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04/01 Direct Link
Today is her birthday and in one more year she will be 21. I can still remember when I used to change her diapers and the day that she was born under water.

The whole idea of getting cake and ice cream and spending all kinds of money on decorations is getting so old to me.

At some point you get to a point to where you don't expect anything anymore, not even a simple Happy Birthday.

I can't remember when I stopped receiving gifts for my birthday, but I know it was before I reached the age of 21.
04/02 Direct Link
The soreness in my body does not feel so sore anymore but just that nice soreness that reminds you of the exercises and weightlifting that you did.

I could actually use some chest, back, and shoulder exercises today.

Some push ups, one arm laterals and some pull ups would be nice.

I managed to watch Badland which was a movie about a detective who went out to search for war criminals that served in the Confederate Army.

I thought it was a good movie and I really loved the vigilante justice that was given to the criminals that were shot.
04/03 Direct Link
I was surprised Ndambe called.

She wanted to know how the birthday celebration went and started talking about the offer of rather or not she could stay here or not.

A part of me wants to say yes out of generosity, but another part of me wants to say hell no because I know I don't want to deal with any drama.

You either live here under my rules or you don't live here at all.

Many of the rules would pertain to herself in general but some would revolve around her making herself useful in a somewhat productive way.
04/04 Direct Link
While I was meditating I started to think about Don Juan, not the Casanova Don Juan Lord Byron, but the Yaqui Indian Shaman Don Juan in Journey to Ixtlan.

I read more of the seduction book and I am getting slightly disappointed because the book is not turning out to be that masterpiece that I thought it would be.

Perhaps Robert Greene's book on seduction will prove to be a better book than what Scorpio has written on the subject.

Perhaps its not really clicking with me since stripping for women has never been one of my fantasies or desires.
04/05 Direct Link
What makes a man of value is not how much he has, but what he can contribute to society.

Being a man who gives something to people that can make them a better people and make a make a change in their lives for the better is value.

Submission is the compliment of dominance. When a woman is one thousand percent submissive to a man, it makes that woman beautiful as she exhibits the essence of her nature.

You can learn a lot by studying nature and probably a whole lot more than what you read inside of written books.
04/06 Direct Link
Once I arrived home I noticed I had a voicemail based on the blinking green light.

I didn't check the message right away, but had an inkling as to who it was.

My predictions turned out to be spot on.

She had this super soft sexy voice, of which I knew it was her seduction tactics in full activation mode.

I decided not to call her, because I had more important things to do that were at the forefront of my mind; such as tasks that needed to get done since I have a very limited time to do it.
04/07 Direct Link
Once I arrived home I drank my citrus monster drink and made several chess moves towards my chess tournament.

I had finally beat some player called Faulkner whose score was much higher than mine.

I do not want to call it luck, but whenever I see someone with a chess score higher than mine I tend to think that I am going to lose the game.

I eventually fail asleep on the bed with no sheets or blankets, just pillows and clean laundry clothes on top of the bed.

I was literally exhausted from working a twelve hour overnight shift.
04/08 Direct Link
If it meant that I had too cut my red henna beard, because women did not like beards and it was the only way they were willing to spend time with me, I'd rather keep my henna beard, instead of doing something else to please them because of their egoistic and judging mind.

One ability that is not too difficult to develop is the ability to see through people or to see through the fašade.

Being able to see through in this manner, actually helps to shift dimensions, and perhaps correct the imbalanced energies and chakras that are completely imbalanced.
04/09 Direct Link
Part of being able to appreciate the deeper levels of mysticalness is the ability to be able to keep calmness and composure at all times.

It is also about not allowing someone else's anger to effect your own state of being.

Going Monk perhaps is not a bad idea at all. Even before my knowledge of MGTOW I had been writing about monks and going monk and read books about the lifestyles of monks in the monasteries and temples.

Seeing the times that we are living in, perhaps it would be the best decision to make at least for now.
04/10 Direct Link
My hands are cold after just washing the dishes, stacking dishes, and putting away dry dishes.

It's cold inside of this apartment and I am quite sure that it is also cold outside.

It's very quiet and sounds like a typical Sunday would sound with barely any cars passing by.

I can hear the freeway very distinctly and I can hear the birds chirping.

I wonder if the birds sense that something is different.

"Where are all the people that used to be out here?"

