01/01 Direct Link
I have never felt so tired in my life.

Why am I so tired?

I am mainly tired because I woke up at 07:00 for New Year’s Eve and started a 14 hour shift at 17:30 and never went to sleep until around 09:00 this morning. That’s a total of 26 hours with no sleep.

Should we talk about sleep deprivation and madness and how I felt like I was in the twilight zone and the dream world all at the same time?

Due to me being so tired I gave myself full permission to do absolutely nothing but rest.
01/02 Direct Link
As soon as I got on the bus this morning I smelled the nastiest smell ever.

It was a pussy smell that smelled like it had not been washed in weeks, perhaps even months.

I am almost one hundred percent certain that the smell was coming from the big fat nasty lady in the wheel chair.

I know that I was not the only person who could smell what I smelled by the disgusted looks on everyone’s faces.

I decided to get off the bus and felt a huge breathing relief as I was able to smell the fresh air.
01/03 Direct Link
I had decided to inquire about Buddhist hand gestures based on an incident I had recalled while I was at the Fatima Mosque.

I was walking towards the Indian Imam with his little mustache. I had given him the greetings and I cannot remember if I reached out to shake his hand or not, but he put his hands up like the Buddhist put their hands up when they say Amitabha.

Amitabha is a celestial Buddha, said to be the main Buddha in Pure Land Buddhism.

Amitabha is said to mean Infinite Light or Buddha of Immeasurable Life and Light.
01/04 Direct Link
I was asking myself if I really saw myself as being capable of being a manager in any position or if I simply doubted that I could ever hold such a position.

When I asked myself this question I had to question if it was something that I really desired in life.

What do you see yourself as becoming?

Do you see yourself as being a Director, Manager, Spiritual Guide, Guru, Master, God or none of the above?

It was a question worth answering and I knew that the answer to that question was definitely deep inside of my heart.
01/05 Direct Link
Stop saying anything in reference as to what you want to become someday.

You cannot become what you already are.

You cannot find it with your busy body talking mind.

Your best bet would probably be to go into some kind of meditation.

As I walked down 16TH Street one thing that I learned from taking a measured and relaxed walk and pace is that it puts you into a Zen awareness state and it also removes all fears.

Learn how to take your sweet time and watch people as they run on a hamster cycle wheel called mechanical time.
01/06 Direct Link
I was reflecting on intoxicants and I was focusing on the Buddhist precept which involves right mind and if you look at intoxicants and what they do then you would know that they do not lead to the right mind that the Buddhist are referring to.

One said aspect of the samurai was to be as if always ready for any attack.

I had exercised that state of mind rather briefly and found it to be rather intense.

In the end I found myself thinking about The Force Awakens along with the hoodies that they wear in such secretive manners.
01/07 Direct Link
The highest sexual connection is cosmic consciousness. Once you reach cosmic consciousness you will not want to think about sex at all on a physical plane but on a soulful one.

Be admired because of the presence of your mind and of your intelligence within and without the Universe, the galaxies, and beyond.

Be the Presence of God by constantly remembering Him inside of your heart.

The power of water is so great in the sense that it’s everywhere.

Water’s in your body, inside of your home, and picking up on every single vibration, and thought, that you can imagine.
01/08 Direct Link
There was a passage in the Living Presence where Rumi says "in order to speak one must listen."

When a baby is born, the baby learns how to imitate the words that it hears and eventually the meanings behind the words.

I reflected on the learning process; how a baby learns, how they eventually get enwrapped in this world and lose all of their magicalness and openness along with it.

It's almost as though the scripture makes plenty of sense when Isa [Jesus] said, “unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.
01/09 Direct Link
I was finding it hard to write down what the next keys were for Beethoven and eradicated what the young Russian colleague had told me about learning the song via music sheets was too hard.

Maybe it was too hard for him because he personally did not know how to read music.

Self-observation of the mind is the key as to how you react and everything else that you do.

When pen and paper are not near, I feel naked; not being able to write, right away and having to search for it diminishes the chances of spontaneous writing creativity.
01/10 Direct Link
If you want to be in tuned with anything in this world, be in tuned with the present moment, the wind, the moon, the clouds, and everything that is around you in the now.

When are you most alive?

I noticed that as I began to tackle the laundry pile in the hallway to sort it and finally go through all the paper work that needed to be sorted into categories that my energy seemed to vibrantly pick up.

I came to the conclusion that we are most alive when we are doing those things that need to be done.
01/11 Direct Link
I wrote love on the lid of my cup in French which is amour while thinking about how water responds to the words and their meaning.

