of boyfriend/friend/whatever plays. Very odd. My 14-year-old self loved coincidences like that. To some extent, I still like coincidences like that. But they're too farfetched to mean anything.
03/13 Direct Link

I had several odd dreams last night after I got up to use the restroom and was unable to fall back asleep. (Also, the cat was pounding on the bedroom door and I did not want to let her in because she would lie on me and make me too hot.) Lately, I've been having many dreams where I am at a buffet line and there is never enough food. Or I get all the food I want, but as soon as I sit down to eat it, I wake up and never get to eat it. Sad.   

03/14 Direct Link
We are working on a story together, my ex-boyfriend and I. For the past several months, I have been thinking of giving up this story so that I can get over my ex. Finally get over my ex. That is my greatest wish right now. I would also have to get rid of all our notes and everything in my possession that reminds me of him, but I feel like the biggest part of that is the story. It's not just a short story, either; it's a rather long story, so it would be tough to just forget about.
03/15 Direct Link
I almost forgot to write my 100 words today, mostly because I wanted to be good and check my email before work and an urgent deadline document arrived, so I started work on that and forgot everything for the next nine hours or so. That's how I would rather do work -- be busy all the time. It's easier for some reason, I guess because you don't have to think so much.

Being idle is awful because you're twiddling your thumbs and wondering what you could be doing instead of just doing that thing. *sigh* Now to go home and write...
03/16 Direct Link
I started and finished reading Ayn Rand's Anthem the other night and it was very good. I understand the philosophy behind it and the warning to the future. It's interesting how some of the characters' "names" are the liberal buzzwords of the day today, like "equality," "solidarity," "unity," or whatever. Sometimes it's disturbing how these writers can so accurately see a trend in society continuing into the future. If Ayn Rand was still alive, she'd be disappointed at the turn the world has taken since she died. But it always was going down that path... entropy and then eventual destruction. 
03/17 Direct Link
I am wearing green today, so nobody can pinch me. I need to cut my nails. When I type, they scrape away the letters on the keyboard. My "E" key is completely gone at this point, and the "D" is not far behind. I am also losing a bit of the "M" and the "N," too. It's funny because one of my online friends has zero letters left on her keyboard, yet she can still type. I guess I would be the same way, but if others wanted to use the keyboard, they would be totally out of luck. 
03/18 Direct Link
Ack. Sometimes I wish there were teleportation devices instead of cars. No pollution, so it'd be good for the environment. No more long and frustrating commutes. You enter the latitude and longitude of where you want to be into the little device and you get instantly transported. The only thing to worry about would be telefragging and quite possibly not having your molecules all come together correctly once you reached your destination. Other than that... teleportation might be the wave of the future. I know I would go for it when the kinks were all worked out of the system.
03/19 Direct Link
We all have our demons to struggle with. Sometimes that is hard to remember, and sometimes the demons take us over when we're not really paying attention so they can better sink their claws into us. I have quite a few demons. I am not much more "secure" with myself, or confident, than when I was a teenager. I'm getting there, but it's slow. It's not some epic coming-of-age movie where a miraculous event occurs and I'm suddenly confident. It will take a long time. I have to face the shyness, too. That is my number one demon.
03/20 Direct Link
I was kind of proud of Seth MacFarlane last night. I watched the latest Family Guy episode about the Muslim guy who turned out to be a terrorist. I thought for sure MacFarlane would turn the episode into some kind of pro-Muslim propaganda, but instead he did actually have the guy be a terrorist. I could still sense the liberal bias, but it was OK. I think it was a little more balanced this time. I don't know why I have become an analyst of Family Guy, but for some reason, I have. Very strange and odd and weird.
03/21 Direct Link
I am thinking of self-publishing a novel that is not really my own. It is in fact something that I have been working on with someone else. They want to publish as well and I feel like this would be a good start on getting me into the publishing world. I am quite attached to this novel, but hopefully not in the way that will make me overlook constructive criticism. I guess the only true way to know how it will fare is to put it out there and let people other than friends and family members read it. 
03/22 Direct Link
I don't have too much to write today... I don't even want to think about work or writing because it's Friday and I have a bad tendency to slack off, but I have to fight against that because I have a rather important project.

