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BY M

10/01 Direct Link
Happy October! Perhaps the weather will finally start to get cooler. I don't like when it's cold enough to wear a sweater in the mornings, yet in the afternoon, it's hot enough to wear shorts and a tank top. I wish it was either all hot or all cold, none of this in-between stuff. I can wear my nice, cuddly warm hoodie again. I can hope for snow (and maybe some days off work). Soup and stew become good choices for dinner. Hot chocolate with marshmallows... I've never really looked forward to the cold months before. Now I am.
10/02 Direct Link
Music is a powerful force. However, I don't think music should be your entire identity, unless of course, you work with music or you study it or you play an instrument. If you're a listener of a certain genre of music, a genre you enjoy above all others, you might believe that genre is the best. That is purely an opinion. To me, music has individual meaning for each person who listens to it. You might think a rap song is garbage, but I might find meaning or significance in the lyrics. My opinion is no better than yours.
10/03 Direct Link

I don't like feeling incompetent; like I'm doing something wrong, but nobody's telling me what I'm doing wrong. Like if you have something stuck between your teeth and you'd much rather have someone say something to you as soon as they see it than go around all day getting strange looks. I feel like I'm breaking some kind of secret decorum I know nothing about, that nobody ever told me and it's something I'm supposed to just know. It's probably a completely irrational feeling, but I can't help thinking I'm the odd one out, that they're whispering behind my back.

10/04 Direct Link

So many people out there will attempt to bash my belief in God. "Oh, it's just a myth, like Santa Claus." "How could a kind, loving god let the world be so full of destruction?" "Religion is all manmade and all bullshit." "What about the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition? That wasn't God, it was Catholicism." "The Virgin Mary wasn't really a virgin. That's a myth, too." "If it wasn't for the Catholic Church, the dark ages wouldn't have happened and we'd be much more technologically advanced than we are now." "Religious people are narrow-minded bigots."

It hurts.

10/05 Direct Link
It's kind of strange that sometimes you write about a particular character so much that you dream you are them. That happens a lot when I work on the particular piece of writing that I'm involved with right now. I get more into it than I do with my other stories. And when I get into something or when something occupies my thoughts, I dream about it. I sometimes dream about it so much that it gets really annoying, but those dreams are useful. They provide me with more inspiration than I had before, and thus, I have more ideas.
10/06 Direct Link
I hate when people put their charity or fundraiser on Facebook, and you have to be a member of Facebook to vote for the charity or fundraiser so it can get money. That's what happened to me a few days ago. I am not on Facebook, and I wasn't about to make an account I'd never use just to vote for a charity. I know that sounds horrible, but I really despise the ubiquity of Facebook. I hope it goes the way of MySpace, but then again, there will just be some other social media phenomenon to take its place. 
10/07 Direct Link
One month ago, we went to Waffle House. Because it was my first time there, I had a waffle. It was a rather delicious specimen of a waffle, thick and doughy with syrup that was slightly too sweet. The reason I ordered the waffle was because I knew that one bite would take me back to a time when I was given a waffle. 

It was April of 2009, and the world as I knew it turned upside down. the waffle I had on that April day was so gigantic I could not finish it. My nerves were jangled.
10/08 Direct Link
I wonder if my muse thinks about me as a muse. I wonder if this person acknowledges my existence or thinks about me in any way at all. In a way, I feel as if I have a connection to this person and I'm pretty sure it's not just my paranoid self making me feel that way. I feel like the connection is legitimate. But I do feel as if I got too close to my muse, that person would push me away, push me aside as if I was nothing, and I'd never do that to my muse. Ever.
10/09 Direct Link
There are couples you think will last forever. And there are people you really want to see together, but you do not think it will ever happen. I guess that's like when fans of books or movies or TV shows "ship" characters they want to see in relationships. I "ship" certain people in real life, base characters off them, and create a story. I wonder if this is how most stories are made, or if that's just something weird that only I do. It's so disappointing when a relationship you thought would last breaks up. You wonder why it happened.
10/10 Direct Link
I was looking through my old 100 Words entries last night to try and get inspiration for my next story. I did find inspiration, but I also found traces of the person I used to be, and to some extent, the person I still am. I did not like that person. I think the version of myself I liked the most was who I was prior to the fall of 2004. From fall of 2004 until spring of 2009, I can't say I liked who I was very much. Now I am at peace and I like myself once again.
10/11 Direct Link
Sometimes I lose faith in people. I forget that people are imperfect. I hold people to high standards and when they fail to meet my standards, I get upset at them. I know that's not a good way to live or a good way to treat people. I suppose I enjoy my righteous anger a little bit too much. But I am trying to get over that. I am recognizing that everyone has their own standards and they do not have to conform to mine, by any means. My standards may not match someone else's and they're disappointed in me.
10/12 Direct Link

I don't really know what to say. I'm not sure that I even have anything worth writing about right now. It's the middle of the day and I'm excited about tomorrow. My best friend and I are going to the State Fair.

