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BY M

09/01 Direct Link
Now that 100Words finally got caught up, I have five days' worth of words to write. Not that it bothers me, really. OK, I was a little irritated at it yesterday, but 500 words isn't really that much, especially since I tend to babble about nothing in particular when it comes to these entries. The first thing that comes to my head is usually what I end up writing about, as long as that particular thing isn't X-rated or "too much information" or some other unmentionable. It's September, which means days will get shorter and cooler. I'll miss summer.
09/02 Direct Link
Walking on landmines... walking on landmines... that's the song that's stuck in my head at this point in time. I literally have a song stuck in my head all the time. It never goes away - it just changes. Yesterday it was that song by Cobra Starship, "You Make Me Feel." I hate to admit it, but I'm addicted to Top 40 radio right now. Most of it. I can't stand that "Lazy Song" and a few others. Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" has gotten old, and so has every Pitbull song. Those get played constantly. At least every 30 minutes.
09/03 Direct Link
There is a giant class difference in the United States. Even though it's said that America is the land of opportunity, with the economy the way it is, it's harder for "lower class" people to move up. Basically, the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. (Wow, that doesn't even sound like a real word.) I don't care what you say - there is definitely a class difference here, even though America is supposed to grant everyone "upward mobility." Class shouldn't matter. People are people. We all have the same basic wants and needs, no matter what. 
09/04 Direct Link
Three years ago, on September 4, my life changed. I met the person who would change my life and bring me back to where I was supposed to be. I'm still on that track, but certain things are threatening to lead me back to a negative path. Now that I am knowledgeable about how to stay on the positive path, I will try my best to stay there. It's a matter of prioritization and needs versus wants. Some people really struggle with that - and I admit, I'm one of them. Sometimes it's hard to discern what's really the most important.
09/05 Direct Link
Now I'm all caught up, after rambling about complete randomness for the past five entries. Here's hoping this Labor Day goes well for everyone - and even if you don't have the day off, make the best of it. I work for three hours today - so I do have the vast majority of the day off. And I'll make the best of it. Smiling and being happy are essential, because the more you smile, the more happy hormones will float into your brain. (I really do believe that's true.) And it is a fine day. I can't complain about the weather.
09/06 Direct Link
There are two paths I can choose from, and I'm not sure which one is right or which will lead me to greater happiness in the future. I know which one makes me happy now... but will it continue to make me happy for the rest of my life?

All I really want from life is to be happy and have the basic essentials that I need. I don't need extravagance. I don't need a fancy car or a huge house or a bottomless bank account. Just enough money to supply me with what I need would be perfectly fine.
09/07 Direct Link
I'm reading a book that's essentially a soap opera set in the Civil War days. It's a good book, but sometimes the characters' histrionics can be funny. I'm not sure that's what the author intended, but it is still funny.

Histrionics is a nice word. It just sounds good when you say it. I know many people who don't like the word "moist." All those words with the "oi" sound in them sound a little odd. Poise. Tortoise. (Although that doesn't quite have the same sound.) It still looks amusing.

Words entertain me. I suppose that's why I write.  
09/08 Direct Link
I don't have a concrete reason why I'm irritated, but I just am. It's all part of the fun of being a woman, I suppose. I either want to fall asleep or start screaming nonsense at the top of my lungs. 

I feel frustrated lately and again, there's not really a concrete reason why. It might be that the summer is slowly turning into fall or that I might be just a tiny bit jealous. I'm definitely less jealous than I would have been in the past and that makes me happy at least. I'm slowly kicking that habit.
09/09 Direct Link
Today's my day off! Yay! And guess where I'm going to spend some of it... at the library just like a nerd. I feels like it's been forever since I took a trip to the library. 

I also have a phone interview for a position that I hope is permanent. I really can't take a temporary job, even if it is full-time. I'd rather stay with the job I have now - it's stable - rather than take a temporary job and have nothing to fall back on when that job is over. 

Ah, you gotta love the economy.
09/10 Direct Link
In an odd way, I did stumble into the project(s) I'm working on now. I never had any big ideas or plans for them - they just happened. I'm glad it was that way. Usually, the more buildup and plans I have for a project, the less fun it ends up being because it has to conform to my mental image of it. It's hard for me to stuff my mental images in a box and let the project be what it wants to be. If I let a piece of writing run wild, it quickly gets far too crazy.
09/11 Direct Link
All I really want to do is rant today, but I'm not going to because that's unhealthy. I don't actually have anything to rant about - I'm just in an odd mood because of the time of the month. TMI, I know, but it had to be said. 

