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Here's something I've been wondering for a long time: is the Right One a myth? Part of me wants to believe in soul mates, or that there is that perfect person for everybody, but another part of me thinks that it's not like that. People are animals - we don't really have a sense of obligation to each other - we only feel obligated because society makes us feel that we should. We aren't really meant to be with just one person. Just the design of the male will tell you that - they just mate and run.
I hate painting my nails. I did it a few times in high school because I was trying to be cool and all that crap, but in the end it was a useless attempt and a waste of time because the nail polish just chipped off by the end of the week. I have never gotten a manicure and I don't think I ever will, except for maybe my wedding day if that ever happens. I like my nails - if I cut my nails, I find myself having a bit of a handicap. I always use them.
I used to be very naive; I probably still am. Sometimes, innocence and ignorance are bliss. There are things I wish I never knew, and there are things I still want to know. If I found them out, life would never be the same, and I'd be unhappy, but still... it's the power of actually knowing that counts. I remember when I was a freshman in high school, how naive and green I was - I made very stupid decisions then, and in a way I still regret them, but I've most let them go forever.
Name That Tune (Andrew)
I'm sick and tired of nobody understanding that I can be a physics major and like death metal at the same time. It just kind of irritates these people that I don't conform to their stereotype of what a physics major should listen to or be. I like my music because it's intense, and so is physics. That's really the only way in which the two are similar. I have a message to everyone and it's this: break through stereotypes! Get to know people as people and not as a lump!
It means "what" in Japanese. I've been taking some Japanese classes now that I'm in college and they're very hard. I don't want to have to learn Japanese to be an anime artist, but since I'm not a native of Japan and have never been there, I figure I should get at least some background on their language and culture. I want to eventually study abroad there - maybe meet a famous anime artist and ask him or her how they do it. Perfecting my art has been difficult, especially during these last few years.
I like nature, but I'd rather work with technology and the new electronics that keep coming out. Nature's nice, but there's something about it that scares me - the fact that we as humans are becoming steadily less and less equipped to deal with it. If we lost electricity, we wouldn't be prepared to "rough it" in the wilderness for any length of time. We'd go crazy without our cell phones, computers, or television. It really scares me to think that something like the removal of technology could wipe us all out, at least temporarily.
I'm not really that terrified of needles. I'm more afraid of the blood pressure cuff because the one time I looked down at it, the veins in my arm were white. It freaked me out so bad that whenever I get my blood pressure checked, I always look away. I know I have very low blood pressure, which would explain why I'm always cold all the time, but I can still deal with needles. Just a quick jab and it's over. The blood pressure cuff makes you feel like someone really wants to kill you.
I know the neighbors who live to the right of me, but not the ones to the left. I don't care to know the ones on the left either, probably because they are girls and not potential boyfriends. I am on the lookout for a good guy, but have yet to find one. I know that eventually I will, and then once I have him, I won't want him anymore. I don't understand why my nature is like that; I guess I just enjoy thrill of the chase - it can be fun. Frustrating, yet fun.
I used to read the newspaper every morning because I had to for a class, then when that semester was over, I'd still walk over to the newsstand and look at the headlines and the front page, even though I wouldn't buy the paper. Now, I can't even look at the paper in the newsstand because it's been torn down by the construction my street. I'm stuck with reading the stupid college newspaper, a liberal rag with at least three typos every day. At least I can get amusement out of the typos. It makes my day.
Never Really Mine
My ex-boyfriend that I dated for four and a half years was never really mine. He's got such a big ego that he thought girls he went to high school with were jealous of me because I dated a wonderful person like him. Yeah right. He would yell at me. He slammed the car door in my face one time. Another time, he had his hand around my neck. But he could be so sweet, and that's what kept me with him that long. Now he's dating my former friend.
Never Was A Part of Reality (Levi)
I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in angels, demons, fairies, Santa Claus, or anything even remotely related to those things. I believe in what I can sense with the five senses. All of those fake things that children believe in; they never were part of reality - nobody can make them real, except through special effects in movies. I don't see how my sister Orrin and so many other reasonable, rational people can believe in those silly, childish things. I never will.
We studied "The Raven" in freshman high school English. I never really liked it - Edgar Allan Poe is too dark and dreary for me. I prefer more upbeat poets, if those even exist. Poetry just isn't my forte - I once tried to write a poem and it fell apart miserably. I do like the word "nevermore", with it's longing tone and how it's rarely used today. It's one of those words that makes you feel old when you say it... nevermore... It's the sound of a ghost haunting through a house... nevermore, nevermore.
Next to Me (Peter)
Here she is, next to me. Rachel. My Rachel. My Rachel, but somehow not my Rachel. She is Andrew's Rachel, and I shall never forget it so help me God. There is a part of my life I feel like I should be forgetting. It's Rachel-who-is-not-never-was-mine. Yet I cannot forget. I still remember all the things she said to me, and when I last held her, she thought it was playful, but I meant everything, every gesture, to be somehow more serious.
Once upon last night, I saw the frames of my glasses glowing in the darkness. Once upon last night, I heard my roommate talking in her sleep. Once upon last night, I woke up at 1:30 and thought it was 5. Once upon last night, I dreamed of him again, and hoped I would not. Once upon last night, I dreamed I was in your arms, but I know that will never happen again. Once upon last night, I heard sirens from the street. Once upon last night, I heard crickets, distant crickets.
I've been having dreams that are like nightmares, but really aren't. They're freaky, but I don't wake up with that terrible tingly feeling. I dream about when my ex and I used to date, and I dream about yelling at him about everything I never said (and should have said) while we were dating, but in the dream it never comes to anything - he never apologizes; he just yells right back. That's what he'd do in real life, but I'd never be the one yelling. He'd be screaming, taking his anger out on me as usual.