Each action that I perform which should be done with love, so that everything that I do is love.

Love is not just about emanating on one level, you have to reach for the cosmic universal and beyond.

When you don't care what people think there is freedom that relieves pressures off of yourself, allowing you to be more natural and authentic.

Sleep deprivation is no joke at all but worth exploring its potentialities.
01/12 Direct Link
Look beyond the façade that women put up and all of their so-called self-importance.

Learn how to strip away all the illusions that we tend to hold on to so dearly.

In addition to me reflecting over what my path should be, I realized that part of it involved partaking a path of discipline which mainly derived around practices and restraints.

A perfect example of this is fasting on days that I say I am going to fast on or not eating foods at certain times.

Each moment is a battle of choosing to do this or to do that.
01/13 Direct Link
What is a Sufi?

A Sufi is really not a Sufi because he does not call himself such a thing or anything at all for that matter.

To be a Sufi would mean that you were a person who had become one with the moment which would bring about oneness with the Universe and everything near and beyond.

What is the path of the sword?

The path of the sword involves cutting things out of your life that you are trying to conquer or things that you decide to give up.

The ultimate sword is the sword of the mind.
01/14 Direct Link
When it comes to visualization it is not enough to just to visualize, as you have to also visualize yourself as actually having what you desire, possessing it, and using it in the manner that it is designed to be used.

I decided to sit down among the other people that were eating at Whole Foods and after eating for a while I realized that I was doing something that I normally do not do.

I normally hate eating out in public places but felt rather comfortable when I realized that it was a perfect people study watching type atmosphere.
01/15 Direct Link
In going back to imagination and visualization it soon became proof that shamans are for real and so to the world of magic that we live in rather we are aware of it or not.

Aini's mom said that if I shaved my beard all of my black hairs would come back.

I have never seen more grey hairs in my life. That’s only on my beard however.

Will I be forced to shave my beard in the long run?

Unless I can get it to grow like Sean Connery maybe I’ll keep it.

Other than that;
just say ‘sayonara.’
01/16 Direct Link
I started to reflect on the phrase die before dying.

It is rather practical to engage in this practice since in the end you are not taking anything with you from this world to the next.

I am not doing a very good job of observing the silence recently, mainly at my job.

Sometimes I tend to share personal things with people of whom I do not think I should be sharing things with.

I have told myself this several times but always seem to deviate from this practice.

I think sometimes I am doing it from lack of mindfulness.
01/17 Direct Link
Pain is a treasure of Mercy,
the fruit is juicy
when you peel the rind.

When I read this poem I thought about how I need to except and embrace the pain and loss that I often feel.

It is this same pain and loss that perhaps I can grow in.

Don't wish for things to be different from what they really are. Except the moment as it is.

Allow yourself to release versus ejaculation.

What I mean by this sentence is that instead of ejaculation you should be thinking more about releasing yourself via your astral body instead.
01/18 Direct Link
When you meditate just to meditate you don't meditate with expectations that perhaps I will reach some wisdom or maybe I will be able to go deep within.

This is not to say that these things will not happen but overall what should be noted is that when you meditate you just meditate.

You don't try to do anything or be anybody special or hope to reach some kind of state.

You simply sit down and breathe in and out with awareness.

Whatever comes, comes on its own.

Whatever insight you receive will come on its own, not by force.
01/19 Direct Link
Have goals but don't be attached to them.

Don't be attached to any of your dreams, your desires, or your wishes.

After checking my emails I soon learned what the humming sound in the room was coming from. It’s coming from the elevator room and I’m wondering how long it will take for management to do anything about it.

When I entered the apartment building a big brown dog came out of the elevator that seemed like it wanted to bite my dick and balls off with one single bite.

Luckily the owner had a leash on that mother fucker.
01/20 Direct Link
If you could learn to be silent and conscious of the words that come out of your mouth, it would be enough to gain sufficient wisdom.

Reflect over the fact that if there were no such thing as the silence sound would not be possible.

Learning how to listen is a skill worth acquiring.

As I reflect on this jewel called awareness, I realize that among other things that you should not under estimate are your thoughts.

It is said that oftentimes that your words are actually your thoughts and a reflection of them.

So what does that make you?
01/21 Direct Link
Black Man Zen is the type of Zen where you go back to your roots and origins of where you came from before you came.

There is no destination.

You’re the destination, the goal, the desires, the wishes, the wants, and the mind.

I realized that a colleague at my job with heavy makeup is one crazy bitch.

