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BY M

02/01 Direct Link
Today is the start of Black History Month. I remember learning about it in high school and there are a bunch of people I can name who were instrumental in making history what it was: Frederick Douglass, Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nat Turner, Obama, George Washington Carver, Muhammad Ali... I can't think of any more, but I'm sure there are tons more that other people could think of. I'm not going to whine about there not being a "white history month," either. *gasp* I realized I used the wrong "there" and went back to correct it. It's early.
02/02 Direct Link
Sometimes when I'm writing I like to make a list of different images that appear in my head. A few short phrases about each one, to get something in my head. So I can see it more clearly. I did that with a chapter I recently wrote... and I was proud of the chapter when I was done. Most of the time, with that particular story, I want to tear up any chapters I write on it. This time, I was proud of it and I was happy. But that technique is not something that would work for every story.
02/03 Direct Link
Finally caught up with entries. It's kind of a sad thing, but I think online dating is the wave of the future. But I don't think it would work. You might fall in love with someone's words or with someone's way of expressing him/herself, but you can never really get a true impression of the person. You can alter your own online image to suit your own needs. You can make it the way you want it and use it to trick people. I guess you'd have a better chance of finding someone you had something in common with. 
02/04 Direct Link
I wish bands like Barlowgirl and Super Chick were more popular with young girls these days. I don't like that they get their style from music artists who dress skimpily and sing about petty things like boyfriends and breakups and dance floors and all those things.

If I have a daughter, I will be sure to emphasize that she should not pay such close attention to the opposite sex, especially in middle school, when they really don't care much about girls anyway. I will guide her to be a good Christian and a good girl. I'll stand up for her.
02/05 Direct Link
I hate it. I get home and sit in front of my computer with every intention of getting some non-work-related work done, but I immediately lose the incentive. I think that for Lent, I am going to reduce my Internet time to only 30 minutes a day. That's really all the time I need to check all my emails and write these words and post a blog. That is, if I write my blog in Microsoft Word offline and copy and paste it into WordPress. So the goal looks like it would be simple to keep. Not easy.
02/06 Direct Link

Deadlines are great and powerful things. They give you the motivation to accomplish monumental tasks in short time frames. I guess that's why NaNoWriMo is so popular. It's all about the power of a deadline and a word count.

Not sure yet if I want to do NaNoWriMo or even one of the Camp NaNoWriMos. It's going to be hard because work gets busier during the spring and summer months. I'm thinking that I don't want to rush my next first draft either. I want to take my time with it and develop it fully before rushing into writing it.

02/07 Direct Link
Instead of whining about the websites I am on, I think I should whine about the websites I'm not on instead. I don't spend time on OKCupid, Reddit, IMVU, Pinterest, Facebook, Stumbleupon, and there's another one I'm thinking of now, but I can't for the life of me remember the name of it. I don't procrastinate on those sites, I don't need to spend my time on there. I almost forgot about this website in the past few days; I was so busy with work and other things. But I have it bookmarked on my browser, so I can't forget.
02/08 Direct Link
Oh. Foursquare. That's another website I don't turn my attention to or waste my time with. I don't want people to know where I am or where I'm going because I'll tell you a little secret: 99% of the time, I'm either in one of two places: at work or at home. The other 1%, I'm probably at church, Walmart, or the library. There. That's where I am. Or my best friend's house. Almost forgot that one. So there's the entirety of the places I go. Feel free to stalk me. Oh, but you might not know where I live.
02/09 Direct Link
I love Saturday morning. It's my favorite of all the mornings. Not because of all the cartoons that are on TV (although that was my reason when I was a kid), but because it is time that I can have to myself before everyone else in the house wakes up. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I like to be alone a lot too. It's healthy for me, although sometimes I indulge in my alone time too much and I believe that is a sin. I'm not 100% sure on that. I should confirm that with someone.
02/10 Direct Link
I'm proud of myself. I actually managed to get back on schedule with my writing project. If I write a chapter a day for this week, I can get back on my original schedule that I was on before a work emergency threw me off. (But you know, as Murphy's Law has it, I will inevitably have another work emergency or something else will come up right after I get back on schedule. TIB.) 

