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BY M

10/01 Direct Link
It's October and it's a bit chilly outside, although most of the time I'm pretty warm, so I barely feel it at all. 

On a totally unrelated note, I don't understand why people get into smoking. You know it's no good for you and it could chop years off your life, so what's the sense of starting? I wish smoking was easier to quit. My parents both had a hard time quitting smoking - and they had both been doing it for over thirty years. It's a difficult thing to do - that's why I wish it was a bit easier.
10/02 Direct Link
The next guy I date has to know the fundamental rules of grammar - and actually use them. He can't mix up "your" and "you're" or "its" and "it's." If he does that, I just can't date him in good conscience. It would be a horrible atrocity. 

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but I do have my standards. The guy has to like to read, too. That way we can talk about something besides video games and movies all the time. 

Dear future boyfriend, please use proper grammar and please love reading. I'll love you forever and always!
10/03 Direct Link
If I get off work at five, I'm sorely tempted to lie down or go into a trance staring at the computer screen and not do much of anything, even though there are a bunch of things I have to do. If I don't get anything done, my revision work will suffer and I'll be behind on the goals I set for myself. 

That's why I like the night shift; I have all day long to do things, then I can go to work with my mind free of revision and whatever else. It's better for my productivity level.
10/04 Direct Link
My short-term memory is ridiculously bad, yet on the other hand, my long-term memory is excellent. I can't remember things that happened five minutes ago, but I can remember things that happened five years ago with good clarity. It's stupid when I ask for your name and five minutes later, I have to ask for it again because my short-term memory freaked out on me. That usually happens when too many things crowd my memory all at once; I can't pick between them easily, hence why I am such a bad multitasker. But how can I improve?
10/05 Direct Link
Another day shift. Everyone claims to hate closing, but I don't mind it. It's the repetition of the tasks and the fact that I know exactly what I'm doing that calms me. There aren't any customers to keep satisfied at that point and anyone who calls on the phone is greeted with "we're closed now." That makes it a bit easier. 

It's the lunch rush I don't like too much, especially when you get a table full of men who just stare at you. If you want something, tell me. I can't read your mind. Stop checking me out!
10/06 Direct Link
It's disconcerting when your body betrays you. Like when your mind knows you have to get up early, but the body forces you back to bed claiming it needs more sleep.

Or when your mind has convinced you that you don't want to see a certain guy again, but when you see him, your body reacts and you know that you still have feelings for him, whether they are of the good or bad variety. 

Last night, I was in a great deal of pain and my mind was twisting itself in knots. Mind and body worked together. 
10/07 Direct Link
I want to re-read all of the Harry Potter books all of a sudden. I want to buy a Nintendo DS and play some Pokemon White. All of a sudden, I want to break out my Pokemon cards and play a game with my brother. I want to spend all day reading or playing video games, like I did when I was a kid. 

But being an adult is fun, in a different way. Knowing that you can do what you want when you want is nice - and knowing that you can take care of yourself is nice.
10/08 Direct Link
This makeup is irritating my eye. I should probably switch to a better brand, but I'm not going shopping for a while.

I hate shopping for clothes. It's hard to find something that fits me (and fits me well), and quite honestly, I get bored searching around the store for something that I actually want to buy. I usually end up talking myself out of buying that much, so I leave the store with a pair of pants and a shirt when I had intended to buy more. It's just that shopping for clothes is ridiculous when it's so expensive.
10/09 Direct Link
V8 juice tastes weird. It's literally a mix of fruits and vegetables and it has something in it called "purple carrots," which I have never heard of in my life. It made me think I read the ingredients wrong. It doesn't taste bad... it's just strange. It's not sweet, which is good because I hate juices that are loaded with sugar. But it doesn't taste good. Strange. This juice is the strangest substance I've drank in a long time. And here I sit, still drinking it. I don't think I'll go for a second glass though. It's not that good.
10/10 Direct Link
I'm reading a romance novel and it's really irritating me. The female protagonist/love interest is always described in the most beautiful terms. She never has a bad hair day, she's never described shaving her legs or her armpits, she never has a period, and she never farts, uses the toilet, or belches. She's not a real woman. 

I understand that romances are supposed to be fantastical and unrealistic, but this book makes me roll my eyes. And the main character is pretty one-dimensional, too. I've read several romances by this same author, but this one isn't good.
10/11 Direct Link
I came to the conclusion that I don't want to date anymore. I don't want a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband or any attachments. I'm not interested in starting a relationship and the thought of one fills me with apathy.

