12/01 Direct Link
I read a short article entitled, "The Problem With Sex In Buddhism" which dealt with the control of our sexual desires.

It was stated that when we no longer have desires, we reach this enlightened state called nirvana.

It was stated in the article that to end sex would require getting rid of the desire for sex. I started to really think about that and asked myself do I want to really live a life without sex?

The answer to that question was emphatically no.

I just could not picture myself not having sex for the rest of my life.
12/02 Direct Link
I finally managed to gear myself to go the store.

I purchased some butter pecan ice cream, vanilla ice cream, kosher lunch meat, oatmeal raisin cookies, liquid hand soaps, oyster sauce, two Green Goodness drinks, and some Ghost Pine red wine.

Red wine is said to be healthy for you. Many old people who live past ninety can be found in Italy where red wine is said to be part of their diet.

I personally was thinking of Sufi poems, where red wine is mentioned on numerous occasions.

If itís love that you are seeking,
guess who loves you more?
12/03 Direct Link
I enjoyed watching an adult anime movie which dealt with dreams and philosophy.

The edge to it all is when all these philosophers had spoke about the meaning of reality while the main character never said a word or asked a question.

The silent listener turned out to be the one who had all these dreams.

Focus on what is the most important first and then everything else will be much easier.

Now I am thinking of an egg sandwich with Kosher turkey meat, melted sharp cheddar cheese on wheat bread with slices of tomato, chopped onions and some garlic.
12/04 Direct Link
Once I arrived home this morning from the bitter cold I didnít think to check the mouse traps first.

Later in the morning I realized that there was a dead mouse whose snout had been snapped by the mousetrap that I set up.

This mouse was rather big in size in my personal opinion.

I scooped the mouse carcass up with a cereal box and placed it in a plastic bag.

The city does not provide too many places to offer a burial and I was not about to put it in a planting pot or consider it for fertilizer.
12/05 Direct Link
I was reflecting over my loneliness issue again while I was on my way to work.

I thought about the opposite of loneliness, which meant that you had other people in your life who cared about you.

In the end of my reflection I soon realized that the problem with me being lonely was not really a problem at all.

My problem was wanting things to be different than what they really were.

I was blind to the present moment by wishing that circumstances were different than what they were while missing what was going on right here, right now.
12/06 Direct Link
Once I left the job to go outside into nine degrees of cold weather I was at least glad that the supervisor meeting was cancelled.

I did my combination minute meditation this morning and felt drowsy afterwards with the help of working a night shift.

I fell asleep by the sliding glass door hoping that I would not place my foot on the mouse trap in the process.

At some point I woke up and went to the room to lay down in the bed to sleep some more because I did not hardly get any sleep at all yesterday.
12/07 Direct Link
In the intro to one song you could hear a woman talking in the background along with the music talking about how the walls had appeared to be dripping like paint.

I know it sounds crazy but I was thirsty to hear more about her experience because not only was it way out of this world of what is considered normal but it was a way of describing something that was completely different but yet seemed to be so real.

This eventually led me to listening to Terrence Mckenna, along with the names of Aldous Huxley, Alan Watts, and Krishnamurti.
12/08 Direct Link
How do I see myself as being?

ďAct as though you already are.Ē

I read this sentence from one of the Stoic Philosophers. You have to see how you want to be in life, then live that standard of life according to how you see yourself.

I was glad to make it home to enjoy the warmth inside, but would have loved to have it hotter than what it currently is.

The temperatures were where I wanted it the first time the heater started working, but I had turned the thermostat down.

I should have left it where it was.
12/09 Direct Link
Everything is a program.

Enlightenment is hacking the program.

Everything is programmed to do something or serve a purpose.

People on a mass scale are programmed by television.

Some people are programmed by their teachers and their so-called mentors.

Some people are programmed by the books that they read or the many beliefs that they believe in.

Some people just don't know what in the fuck they are talking about. You can see them on the streets muttering gibberish.

Since you can't escape the fact that everything is some kind of program the beauty is that you can program yourself.
12/10 Direct Link
I stepped outside on the balcony and decided to sit in the lounge chair.

NoÖ itís not Ramadhan in Singapore.

These Christmas lights do not look like Christmas lights anymore, or at least I donít see them as Christmas lights.

Now I just see bright flashy colors and something that offsets the boredom thatís all around me.

After going out on the balcony and feeling the cold crisp air on my feet and on my face which felt so good prompted me to say that I had to get outside more often.

