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12/01 Direct Link
Today marks day one of fasting and I can tell you right now that I don't crave a joint or sex with some hot sexy woman more than I crave a simple glass of water.

I'm curious as to how strong I will be for this month and I don't intend on giving up easily.

If you truly see yourself as being something, there is nothing that can stop you from being that; and if what you desire to be has nothing at all to do with wanting to be with some woman, then they will gravitate towards you naturally.
12/02 Direct Link
Yesterday after breaking my fast with water and a very small portion of grapefruit juice; which tasted really good after fasting throughout the day I would eat a salad at the job which consisted of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and some raisins.

I was somewhat okay after that and would eat some dates with a banana later on.

I really felt that some dish or any dish with rice and vegetables would have been good.

I definitely did not want to eat any of the cafeteria food from the cafeteria lady despite us being able to order off of menus.
12/03 Direct Link
What stood out the most about her at the bus stop was the bright fluorescent green color outfit that she was wearing.

The outfit looked like some kind of costume or pajama outfit with some weird looking animal ears attached to the head part.

The first impression that I got of her is that she was somewhat off a bit and that there was cards missing from her deck.

I kept picturing that she was some kind of psycho chick and if I would have tried to talk to her she would have lunged at me with a butcher knife.
12/04 Direct Link
Today's Japanese word that I learned today is, 'karoshi,' which is a word that means death from being overworked.

When I looked the definition up, it said that normally a person has a heart attack or stroke from too much stress and lack of food and sleep as contributing factors.

It's actually an actual thing and I just could not imagine myself working so hard for a company until I literally died, nor could I imagine myself working so hard to make money and then give it all or spend it all on a woman who did not deserve it.
12/05 Direct Link
I was glad to listen to some more red pilled Replicant Fish today.

One thing I never did however is bother to look up what replicant even meant.

I found the definition which was based on a movie called Blade Runner which is a movie I have never seen before.

A replicant is a fictional bioengineered being in the 1982 film Blade Runner.

Replicants are virtually identical to adult humans but have superior strength, speed, agility, resilience, and intelligence, to varying degrees depending on the model.

A replicant can only be detected by means of the fictional Voight Kampff test.
12/06 Direct Link
I went outside past midnight to go on what I had called my figure eight walk. I wasn't going out for any particular reason besides just wanting to get outside.

While I was out I managed to make notes of what interested me so that I could write about it when I returned home.

The condition of the sidewalks and the ground in general was very icy.

I had came to this one particular section of ice where I started to move my running shoes back and forth on it and noticed underneath this ice section there was fluid water.
12/07 Direct Link
Today I was awakened by the cawing crows and soon realized that I had this massive headache.

After going to the store and coming home I had worked more on my writings and then some stuff I had wrote got lost again because it was not saved and the main page to this site had me signing back in all over again. I was not too happy about that and decided that everything I did not write about would go to my shadow journal.

I had fell asleep to 60's, 70's Japanese Instrumental Cinema Funk music after 00:19 some time.
12/08 Direct Link
I was not happy to learn that I had a call off as it somewhat fucked up everything that I had planned on doing for the night which included training the new hire.

Before the shift was over everything turned in my favor while sitting at dispatch and being able to listen to some lecture on self discipline and time management.

I had also watched some Marcus Aurelius quotes on self mastery too, which opened up various avenues for myself.

I decided that I would include what I learned to add to my writing and to use for future reference.
12/09 Direct Link
Enlightenment is now.

Regardless to what happens, once you reach enlightenment it will always be in the present moment.

This is why it is important to have awareness of the now.

What are you currently aware of now?

To reflect like water is the ability to still your mind so that you can be that still lake that reflects the sky, the sun, the moon, and the stars like a mirror.

I did my meditation in the nude towards this evening and thought to myself that nude meditation is also good for the purpose of connecting with my muladhara chakra.
12/10 Direct Link
In order to help me to understand better what I needed in the home as far as help is concerned was to create an ad entitled Maid Service Wanted.

I am looking for a female maid to help me clean up and tidy around the house.

The job requirements would include washing dishes, sweeping floors, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, taking out trash, and organizing files.

Currently paying minimum wage and might give bonus depending on how well job is performed.

Must wear lingerie while cleaning and must have a pleasant and submissive attitude towards cleaning and have a womanly nature.
12/11 Direct Link
Do you like playing games?' he asked her.

You mean board games? she asked.

Not just board games, but games that have rules.

She said yes and asked what kind of game did I have.