Today is the 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks. I still remember exactly where I was on that day when the tragedy occurred. Sitting in Algebra watching it on the TV, not believing it was real. I thought it was the trailer to a movie or something. I could not believe.
09/12 Direct Link
I'm beginning to question what intelligence is. Is it the ability to hold multiple things in your head at once - and remember them? Or is it the ability to write complex papers and reports? Maybe it's true what they say about multiple intelligences - everyone is smart in a different way. Common sense is a type of intelligence - and a surprising amount of people don't have the slightest bit of common sense at all. It's really crazy. 

I got really good grades in school, but I don't feel like I'm really that smart. I'm book smart - and that's about it.
09/13 Direct Link
I never take you seriously because I don't know what you want. I think you're bored and just messing around, which is completely understandable. There's never anything for you to do - nothing you could be doing, so you spend time throwing meaningless words around, getting my hopes up and shooting them down. 

Are you sincere? Or are you wasting my time? I'm sarcastic with you, only because I don't want to be serious, then find out you're joking. You say you dream about me, my heart leaps, but I know it's a lie. 

Your words are meaningless. 
09/14 Direct Link
There are no words for how much I dislike using the telephone. I don't like making calls and I don't like receiving calls. Lately, we've had our phone ring way more times than is normal, and it's just been the same recording about life insurance. I don't know how these robots get our phone number. 

Another, completely unrelated rant: My cat throws up hairballs only on the carpet. I have no idea why, except that it's a pain in the neck to scrub that mess off the carpet rather than just wipe it off the hard floor.

End rant.
09/15 Direct Link
If I really wanted to hang out with you, I'd make time to. If you piss me off enough, I'm obviously not going to want to hang out with you anymore, so don't expect me to. I've told you countless times what I will and will not tolerate, so I think you ought to understand by now. I sincerely hope you understand why I don't want to hang out; I'm going to be tired and I am going to spend my only day off resting. For me, hanging out is exhausting, especially when it's with someone who tries my patience.
09/16 Direct Link
I'm not sure if I want to revise my current WiP when I'm finished. It's only a first draft, so for all intents and purposes, I really should revise it and make it better. 

It's only a novella. It'll turn out to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 36,000 words. Would it be worth it to revise something this small and try to get it published? Or will attempting to publish something small be easier than trying to publish a full-length novel? 

And novels in verse? Who publishes those? I guess I have research to do!
09/17 Direct Link
I wouldn't go to Victoria's Secret. OK, maybe I would... just to look around. Everything in there is overpriced, and even when they have sales (you can buy 5 pairs of underwear for $25 or something), that's still $5 per panty. That's a bit excessive. Wal-Mart sells those packs of Hanes or Fruit of the Loom underwear and there's like 10 in there for $5. Now that's a bargain. OK, sure the underwear might fray and rip and show the elastic, but I don't care. As long as it covers my butt, I'm all right. Nobody sees my underwear.
09/18 Direct Link
I don't know if this is normal or not, but I always have some kind of song stuck in my head. Right now it's some hip-hop song talking about how the girl looks better with the lights off. I think it's time I stopped listening to all the Top 40 hits on the radio, although for some reason, I'm addicted to that music. Maybe it's because it sounds so happy compared to all the depressing rock/post-grunge I've been listening to for so long. Don't get me wrong - I still like rock. It's just a little more sad.
09/19 Direct Link
Fall is returning and with it, cold weather and darkness coming early, both of which annoy me to no end. I like the fall - I like seeing the leaves changing and I enjoy fall holidays and things like that, but I'm not a huge fan of the weather or the time change.

And Daylight Saving Time. Or the return to Standard Time. Whichever it is, it always throws me off and I don't know why we still have that time change. It has something to do with saving electricity or something - as far as I know. I don't really care.
09/20 Direct Link
I have this WiP that everyone seems to like. They read it and say something like, "This should be published!" and I'm second guessing myself thinking it's really not that good. Apparently, it's reaching its audience (teen girls) and is striking a chord with them, so I must be doing something right. 