On a different note, yesterday, I was reminded of why I don't like a particular person. You could say that my eyes were opened yet again to the kinds of things that person says and does, and how they hurt feelings. It's not just me who feels that way about that person, either. It's a lot of people.

10/13 Direct Link
The world may not end in fire or in ice. It may end in chaos, that chaos not including either of those things. Our democratic system of government will break down. Entropy will have consumed the systems so that they no longer work and there will be no "cleaning up the system" or "making it better." The progressives will have progressed and the conservatives will find that their ways, their mentality, are all archaic. That is how I see the world ending. It might not be a good ending, and we will all definitely die, but we cause our end. 
10/14 Direct Link
Your moral code is not mine, therefore, you do not have the right to impose it on me. I keep hearing lines like that and they bother me. My greatest wish that will not be fulfilled because we live in an imperfect, chaotic world, is that every person in the world would be united under one religion. Our views would all be in harmony. No more fighting, no more arguing over morals... but it's a naive wish. The world and human nature cannot be that way. We are programmed to argue and we are hard-pressed to stop our nature. 
10/15 Direct Link
It's another one of those sleepy days when all I want to do is get a book, read, and fall asleep while reading. But I have plenty of writing to do, a chocolate bar to eat, and a crazy cat who runs around and smashes into walls. 

I had a strange dream last night: some guy was walking with me on a gravel road and I could not walk far because I was wearing high heels. He said, "You can borrow my shoes," and I refused. Later he asked me if I believed in true love. I said no.
10/16 Direct Link
All I really want to do right now is sleep. I think a video I saw earlier made me tired. Or maybe it's the simple fact that I'm tired of staring at screens. I need chocolate or some other form of caffeine ASAP, but I allow myself coffee only once a day. Too much caffeine makes me go insane, and that's not a pretty sight. I think the stuff affects me more easily because I'm not a big person. My roommate once said that if I had one sip of alcohol, I'd be ridiculously drunk. That is probably true.
10/17 Direct Link
I really do believe adults need recess, and sometimes they need recess even more than kids. I know there are some companies that have a recess period or a naptime period for their employees, but I don't really know if that has a positive or negative effect on productivity. I do feel that I need naptime at about 2:00 in the afternoon. And recess at around 11:00, right before lunch. Yesterday, I nearly fell asleep watching a PowerPoint presentation, but it was right after lunch and that's usually when I start getting sleepy. Afternoon coffee saves the day!
10/18 Direct Link
You can give your heart to someone. You can give your entire soul to someone and they can eventually reject you or push you away or make you feel like you never mattered to them at all.

I think it is better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost. I loved him, I told him things, I gave him pieces of myself that I never gave to anyone else, and he took it for granted. He threw himself around, gave himself to whoever would look twice, so I felt like my affections were meaningless, wasted.
10/19 Direct Link
When I was driving to work today, I had the strangest thought (brought on by getting up far too early, driving in the rain, and the fact that I hadn't had my coffee yet). What if my entire life was just one long (and very elaborate) hallucination? What if I woke up from the hallucination to discover that I was some random 40-year-old person who had been in a coma for 20-something years? That would be completely crazy. Like the person had gone into a coma at the age I am now, then awakened? So very weird.
10/20 Direct Link
Today is the Sweetest Day. I don't really know what that means. I don't feel like Googling it either. I have a lot to write today, but quite honestly, I don't really feel like it. Well, that's a lie. Part of me feels like it and another part of me wants to succumb to procrastination and be lazy, but if it's going to get written eventually, I might as well start writing it now. It's not like it's a hard scene or anything... but I will try my best. I got behind this week because I had to work late. 
10/21 Direct Link
I'm having somewhat of a moral dilemma (I typed that "dilemama" before retyping it -- I have no idea what a "dilemama" is -- maybe the mother of all dilemmas?) and the strangest thing is that I feel my morals hold no weight anymore. I know it's not the case, but it's a feeling. I can act the way I act all I want, but people do not follow me. They do not follow my example. I do not follow theirs. We are not influenced by each other. We move along on our parallel paths and that's it. Nothing to be said. 
10/22 Direct Link
The good part about a busy week is that it goes by fast, but that's also the downside of a busy week. It goes by too fast for you to really enjoy the good parts of it. Then when you look back at it, it just looks like a blur and you can't really remember what day what happened and who you talked to about this and who might have mentioned that to you...

