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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
Lot's of things have been on my mind recently. I thought that writing is the best way to get it all out of my system, rather that be online or offline, whatever the case maybe, write it all down.
I had thought to myself that if I had really took my sweet time when I write versus trying to meet some daily word count, perhaps my writing could dive a little deeper.
I pondered over what the Director had said in regards to constantly training when it comes to learning self-defense.
Most people would not train on a daily basis.
Before I went to sleep last night I heard water dripping in the ceiling above the shower. I knew it was coming from somewhere upstairs and sort of dismissed that it could cause any extensive damage until I saw it with my own eyes.
When I woke up in the morning there was big bubbles hanging down in the ceiling. It turned that the neighbors upstairs had a pipe bust in their bathroom somewhere.
I think they said it was the shower, but I believe it was the toilet because one of the bubbles was directly over the toilet seat.
Today's word of the day is shuttlecock, which I learned while at the Denver Art Museum.
I had forgot that today was a free day at the Art Museum and decided that I still had time to get there.
I especially enjoyed the paintings by Julie Buffalohead, as her paintings seemed to exude exactly what I am working on as far as my Red Rabbit Hole story is concerned.
Crows seemed to play a special part in the paintings.
I liked the painting that was in contrast of blue and red as if to say which pill will you choose.
After taking the red pill and walking the red path I did not want to just know how deep the rabbit hole went more than I just wanted to know the truth.
I wanted to know if I had to keep on searching and if my search would be forever.
Was enlightenment the once and for all achievement that man needed to reach and achieve or was there something higher than that?
Was there something beyond the yonders?
I knew that there had to be something beyond this and when you say this what are you talking about?
My ex called back after leaving her nasty message apologizing in her best angelic voice that she could muster.
I told her that I had accepted her apology about acting like a savage that had just came out of the caves.
I actually didn't say the savage from out of the caves part but should of for the added effects.
Later I had asked her about two Casio keyboards that she had and if I could get one of them for collateral for the one hundred dollars that she owes me still and she blew up emotionally all over again.
My initial plans was to go to the bank to withdrawal some money to pay on a loan that I owe, but I wound out not going out at all. I didn't get my courtesy call from the loan facility to inform me that my payment was due.
Maybe it was the lady who showed her cleavage through the glass window that was supposed to call me, the same lady who asked if I would like to make a donation for breast cancer.
I doubt she had breast cancer and her cleavage display was a ploy for a sympathetic donation.
I would like to point out something in regards to my errands at home and my personal goals in life.
I contemplated on if they were an actual job where I was getting paid to do it I would do them even if I did not feel like it.
I go to work when I don't feel like going, because I know what will happen if I stop working.
I figured that if I had that same mentality towards the things that I am trying to accomplish in my personal life I would probably find more success in my life.
In reference to the rabbit hole, the truth of the matter is, there is no red lights in the rabbit hole, red light districts, or any colors for any kind of lights at all, just superconsciousness and stars.
The rabbit hole was complete darkness. It was like being in the womb of your mother except the only difference was that you were a man and you were conscious.
So was I lonely?
Did I desire company?
Did I desire for things to be differently and wouldn't I rather be fucking my wife right now than writing about my boring life.
The one problem with some of us as men is that we have allowed ourselves to be devalued by believing all of the toxic bullshit that we've been told by society and the toxic feminist movement.
Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle has to be one of the corniest of all jokes. What do you expect, hearing it come from a woman?
Once men start to agree that maybe there is something wrong with them being manly and maybe they need to change their manly ways is the minute they start spiraling downwards to their own destruction.
I finished watching one episode and series of the show called Maniac and I could see the humor, the comedy, and the satire that was involved, which made it even more funnier because perhaps a lot of that stuff was true.
I contemplated on doing work to fill up the empty gaps and spaces in my time. When I say work I am not just talking about the nine to five job but about the simple tasks like taking out the trash, washing the dishes, and tidying up your room.