I guess she was trying to challenge me to see what kind of man I was when she said ‘you are on my good side, don't get on my bad side,’ like I was supposed to be scared all of a sudden.
01/22 Direct Link
I am thinking of doing various bench presses today and some butterflies with some stomach and back exercises. That's what I am feeling today.

I would like to complete my one hundred word entries and prepare my mind for another night shift.

Meditation should be considered and don't forget to listen to Brazilian Fantasia later on today on KUVO.

As I do butterflies and just now several sets of bench presses I feel more solid and more on point.

I feel more alive.

I feel as though I can conquer anything.

Now is a good time to do Dhuha prayers.
01/23 Direct Link
The Zen Driver drives with an open mind on the road and what is in front of him.

Love and Intelligence can tie in hand in hand.

I had to remind myself that if it was love that I was seeking then I had to be love in every moment and not to be afraid to express it.

When it comes to marital arts, don't underestimate the stances and their movements, which are never to be neglected.

The stance and the movements are just as important as the blocks, strikes and punches.

Keep up the practice of the unknown katas.
01/24 Direct Link
As you become more aware of your surroundings and become more aware in the present moment, at some point you want to get more in touch with your senses; those subtle senses and feelings that we tend to miss from not being as aware as we could be.

I came to a higher conclusion that the presence is not talking about you, but it is talking about the presence of the One so that His presence becomes your presence.

Washing these dishes is Zen.
Eating your food is Zen,
and everything that you do is Zen
so do it Zenfully....
01/25 Direct Link
My message to all beautiful, ugly, and attractive women is that 'if you do not want to be looked at then don't dress in such a revealing manner.’

Oftentimes women will dress all sexy and provocative and then look at you crazy when you start to gah gah goo goo their bodies, blow kisses, or approach them and tell them what a great body they have or what a nice set of titties.

Maybe men would think just a little bit less about sex if women covered up and the advertisers removed sex from their ads, billboards, magazines, and commercials.
01/26 Direct Link
One thing I must say about the yerba is that it makes me feel very sexual and relaxed.

With that sexual relaxation lies a sort of dominance that I see that I have with my esposa, which could be the same dominance with any woman who would not object to it.

I want to forcibly grab her into my arms and kiss her passionately with my tongue deep down her throat like some kind of legendary lizard man.

Should it be a wonder why I like dragons and the ancient arts?

What does the Quran say about the ancient arts?
01/27 Direct Link
I’m wondering if I can exercise while fasting.

It shouldn't really be a question based on my experiences in the past where I have confirmed that I have felt stronger while fasting from the past.

I have put henna in my beard which is very little since I shaved it last. I’m so close to almost just cutting it completely because of the grey hairs, or is the real reason because I don't want people to think I am old.

Whatever happened to how to not give a fuck?

I feel like punching a punching bag with my bare knuckles.
01/28 Direct Link
I was looking at these pictures of Sean Connery, which showed pictures of what he looked like when he was a younger man and how he started to look as he got older.

After looking at those pictures I told myself that I don't want to get so old and have regrets about not doing things that I really wanted to do because I was too afraid or was too concerned about what people thought about my actions.

I want to grow old being satisfied with overcoming my fears and living my life to the fullest potential I possibly could.
01/29 Direct Link
I experienced a touching moment high up in the mountains.

I had expected to see the stars but they weren’t so visible due to the low hanging clouds.

My intentions to see the stars later turned out to be me challenging my fears of what I considered to be the unknown being in almost complete darkness.

I sat in the car and focused on my breathing and then challenged myself by getting out of the car.

I realized that I could step out into the woods if I thought like the wild animals who are very conscious of their surroundings.
01/30 Direct Link
I thought it was just a joke when I saw the picture, but sea dragons do exist.

Out of all the years that I have lived I never knew of such a creature existing at all.

I imagined the countless creations that I am not aware of just on Earth alone.

One truth that we should be aware of is that words have meaning because we give them meaning.

The purpose of words is used to communicate.

What would the world be like if no one could speak?

More than likely we would use sign language to replace the words.
01/31 Direct Link
I managed to workout at the job in the gym.

The shoulder pull down consisted of 45, 55, and 70 pounds of weight on each side.

When I did the 70 pounds I could really feel it. It is good to push yourself beyond what you’re accustomed to lifting.

I lifted the same amount of weight with the hammer presses.

I then moved on to some hammer curls while ending with 35 pounds of which was a real struggle.

I only did five sets of those. I am not too far from moving up to the 40's and the 45's.