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One time, when I was fourteen, I had a skirt made out of this really silky, light material. Dad would not let me wear it at all, so I shoved it into my backpack and changed into it at school. Well, the stupid skirt turned out to be too short, so I got suspended. Dad grounded me for wearing it and took the skirt away. Even for the ten minutes I had it on at school, I was still getting all kinds of looks from guys. Perverted looks, but it was exciting while it lasted. I love attention!
I don't have too much patience for people who act silly all the time, especially if they're over the age of eighteen. My sister and her friends are all around their late teens and they act like idiots. It's worse than being in a house with a bunch of babies. When they show up, I'm out the door to be with my own friends, who act just as silly sometimes - usually I try to get them out of that particular mood. It just gets under my skin to hear male teens giggling like little girls. Grow up, guys!
I do not believe in signs, mainly because I just don't see a purpose. If there are signs everywhere, some of them are bound to contradict each other, right? I think so. If they contradict, then they cancel out and who's to say that the signs that cancelled out really were right? It's all subjective. Too subjective for me. I like math and science because they are very objective and there are no signs; just concrete evidence, facts, and numbers. I don't have to go digging for some hidden meaning that may only be in one person's head.
Sinful (Mrs. Duchamp)
I was a sinful, rebellious girl. I used to hide from my parents when I was in trouble, rather than face up to it and get the punishment over with. They'd punish me because I never came home on time and stayed out way past curfew; they had that in those days, and in a way, I wish they still did, but I can sympathize with those teenagers. I was just like them - I remember feeling what they felt and not understanding it at all. They look at me and think I'm old, but I really understand.
I love the beauty of skylines, especially at night. The skyline where I live is nice; it's like a miniature New York City and much quieter. There's always this orange glow from artificial lighting mixing with the twilight. It bothers me that there is so much pollution and so many artificial lights around, so I can't see the stars. I like looking at shining skyscrapers, but I'd so much rather lie back and get a clear view of the stars. It's been so long since I've been able to lie on my back and see them all... wish I could.
One of these days, I shall go sledding. Maybe if I ever have kids, I'll go sledding with them and my husband. Part of me wants one of those picturesque weddings and marriages, just like in the movies, where everything turns out perfect, but that will never happen in the real world. All I can do is try my best to pick the right man and raise my kids in the right way and hope that God puts the rest into place. I am going to be praying for the right one to come along so my life is complete.
I value my sleep, but I'm not one of those people who can just lie in bed and sleep all day. I prefer to get up and move around and actually DO SOMETHING. The only time I'll lie in bed is if I'm sick or feeling like crap. The best part about sleep is not that I feel refreshed when I wake up, but the dreams. I get immense entertainment out of them, even when they're nightmares. My dreams also inspire me to write different stories - a lot of the stories I am writing now are based on my dreams.
I have never seen my own face when I'm asleep. My stupid ex took pictures of me when I was "asleep" but I made him delete them. That's just rude, but then again, about 90% of what he did was rude. It's been about a year since we've broken up, but I'll be ranting about him like an immature bitch for the rest of my life. I can already tell. Anyway, all I can do is thank God I'm single and have what's left of my sanity back from that arrogant, stupid jerk... I could go on and on...
I try not to be a smartass, although I know a lot of people who are. It's rude, it gets on everyone's nerves, and it does not necessarily make you any smarter than anyone. It just makes you look like a douchebag and a tool. As a matter of fact, I try not to hurt anyone's feelings. I try to be as nice as possible, even when it means that I'll get hurt or not get my way. I want the other person to be happy even at the expense of my own happiness. It gets me in trouble sometimes.
There are some people who just make you smile, even though you really can't explain why they make you so happy. I want to be one of those people who makes someone smile even if they're just thinking of me; I want to be a happy thought in someone's head, rather than a regret. I know there are a few people who probably regret knowing me or getting to know me, and I sincerely apologize to them. I don't regret getting to know them, I just wish I had been kinder and had managed the relationship better than I had.
Smile For Me
I took a picture for a certain person, but I didn't put their name on it. The caption was "I'm smiling for you because I love you."