So there is hope that I will get my draft done before November, so that I can do NaNoWriMo. I think quite far in advance.
02/11 Direct Link
What do you do if one of the people you "work" with is lazy and irresponsible? I'm not talking about "work" as in my regular job, but "work" as in collaboration on a shared goal.

Do you forget they exist? Continue the project on your own and without their help (which you weren't getting anyway)? I couldn't go to my boss because in this "job" I am my own boss. So I'll be the one to make the executive decision.

Nothing else to say on that. I waste too many words on it anyway. Farewell and have a good day.
02/12 Direct Link
I have a rant.

Now that Valentine's Day is coming up, I want to rant about relationships.

If a relationship is worth having, you cannot take the path of least resistance. You can't. If you say you're going to work hard at at relationship, you have to work hard all the time, not just when it suits you or when you know you will get personal gain from the hard work. Relationships are sometimes full of thankless work and it may not seem worth it. Keep plugging away, but you should also know an abusive one when you see it.
02/13 Direct Link
My rant, Part II:

I understand now (to some extent) why I cannot have a relationship. Low self-esteem. I wouldn't wish myself on any person. My self-esteem is too low and my ego too delicate for anyone to have a decent relationship with me. Do I have the will to work on my self-esteem so I can get better and one day have a good relationship? Not really. I don't have much incentive to get into a relationship. I am not ready for that kind of responsibility, nor do I have the ability to trust another person.
02/14 Direct Link
It's St. Valentine's Day and I'm single. Oh, well. I don't mind being single. I quite prefer it, actually. It's much simpler and easier than having to worry about what somebody thinks of you and whether you're calling them or hanging out with them enough. I am not good at initiating human contact, therefore I am terrible at relationships or maintaining them or keeping them or whatever. I'm sure I've ranted about that in the past.

I have chocolate for today and I have my writing and a good book to read, so I'd consider this a good Valentine's Day.
02/15 Direct Link
I read the featured entry about not finding out the gender of your baby until you have it. I agree with that, probably because that's what my parents did with me and my brother. It would be a surprise more than it would be a mystery. And the matter with buying baby clothes or buying toys - it's not a big deal. You don't need pink. Blue can go for boys or girls. Or say that you want green or yellow or purple. It's not a big deal at all because babies can't refuse to wear certain things. Not teenagers yet. :)
02/16 Direct Link
Being religious does not somehow make a person less intelligent. Many intelligent people are deeply religious or spiritual, and many intelligent people are atheists or agnostics or others who don't have a particular belief system. 

I see religion or the lack of it as a different perspective. It's a different lens through which to look at the world's problems. It's not a measure of intelligence. Too many people have the wrong impression that Christians or member of another religion are sheep blindly led by others just as blind as they are and that they do not think for themselves. 
02/17 Direct Link
Now here's a question I'm sure that many people (including men) have had: Why are men so fascinated by the sounds/smells of their own farts/shits/belches? 

I've never understood that. It's like "Wow, I took the biggest shit of my life today -- you should have seen it/smelled it!" And I'm like, "OK... it's a bodily function, everybody does it, and it's nothing to brag about." 

