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My parents think if I marry Jamie, I'll be going backward. I don't really see how; but in a way I do. That's why I can never make up my mind; I'm your stereotypical Gemini; I can't make up my mind, and I'm always caught between two things. I don't get it a lot of the time... For me to go backward, it would be meaning that I've been dwelling in the past for an unusually long amount of time; I admit it, I do dwell in the past more than the average person, but I do it for inspiration.
I find it difficult to be creative in school and while doing schoolwork, because there are so many other ideas out there crowding my own. If we get in groups, I am hesitant to be creative and talk about my own ideas because I feel like they will not be good enough. I know it is an awful fallacy of the shyness, but I am trying to counteract it by being more brave. I can be creative on my own in school, but I still feel like I need to be alone for my full creative potential to come out.
A few of my friends in high school had that problem. Cindy was one of them. She was doing awesomely with the band and all of a sudden, drama got to her and she started to drop down and become overwhelmed. See, Cindy is the type of person who takes other people's problems into her own hands. Call it kindhearted or call it foolish, I really don't care. It can be a little of both. All the drama of those problems counteracted with her own life and goals, and eventually she couldn't take them both anymore. She's over it now.
The things that take me away from creativity are distractions, school, and other things that sap my creativity. Writing a lot, both for school and for my own pleasure take away from my creativity, and the thing is, I don't take a break to replenish it. It's like the power in a car battery. School saps my creativity, along with lack of sleep, which comes along with school in that neat little package. I get distracted easily, often when I start to write a good idea. I think of many things all at once, and they just don't go together.
I admire many people... but I don't think there's any one person I admire completely other than Rachel Scott. I'm starting to understand the reason why she broke up with the one boyfriend she had during high school and why high school relationships are extremely dangerous, especially in the long run. Hormones are running rampant, and they are hard to control, because as a high schooler, you aren't in the right place to make good decisions about hormones. We should wait to date until we get out of high school, and hold off on long-term relationships in high school.
My best friend is Cindy. She reminds me of me, and she has stuck by me all through my junior year and my senior year of high school... and she's still with me in my second year of college. We have lots of things in common; we're practically the only girls who are still virgins anymore, since Lea lost it to Allen. She has really long, pretty blond hair and she is enthusiastic and affectionate; two of the best qualities I love in my friends. She is in the band and I am not, but that is just one difference.
I hardly remember the last pair of shoes I had because the pair I have now is so old, I have had them for about two years now. They are starting to fall apart, and that's one of my “rules”. Wear shoes until they fall apart. The shoes I used to have... they were all black with black laces... my mom thought they were the kind of shoes a nurse would wear; and I loved them, because at that time, the only thing I used to wear was black, so I got the shoes to go with all my outfits.
My kindergarten teacher was on her way out. The year she taught me was the year before she planned to retire, so let's just say she wasn't the sharpest snowball in hell. She sent me to the bathroom all alone one time. When I was in kindergarten, we didn't have those little bathrooms in the classroom. I wandered around the school all alone by myself... or maybe someone was with me, and I just lost them. That's something that I would do, but I don't know how sophisticated I was in kindergarten. My teacher used to yell for weird reasons.
My Life Lessons 101... I wrote them all the way back in eighth grade, which was like three hundred years ago. They've definitely changed since then. Here goes... number one... never break any of your moral principles for anyone. Number two... keep doing whatever your god or your muse tells you... number three... don't give in to the crowd, especially in high school. It's fucking worthless. Number four... stay with your friends; don't forsake them unless they try to lead you into struggle. Number five... always be yourself, no matter who picks on you for it. That's all for now.
I can only guess about the personal life of a teacher. One of my English professors is pretty open about her personal life; she lets us know what's going on in her relationships and treats all her students like equals, so nobody feels awkward. My biology professor is the opposite. He barely reveals any details, unless he's trying to tell a bad joke. I don't think the personal life of a teacher really differs from the life of anyone else... but there is a lot more grading papers involved. Maybe one day, I'll become a teacher, so I will know.
I'm not going to rewrite or rethink my sign, because in some ways I am the perfect Gemini. I feel like I have two personalities (the twins) inside, screwing me up. I feel that I sometimes talk too much and make little sense and act ditzy for no reason. I am witty, but only in certain situations. There's nothing to do but accept my sign and who I am. I am Gemini, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, not even me. I think I am who I am, and I'm not going to be making any more changes.