I'm focusing on my career, my job, my writing, my church, and my family. That's what's truly important to me right now - not some guy or going out on dates. 

This is the first time in my life that I have felt this way. I've always wanted a guy, but now it's a complete turn-around. 
10/12 Direct Link
I'm not good with people my own age. I don't think I relate to them well. I'm better with people who are quite a bit older than me. Younger people are intimidating to me, because they tend to be brash and arrogant - even if they're still in elementary school. OK, I know your parents might let you get away with murder at home, but you need to learn how to respect others in the real world. I don't need your uppity attitude. Older people do tend to be more respectful, for the most part. 

What the world has become...
10/13 Direct Link
Songs that get stuck in my head can sometimes help me through the day because, if I like the song, I'll be bouncing around to inaudible (to everyone else) music that fills me with energy. Yesterday, I was doing that, but I started to get a headache. Luckily, I just had a short shift at work, so it wasn't a big deal. Go to sleep, take a nap, eat some chocolate, and the headache disappears. That will be quite awesome. 

And some good news... soon I'll be getting paid for my writing! This is a milestone and I'm excited!
10/14 Direct Link
The concept of "friends" is alien to me sometimes. When I'm at work or when I was at school, that would be enough social interaction for me. I never truly desired a deeper connection with any of my classmates or coworkers. When I was away from school or work, I would be content to stay at home by myself or with family. 

I never desired a friend. I never really have. 

Right now, I have one good friend and he's awesome, but I could do just as well without him. I'm not a person who needs social interaction.
10/15 Direct Link
I keep dreaming about this guy I used to have a crush on. I'm pretty sure that if he magically reappeared in my life, I'd still have a crush on him. 

Then there was this guy who showed up at my work who had the same last name as one of my exes, and that brought on a separate wave of nostalgia. 

I'm such a hopeless romantic. I love to dream about romance and meeting up with my "soul mate," but in real life, I'd much rather be single. Life would be a lot easier that way. 
10/16 Direct Link
It is one of those lazy Sundays where I could lie in bed until noon, but I'd never allow myself to sleep past 7. The early morning hours (before 11) are when my brain works best. After that, it all goes downhill. 

But I have managed to be productive in the afternoon. I used to be fairly productive at night, but now all I want to do at night is zone out in front of the computer watching some show I would never admit to anyone that I watched. 

Eh... eight hours of sleep are enough for me.
10/17 Direct Link
I found a really cool website that includes articles I actually agree with! I'm going to have quite a bit of reading material in the next few days. I don't want to talk about it here because it's a touchy subject and one I'm reluctant to discuss over the Internet... but I'm glad that someone somewhere agrees with me.

That's what's great about the Internet; no matter where you go, you can always find someone who agrees with you about something or other. You are never truly alone. Any weird phobia or quirk you have is shared by someone else.
10/18 Direct Link
I don't like it when a book's cover reveals a totally different vibe than what the book is really about. It's like false advertising. OK, I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but the cover is one of the chief marketing materials when it comes to getting the book an audience. The cover should evoke at least the main theme or feeling of the book. It shouldn't leave the reader feeling ripped off. It's especially bad when it's a book from a big New York City publisher. If it was a self-published book, I'd understand better.
10/19 Direct Link
Some days I just don't feel like doing anything extra. I blog five times a week. I'm expected to come up with articles for another site once every two weeks. I write once a week for them because that's the overachiever in me. What doesn't get posted on that other site gets posted on my blog. 

Some days I don't feel like coming up with a whole new article, or else I find that the spring of ideas in my head has gone dry. I hate having to rack my brains for article ideas. Luckily, my blog is easier.
10/20 Direct Link
I got a random email from a publisher saying that they'd like to publish my manuscript that's sitting on FictionPress. I think it's a scam, but I'll Google it and look into it a little more before totally dismissing it. Usually, you have to contact the publisher and not the other way around - a little like when you're applying for jobs. The jobs aren't going to come to you. You're going to have to go to them. That's the way it works in real life. 

So I am not going to fall headfirst into a scam or a trap.
10/21 Direct Link
I hope I get a decent schedule for the coming week. I don't like working for 11 days in a row without a day off, even if it is only part-time hours. Isn't that illegal or something? There should be a day off every five days, just like a normal work week. 