Work shouldn't be despised but something to look forward to.
I was not expecting snow as I walked outside in it and waited for the bus. While waiting I started to think about a pair of authentic snow boots, snow pants, and you can go ahead and add on a real full fledged snow jacket designed to keep you warm in the snow or a blizzard if need be.
When you are out in the cold you are always thinking about how to make the cold parts of your body warm.
Even with shoes and two pairs of socks on I felt like my feet were turning into cold stones.
As I meditated in the evening I had mentioned to myself that one of the benefits of meditation and purposes of meditation included calmness of mind, a relaxed body, calm emotions, and a deeper sense of peace and contentment. With that being said, it made perfect sense as to why meditation should be included in my day to day life.
As I walked back home in the freezing snow temperatures the thought about work had came to my mind and how it builds character and that having principles that you stand firmly with also tends to help build character too.
Today I learned a new word after reading an article about some guy who had shot two women at a Yoga studio because he hated women.
The new word was 'incel' and it's basically someone who is involuntarily celibate because no woman was willing to be in an relationship with them. It was also stated that incel's also hated themselves and think that the reason why no woman wants them is because they are too ugly or too incompetent.
It seems to me that incel's just need to be educated about the nature of women coupled with some deep understanding .
At the end of my contemplation of the living room and the things I mentioned earlier, I did manage to tidy up the recycle, cut the milk cartons, vacuum the floor, clear the table, and straighten out my room a little bit. While in the process of doing this I told myself that it is good to embrace work as a principle and practice and that when you are done with that work or tasks you should look forward to embracing some more.
Think of working over sleep and of working over laziness.
Don't think you are being a workaholic.
I took the groceries up four flights of stairs and was really pissed about taking the water up the stairs since the elevator that used to work is down now. I didn't see myself walking all the way to the other end of the elevator carrying two gallons of water on each shoulder and the big five gallon in my hands.
We had another transient at work. He threw racial epithets at us and I was eager to beat his ass when I put on my grey gloves. I would have loved to carve a interesting design on his face
There was a video on about misogyny. The speaker talked about the definition of human and how it is only a definition that does not describe the real thing because the real thing is indescribable.
According to an online dictionary a misogynist is a person who hates, dislikes, mistrusts, or mistreats women.'
Going deeper into this, like the definition of human does not really describe who I am as an individual and a person, the misogynist could be no different.
It was just a word that some mad feminazi woman came up with to describe us men just being men.
I just lost all of my X Chromosome chapter that was supposed to be geared towards my National November Writing Month of fifty thousand words.
It is my fault again for not posting the entry to my blog first to ensure that it would be saved.
Now my word count that I had towards the story has been depleted and I will be forced to try to rewrite what I already wrote knowing that the content is not going to be anywhere nearly the same.
It is shit like this that just makes me want to fucking give up.
By the mere fact that she didn't invite me into her apartment was already disrespectful.
She could not look me in the eye, and when she did try to make that eye contact she could not do it. I was like God in her presence.
I was studying her movements and how she was acting. I was looking at her facial expressions and when she did stand in my view she could not even do that well without crossing her arms over her chess while I kept a firm shoulder to shoulder stance with my hands comfortably in my pockets.
I've read so many relationship books for men and women on how to get along together and books on the aspects of women's nature which I believed was having an effect on my approach towards women.
While there was one part of me that wanted to interact with women there was another part telling me how they really were in real life.
I think that this is where the aspect of breathing in the essence of women came from, but then wouldn't I be putting women back on the pedestal again, and putting the idea of the Yoni with it.
They say that there is a battle of the sexes going on but the question to ask is who says there is a battle of the sexes going on and should we bother to believe them.
Look up the word social engineer and get a glint of what we are talking about and how people with money and power are running the world.
What happens when that money is not worth anything anymore or engineered to be worth nothing?
