06/01 Direct Link
When I see a cyclist wearing a headlamp on his head I think it is ridiculous, unless he is riding in an area where there is absolutely no light source and cannot see the roads.

However, if I see a jeweler, a miner, or a mechanic wearing a headlamp, I sort of expect it.

While there was a time that I thought headlamps were lame, now I'm thinking about getting a headlamp to do my writing late in the night or read a book, if I decide that I don't want all the bedroom lights on inside of my room.
06/02 Direct Link
The job called me to possibly come in to work tonight, then they called me again later stating that there would be no need for me to come in because of the protests.

I danced to the song I Want To Be Free by The Ohio Players once I hung up the phone.

She is back again and decided that she will take her third bath.


You've taken three baths so far? I hope the water bill does not go up.

Now I would have to let her know that I do have to pay the water bill here.
06/03 Direct Link
I don't know how many times she came into my room to interrupt me throughout the night while I was meditating and trying to get some sleep.

I am being somewhat humble about her interruptions, but would like to say that it is going to get a bit irritating after a while.

Once she got back this morning she told me that she had some good news and bad news.

The good news was that she had got some food items for the house but the bad news was that she didnít get the apartment like she thought she would.
06/04 Direct Link
In the future when I make plans and we agree to the plans, letís stick with the plan shall we?

When I had arrived home this morning after picking some komodo dragon flowers and dark desire buds, I was going to be ready to go to the park as we had planned, the moment that I managed to change my clothes, which took less than five minutes.

When I had asked her if she was ready to go she said that she was but that kakak had wanted to go with us also and was busy cleaning up her room.
06/05 Direct Link
The moment that she started yelling at me was the moment that I was having flashbacks of our past relationship and how she used to yell then.

Somehow it seems that I am pushing her buttons but I am not deliberately trying to push her buttons or to tick her off. Everything that Iíve talked to her about deals with the current moment and not stuff that happened in the past.

Though we had planned to continue the discussion that I did not complete, she wound up going to sleep and leaving a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.
06/06 Direct Link
While we were at the park, there was times that I thought her head was going to literally explode as it looked like she could not handle the fact that I was trying to converse with her.

You would have sworn that super ultra violet rays were coming from my mouth by the way she was responding to me.

She couldnít talk to me face to face without walking off like some little kid, but eventually came back over to where I was and at one point try to tell me come on let's go like she was my mom.
06/07 Direct Link
I cannot think about how she feels based on my decision of her no longer staying here, because if I start thinking about her feelings based on my decisions, then Iím bound to follow my emotions to make decisions, instead of using my rational and intellectual mind.

I was picking up on her sad and gloomy emotions and wondered if that was how she was feeling based on the decision I have made. Should I change my mind because she is feeling sad?

Is it my responsibility to make her happy?

No itís not my responsibility to make her happy.
06/08 Direct Link
Today I was thinking about men who fought with guns versus men who fought with swords and their fists throughout history.

It was in my opinion that fighting with guns was cowardly with exception of the old showdown gun fights that normally took place during high noon in the wild wild west, where two men would face each other at a certain distance and draw their guns as fast as they could and shoot accurately enough to where they were not the victims of an array of bullets into their body and chest.

Personally I prefer drawing out my sword.
06/09 Direct Link
I had opened ĎThe Big Book of Words You Should Knowí and turned to the word valedictory, which means to say farewell or pertaining to departing.

When I read that definition I could not help but to think how well the definition fit with me letting my ex know that she had to be out of here by this Friday.

I decided that I would pay her back the money for the toilet paper I made her buy because she was using one entire roll in less than 24 hours.

Obviously she does not know how to wash herself properly.
06/10 Direct Link
During the evening she kept screaming or should I say shrieking, the way a woman normally shrieks when they see a mouse or some kind of insect deemed to be dangerous.

She startled me out of my sleep and when I asked her what was wrong, she claimed that she was ok, but had shrieked several times after I had questioned her.

She had finally claimed that she felt something crawling inside of her panties. I began to wonder if she had bed bugs or pubic lice, and if there really was something crawling inside of her panties or not.
06/11 Direct Link
I can recall my grandmother teaching us the power of touch, but mainly towards my brother and sister because they were the ones who were always fighting all of the time.