But enough gripes about the schedule. I'm reading Life of Pi and it's really good so far. The only problem is, there's not enough romance... but you can't have everything in a book. It's not a complaint, really - just an observation. I'm enjoying the book.  
10/22 Direct Link
When I say I am going to call someone, I call them. When I say I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time, I show up at the time I said I was going to be there. If I can't make it, I will let you know or I will call you and make you aware of the change. I won't just leave you hanging. I'm a pretty accountable and honorable person. I stand by my word. If my mind changes, I let you know, but usually I'm pretty resolute about the decisions I make. I can be trusted. 
10/23 Direct Link
It is annoying when people don't call you back or email you back. Then you feel like if you call or email them again, they'll be annoyed with you for bugging them. Grr...

but I am trying my best not to be annoyed by anything. People who say, "She made me mad!" or "She's making me get annoyed!" do not have that much control over their emotions. Only you can decide whether you get mad or annoyed as a result of someone else's actions. Nobody can make you do anything, so don't blame your negative emotions on someone else. 
10/24 Direct Link
Today is about to get interesting. What's funny is that "interesting" does not automatically mean "good" or "entertaining." It could mean "disappointing" or "sad" or "annoying" or just plain out of the ordinary. 

I do not really have a lot to say - but I am enjoying the fall weather somewhat. I always think I will hate it, but after a few days, I get into it. Snuggling up with a book while wearing a comfy sweater is one of those things about cold weather that you can't help but love. Hot drinks are another one of those special things. 
10/25 Direct Link
Knowing what I know now, I am not going to fall into that pit of despair that I was once in. I am going to take my time and think things through. That's the best approach to life's problems, unless there's some sort of split second decision that needs to be made. Well, in this case, I can take all the time I want to - and I most definitely will. This isn't going to be any kind of Labor Day weekend thing... the decision will take more than just three days. Hopefully what I decide will be worth the time.
10/26 Direct Link
I slept in a strange position and when I woke up, I honestly thought my ankle was broken. I don't know how I managed to stay asleep if I was that uncomfortable. I leaned over and tried to set my alarm for another fifteen minutes, but the blue glow of the numbers only made me become more awake, along with the blinding pain in my ankle. 

Luckily, I don't feel any pain now. It's completely gone and for that, I am glad. But that is not the first time that's happened. I sleep in very awkward and uncomfortable positions.
10/27 Direct Link
I'm going to be a lot more clear-headed than I was in the past. I'm not going to jump into any stupid decisions or make choices without thinking about the consequences.

But sometimes, I feel as though I think too much and that I take certain things way too seriously. My writing is a serious topic. Marriage is a serious topic. Getting into a relationship with someone is a serious topic. Schoolwork and academia are serious. Work and career-related stuff are very serious. 

I'm a little more lax on things other than those I have mentioned.  
10/28 Direct Link
It feels like Nicki Minaj sings in everyone's songs these days. I don't have a problem with her; I actually like her music, but it's just weird to see all these songs featuring her. They say she's the black version of Lady Gaga and I'm not sure if that's true or not, but everyone's opinion is going to be different. 

I still listen to rock, but most of the time I end up rolling my eyes at some song about a tough, gravelly-voiced guy wailing about some girl that left him or the fact that he was abused.
10/29 Direct Link
It doesn't make sense. The majority of men I know simply aren't accountable anymore. I know, I should probably hang out with better people, have better friends, etc. because I can't force my existing people to change. 

The only people in this world who truly care about me are my best friend and my family. Everyone else is just an opportunist. They use me for what they can get, then toss me aside. I'd never do the same to them. I like people for who they are. I accept them for who they are. I don't toss them away.
10/30 Direct Link
It irritates me when people on the Internet try to argue with you when you simply post your opinion on something. I was just saying what I believed. I didn't intend to start an argument or convert anyone to my beliefs. Some people who purport to be open-minded really are the most close-minded. It makes no sense. I'm not going to feed the trolls and I'm not going to waste my time arguing about any of that stuff. It's just useless. I'd rather go about my merry way, post what I want to post, and live life happily.
10/31 Direct Link
It is Halloween... a holiday I don't really care that much for. I like the candy/chocolate aspect of it, but that's about it. The holiday does not hold any meaning for me. I prefer Easter and Christmas. Halloween is similar to Valentine's Day for me - they are not technically religious holidays and the emphasis is on chocolate/candy. 

When I was a kid, I usually went as a gypsy for Halloween. When I was three or four, I went as a cow, complete with plastic udders. I think I went as Princess Jasmine when I was six.