I mean, all that stuff was hilarious back in elementary school, but now it's lost its entertainment value, at least for me. Maybe I should regain my sense of humor.
02/18 Direct Link
You know, I really don't care if I'm not in agreement with the rest of the world (or at least, the rest of my country) on diversity and international relations and birth control and homosexual marriage and all that. I'm old-fashioned and I am old-fashioned because I believe the old ways were better. Maybe they were, and maybe they weren't, but they were definitely better in my eyes. Opinions don't matter in this world we live in. We discount others' opinions because we don't want to hear them and we get in arguments because we think it's fun.
02/19 Direct Link
Girls, don't ever get a boyfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Don't get one because you feel lonely. Don't get one because all your friends have one. Don't get one because your brother wants to set you up with a guy because he's sick of you moping around the house. Don't get a boyfriend because you're trying to make your ex-boyfriend jealous. Don't get a boyfriend because you feel sorry for the guy. Don't get a boyfriend so that your parents won't think you're a lesbian. In short, don't get a boyfriend. You don't need one.
02/20 Direct Link
I like these featured entries. I read one today about taking life too seriously -- I can totally relate to that. I don't really do the things I do for fun. I do them for more serious reasons. The only thing I do for fun is play a video game on occasion; I don't think there's a deep, dark, serious reason for doing that. Unless you're a video game designer (the dream career of many) and you eat, sleep, and breathe video games. But I should cut loose every now and then. Go to parties *gasp* or try to be fun.
02/21 Direct Link
I hate feeling like a little kid. Maybe it's the fact that I still live with my parents that's making me feel that way. My mother is incredibly condescending. The thing is, I could move out if I wanted to. I do not want to because it would cost too much money and it would be more of a burden. My parents like having me around the house for a reason I cannot fathom, possibly because I pay rent and help them out. But it would be nice to be somewhat independent and feel like an adult, at least somewhat.
02/22 Direct Link
People I meet online are crazy, but in some ways, you can become closer to the people you meet online than you can to the people you know in real life. It is somehow easier to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets over an Internet connection than it is to do it face-to-face, even if you are on Skype and looking at that person's image in your screen. You can meet people who have your exact interests online, whereas people in real life who have those exact interests may never find you and you may never find them.  
02/23 Direct Link
Why do women dye their hair? I know men who do it, but there are definitely more women. I have never dyed my hair and I really don't want to, mostly because I like the color of my hair the way it is. I noticed that I am getting some gray/white hairs even though I'm only in my mid-twenties. This presents a problem. Should I dye my hair to cover the signs of aging -- the signs of the inevitable? Or should I just let the progression take place? I'm tempted to do the latter and see who comments.
02/24 Direct Link
I'm reading a very enlightening book that is making me reconsider my vision of the world. I love it when you find an author or a philosopher with whom you can agree on every single word. That happened yesterday and I was reading the book and saying "Yes!" after literally every sentence. That was how much I was glad that someone actually agrees with me! But the author went on to share how he came to those conclusions and it was something I had never seen or heard of before, so it was very interesting and eye-opening for me. 
02/25 Direct Link
These featured entries on 100 Words are really inspiring me. I read the one about hoping a guy would be there or waiting for a guy, and it reminds me of what I'm going through now.

The whole reason I even want a boyfriend right now is a bad, high-schoolish, jealous reason: to make my ex-boyfriend jealous.

My reason is not righteous; therefore, there is no true point to getting a boyfriend right now. I haven't found a guy that I like who will make me happy, so what's the point in trying when I'm happier single?
02/26 Direct Link
How much of your true self do you share online? I try to be pretty truthful. Some of these 100 Words entries are absolutely not me at all, and some represent the truest part of who I am. The sad thing is, 100 Words knows me better than a lot of people in real life.

On Facebook, Twitter, et al., people try to portray only the good side of their personality and what they do. They do not spend so much time on the negative aspects of their personality because they want to portray their life as a happy one.
02/27 Direct Link
I'm already writing in a few places this morning. Forgive me if I seem a little confused and scatterbrained. I had a dream about my best friend last night. He has autism and that made high school and community college difficult for him because you know that there are people who will pick on those who are different from them. In the dream, I was defending him from some bullies. It was one of those dreams that seems so real, but when you wake up, you think about how ludicrous it was and why you thought it was real.
02/28 Direct Link
At work, everyone has a cold this week. I had my cold last week, so there's the possibility that I might have given it to my coworkers. Sorry, guys! I don't like to work at home because I do a lot of work on hard copy, but if there wasn't that kind of work, I would work at home more often. It would save me an incredible amount of gas and wear and tear on my car. So once I stop working on hard copy so much, I might get to work from home more often. Yay for savings!