Touching is what makes us human. I see people reacting to other people like they are aliens from another planet; like you are the predator and they are the prey.

Are you really serious?

I look that threatening?

Will human beings forget what it means to be human and start acting like obedient robots who are happy with any program or instruction they receive from their sadistic tyrannical leaders?
06/12 Direct Link
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last!

These are the words that came to my mind after finally getting rid of my ex who had overstayed her stay and wanted me to be responsible for her like she was some little girl.

I don't know if I really want to even spend my time writing about her but I do want to spend some time to say how elated I am now that sheís no longer here and how elated that I am to be able to have a sense of peace again.
06/13 Direct Link
I was disgusted when I saw the blood stain on the comforter that she was talking about. I really wanted to call her a dirty girl because that is what she was despite saying that she knows how to clean herself.

No! You do not know how to clean yourself and you do not know anything at all about hygiene.

I did not like the fact that I had to soak the comforters in the bathtub knowing that I would have to clean the entire bathtub out as well.

When I say clean, I mean clean like a professional cleaner.
06/14 Direct Link
As I meditated I began to feel a deep inner connection.

I recall that while I was in my meditation I remember contemplating on death, where in this case I began to see myself in the meditation position that I was in but instead of seeing my flesh, I was seeing my bones.

At first it was scary but then I had to tell myself that no matter what, I had to face that which was inevitable.

I relaxed myself a bit thinking about death and began to realize the preciousness of time as each second ticked on the counter.
06/15 Direct Link
You've heard the term getting on your grind many times before, but this time when I heard it being mentioned it took on an entirely different level.

One aspect of grinding is when you grind with your skateboard. However, your grind can and should be found in your day to day 24 as Iíve mentioned before and that what you do in those 24 is entirely up to you.

You already know the things that you could be doing and should be doing on a daily basis. The only thing that you need to do is to simply do them.
06/16 Direct Link
Once I had got home my ex stated that she was on her way to my place to get the rest of her stuff and get help with some application.

I really didnít want to do the application with her. I asked myself if I had felt comfortable about her being in my apartment after accusing me of being touchy feely, and punching me in my side.

Once she was gone, I couldnít help but to do my victory dance in happiness being glad that I did not have to deal with her or help her out with her application.
06/17 Direct Link
The night went by rather slow.

I managed to get in two games of solitary billiards or as some call it, pool.

While playing with myself, meaning the billiards game, I noticed for the first time that there was more solids than stripes which made me ask the question as to how did the billiards rule game really go.

I remember being told, you will be the solids and I will be the stripes.

Since I realized that the numbers between the two do not add up I realize that there must be some kind of rules to playing billiards.
06/18 Direct Link
Osho talked about doing sexual meditation as part of your sexual experience but had also mentioned that you could do sexual meditation while actually engaging in sex.

When he mentioned this, I could not help but to think of Zen Sex and how in my opinion the concept is very similar where it is encouraged to be as present and as aware as possible while being engaged in sexual activity with your significant other.

"Through deep sex experience, meditative sex experience, you will come to know that this sex energy is nothing but divine energy. Then sex becomes Samadhi." Osho
06/19 Direct Link
My spirit and soul had stated that all you really needed was fresh air and water, and that the whole entire Universe and all of the Galaxies in space would support you in your endeavors.

I'm getting checkmated by a bunch of people in my chess tournaments.

A lot of these chess players are at the upper echelons of experience and expertise and I chose to enter the grandmaster tournament section when my skills are perhaps nowhere near being a grandmaster.

There are probably all kinds of other tricks, strategies, methods, and rules of which I need to learn about.
06/20 Direct Link
I managed to go to Wholefood's where I bought some coconut milk and incense, and vegetables at King Soopers which I needed to cook curry chicken for Sunday.

I figured Sunday was a good day to cook curry since it was going to be Father's Day, a solar eclipse, and the first day of summer all into one.

I managed to do my prayers before sunrise, and read from the Mystical Path book.

I am currently on chapter 10 and really loving my Kiyomizu Temple bookmark that sits inside as a reminder to where I left off in my reading.
06/21 Direct Link
While cutting the chicken I was feeling a bit over the top overkill rage and aggression.

