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01/01 Direct Link
After fifteen hours of work at the job and then tidying up at home, I guess I can sort of relax now. Initially I was supposed to work only thirteen hours but that would change when we had a major eviction regarding a guy who was way off of his rockers.

While I had dreaded working the shift it turned out not to be so bad after all. My main task was making sure that everybody was fed. I guess you can say that I was kind of like Aquarius except instead of providing water I was providing food instead.
01/02 Direct Link
We were running our shift like a skeleton crew due to a call off, I couldn't finish my reports I wanted, due to a medical emergency where this unconscious white guy was found in the lobby.

I slapped my gloves on and began my assessment. Never in my life did I think I would have to give CPR, but there I was doing it on the floor with the AED patches attached to this guy. Our AED was like a toy machine in comparison to what the paramedics had. What do you expect when you compare my profession to there's?
01/03 Direct Link
I wanted to talk about death as I had learned that the guy I did CPR on will more than likely have the plug pulled on him since he is for the most part brain dead which means that he is in a coma.

When I thought about how Allah could take my life at any moment I realized that dying is not an easy thing to do.

Part of the fear of dying revolved around not wanting to let go of the things of this world, the people we loved, the aspect we call ourselves, and having more time.
01/04 Direct Link
As I laid back in the bathtub and looked at the ceiling and then everything that was around me I suddenly realized the meaning behind grasping the moment.

When you grasp the moment there is no tomorrow or the next second or what happened yesterday.

Be observant of the smallest of details that you can notice.

Enlightenment will be in a moment that is in the present moment and not some idea of when you think it will happen.

If you're looking for enlightenment, look for it in the moment that you are in and not thinking in your mind
01/05 Direct Link
A woman and her pussy will make a man do crazy and unimaginable things. History has proven that this is true.

As a man I honestly think that a woman and her pussy shouldn't have more power over man to do things that he does not want to do. If you are a man who loves women and loves pussy, this could be a very difficult thing.

If you don't think self discipline is sufficient to be masterful over women and over pussy then perhaps you should look deeper within yourself and realize where women came from to begin with.
01/06 Direct Link
My idea of the singularity and my life of solitude, revolved around me doing the things that I want to do, like learning Holy Quran, learning skateboarding tricks, working out, going out to places I enjoy, writing, drawing, painting, and a life that did not involve me wallowing about how there is no woman in my life.

All I needed was a daily schedule that I could follow on a day to day basis to keep me busy enough to where I did not have to think about women and how my life had seemed empty without one in it.
01/07 Direct Link
I read one of Thich Nhat Hanh's statements where he says, ďIf while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we're not washing the dishes to wash the dishes. Whatís more, we're not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink.

If we canít wash the dishes, the chances are we wonít be able to drink our tea either.
01/08 Direct Link
I am bent on the degree of believing that a large part of developing the masculine frame has to do with working out. As I worked out I dwelled on how the strength of man is not just the physical but the inner as well.

If you want to know what it means to be a man then know that part of it has to do with not holding back with what you want to do and what you intend.

A real man is not a man who has profound words but being a man of action to back them.
01/09 Direct Link
When does the middle game begin in chess?

I received several different answers on the subject but while looking that up I also came across middle game chess strategies too. After just reading about the strategies I already felt like I was becoming a better chess player.

Being a man is about working hard on your self for the better.

While many people will say working hard is for the purpose of earning money, the truth is that when you work hard on yourself it will actually improve your life more than any piece of paper money could ever do.
01/10 Direct Link
I must emphasize on the importance of being self observant in your day to day life. Without self observation is like walking into the dark without any lights on.

The concept of ichigyo zammai takes a lot of focus but brings great results. If you can really just do one thing at a time and focus in one particular area, you are bound to complete your actions.

Why does drawing bring you closer to Zen and the present moment?

It brings you closer to the moment and Zen because when you are drawing you are paying closer attention to details.
01/11 Direct Link
I met up with my neighbors when we had got into the elevator. They had this uncontrollable mad dog that did not have any kind of control whatsoever.

If it were not for the owner holding the mad vicious dog on the leash and blocking it with the help of her fat lesbian girlfriend's thunder thigh legs I'm sure that this dog would have been jumping all over me and tearing my groceries to pieces.