Energy tells a lot about a person. If they're energetic, they're portrayed as having a lot of personality, and they seem to be more happy than a person with no energy, who seems sad. Energy adds to public speaking and musical performances, the more energy involved, the more of an enjoyable experience the performance is. Mature adults should have a lot of energy, because it also portrays someone as more productive. Energy adds to sports performances, test scores, and essentially everything to do with school. Energy equates enthusiasm, which is something I really value in people. Energy also sells products.
That goes with the saying that says, “Every day is a new beginning” or the other adage; “This is the first day of the rest of your life”. Technically, we do start over the next day. We wake up wrinkled from sleep like newborn babies, and then we go through the day and look better and better, finally shining in the afternoon, then at night we become wan and tired again. Each day is like a little life. The morning is our birth and the night is our death. We should treasure each day and hold it precious like life.
There is a serious rivalry in North Carolina; UNC versus NC State. When I moved to NC, I was seven years old and my mother bought me this UNC dress, thinking I would be able to fit in better if I wore it. Little did I know, my second grade class was filled with NC State fans, who picked on me relentlessly for innocently wearing a dress depicting a team I knew nothing about. That was my first memory of moving to North Carolina, and it still scars me. To this day, I don't care about the petty team rivalry.
The ideal place to live and go to school is strictly a matter of opinion. Right now, I have the ideal place to go to school; I'm involved in one of the clubs, and the drama level is very low. Where I live is great and conductive to my studying as well, but there are too many people moving to where I live. I reside in literally, the fastest growing county in the United States. It is a mixed blessing; we are finally getting stores closer to our town, but the traffic is getting ridiculous and there are people everywhere.
A bird that forgot to migrate... why did it forget? Was it old or sick... or maybe it had a mental condition. I am not trying to be funny, but do birds get mental conditions? I think the bird forgetting to migrate just proved some kind of Darwinian theory; survival of the fittest. Since the bird failed to migrate, it will probably not survive the winter, and will probably die at the merciless nature of the elements. Birds do not just forget to migrate; the instinct to migrate is so deeply embedded into their DNA, that they can't just forget.
I am taking flight… all people around my age (19) are taking flight into the future; going to college, getting jobs, driving, getting in relationships… all that fun and stressful stuff. Welcome to adulthood, people. Anyway, taking flight is something scary at first, but it gets easier and easier as it goes, pretty much like everything you do once in life. You keep doing it, then you get used to it. I used to really love doing new things, but now I am apprehensive about taking flight. I do not want to leave my proverbial comfort zone any time soon.
I'm restless right now, and so is Jamie. We're all slightly restless, but the sad thing is I'm restless in my relationship. It's gone on for three years and I don't see the end. It's a good thing, but I'm worried that Jamie's going to marry me without dating anyone else. I'm his only real girlfriend. Tonya doesn't count. I just don't want him to fool around on me when we're married, and get restless then. I'd rather have him be restless now. I'm thinking about letting him go, but he won't leave me. I don't know why he's afraid.
It takes a lot for me to get impatient, but I get impatient faster over some things than others. Feeling impatient is this itching feeling that you can't get rid of, where you actually start to shake because you want things to MOVE! We shouldn't feel impatient in this life, because this life goes fast enough already and it will be over before we know it, so instead of being impatient all the time, why not enjoy life while we have it. We should not feel the urge to rush through things just to get on to the next thing.
I do not remember any recent rejections... certainly not by people I love, or by a guy. I was rejected by Kevin, but that was about four years ago, and it is not relevant now. He only rejected me because he took me to be a thief, a whore, and a liar. Literally. I do not really know why he thought that of me, but it was certainly unfounded. He could have asked any of my friends, or anyone in the school and they would have told him the truth. Since he refused to believe the truth, he rejected me.
The rejection I suffered at the hands of Kevin (wow, that sounded overly dramatic) lead me to someone else far better. Around eight months after the rejection, I was circling around the high school in a daze, trying to find the right one. I knew he was out there, but why wasn't I finding him? I prayed for this guy and I wished for him on the candles of my birthday cake (I was turning 16). Sure enough, exactly six months after my first, fantastical, childish prayer, it came to pass and I found The Right One. It amazes me.