Who knows? Maybe it really is worth publication. I'd like to get a professional's thoughts on it, though. But I still plan on at least giving it one revision. It won't seem right to have spent a year on the story, then totally forget it ever existed.
09/21 Direct Link
For the first time in my life, I'm seriously tempted to ask a guy out. I don't know if I ought to, though. I'm not really hesitant to do it out of shyness, but out of the fact that he's probably not right for me. After knowing what I know about him, I should be wanting to run in the other direction. But you know the saying. Good girls always want the bad boys, so that may have something to do with it. I don't exactly pick the best guys, either. I have a tendency to choose the wrong ones.
09/22 Direct Link
Yesterday was an off-day for me. I think we all have days when we just don't feel like doing anything because everything we've done turns out to be the wrong thing. Maybe we have days that we swear are really dreams in disguise. Nothing we do feels real. The simplest tasks become incredibly difficult and we get lost on familiar roads. But for every bad day, there are at least five good days, so we shouldn't let the bad days chain us down and make us feel bad about ourselves. The happiness of the good days really matters. 
09/23 Direct Link
I hope it rains all day long and into Saturday. I never used to like the rain when I was younger, but now I see it as peaceful. (And we badly need the rain right now anyway!) 

Soon fall will arrive (actually, today is the first day of fall, but it's still warm out) and temperatures will drop. Perhaps the rain will turn into snow. Maybe we'll get lucky and have a lot of snow this year. I keep dreaming about snow all the time. I wonder if that's because I miss it or for some other strange reason.
09/24 Direct Link
September is already coming to a close. It flew right by, probably because this month has been the busiest I've had since I was back in college. 

I can't wait until November, when NaNoWriMo rolls back around. I have a pretty good idea for a story that will be an ongoing serial, just so I can constantly be producing something. That's what I liked about writing THE ARCHIVES, which will end on the 28th of this month. I always had something to write and a new direction in which to take the plot. It's a lot of fun. 
09/25 Direct Link
I have convictions and I am going to uphold those convictions. Vacillating will only make me appear weak, thus I will stand my ground so I shall be respected. People who do not stick firmly to what they believe will be taken advantage of. I won't let that happen to me again because the first time was definitely not pleasant. 

Standing my ground has proven me to be strong. My self-esteem will increase if I am able to stick to my guns and not relent. It's time for me to recognize the difference between wants and needs. 
09/26 Direct Link
I have "According to You" by Orianthi stuck in my head. It's a good song about a girl with a verbally abusive boyfriend and then another guy starts to see the good in her, so she compares the two. According to one guy, she's an annoyance, but according to the other guy, she's great. 

Verbal abuse is a killer - it can really wear you down and destroy your self-esteem. They say sticks and stones can break bones, but words don't hurt. That's the worst advice in the world because words can definitely hurt worse than sticks and stones. 
09/27 Direct Link
I'm sorry you don't like how quiet I am and how I push you away and how I don't let you touch me. 

I told you I don't like you like that. I've told you numerous times. I haven't beaten around the bush either. I've been straightforward. I DON'T LIKE YOU. 

So don't complain when I don't "love" you the way you want to be loved. You're not going to get it from me. Look elsewhere. Don't complain about the way I am because I told you what I feel.
 
I DON'T LIKE YOU. Get over it.
09/28 Direct Link
I don't like to believe that stupid people exist. We are all intelligent, but in different ways. Certain people are "stupid" when it comes to books and learning, but they have a lot of common sense and life skills. Other people are the other way around. Some people are great business-people, but they're no good at relationships with family or significant others. There is no single intelligence that says you're either smart or stupid. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's unfair to put a label like "stupid" or "smart" on everyone. Just look at the multiple intelligences. 
09/29 Direct Link
I almost ran over a squirrel this morning. I saw a furry shape streaking like a bullet along the grass on the side of the road, but just before he actually reached the road, he turned around. I still hit the brake anyway. I hate killing a squirrel or anything else; even though I did kill one before. I absolutely could not stop in time. What's worse is that I don't think he died immediately on impact, either. That poor little creature, squirming in the road...

I suppose some people would say that's just survival of the fittest/smartest. 
09/30 Direct Link
Dear Guy-I-Thought-Was-My-Soul-Mate,

I dreamed about you last night. I remember how you said I was beautiful. I think that if we had lasted a little longer (if we had not been pulled apart by the hands of fate - ooh, the melodrama!), you might have grown to love me for more than just the way I looked. Maybe my personality would have sparkled to you as well. You never really got to know me for who I was... but you did save the rest of my life, so for that I am grateful.

Love,

Me