I got off on a different floor as I had planned on doing initially before my angry abusive pet owner neighbor got into the elevator.
01/12 Direct Link
One phrase that I caught in the Avengers movie was the words, all words are made up. I thought about what he said and realized that it was true because if words were not made up, we would not have a modern language today or any language at all.

Maybe he could of said every symbol is made up too because when you look at language which is not always written the same in print form, sometimes tends to be referred to as symbols. In this case it could be any foreign language.

Take the hieroglyphics as a perfect example.
01/13 Direct Link
If people knew the truth they would change their way of life.

What is my story?

My story was that I needed to make a decision as to what was important to me, deep in my heart and then to make a path towards walking that path. A path where I don't know what the end would be but that if I truly walked the path I would be guided towards that which was for my own good.

'Nay, seek Allah's help with patient perseverance and prayer. It is indeed hard, except to those who bring a lowly spirit.' 2:45
01/14 Direct Link
Despite me having difficulty going to sleep I did manage to go into some deep breathing. I told myself that I needed to practice deep breathing all of the time, even when I am not meditating or laying down.

The additional thing that I need to also consider is that with this deep breathing I have to remember to stay in a relaxed state of mind, being, and body.

I would say be cognizant of the body more than anything else while being in a constant state of relaxation.

This practice would be in alignment with your daily mystical training.
01/15 Direct Link
I had attempted to do a meditation while listening to music and found that my mind was demanding that I turn off the music, or perhaps it was the silence, or a combination of both. A call to my self was beckoned to try listening to a surah while in meditation instead of music.

When you can bring yourself fully to the present moment and be completely relaxed, then you can know what true power is and where it is at.

Every single second and minute counts in your life as you breathe, as you observe, and as you contemplate.
01/16 Direct Link
I was hungry like a wolf, but I wasn't talking about my stomach, more than I was talking about my lower desires' lust for women.

The song Hungry Like The Wolf by Duran Duran went through my mind and I couldn't help but to think about the background music of a woman who sounded like she was in a 70's porno film.

Later on I was happy to read something from Al Hizbul Azam which had a prayer about seeking refuge away from the plots and evil of women as well as guarding our lower desires.

Prayers ease my mind.
01/17 Direct Link
Lately I have been contemplating on the true nature of love and what is love.

I think about how couples say that they love each other but then why do they sometimes wind up splitting up?

In order to try to understand love I tried to take it to a higher level where sex was not involved and asked the question about love in relation to a devotee loving God and the God loving the devotee.

I had also thought along the lines of love and jealousy wherein if God loved us, would He ever be jealous if we weren't?
01/18 Direct Link
I am finally tidying up and reveling in the progress that I have made thus far. I had no idea that it was going to snow today, and when I say snow I do mean snow.

The snow taught me confidence today as its ice crystals fell on my black hooded sweater and as I walked the hallways with my robust manly chest that was ready to take on any crazy zombie ass mother fuckers that came out of their homes breathing with their toxic breaths.

While it might sound somewhat exaggerated I'm sure that you are getting my point.
01/19 Direct Link
Before I retired to bed I had read from the Religion of Islam on the chapter entitled Death.

I am not sure what made me want to read about it, but I did read a few pages, which talks about the stages that are involved in the process of death.

I recall a few verses in the Quran that talks about the shock of the hour and how men would appear to be drunk but they wouldn't be drunk.

I figured that those times would be so bad that no one would really want to see it or be involved.
01/20 Direct Link
The other day I had told you about the bump on my stomach and had wondered why it was there. I attribute it to the chocolate with almonds and hazelnuts. I honestly think it was behind the cause as I discover a bump on my chin where my beard is growing.

I am only saying this because I have eaten this recently and before that it had been a while since I had had any nuts of any kind at all unless you want to include granola bars maybe, or the granola cereal.

Am I allergic to almonds and hazelnuts?
01/21 Direct Link
Yesterday I watched 14 Cameras which was about some old man who had installed some spy cameras to spy on people in their homes without them knowing about it.

While I admit that the movie was kind of creepy it really made me wonder about hidden cameras in my own dwelling.

Later on in the night while at work I would learn from a colleague that there was a movie before this one called 13 Cameras which actually came before fourteen cameras.