It means brother-san in Japanese. I find that incredibly interesting because in one of my classes, we're discussing The Sound and the Fury, and all the brothers in that book are obsessed over their sister, who disappeared from their lives after she became illegitimately pregnant. As usual, I got self-centered and started to apply the novel to my life, and realized that I've lost my brother. He barely knows me anymore and I barely know him - we live in the same house, but it's like we're total strangers. I wish we could be kids.
I can't stand that pop culture thingy about the ninjas versus the pirates. That's so freaking middle school. I don't understand the zombie obsession either, and I think it's equally stupid. It's all the scene kids who look exactly the same, with their little dinosaur berets and names like xxtylerxxterriblexx and xxannaxxanarchyxx, etc. I am so glad I grew up and out of high school before that movement got into full swing. These kids seriously all look the same - I can't browse MySpace anymore without running into at least ten of them. Grow up, kids.
I'll never let X have her. I'll die before I let X have her, but I'll only die if I know she's safe. That's all I want - I know she's not safe with X. There's no such thing as safety with X - in any form! I was there - I know things about X that nobody else knows - X is the one who brought me down, who brought Ally down, who brought Rita down, and there's no way I'm letting him take Jeannie. I will die before he hurts her. I'll never let him.
No Day But Today (Roxanne)
No two days are exactly the same. There will be no day but today, there will be no day like today, because they are all different. Even if you think you do the exact same thing every day, there are subtle differences. Memories you have during the day, imaginings of the future, all are differences. When you recall a memory, you bring it back into the present. There is no day but today because today is the only day that certain things can happen. You can make it happen.
No Freaking Way! (Rita)
There's no freaking way I'll go back to North Carolina! Nobody there liked me - my best friend ostracized me after I found out I would have to do her dirty work - there's just no way! Nobody is going to make me pack up and go to a strange high school just after freshman year. I've got all my friends in California - friends that really appreciate me. I know that if I go back to North Carolina, I'll just be hated and ostracized again. I don't think I could live like that.
I feel sometimes that I have no future. At this stage of my life, I don't think I have the capacity to connect with others that will allow me to get married. I don't think I'll have kids - hell, I don't even think I'll lose my virginity. I'm introverted to an extreme - I realized today that journalism is one of my last choices as a career option. Other times I feel like I can succeed and I will win, eventually. I need to have faith and pray to God that I can survive.
It's no good. The swine flu is no good. It's starting to remind me of
by Stephen King and how everyone got the superflu and died. It would be kind of cool, in a very perverse way, to be one of the last people on Earth, but in the end, I think I'd rather die. Unless the seven last people in the world were me and some really cool people - but that just makes me sound bad so I'll shut up. Either way, I think some kind of virus will kill us.
I love the quote: "The past isn't dead. It isn't even past." I think William Faulkner said that. Faulkner also wrote the longest sentence in the English language - and you can have infinite sentences in English - probably in any language. I wish I could let go of the past, but I know that it is truly never dead - they haven't invented the machine that can erase your memories - at least not yet. I would erase so much crap - so maybe I can finally let certain things go and continue with my life much happier.
There is always present - unless you're in a coma. The present is the air that swirls around you, everything that hits your senses in the here and now. The only time there is no present is when you're somehow not completely in tune with reality - like when you're sleeping, passed out, or like I said, in a coma. I don't like thinking of the present, because the moments are so fleeting - the present immediately ceases being the future and becomes the past in just a blink of an eye. It frightens me how time works.
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service (Anna)
Levi works at The Chipper Chicken and it's a shitty fast food place - I don't normally like fast food, but if I was forced to eat it, the Chipper Chicken would be the last place I'd go for sustenance. They do have a "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy, but I know that if a hot girl walked in, all that would go out the window. Levi might not look like it, but he's a real pervert - at least that's what Rocky says. I trust Rocky on things like that.
No Sign of Heaven (Peter)
I am constantly under pressure now. Pressure from my parents, pressure from Sarah, pressure from a child that isn't even mine. I wanted nothing to more to be free of this burden, but Sarah, being selfish, wants to keep the kid. We're only kids ourselves. We can't handle this. I'm not even the one who got her pregnant - she pins it on me like I was the only one who fucked her that night! Fucking whore! This is why I keep my vow of silence - as a protest.
No Time (Jeannie)
I don't have time for her. I hate to say it, but there's no more time for Colette. She's just being annoying - all she wants is attention. I can't be her friend anymore because I can tell she's deliberately trying to get my goat. There's nothing she can do that will make me want to be her friend again, unless I can tell her apologies are sincere. I have the best friends I've had in a long time: Marco, Vince, Mandy, Troy... and I can tell they care about me. Colette doesn't.
No Time For Regret
There's no time to regret the past, unless you want to waste your life away. Just move on and try to "put it in your history book", as my dad would say. The past is something that cannot be changed, no matter how much you might want to. Just live with what you did, put it down to learning experience (as much as that might hurt) and be aware that you are moving onto bigger and better things. For me, the Law of Attraction is God at work, and I will move forward.
No Way Out
I think there's no way out of the muck of this semester. I don't like it. I don't really like my internship because I have to bug people and get them to answer questions I can write into stories. I don't like any of my classes except Social Psychology and that's the only class that's not in my major. I would change majors, but it's too late for that - and besides, writing really is my passion. I just know that I could never be a journalist. I have never been that inquisitive.
Nobody Except You
I'm so irritated right now that I can't even focus on the topic at hand. Nobody except my ex is annoying me right now. I want the past to be left the past and I want things to be finished between us. Forever. I don't know why he keeps digging up the past - the old story we used to write - all the pictures. He was so dependent on me he stored all HIS pictures on MY Photobucket. Sorry. Let the past be the past; you're not getting my password. It's OVER.
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