04/01 Direct Link
I had the notion that if I could creep well enough, I would be able to catch the elusive mouse that I thought was long gone with my bare hands before it ran in between the cracks behind the stove.

This particular mouse might be the same one that has been getting away all of this time; the same mouse that I thought decided not to come here anymore.

I do not want to kill the mouse, and on the other hand, I donít want any kind of diseases tracked back into my living quarters that Iím paying rent at.
04/02 Direct Link
I am glad that the whole fantasy television romance bullshit got squashed as to what romance was.

An article that made sense was the one in which it stated that being romantic was being thoughtful.

When I say thoughtful Iím not talking about kissing her ass and trying to win her approval.

I am talking about genuinely caring about her and appreciating the things that she is doing instead of being a complete douche bag instead.

Thereís a difference between being a jerk and a full grown man, and it has nothing to do with how big your muscles are.
04/03 Direct Link
Always keep in mind that each moment is each moment, step by step, breath by breath, and every single action that you do.

I remember how when I was younger that I used to tell myself that one day I would have some grand vision and manage to figure things out, know who I am and what path to take.

Now that I am much older, I realize that I can no longer wait for a vision, and that I have to create my own vision based on what I want and then practice it each and every single day.
04/04 Direct Link
Today the Blue Electric Monkey talked about magic and then the magical child was mentioned which I thought was something worth considering, being that the magical child has a lot to do with your true original inner self untainted by dogmatism.

One thing to consider in your day to day life and day to day living in the moment is that the moment does not go anywhere.

The moment does not move to the future nor does it go backward into the past.

The moment is always right here wherever you are and is rather content with whatís right here.
04/05 Direct Link
Mechanical time is a tool like a rubic's cube.

We use mechanical time as a form of measurement based on the mechanisms moving inside of a watch or a clock, according to the motion of the dials and various springs and parts made in some overseas factory.

Real time is the seed of this moment, which is harmonious, and in tuned with the presence of this single moment.

It isn't the goal to become one with the Universe, but to become the Universe so that there is no one to become one with.

There is no inside or an outside.
04/06 Direct Link
I had decided to take a super cold shower which felt like I was having some kind of baptism of which I wanted to experience each day.

I am the Cosmos and all the Irish potatoes.

If this world is really a dream then live it as a dream without questions.

In my meditation I came across what I felt meant stepping out of my comfort zone on many different levels but the most important of them all was stepping out of that aspect that I considered to be myself.

Who is this self that is boundless, immortal, even eternal?
04/07 Direct Link
I had came across some website by mistake where some lady had kept a collection of her urban journals which had drawings of paintings and city landscapes and some writings. This was enough inspiration for me to perhaps try to start keeping my own sketch journal.

I had this idea where I could be doing some reading while I am walking at the job. It would enable me to get more reading done plus cover areas that normally would not get covered.

So what do you do when feeling depressed?

Try to deal with it the best way you can.
04/08 Direct Link
If you can look beyond the present into the essence of which all life came, which is triple darkness then you can begin to ask yourself questions.

Reflect on the mind body concept and how that ties in relation to being at one with the Universe.

Being hard is more than just being attractive to the opposite sex, but being hard also entails being in tuned to a higher relationship where the body nor the mind can be neglected.

Exercise is the sword against the body to get it into shape until the sword is no longer needed but wanted.
04/09 Direct Link
LoveÖ in every single moment to the next moment and the moment after that.

Be conscious of your facial expressions and managing how they are to always be relaxed.

I imagine that the face has many muscles and sensitive tissues inside of them. I believe that real relaxation begins with the mind being relaxed. The body is just as important since they are both part of the mind.

Don't forget that thereís the love of nature, plants, birds, insects, animals, the Universe, the countless planets, stars, moons, galaxies, the Supreme Being, self, life, and death all combined together into oneness.
04/10 Direct Link
I decided that I would do some fasting today for the sake of fasting.

I donít know if itís me or if itís the fasting that makes me feel so weak and tired at times.

I was so tired that I was falling asleep on the bus. When I arrived home I was so tired that I fell asleep in bed with my job uniform on.

While sleeping I dreamed but cannot remember everything that I dreamed about.

Dreaming shouldnít just take place when you are sleeping but the ideal of dreaming should also take place while you are awake.
04/11 Direct Link
If you want to stay in the moment, besides being aware of your breath, focus on what kind of thoughts are going through your mind.