I don't know if I love that person. I don't know if I ever loved at all. I've been in relationships, but if I loved those people, then why didn't it last? Why wasn't I more patient and trusting?
I think I'll be asking these questions for a long time. Maybe the one I smiled for will get back to me. But in a way, I'd hate to disappoint him.
Smooth As Silk
He had no hair on his chest. I don't think I like guys with no hair on their chests - it just makes me think of molestation or something. I hate it when the wrestlers and the boxers have to shave all their hair off... it's just not natural. Like when some men like their wives/girlfriends/fiances to shave "down there" - that's kind of nasty to me. I'm a virgin, I shouldn't have opinions on these things, but I do. I just don't understand how that's attractive - but then again, there are lots of things I don't understand.
There is this line in the Bible that goes something like "the snare of the fowler will never capture you." My brother and I had constant inside jokes about that line, because the first time he read it, he said "the snare of the flower." Then there was a substitute teacher we had that we hated. Her name was Ms. Fowler. So we made jokes about "the snare of Ms. Fowler will never capture you." Hilarity ensued. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again - although technically I still am - it's just not the same as being in elementary school.
It's been awhile since it's snowed. I like the snow, because when it snows, for some reason it doesn't feel as cold outside. Cancelled classes because of snow are what make snow days really special; it's not as much fun when it snows on a Friday and all the snow days happen during the weekend. It all melts by Monday and there were no cancellations - that's true disappointment. It won't snow for a long time - it's already April and for the most part the weather is warm and beautiful. I will dream about snow until it comes again - until winter.
Because I live in North Carolina, I have never been snowed in before in my entire life. When I lived in New York when I was younger, I may have been, but I don't remember it to tell about it. I do remember Hurricane Fran (and now moving to something completely different!) when it hit North Carolina and the power went out, so we all had to move to my uncle's house for a while until the power company made everything work again. I wonder why natural disasters exist? I've been paranoid since I watched
The Day After Tomorrow
I don't recall many times when I've been so embarrassed I've wanted to disappear into the floor. I think most of the embarrassing things happened when I was with my ex and he was acting like a tool - that's why I never wanted to introduce him to people I knew from school or my parents - because he'd act like a douchebag without realizing it. I was embarrassed of him. I didn't want him to help me move into college; I barely wanted to be around him when we weren't alone because he'd do something brainless and moronic. So sad...
My first impulse was to type "that's what she said" and leave it at that. But, perverted thoughts aside, I did wake up soaking wet. I was sweating and I can't remember why the dream caused me to sweat. It wasn't scary - I dreamed that I found out the name of a person I'd been wanting to meet for a while now. I was going to Google her name and then I woke up. I remembered the name, Googled it, and got only three pages of results. Nothing important. But at least the name itself actually exists - a miracle.
I don't really like sodas. I drink soda very rarely, mostly because it bloats me up. I don't like how the bubbles make it hard to swallow fast - maybe I'm just weird. Everyone I know (or almost everyone) has called me weird because I don't drink soda or because I can't chug it down. My brother drinks a ridiculous amount of soda. I'll walk into his room and see all the cans of Dr. Pepper lined up on his desk - all empty and all from within the last day - there are at least five or six. Way too much.
I have a soft spot for guys that I know are probably total losers. I don't know why I have this mentality; I just can't explain it. It's like I'm attracted the wrong way or something. I am initially attracted, then when I think more deeply into it, I become repulsed.
I can't date a guy like that!
He's totally the wrong type! It's that initial attraction thing again!
I think staying single and keeping a very strong mentality will eventually prevent me from creeps and the wrong type of guy. If I only think hard enough...
I support the troops. I wish that there didn't have to be wars, but as long as there are wars, I will keep the troops in my thoughts and in my prayers. I know a lot of guys (and girls) who went into the armed forces after high school and I respect them for doing it. I would never be brave enough to defend my country - even if I was physically able, I still don't think I'd have the guts to make that sacrifice. I hope that all our troops come back from the war safe and sound. God bless.