I have mixed feelings about a lot of the people in my life. Most of them don't make any sense at all. There's nothing I can say about them. They're like vampires. They suck you dry, drain you of energy, and still expect you to give them everything you have, even when you have nothing left.
03/23 Direct Link
I keep having dreams where I tell people what I really want to say to them. Then I have the fear that the dream was real and I actually did say that rude thing to that person. I guess it means I keep too much inside. That's pretty obvious, though. I guess I do it so I don't offend people. 

I also keep having very lame dreams where I accidentally hit "reply all" instead of "reply" and send an embarrassing message, or dreams where I send an email to the wrong person. I have electronic social anxiety or something. 
03/24 Direct Link
I think that when you break up with someone, it should be a clean break. That means no staying friends. Give back their stuff, they give you back yours, and you go your separate ways. Staying friends (especially after one of the old couple gets a new significant other) only makes the pain go on longer. Seriously, if it didn't work as a relationship, nine times out of ten, it won't work as a friendship either. You're going to make their new significant other upset and you'll make it harder for both parties to move on. Don't cling. Just go.
03/25 Direct Link
It's funny how people can be so easily distracted and not put their entire efforts into something they are supposedly so passionate about.

In other news, today I was making fun of rednecks when I was driving to work. I love when I see them driving these enormous trucks that suck down gas and when they have those metal testicles hanging from the trailer hitch. Hilarious because you know they're trying to compensate for something. I will never understand the supposed "redneck" subculture. I like fishing and the Second Amendment, but that's it. Other than that, I don't get it.
03/26 Direct Link
I can hear the birds trilling outside, and soon it won't be long until I have an office with a window. My back will be to the window, though, so I'll have to continually crane my neck to look outside.

I'll never have a love life or a social life again and I am OK with that. I feel like all my high school years and all my college years prepared me for working and getting 100% lost in my work. If I happen to meet some poor guy or some friends, they must understand that my career comes first.
03/27 Direct Link
Two of my characters have a very playful relationship. I know that in the end, their relationship isn't meant to last, so that makes the playfulness even more bittersweet because it must end. Part of the fun of writing is putting tragedy into others' lives and adding difficulties that the characters must face.

Usually it doesn't take me this long to write 100 words. I guess I am distracted or maybe it's too early in the morning and the bird calls are putting me to sleep instead of waking me up. Or perhaps the fluorescent light is hurting my eyes. 
03/28 Direct Link
Working from home today. I still got up at the same time I usually do when I drive, just so I don't feel rushed. Weird, I know. I started reading The Godfather. I have never seen the movie, but whenever someone starts making a reference to a horse's head on someone's pillow, I know what they're referring to. The book is pretty good so far. It's holding my interest at least... and I am half-Sicilian, so I like the Italian atmosphere of the book. In other news, nothing interesting has happened in my life that I feel like sharing.  
03/29 Direct Link
This is the first set of 100 words I'm typing from my new office. It's OK up here so far. I guess. At least I have the sunlight coming in, so I don't have to turn on the actual light, but I'm not facing the window. Maybe whenever I move next, I'll be facing the window. I just have to find some hard copies so I can get some work done.

Eh, I'm probably being boring as hell. In other news, it is good Friday, so we will likely have a lot of people out of the office. That''s good.
03/30 Direct Link
I should rid myself of all evidence of my past relationships, especially the one I still can't get over. I should burn everything or at least confine it to the bottom of my trash barrel so it eventually gets into the landfill and absorbs the rancid juice of garbage. (I'm not really one to burn things; I'm too afraid of fire.) Or at least, I should lock everything in some kind of box and "lose" the key so it's still there, but I'd have to look long and hard to find it. Either way, it's time I got over it. 
03/31 Direct Link
Happy Easter! I got back on Twitter this morning, after being off all Lent. It's funny how the Internet just goes on without you and nobody notices your absence at all. I was tempted to not get back on Twitter at all. Not delete the account, but take more time off from it. Maybe a year or six months. I've only been off about a month and a half. Surprisingly, I didn't lose any followers while I was gone, but I didn't gain any either (except some spammers, who got blocked). I am reconnecting my blog back to Twitter, though.