If you really want to start knowing the truth, start observing more and realize the dream that you are living in.
The reason why I had a sudden interest in the darkness is based on something that I had read about how the ancestors saw the darkness as a protector from the enemy and from them getting captured.
When I speak of the darkness I'm not talking about the occult but of natural darkness as you see it in the night and when you close your eyes and look deep within, the darkness in the womb of your mother before you were born, and the darkness in which the first atom formed itself, and became the many, and became the one.
Is it true that there was a group of people who lived amongst each other, but they did not have a name for color; which begged on the question of rather or not we saw the same colors or not and if some were made up.
It was a rather deep subject to consider because I had asked my self the question as to what that would mean if we did not have a word for objects that we see on a day to day basis. Would we see everything as a dream then?
The power of words is amazing.
There has to be more boldness in life because without boldness you are basically just living a life filled with fear. There is no other way around it.
I finally had mustered the energy and the power to go out and skateboard to which now I would like to entitle it guerilla skateboarding since it is skateboarding that deals with skating in the streets.
I can feel the burn in my chest and I feel stoned at the same time. I think that going out to skate really does free up my mind from certain stresses that I might have.
Women were challenged to show that they were better in things that men thought was mainly for men, like fighting in combat, defending the home, and being able to build a spaceship to get the hell out of here.
Many women were tossed and choked out in Jiu Jitsu competitions. Some of the women cried and many became more humble and took the path of learning how to be a Geisha woman instead.
Some of the women were just angry regardless of the case.
It was mainly because they weren't getting any manly dick to go along with their defeat.
We begin our daily practice with the inhalation and the exhalation of the breath.
As I look at my writings, I see a lot of it is about regret. It's about how I say I would of done things if I knew now what I did not know then. This kind of thinking is futile.
If you find yourself in another relationship the real question to ask yourself is will you implement everything that you have stated that you have learned and would have done differently.
It's a question worth asking and it is also a question worth inquiring about.
As I meditated in my room I said 'so this is what it was like in this particular side and portion of the rabbit hole in the present moment.'
It was the sound of cars passing by, the sound of my breath breathing in and breathing out, the neighbors pounding their Godzilla feet upstairs, occasional dog barks, human voices, air plane and helicopter fly overs.
In the dream feet exercise I developed based on a sort of Zen state of awareness of how you move your feet from one distance to the next is purely based on developing dream awareness.
Isn't it ironic how it seems that time seems to go by faster when we set mechanical time back one hour. I personally say that it has absolutely nothing at all to do with the mechanical time as we know it.
I think that the time is moving fast feeling comes from the Earth shifting on its axis.
On a microscopic level we cannot see how fast things are moving around.
It's harder to believe that we are on a planet that is moving faster than one thousand miles and faster than anything man made that we can think of.
I started to think about the outlaws in history and modern times.
Why was I thinking about them?
Because during their times, things were a whole lot different. Things are also different today and yet you still have your outlaws or so called fugitives. I think I'm probably writing about this more because I've been watching Narcos and how the drug cartels came to life and how in their own countries they were considered outlaws.
Why were they considered to be labeled as outlaws?
Mainly because they refused to play the game or dance to the tune like everyone else.
I'm off to Seoul she said as almost out of the blue.
In truth it wasn't out of the blue because she had told me about it months before but I had forgotten the dates that she said she was going to be out there. I was more than sure that she was happy and excited about it. She had never been there before and now she was getting her opportunity.
Though I was happy for her I felt this sort of sadness within because I wasn't there with her to enjoy it.
I will focus on my writing today.
I was glad to be back home from out of the cold. It was cold enough to the point that my hands were freezing and feeling numb. Sounds like a few feet away from being frost bitten if you ask me.
Why was it so important for me to go out into the cold to go to the store?
It was mainly to stock up on my assortment of incense.
The use of incense goes back to anceint days and yet they say the ancients were not intellgient and that they came from the jungles and that they were savages.
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