Your thoughts and what youíre saying are your daily verbal commands and affirmations.

An affirmation can be positive or negative.

If you watch your self talk then catch yourself saying shit that does not align with what you want then that is when you can prune that thought and pluck it out of your bonsai state of mind that you desire so that your mind is growing and evolving in the direction that you desire.
04/12 Direct Link
I thought about Wisdom and what it entailed. It would be worth my while to have daily reflections on the 99 names, the Kabbalah, and the chakras and use them in my meditations for insight purposes.

Today I came across the slang dictionary because I was looking up the word bubba and what it meant. I wanted to know if it had any racial epithets attached to it but it didnít. While searching I came across several other slang terms.

A large number of the terms I knew. The ones I did not know made sense after reading their definitions.
04/13 Direct Link
I had to go beyond the religion, the mystical, and everything I thought I knew and walk into the unknown.

Welcome to the dark side where dragons lay.

I asked the question, ďIs darkness evil?Ē

You really need to get the fairy tale images out of your mind of what supposedly lurks in the darkness.

You also have to be careful that youíre certain that you are not misinterpreting the darkness in its truest form.

In the triple darkness there is no images, just deep contemplation upon contemplations upon contemplations that are like dimensions that never end and continue on.
04/14 Direct Link
Among other paths that I had contemplated was the path of the heart.

When I say the path of the heart Iím talking about your own heart.

The heart that isnít being led by this Sufi or that Saint or this moment. It was about truly looking and listening within and going where it desires to go.

If you really pause a few moments in time and look at how you breathe from moment to moment you can begin to see how the breath is a mystery.

Think to yourself as you breathe, and ask the question, who is breathing?
04/15 Direct Link
So in reference to the face I found that I was studying her expressions moment to moment which was like this forever changing metamorphosis thing going on right before my eyes.

So I should not have any doubts about what the author said when he said that he could know certain things about his wife by her facial expressions.

Initially I thought it was absurd until I started to pay attention to faces and started to study Ainiís face.

Red roses have blossomed,
Nightingales are all drunk everywhere,
the hue-and-cry of ecstasy
O Sufi devotee of the Eternal Now?
04/16 Direct Link
I was sitting at the kitchen table looking in the distance and saw what looked like a miniature reaper but it was really my sweater hanging over the vacuum cleaner.

I started to think about how death could come at any minute, any second, or all of a sudden.

I know that death is something that I need to reflect on more often based on the facts of death.

Take time to surrender all of your fears, suspicions, conspiracies, and who said what to whom.

The book ĎSilence The Mystery of Wholeness,í stared me in the face from a distance.
04/17 Direct Link
I have to learn about the battle between sleep and wakefulness.

There are times when I know I should wake up for prayers and tell myself that sleeping a little more will not hurt in order to get a little bit more rest.

However, I also notice how I will prop myself out of my sleep and move rather quickly if I am running late for work.

While noticing this, I asked myself how can I jump out of bed because I am running late for work but canít jump out of bed sometimes when it is time to pray.
04/18 Direct Link
I had decided to do a nineteen minute meditation which turned out to be almost forty minutes.

I did not hear my alarm go off and that probably had a lot to do with why my meditation had took so long to complete.

I reflected on what I knew besides those things that were based on memory and I had to tell myself that in truth I knew absolutely nothing at all.

Realizing this truth could be more liberating than depressive than you might think.

Thereís an entire ocean and universe deep within.

Itís up to you to discover it.
04/19 Direct Link
As I sat at the bus stop and began this process called paying attention to what is around you and above you I realized that it was possible to find the aspect of the dream in the present moment by simply being aware of the present scene that you are in.

One key point in this simple exercise is to pay attention. When I say pay attention I am not saying just be alert, I am saying that you should be paying attention to the each minute detail.

Each moment is interesting because you don't know what will happen next.
04/20 Direct Link
In order to be a Master you must be a servant and know how to serve. In other words, it is better to start from the bottom to know what it is like versus starting from the top having no idea about the bottom of the totem pole.

What is the eternal we wonder, and go to our meditation cushions to reflect on it only to realize that what you are seeking is not eternal.

If you want to know what eternal is then you have to go through the eye of no mind where words are not even spoken.
04/21 Direct Link
It was suddenly from nature to city and I asked the question as to why there had to be a change at all.