No solicitors. No trespassing. No skateboards. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No pets allowed. No smoking. No loitering. No parking in this lot. No walking - construction site. No loud music during study hall. No animals in the hotel. No bikes, scooters, or motorcycles. No Macs. No floppy disks. No desktop computers - only laptops. No cell phones allowed in class. No laptops allowed in class. No candles in the dorm room. No posters on the walls - fire hazard. No flash drives in the school's computers. No bad cholesterol. No wireless service provided here. No No No No No No No.
I love being alone. I'd rather be alone than with people, unless those people are my family or perhaps a very close friend - not that I have many close friends. When I'm alone I don't feel incompetent or insecure. I can actually be myself without worrying what everyone is going to think of every move I make. I always feel like I'm under scrutiny - like everyone is waiting for me to screw up so they can laugh. I won't pretend I'm perfect, but I won't be humiliated either. I'll just be by myself. If you want to talk, find me.
Some Kind of Patton
Is this prompt talking about Patton as in the World War II general? If so, that's kind of badass. I miss learning about World War II; that used to be one of my favorite past times and I may get back into it. For a time, I was considering becoming a history major, but what can you do with that besides teach - and perhaps become a lawyer if you take the right concentration? I suppose I could be a historian and write books and scholarly papers, but I don't know if that's what I really want now.
According to the wonderful Wikipedia (which I could not live without), this is the most popular variety of cherry blossom (sakura) in Japan. I thought it was the name of some anime character that I don't know. People look at me and immediately think I like anime. I don't know why - and I don't know how I fit that stereotype. I don't cosplay. I rarely wear shirts with kanji on them. I know very little Japanese. All I know of anime is that it includes tits, cliches, and robots. Sometimes tentacles. I'm not too into it, needless to say.
Something In Your Eyes
There is something in your eyes,
something I'm not quite sure of.
Is it your motive?
Why can't you tell me?
Why do you just keep staring?
I want to know what you're thinking
and I'll definitely listen, but first
you have to tell me what it is.
Look into the sun and your
eyes turn color. They were
brown and now they're green.
I still don't understand why
you won't tell me.
Do you think I'm too stupid,
too naive to understand?
Just explain and I'll see if
I can't prove you wrong.
I'd like to get to know you.
Something is Rotten in the State of Denmark
I need to go and see an actual Shakespeare play performed live. Not a play on TV, not a movie adaptation, but the real thing. A real play. I realized recently that I really enjoy plays, especially the funny ones. Back in February, I saw
You Can't Take It With You
with one of my friends and I loved every minute of it. The play was hilarious and I was sitting so I could see every detail of the set and the actors' costumes. If I get another boyfriend, we're seeing a play!
Sorrow = very poetic word, but a negative concept. Some words sound musical when you say them out loud, like "elevator operator." Just sounds nice. "Cellar door" has that same pleasing sound. The guy who lives next door to me in the residence hall likes the word "pants" for some reason - because it sounds funny and the "a" is pronounced in such a nasal way. Now every time I think of pants, I can't help but think if him laughing at paaants. He's hilarious. There are other words that sound nice together, but of course I can't think of them.
To everyone I ever hurt during my time at that abomination of a high school:
I am sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. I was just a stupid teenager and I didn't realize what I was doing would hurt. I'm sorry I never told you how I really felt and just assumed you would know automatically. I guess I'm not as easy to read as I thought. I should have been more transparent. I hope you will forgive me one day and perhaps we can work things out, but for now - I will write you this apology.
Our souls are immortal. I believe in heaven and hell - I believe that souls live on after the body has expired. I don't know whether or not animals have souls, though. I think Catholic doctrine says that they don't, but will we see our animals in heaven anyway? I think that we should be able to - heaven should be a personalized experience (that was so American of me to say that...) If I get to heaven, I want to meet my grandfathers who I never met. I want to meet my great-grandmothers again - my cousin Jeanette... so many people...
"The sound now turns to silence." Lyrics to a song I haven't heard in ages. Last night, I heard the sounds of people rough-housing upstairs while I was trying to get to sleep in my dorm room. I was half asleep and having odd dreams because of all the sounds I heard. I wonder what they were doing. My roommate said it sounded like they were throwing furniture around the room and stomping on the floor as hard as they could. Why can't people just sleep? I guess they were having a party before exam week starts up.
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