In this game, I told her, it is a game of domination and submission and you get to play your role and I get to play mine based on rules that I have implemented in it.

She seemed to be down for it and asked if she had any say in the rules and I told her that women's rights liberations were over decades ago.
12/12 Direct Link
A different kind of fasting that I have never ever tried before involves doing a dry fast during the day and instead of breaking your fast with food you are breaking it with just water. Give yourself permission to drink water during the nights.

I wonder how long could I endure on a fast like this.

Among other practices that you might like to try involves listening to the heart, and following what the heart is telling you.

Whatever the case may be, just be mindful that it is the heart that holds the highest volume of magnetism and energy.
12/13 Direct Link
It's raining where I am she said after I told her how windy it was over here.

I've never had an argument about the wind as most of my memories regarding it were rather positive; from the paper airplane that never landed on the ground at grandmothers house, to flying kites with dad on the weekends.

I had thought about how she was probably laying down and listening to the raindrops.

My day was her night and her night was my day.

I started to reminisce about the good old days and said fuck that, let's lift some weights instead.
12/14 Direct Link
Feels like a lazy day again until it's time to go to work.

I need to take a shower, but as far as anything else goes, I don't know what more to do besides reading the rest of my November entries.

I knew that by taking a shower I would feel so much better and somewhat refreshed.

My room looked cozy despite the stuff on the bed which was mostly reading and writing material.

The lighting coming from the desk lamp also helped to contribute to the room having that warmth feeling with its soft mystic hue emanating from it.
12/15 Direct Link
My Chandan, Myrrh, Nag Champa, and Hawaiian High incense said to promote an uplifting, grounding, and aphrodisiac state of being are all gone.

My finances are dwindling away with my garnishments from my check due to school loans of which the school did not fulfill the promise of giving me that salary that would match my degree.

Professional collection agencies are really professional swindlers in the sense that they do everything they can to suck you dry.

The IRS is up my ass and I know I sound like I'm ranting and I guess you can say that I am.
12/16 Direct Link
I had some thoughts on darkness in reference to the seven Hermetic laws, and had initially rationalized that if day represents warmth then night represents the cold since day and night is the opposites of each other.

However when I had thought about the fetus in the womb of triple darkness of a living and breathing woman I had to realize that inside of that triple darkness is warmth and chances of a fetus surviving in extreme cold are more than likely nonexistent.

I had heard that in outer space the temperatures are extremely cold but what makes it so?
12/17 Direct Link
After completing another untimed meditation I opened my eyes and saw the book Each Moment Is The Universe under my study chair with a study lamp sitting on top of the arm rest.

That's right I said, each moment is the Universe.

As I walked to the kitchen I had realized that each moment also included the most mundane of things such as washing dishes and that in each moment you are washing the dishes you are actually the Universe.

Each Moment Is The Universe means everything that you do, as planets revolve, Sun's beam, and galaxies collide and expand.
12/18 Direct Link
I came across an artist named, Tim Gula who had mentioned this one Korean artist that I had completely forgotten his name.

Initially, Mr. Gula did not know who Kim Jong Gi was.

It was amazing how he had described how Jack Kirby would draw an entire comic book without any rough drafts. It was almost as though he was drawing directly from his memory itself.

From what I gathered from what the artist was saying about Jack Kirby is that he had a very vivid imagination.

I was really moved by Moebius [also known as Jean Giraud] art work.
12/19 Direct Link
While I cannot recall the title of the other video I watched, all I know is that it dealt with the mind, Stoicism, and Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca said 'most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.'

There was talk about paying attention to our thoughts and our actions and also to pay attention to if we are reacting to actions or thoughts in our external world or are we calm and collected in all circumstances with a perfect Yoga poise of mind.

Reflect on your meta qualities and exercise and all times self awareness.
12/20 Direct Link
One quote mentioned from Tesla says, 'if you want to understand the Universe then seek to understand energy, frequency, and vibrations.'

I can't help but to think on how this seems to relate to the 7 Hermetic Principles which speak of vibrations and energy.

On the London show Dandapani was talking about how we need to watch the things that we say verbally as well as the words that we're telling ourselves.

We aren't the mind but the awareness he continued and asked where does your awareness go, or where do we direct our awareness to on a daily basis.
12/21 Direct Link
After listening and taking notes to the 7 Day Mental Diet I listened to a video regarding the book entitled, 'Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself.'

In this book it states that your thinking allows you to change to be what you want to be.

You should nurture your dream and greatness is holding fast to a dream, independent of the environment.