Since birds have a natural Zen like nature, I doubt they are concerned about us.
04/11 Direct Link
Towards the evening hours, I do not know what prompted me to start reading Death Poems.

As I read the few that I did, it was my quick reminder that I am not immune from Death's grasp, no matter how righteous or pious I may strive to be.

No matter how much charity I give or how much love and compassion that I give, at the end of the story, we all die at some point.

Our only matter of concern in most cases is when will we die.

Wouldn't every person like to know when they will eventually die?
04/12 Direct Link
I don't remember what she said her name was, but it was something to the tone of Alexandria.

She had said something about my knuckles but over all she was saying a bunch of other stuff that would make most people think that she was crazy.

I guess she was crazy to light a bowl of marijuana that was mostly absent of any more buds. I am surprised the bus driver had put up with all of her non stop chatter and pulling the bus chord a couple of times when it was not even her stop and smoking marijuana.
04/13 Direct Link
After speaking with her, deep down inside, I thought to myself that her coming here to stay for a while would not be a good decision making idea.

Despite me being able to implement some daily tasks and duties upon her, this wouldn't guarantee that she wouldn't have an emotional breakdown, or flip out in some kind of way on us, or on the people outside of the home.

I was also wondering on rather or not I was operating from a scarcity mindset when I thought of some the things I would be able to do if she stayed.
04/14 Direct Link
Towards the end of my meditation I began to think on how a woman does not love deeply like a man loves.

A woman can jump from one relationship to another with ease because she isn't in love with the man as a person but in love with what he can provide.

If a woman can't love you with the same intensity that you love them, this means that as men we have been looking in the wrong direction for true genuine love.

Perhaps as men we need to look outside of the material world and more towards the spiritual.
04/15 Direct Link
I spent a considerable amount of time looking up psilocybin mushrooms and was surprised to find the information that I was discovering and how I was being educated at the same time regarding a knowledge that I wasn't aware of regarding mushrooms. I didn't realize that so many strains exist.

I found interest in this book that talked about how to grow them.

I figured it would be worth my time to try to grow some for experimental purposes. It has nothing at all to do with dropping seeds in the ground like you would a plant or a tree.
04/16 Direct Link
I found myself reading more about psychedelics this morning.

I honestly believe that when a person decides to take any kind of mind altering experience with the help of the herbs and plants from Mother Earth, that their experience will largely depend on the kind of mindset that they have.

As one person stated, if you think Ayahuasca is a door way to evil then when you take Ayahuasca, you will have an evil experience.

I think this goes for everything else like marijuana, mushrooms, mescaline, and any other plants out there that I do not have the knowledge of.
04/17 Direct Link
There was times that I thought I was in love, but the love that I had for the select women in my life was not the same love that they had for me.

I had to learn this the hard way that women do not love deeply the way men do and oftentimes women don't reciprocate that love that is given, and I am not just talking about sex.

I would soon learn that the ultimate love to seek is a love that is unconditional and universal in nature, a love that is supreme and divine, a deep reciprocal love.
04/18 Direct Link
I've finally come to grips about that feeling that I have being watched and realized that I was not being paranoid about it.

The reason why I had been having that feeling of being watched is because in truth I am being watched on a moment by moment basis. I'm not talking about hidden cameras and massive surveillance everywhere.

Who could possibly be watching us in that manner?

There is only One who can see all things at any given moment and that is none other than God himself, the All Seeing Supreme Being.

Learn how to feel His presence.
04/19 Direct Link
The evening seemed rather weird as it seemed like everyone was trying to call me all around the same time. If you want to talk about synchronicity then this was it.

Later on I found myself thinking on the aspects of death and more on the presence of Allah. Focus on the fact that you realize that he is Omnipresent no matter where you might be.

Think of God's presence while you are walking, sitting down, or laying down. Open yourself to His Power and Glory.

Empty all of your self importance and annihilate your false self through ego death.
04/20 Direct Link
Wine is the drink for men, and water is the drink for the Gods.

I said this to myself as I decided to pour a glass of water into a crystal glass versus pouring it into a regular coffee drinking cup.

The moment I poured the glass of water and took my first sip is the moment that these words of wisdom came out of my mouth, and not from a book that I read, or a quote I heard someone say.

I'm sure that the essence of your inner being is full of these simple phrases of pearly wisdom.
04/21 Direct Link
What is pratyahara?

Pratyahara is a practice based on the withdrawal of the senses.

The withdrawal from what?