Itís not just,
cold crisp air;
itís nature.
12/11 Direct Link
This is the dream, right here in this kitchen, all alone, writing, with a clear glass of clean water shaking on the table as I write on my laptop, various unread books scattered, a yellow and black flash light, my feelings, my mind, my thinking, these walls, this floor, the heat from the stove, the anticipation of a mouse, or a knock at my door, or more snow falling softly and gently to the ground as I continue my deep meditation after my brief observations which requires doing nothing more than paying close attention to attention or the assemblage points.
12/12 Direct Link
Think of yourself in truthful and positive ways.

This morning I was listening to Moonlight Sonata via You Tube which has a piano tutorial on how to play the song.

I honestly believe that I can play these classical songs if I look at the video enough times.

I will have to say that though the classical masters made these songs seem simple to play, they are not as simple to play as they sound.

What is mouse Kung Fu?

Mouse Kung Fu is the art of kicking and stomping on mice that do not belong in your residential home.
12/13 Direct Link
08:47 I am out of my work clothes and wearing something much more comfortable. I am not naked but I do feel much more comfortable.

I am doing this thing where I try to see what I do when I first come home to see how I can start setting up some kind of routine for myself on a daily basis.

While I was on the bus I lost my head and reminded myself that having no head was not only good for Zen, but it was also good for experiencing in the now; my moment to moment dream practice.
12/14 Direct Link
Once I left the job to go to the ATM I got a taste of the bitter cold, falling snowflakes, and I thought this was a Friday forecast.

I was thinking about non-attachment briefly and how that ties into dream practice in the sense that when we dream, thereís no desire to have this or that in the sense that we can keep it all to ourselves. Maybe for other people itís different.

Normally when Iím in a dream I feel adventurous and want to explore my surroundings, go into buildings, look through windows, and go into other people's houses.
12/15 Direct Link
I am watching this new program called 'F Is For Family.' I watched episode 2 and 3 and went to sleep after that.

I really liked the father figure and suddenly came to this delightful conclusion that its ok to be an angry ass mother fucker with reasonable cause to be so.

I liked how the son told that nagging complaining loud mouth ass lady to 'shut the fuck up!'

Even though it was just a cartoon and some script that a script writer had wrote, it felt absolutely exhilarant.

The beauty and power of words can do so much.
12/16 Direct Link
I was looking at this You Tube video about doing pushups every day and was even shown actual results from people who claimed to trace their results on a day by day basis.

I read a Manvotional article the other day about doing one hundred to two hundred pushups a day.

I started to doubt some of the things that I read about how you should rest your muscles for a day before working on them again.

As men, why should we constantly workout?

The answer to that question is that as men we have lost some of our toughness.
12/17 Direct Link
The beauty of fantasizing is that you can imagine whatever you can phantom and not worry about getting in trouble for it.

I wondered what goes through the mind of a serial killer.

Whatís there motivation and satisfaction for killing another human being for no absolute reason?

I thought about the killer who kills for hire, and the killer who kills out of revenge.

When it comes to killing, it seems that thereís always a motive.

The real art of war is sheathing your sword, going about universal terms that lead to peace instead of spilling blood across the land.
12/18 Direct Link
I figured the best remedy was truth and the more truthful that I could be with myself the better I would be able to heal my pain and my sufferings.

It felt good to do my prayers.

Prayers are supposed to be an inner and outward benefit.

The full benefit of prayers is when you take your time and donít rush through them.

When I reflected on this I started to realize how I missed all my prayers yesterday and how it resulted in me feeling very depressed.

God says that when we forget Him, He would forget us too.
12/19 Direct Link
If there was any mantra in the world to be pronounced on a daily basis I would say it should be the mantra of 'it is important to relax.'

Little do we realize how tense we can be at times to the point that it leads to stress and all kinds of anxieties.

Sometimes we are tense and donít realize it.

Try to obtain mastery over every aspect in your life that revolves around what you can control, such as how you act, your emotions, how you move your body, and the manner in which you speak are some examples.
12/20 Direct Link
What is it about being tough, authentic, and not giving a fuck?

Itís mainly about being yourself.

Itís important to see yourself when you start edging towards plasticity around certain types of people.

When you start acting phony around people, fake laughing, and pretended smiling for whatever reason; rather it be to seek approval or just to fit in then just know that you are not being authentic.

One of the main basis of communication is the ability to be able to get your point across.

Not being afraid to communicate and express yourself is a positive element to possess.
12/21 Direct Link
The apartment is starting to get hot in here. You can take off some layers of clothing and get naked if you desire to.