In other words, regardless to your circumstances, your dream is what is more real more than anything else.

"Neuroscience has proven that we can change our brains- and therefore our behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs- just by thinking differently."
12/22 Direct Link
When we talk about embracing the naturalness of the darkness, we cannot forget about the principle of death and realize the fact that you will not be on this planet forever.

No one is still on this planet from the ancient of days.

I mention the aspects of death as I recall learning about 'memento mori,' which also serves as an art expression or symbol to remind us of what is imminent.

As I read the Buddhist aspects of this same subject, death is taken even more seriously to where you don't even know if your next breath is guaranteed.
12/23 Direct Link
The question had been asked, 'If God was the source of all love then why do we as men seek love through our relationships with women?'

In one aspect of mental purity I was thinking on the level of not having toxins in your body or bloodstream, and being able to see more clearly as a result of that.

However on another level I had thought that the other aspects of mental purity involved you having a well poised mind and being able to focus it, to concentrate on the one thing that you are trying to bring into fruition.
12/24 Direct Link
I received mail from the IRS regarding my 2017 income taxes which I know I owe money for.

The more I begin to see my bills piling up the more I keep feeling like I will have to look for another job, but then I think of all the hours I would put in for that job and then ask myself, 'with all those extra hours that you are willing to put in for a part time job, couldn't those hours be used to build yourself up and perhaps bring in some income with the talents that you have instead?'
12/25 Direct Link
A person would be right to question and ask, 'how do you dominate a woman with your mind?'

One of the first ways is to take her pussy off the pedestal and not to put pussy above your set of principles.

Because of pussy, like kryptonite to Superman, pussy is the kryptonite too many men who have fought for pussy, died for pussy, worked hard for pussy, and in the end only to realize that it was done all in vain, because what good is it to gain all the pussy in the world and to lose your own soul.
12/26 Direct Link
A God Meditation Production:

English is not my language and I am not an English Man.

With that thought I had then asked myself what was my language. Bahasa Inggeris tak bahasa saya. [The correct way to say this is Bahasa Inggeris bukan lidah ibu saya]

I had thought of classical Arabic but then beyond language I realized that I was something more than just a being who had the ability to speak a language and began reflecting on the silence, a little bit on the eventuality of death, and then telling myself to not identify with anything at all.
12/27 Direct Link
I had took some time to look up information on the swadhisthana chakra and had the idea to see what types of Yoga exercises were recommended for this chakra.

It must be noted that besides sexual energy, the swadhisthana chakra also deals with emotions and water.

Sadhguru had talked about how people have painted a bad picture on Tantric Yoga to where everyone in the West thinks that it deals mainly with just sex and nothing else when it actually deals with so much more.

To be stateless,
the taste of the tasteless
leads to the emptiness
cultivating non attachment.
12/28 Direct Link
I was laying down while being aware as to how I was feeling which was somewhat depressing and sad in nature.

Somehow I found myself deep into my emotions without judging it, and that is when I had finally realized what I had to do in the near future and for now on.

Despite my emotions being on a low level and a level bent towards discontent and maybe a little bit of depression I realized that by just experiencing the emotion for what it was without being attached to it; that I could actually feel more calmness within myself.
12/29 Direct Link
Once I arrived home I was super tired from my twelve hour shift.

I did not get home until an hour later than my usual time due to Sunday's bus schedule and me deciding to walk home for several miles because the buses were taking too long.

I was under the impression that I was going to have to do another twelve hour shift again today.

Despite knowing this possibility and going straight to sleep, I had decided to wash the rest of the soaked whites that I had soaking from yesterday to avoid them getting all mildewed and smelly.
12/30 Direct Link
As I looked up the benefits of doing durood I learned that by saying them there was blessings in ten fold for just reciting one durood.

I will not lie and say that there wasn't a part of me that asked the question on what was the authenticity of there being any benefits.

My response to my question is that even if it was not authentic, just by mere belief alone was enough to make it so.

Have the proper positive frame of mind, have faith in the Universe and in your Lord.

Anything is possible with a mustard seed.
12/31 Direct Link
I am not really looking forward to go to work tonight but happy that I am not going to be working a crazy twelve or sixteen hour shift.

I hope this is not going to be a crazy night.

New Year's is just another day and another night.

People get all excited about it with fireworks, booze, and drugs and then it's back to their old routine again.

I know I have thought about New Years resolutions and everything but is it really necessary?

Do we really have to wait until New Year's to make a change in our lives?