The withdrawal of the desires that these senses seek.

The eyes seeks that which is pleasant to the eye.

The ears seek that which is pleasant to the ear.

The tongue desires to speak of every word inside of the dictionary, and to French kiss.

The stomach desires a big vegetarian pizza made from Sarpino's and the list goes on.

If you can withdraw the senses from their personal desires then you are definitely on the path to becoming a true master.
04/22 Direct Link
11:11 It is still morning and I am breathing in that sacred meditational prana baby. It feels so good to be alive.

I am charging myself up through the magnetism of the Earth, and opening myself up to an abundance of divine light beaming down from the heavens and throughout the Cosmic Universe.

A humble man truly understands power and fears power for the same reasons.

It's not the possession of the power that makes you powerful, but how you use that power.

Is it being used with justice, is it being used for the cause of good for humanity?
04/23 Direct Link
Today I had imagined that I was shedding the past away like a long lost mystery, like a snake's dry skin, like an iguana, like a pristine phoenix bird destined for full transformation.

I finally found Al Hizbul A'zam. It was on the bottom shelf near the foreign language books. The only thing that I have not been able to find is the Manzil printout that I made which makes me think that more than likely I will have to go through all of the filing boxes to find it because I looked everywhere and still have not found it.
04/24 Direct Link
I deposited my refund check into my savings while waiting for the clothes to dry at the Laundromat. At the end of the drying cycle I decided to take all of the clothes out the dryer as most of them felt dry. Whatever did not dry I would just put them in the dryer at home.

Returning the car back is always the worst part of renting cars out, just like the worst part of a vacation is having to go back to the job that you are not so fond about, or leaving a country that you really love.
04/25 Direct Link
I purchased some alfalfa sprouts, extra incense at Whole Foods and stocked up on a few food items. I washed last night's dishes, cleaned out the refrigerator; finding hidden cheese that had expired and was never open, numerous pickle jars of which some had no pickles in them.

I vacuumed the living room, my room, sorted through the laundry after drying all of the clothes.

I moved all of my Holy Quran materials to one area for my prayer project, I cleaned off the table, swept the floor, cleaned off the stove, took the trash out, and shined my shoes.
04/26 Direct Link
None of my plans went as planned last night since Alpha 11 called off. He said that his dog was sick. At first I thought it was a joke but later confirmed that it was the real deal.

Because of the call off, I had to play the replacement role. I found numerous doors left wide open by the contractors.

I sent an email out and the contractor was trying to debate with me about it.

I'll be more than happy to leave the doors wide open for them if you're willing to get unwanted homeless people intrusions and trespassing.
04/27 Direct Link
I subscribed to a new channel called Health Then Opulence.

HTO had talked about how the black widow spider is known to kill the male spider after it copulates with the female.

It shouldn't be a wonder as to why when a woman's husband dies she is called a widow.

After listening to several videos and seeing that his video content was mainly about semen retention and controlling our sexual desires and being about our purpose in life as a man made me subscribe as I felt that this was exactly what I needed in my current journey of life.
04/28 Direct Link
In the Holy Quran verse 120 it says 'He promises them and excites vain desires in them. And the devil promises them only to deceive.'

Here it clearly exposes the devil for not keeping his promises and let's us know that we cannot rely on the devil for anything.

In ayat 135 Allah says, 'So follow not your lower desires, less you deviate.'

Lower desires could fall in many categories, from your appetites down to our sexual desires.

Here it clearly tells us that we should not follow our lower desires and the reason why we should not follow them.
04/29 Direct Link
Women love attention, so when you are staring at them, it is like you are giving them your power and your light.

There was this woman at the bus stop who I saw and who I had purposefully ignored. Seeing that I was not paying her any attention, she decided to turn her entire body towards me.

She seemed surprised when I did not bother to let her on the bus first.

I also ignored two women who had passed me by in their tight jogging outfits.

It really feels good to be in masterful control of my lower desires.
04/30 Direct Link
I came up with this term today that I call 'man arsenal.' It has nothing to do with military and absolutely nothing at all to do with women.

A man's arsenal deals with the aspects that make a man a man, such as having discipline, having self control, being strong, being courageous, being God like, being knowledgeable, or possessing wisdom.

When I talk about strength then I'm talking about those things that makes a man strong, such as working out.

Having discipline would be about sticking to a daily routine or some kind of schedule that you can follow daily.