But the slow, boring weeks are agonizing in themselves. Nothing happens and you're stuck with hoping for the weekend or a more exciting day to come.
10/23 Direct Link
I don't know if this is normal, but most of the time, I have a song stuck in my head. Now, it's "Reach" and I can't remember the name of the person who sings it. I think it might have been on some movie soundtrack. I can't remember the last time when I didn't have a song stuck in my head, but it was probably sometime around Lent. I usually give up music for Lent, if only so I can quiet my mind and think about other, less worldly things. I guess the song in my head makes me happy.
10/24 Direct Link
I can't think of a single thing to write about. Except flash drives. They're holding more and more information and they're getting physically smaller and smaller. It's strange because the (physically) biggest flash drive I have is old and it only holds 256mb. But the (physically) smallest flash drive I have holds 4gb.

At work, they're shutting off the water in the building so they can do repairs. That means we have to go all the way to the other end of the building to use the bathroom and make coffee. I'm none too pleased, but it could be worse.
10/25 Direct Link
I personally think Ann Coulter is nothing more than a troll. I agree with a lot of her views because I like to consider myself conservative, but the way she goes about stating her views is quite trollish indeed. She seems to deliberately bait liberals and I don't like her ad hominem attacks. She makes the party and ideology she supports look bad, so I don't really take her all that seriously. She is a troll. Some would consider her an attractive troll, but she is a troll nonetheless. I have nothing more to say on the subject of trolls.
10/26 Direct Link
Taylor Swift and her parade of exes... that's something to write about. I do think that perhaps it's her that's the problem, if she keeps going through relationships like that. Or else, she's just picked the wrong type of guy.

I know for my failed relationships, I've definitely been the problem. It's usually my shyness. I'm too shy and too introverted to have a relationship when 90% of the time, I don't even want to be around the other person. It's like... is it worth sacrificing alone time to be with this person? Nope. Totally mean and callous, I know.
10/27 Direct Link
Guns, guns, guns. I've dreamed about guns last night and the night before last. I am pretty sure I know why I'm dreaming about guns, but I really wish I didn't. Some guy had a gun in his hand and he was running after me. He was shooting and I was dodging the bullets somehow. Then I tried to hide behind a white truck, but he found me and pointed the gun in my face. Luckily, I woke up before he blew my head off, but those dreams can still be disorienting. I wonder if I was in a warzone. 
10/28 Direct Link
Ah! Only four more days until November and the beginning of NaNoWriMo. I haven't done any planning in the month of October, partly because I did all my planning in September and August. I guess I was lucky to think ahead. I really had no idea that I'd get so busy in October. It's like this month has flown by, and that's a good thing because it gives me less time to mope around and be idle and bored... but then again, I don't typically mope around and be idle and bored anyway. Fifty thousand words about my fictional town...
10/29 Direct Link
It was raining when I drove to work today, so naturally, everyone went below the speed limit. I was behind this one guy whose car seemed to be drifting along the highway at an angle. He had his right turn signal on (or else one half of his hazards was broken) and I think he might have been trying to get onto the shoulder. Maybe his tire had started to go flat or something. I'm not sure and I didn't stop to find out because my exit was coming up. So I got off on my exit. Hope he's OK.
10/30 Direct Link
We do not have much longer to go until NaNoWriMo starts. I shouldn't say "we" because that implies everyone, so I guess I'll just say "we crazy writers" don't have much longer to go until NaNoWriMo starts. I am having difficulties imagining how I'm going to fulfill all my goals this month. To get 500 words every day on my existing story, write my blog, write these 100 words, and write 1,667 words a day in NaNoWriMo story. It's going to be near about impossible, but I think I can manage. I have some vacation days this month, luckily.
10/31 Direct Link
Happy Halloween! I'm going to go as myself and I will eat all the leftover candy the kids don't eat. So that ought to be fun. In a way, I wish I could go trick or treating. Or at least, I wish I could dress up in costume and just walk around wearing a mask. I could actually do that and nobody would know it was me. But where would I go walking? Maybe somewhere with a lot of trick or treaters, so I could scare them out of their wits by jumping out from behind a tree or something.