I started to watch a little bit this morning but felt that getting sleep was more important instead.
01/22 Direct Link
While doing my prayers, I had the thought regarding my ex and how much of a headache she gives and started to think along the lines of seppuku.

When I contemplated on the meaning of seppuku I knew it was not the proper word for what I was looking for, since seppuku is regarded as ritual suicide and I had no intentions on killing myself.

What I wanted was a word that referred to cutting her off completely. I meant cutting her off to the point of no contact whatsoever.

I think a more appropriate word would be ghosting her.
01/23 Direct Link
I had settled to finally watch the rest of Thirteen Mirrors which was a bit more brutal than Fourteen Mirrors.

Currently I have no comment as I reflect over myself finally being able to recite the ninety-nine names from beginning to end.

I am thinking about fasting for Thursday. I plan to bring the fruits that I have in the fridge and the yoghurt to sahur with to help me with my fast for and throughout the day.

Write on paper the path that the tree of life should take as well as list and symbolize the main four elements.
01/24 Direct Link
I had wanted to get or take back what I had loaned to her in one way or another because I had to accept for the time being and that for the most part she burned me a second time.

She burned me by not keeping her word, and I burned myself because I had put trust in her and called myself giving her another chance to prove that she could keep her word.

Her actions made me ask if women can even keep their word at all since they are not really accountable for their actions like a child.
01/25 Direct Link
I decided to take a night walk.

What made this walk different is that I wasnít in a hurry to go anywhere in particular, though I did have a destination.

For the most part I was simply enjoying walking for walking while being self observant of my mind, desires, intentions, and ways.

Getting out to get a walk was something that I had wanted to do even before the sun had went down but in this case it was way past Isha but still early to me mechanical time.

My walk under the stars would take me to the Cosmonaut.
01/26 Direct Link
Today is Lazy Bum Day because I just want to relax and do absolutely nothing besides being in the moment. Of course I want to do some reading, more writing, and things that are productive, I just do not want to do it during the day light because I am a hermit hibernating in the shaman's bear cave. The artwork on the wall is his claim to it.

What is your path was the question and then what was my journey.

For me a journey was going from here to there, making plans, achieving goals, and living your personal life.
01/27 Direct Link
Another perspective concerning the dark was based on scary movies. In most cases the monster is never afraid. Itís the people who encounter the monster who are afraid, and why are they afraid?

They are afraid because theyíre confronted with the unknown, they don't know what theyíre dealing with, or have been told things about what they are dealing with and what it can do to them.

If you really look at the whole idea of the monster, itís basically telling you to fear the darkness which is the very same darkness that you came from or had origins in.
01/28 Direct Link
The woman and a man in a relationship is somewhat like the ox in the Zen stories.

While women seek attention and take men on this wild goose chase, little did man know that he did not have to chase her at all.

I came to the conclusion that in order to master women you had to master your desires for women by focusing more on your own powers and abilities as a man thus charging yourself without the drain of the voice of a nagging woman, or any kind of woman in this case.

Having discipline is the key.
01/29 Direct Link
It was just as I had expected. There was no maintenance guy coming for any scheduled appointment regarding the water leak.

I spoke to some other snobby bitch woman on the phone about how she does not do appointments and all this other hogwash bullshit.

I should have known this from the get go and my intuition was somewhat spot on about no one showing up this morning. I decided to just reschedule for my day off.

The bull shit advertisement about calling in for an appointment on their website is all bullshit too as I was to soon discover.
01/30 Direct Link
I had a weird voice mail where this woman called my cell phone stating she was with Golden Thai Pai which I assumed was a restaurant.

She had a Ďlove you long time voice,í and I was compelled to call the number back but they didnít answer.

She called again stating that she was trying to get some code to get into the building which at this point I figured she had the wrong number.

I went downstairs to the front door to see if anyone was there then dreamed I had sex in the evening with some Chinese lady.
01/31 Direct Link
Outside of your given name, people have called you all kinds of other names, certain nick names, and in all of these names spoken from their mouths, of which did you hold to be true and which did you hold to be false, and what names do you stick with today or have you even liberated yourself yet?

Despite all of this, what do you say with your own words, your heart, and what do you fear when it comes to truth and your total self that does not lie, pretends, shucks and ducks and does the Scooby Dooby Doo.