I thought to myself how I experience fire, water, earth, and air almost every day.

The earth came in the form of the herb, fire was used to burn it, air was in the breath, water was drunken, and sometimes used to create humidity.

Children donít need just food, clothing, and shelter and then thereís nothing else to be concerned about.

Children also need love, nurturance, and to know that their parents care about them too.
12/22 Direct Link
Iíve always wanted to be a person who was good at naming and knowing the names of songs and the musicians who sing and compose them, so that if people were to ask me what songs did I like or who were my favorite artist I would not have to hum out songs to try to get my point across.

To avoid confusion for the day, write down the things you want accomplished for the day so that you are more clear on what needs to be done.

Work on some jigsaw puzzles, Sudoku, and anything that challenges the mind.
12/23 Direct Link
I had never thought to myself to sense the body while observing the practice of the silence.

As I walked down the hallways of the apartment building I reflected on how the element of silence is all around us everywhere.

I was able to say this when I reflected on how the walls do not make noise, the ceiling does not make noise or the light bulbs lit above.

Since they are not making noise they are the participants of being a part of that silence which includes furniture, non-moving objects, and so on down the line leading to silence.
12/24 Direct Link
I was soaking my feet in hot water which felt so good, until my cell phone fell into the bucket of water I was soaking my feet in.

I guess I will grow to regret that as I have no access to communication now.

I was eating a plate of curry chicken with basmati rice while watching Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Sword of Destiny when the cell phone fell into the water.

All I heard was plop!

I should of known better than to keep my phone on my lap. I guess you can say I was not really thinking.
12/25 Direct Link
I must admit that not having a cell phone does seem kind of strange a bit, but what is more strange is that I am not really worried about it too much.

I spent a few minutes emailing everyone who normally texts me so that they would not be alarmed about me.

I see what aspects of the phone that I really rely on such as being able to listen to music while I do things around the apartment.

Not having a cell phone now gives me the perfect opportunity to practice more of the mystical silence in my solitude.
12/26 Direct Link
I had reached home near to the front door and realized that my keys were not dangling like Native American Indian bells from a tribe unknown.

I knew it was useless to get upset about it and start cussing and kicking the walls and punching holes in them. I realized that the fact of the matter is that I had to go back to the job to get my keys.

I figured that me forgetting my keys happened for a reason and that perhaps I would run into someone or learn a few words of wisdom, knowledge, or some understanding.
12/27 Direct Link
This month is going by faster than a speeding bullet so it seems.

It is good to know that there are various levels to insights. The clearest of insights are the ones that will benefit you the most along with deep meditations.

I am glad to say that the internet is working now.

The reason why it was not working is because they cut my services like a nasty ugly bitch in a dark alley.

Once I got the internet up and running I was like a happy teenager on Christmas who got everything that he asked Santa Claus for.
12/28 Direct Link
One thing that I do not feel bad about regarding my children is that I never promised them anything. It would be better to be quiet than to make promises that you cannot keep.

When we finally make a decision as to where to start on our project how do we start?

We start with one thing at a time.

In the way that you think about sleep as though you have to have it unless your world will come crumbling down, try replacing that thought with meditation instead.

Think less about sleep like the Sufis, Saints, and the Prophets.
12/29 Direct Link
Where before you would listen to music, now you have to listen to the actual noise.

I hear a sliding closet door opening upstairs, their hard fucking elephant footsteps walking across the top floor like they just stepped out of the same jungle that Tarzan was born in.

I can hear the sound of the refrigerator motor running in the kitchen and this refrigerator must be old; the sound of fire trucks in the distance, the sound of my pen on paper as I write and when I pay closer attention, the sound of my breath can be heard too.
12/30 Direct Link
I was reading an article about how muscle was built and it sounded rather scientific. Once again you can see how mathematics is in almost everything that you do.

The explanation of how muscle is built also explained the importance of having plenty of protein because protein is what helps the process of torn muscles to rebuild themselves.

I read about the myth that once your body gets used to the same exercises it is good to trick it by doing different types of exercises.

It was stated that muscles do not have brains and the statement was pure nonsense.
12/31 Direct Link
I really didnít want to face the New Year being in the same condition as I was in 2016 as far as my marriage was concerned.

Will things get better and settled for the best?

If you were a real man you would make atoms from outer space and make money rain from the sky.

Thatís how women look at men; waiting for them to perform a miracle like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

When men ask women to perform a simple miracle, suddenly they have some kind of disability called ĎI donít think I can do that.í