I gave up on a few stories when I was little. When I was nine or ten, I was writing this story about a dog called Mimi, but I gave it up. I do not know why I did; I think I was too lazy to write in it, or I just didn't feel like writing in it. I gave it up for my childhood. I think that is what it amounted to. Later, I did manage to finish the story by forcing myself to write at least a page every day. The story was less than one hundred pages.
I always used to give last chances, especially for my most beloved Resorts or friends. That's what happened with Arleigh and the tragic mistake I had made in ninth grade, spring semester. I decided to give him a last chance to be my friend before he started screwing me over with what I felt wasn't right. I regret giving him that chance because he messed up my chance I had to love another boy I had had a crush on for quite some time. Sure enough, he messed me up with things I wasn't ready for, and I couldn't speak.
I want Justin. I want him for just one April 20 episode so I can see how he does. Would he be different from Jamie? Would he be the same? I can't have Justin because, obviously, Jamie's my boyfriend, but I still would like to see how he was “in bed”. I don't know why, it's this constant fascination for me... how one of my best guy friends would be in bed. I know it is hopeless and kind of multiplicious of me, but this is one of my deepest darkest secrets that I am professing foolishly over the Internet.
Well… April 20 fits the bill for that, and I’m not even kidding. I did what I did on April 20 completely for the sake of Jamie because I felt sorry for him. A little bit of me wanted it too, but the more I think about it the more I regret it. I think I’ve forgiven myself as well as him. I don’t think he meant for me to do it, but I can never tell what he really wants when he’s in that state. It frustrated me, because I didn’t think I was that much of a sucker.
I have had officers come up and try to recruit me many times, but each time I refused. Plainly, I am not brave enough to fight for my country, and I admire the ones who have the strength to do that. I support my troops and am proud of my country, because we will not force anyone into something they don’t want to do. Other countries would have a draft, or force children into a war that they are unprepared for, both mentally and physically. I feel bad for nations like Iraq, where the citizens do not have any rights.
9/11 to me is a day of panic. Any day of panic. I prefer not to think of those episodes as 9/11s though. I feel horrible about the way I acted on the real 9/11. I acted like nothing was wrong, and it was all some kind of joke. I think it was because I was young, ignorant and stupid. Nobody sees a 9/11 coming; they are just there to shock us and send us into panic. I have no personal 9/11 except for maybe August 29 2007, but it’s so trivial to compare it to what happened in 2001.
Fear breeds anger, which breeds hate, which breeds suffering, in the wise words of Yoda, or whoever the writer was that developed his lines. Jealousy, the demon that perverts my soul, is indeed a form of fear. Fear that something you have will be taken away. I am praying for God to release my fear and for him to give me the grace to transcend my demon jealousy. May nothing stand in the way of the loving force of God upon my problems. I have faith that my Lord will confront them and drive out the demons that dwell within.
If you are around people who make you feel safe, you can be at ease in the unsafe world we live in now. For me, it is usually people who make me feel safe and loved, not material possessions, like a gun over the headboard or anything like that. I think I equate physical safety with emotional security; if I feel emotionally secure, I feel physically safe. If I put my safety in God’s hands, then I do not need to worry about having guns and pepper spray and the menial physical objects that are there for self-protection. I’m safe.
Like the refrigerator magnet
He sticks to me though I am cold
He was my last chance
The last chance to have someone to hold
My heart is ready to jump out the door,
And I have no one else to implore
My life is full of hidden meanings
I have yet to find out how they are
He taught me beauty with his love
Piano lessons with hands
A bowed string he broke for me,
And I gave naught to him.
I force him to wait
Until I am soft and ready
I will remain cold
History books should give an unbiased account of what happened on September 11. History books are supposed to be objective, but a lot of them have subtle leanings toward a certain viewpoint and so influence the people they are trying to teach! I want the world to know the truth about September 11, in all objectivity. The details of the case would be nice, since it is comparable to Pearl Harbor. Another country wanted to wage war with us, so it took down a national structure. After that happened, we had to fight back. We couldn’t let another country win.
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