How do you go from a place that is very quiet and serene to a place that is suddenly full of noise?

Learn how to adjust to what I had called City Zen where you become aware of the facts.

Cars are loud, motorcycles even louder, and every once in a while, expect to hear a live streaming jet.

The real beauty of any city is seeing plant life within it representing signs of life and hope.
04/22 Direct Link
I continued my walk while noticing the fine scent of sweet grass and the various musks and odors and scents of mother earth.

Perhaps this is one thing that I love about mother nature.

I looked around analyzed my surroundings and saw how this was a shaman's land.

Everything is perfect just the way it is which explains the saying that Enlightenment is now and to be found only in the now and not at some future set moment and date.

Enlightenment happens in the moment, not an anticipated one or after doing a certain set of exercises and chanting.
04/23 Direct Link
Wherever you feel like going is where everybody else goes.

If you do things in this manner, you will not feel like you are going somewhere for the sake of the family, when in truth you really do not want to go to the place that was suggested.

I had walked past the display of luggage in the window at the Gift Shop and had this sort of desire to draw the luggage. That thought led me to have the desire to simply draw anything and everything that had to do with travelling since I love to travel so much.
04/24 Direct Link
I have been reading this book recently called Now which covers various topics also.

On one page, it briefly talks about aging and how we tend to fight by taking measures to hide the fact that we are aging. This kind of mindset is rooted in Western culture where it is looked highly upon to have the attributes of youthfulness, whereas in other countries aging is looked at something as something that is respected.

I realized that I have never gave much thought to the fact that I myself am aging and how I can get snared in Western culture.
04/25 Direct Link
Is there a such thing called the fear of success, where a person is close to reaching their final goals and sees the finish line but for whatever reason decides to postpone their achievement?

Today I learned how to tie the flat knot, the slip knot, and another knot that I cannot remember. While tying the knots I found myself getting enthusiastic about tying and desiring to learn more.

I thought about the old days when I was in the Boy Scouts and how I had always thought that knowing your knots was a prerequisite for being a good sailor.
04/26 Direct Link
It should be known and realized that everything is mystical and mysterious.

There are many people looking for the mystical states of consciousness as though itís supposed to be attained sometime in the future or during some kind of certain holy and significant event. What they fail to realize is that the mystical is in each step, each breath, and in each moment.

As I paid close attention to my hands I could see how my hands were mystical, the lines and the shapes in my hands, my subtle finger prints, green blood veins, and the pulse on my wrist.
04/27 Direct Link
I was very displeased with myself once I arrived home this morning. Before I reached the front door to the apartment building it started to become clear that I had left my keys to my front door at work. A brief phone call would later confirm that.

I was upset mainly because I had already had the morning mapped out as to what I was going to do.

I took notice of the expression on my face which was rather somber and asked myself what would happen if I just tried to smile instead.

Would my day be any different?
04/28 Direct Link
I could hear a crow cawing after my meditation.

For a long time, I have been trying to understand the crow, its characteristics, and sometimes what seems to be a certain kind of knowing.

Sometimes they can be outright annoying with their caws but perhaps the reason why it is necessary for them to caw is to point something out.

Perhaps they can see what we cannot.

Reading Carlos CastaŮedas books made me have a more keen interest in them, including many native stories I have read about them.

Do they belong in the city or deep in the woods?
04/29 Direct Link
Itís good to do away with perceptions and misconceptions, to see how things really are without the words, titles, and advertisements. This was just another one of my ideas, as to how true seeing could be possible and something that I would like to strive for.

There is nothing wrong with doing nothing, and embracing the Wu Wei aspects in which you are doing nothing.

Doing nothing doesnít mean things are not getting done, and living life does not necessarily mean that you have to be always be doing something in order to accommodate the fact that you are alive.
04/30 Direct Link
Today was the last day of April and I had to make ten separate purchases on my secondary Visa debit card if I did not want to get charged a service fee for the month.

I went to Shining Lotus Metaphysical Bookstore for incense for my meditations.

I purchased orange juice, organic seaweed, cous cous, Monster orange drink, raisin bran cereal and more incense. I would buy these items in three different transactions.

My next stop was at Fascinations Sex Shop for massage oil but it did not open until noon despite the website saying that they opened at 10.