I will admit that I was not happy about the chicken not being fully thawed out which effected the manner in which I was able to cut the chicken.

Later I had this crazy thought that instead of cutting chicken I was cutting up my ex who I had just kicked out of the apartment.

I began to question my morality by asking myself what man would have that much hatred in his heart to where he had thoughts of chopping up his ex.
06/22 Direct Link
As I lied down in the bed I had asked myself 'who am I,' as part of my self annihilation work on myself.

As I did this, I realized that there is a certain aspect of myself that acts based on emotions, thoughts, and feelings which may have been accumulated throughout my life.

I am not my emotions, thoughts, or my feelings.

When I started to reflect more on the observer aspect of myself I began to realize more and more that I was indeed not the person that I have been thinking that I am based on personal thoughts.
06/23 Direct Link
While up and about this morning inside of the apartment in between washing the whites and hanging the colors outside on the balcony I took some time to listen to The Strangest Secret In The World by Earl Nightingale recorded in 1950.

Nightingale had stated that success has nothing at all to do with making money and that making money only happens after you have become successful.

The definition of success is the accomplishment of an aim or a purpose.

At the end of the message I was thinking about the book entitled As A Man Thinketh by James Allen.
06/24 Direct Link
I had read an article that said, 'ripples in spacetime have revealed a distant collision between a black hole and a mystery object, which appears too massive to be a neutron star but not massive enough to be a black hole.'

The fact that scientists did not know what it was or pretended not to know was enough to get my eyebrows to raise.

Lots of changes are going on in earth and the universe.

Have you heard of the Godzilla dust cloud that is said to be coming from the Sahara and heading our way here in North America?
06/25 Direct Link
While attempting to look up what days that Dali fell on, I came across an article that was tying the murders of the Zodiac killer to Dali days, stating that all the murders happened on days that were the first Dali of the month.

I wondered if they were trying to say he was doing all of these murders based on the Dreamspell calendar or not, because to my knowledge, the dreamspell calendar came way afterwards.

I cannot speak for the Mayan or Aztec calendars because I have no full comprehension or idea as to how their calendar system worked.
06/26 Direct Link
I finally completed watching the rest of Parasyte and was not really impressed with the ending because I thought the ending would be what would lead up to Season II.

I also realized that it was possible that there was a Season II and that it was just not on Netflix.

While I thought it was cool that Sinichi got his normal hand back, does that mean that Migi was gone forever, and if so how is that possible, since it had been stated that their species cannot survive without a host and in this case Migi's host was Sinichi?
06/27 Direct Link
Tyrannosaurus Rex has moved back upstairs it seems or came back from his vacation. I could tell by the loud pounding walking footsteps that he was making.

I have already told myself that if I move I definitely will have to be on the top floor so that I do not have to hear any loud obnoxious neighbors living above me.

I'm so close to putting in a complaint about this guy and would wait to see if anything can be done about it or knock on the door myself and risk getting shot or attacked by a German Shepherd.
06/28 Direct Link
While in the darkness doing my meditation I realized the real benefits of meditation are in coming face to face with your self, your ego self, and the thoughts and ideals that you have going on inside your head.

It's very positive to see and observe and the negative behavior inside of yourself because in seeing this it will force you to change if you are a person who is seeking change in his life.

Oftentimes we are not aware of our thoughts, thus failing to realize the things that we are telling ourselves on a day to day basis.
06/29 Direct Link
If you really want to feel and benefit from meditation then you need to start diving deeper into meditation by prolonging the amount of time that you meditate.

What would happen if I just dedicated a large portion of my life towards nothing but meditation as my supreme goal and that in the meditation I was not seeking anything but being aware of anything that came my way?

Being able to dive deeper is mainly about having a will that is willing to go for just a little while longer than the previous dives, deep into the ocean of consciousness.
06/30 Direct Link
So you want to know how to live in each moment?

Pay attention to how you are typing and how your fingers know exactly where to go for the alphabet without having to look at the keyboard.

While you are typing be aware of the sounds that you hear, such as the birds, some dumpster truck, the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard keys, and if you listen carefully enough the sound of my own breath.

Notice how you feel, the sensations on your body and inside, the thoughts in your mind, and the smell of your underarms.