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12/01 Direct Link
After spending long excruciating hours to complete 50,000 words for the National November Writing Month I finally did it. I was so excited at that moment, but now I find myself to be in a somewhat somber mood.

Though I feel somewhat relaxed today and more at ease because I do not have a deadline to reach, another part of me just didn’t want it to end.

Now I can focus more on my creative writing and on my one hundred words a day series.

I find it hard to believe that this year is coming to a close now.
12/02 Direct Link
Don't you remember 'la parole est d'argent mais le silence est d'or,' which means 'speech is silver but silence is golden?'

I think every married man should post this up somewhere in his house to constantly remind him.

The next time your wife starts arguing, bickering, complaining, whining, talking shit, getting temper tantrums, and everything else she can to rile your nerves up, just remember to shut the fuck up and listen to everything she has to say, even if you do not agree.

My outlook on life in general is to try to always look on the bright side.
12/03 Direct Link
When I first met her she was just so sweet and innocent. Now she is like this monster from hell.

Her anger is so intense that I can feel it before I come into the house.

I can feel it in my chest, in my throat, in my stomach, in my mind, and in my thoughts.

My only fear is that if her anger escalates to the point to where she is going out of control then I will have to get out there and deal with it.

It is a known fact that she has some serious anger issues.
12/04 Direct Link
The thought came to my mind about looking for that part time job to make some extra money.

A more productive thought came along and said, 'why don't you create your own part time job, which would be doing something that you truly love, even if you are not getting paid for it.

You build yourself up to that level, and in the meantime, you do what you love as though it were a part time job and find out ways to become better at what you do.

This thought felt so right within, and made a lot of sense.
12/05 Direct Link
“Why in the hell are you screaming like a girl?”

The power of words dawned on me and how I have to watch what I say when speaking with words.

Saying something like, 'why don't you stop acting like a girl' to a five year old boy, can be taken quite negatively in many different turns if you keep on saying it and keep on repeating it.

At some point he might say, “since he says I am acting like a girl, then maybe I should learn about girls so that I can learn how to be like them too.
12/06 Direct Link
How could you possibly teach discipline if you yourself was not disciplined?

Religion goes deeper than the surface.

Did you forget that Allah sees you behind closed walls and that he can see what is hidden in a crevice or a crack?

She knocked on the door to tell me that the fish was ready.

I was not ready to eat the fish and suspected that we would be eating when it was near sundown.

Out of respect I simply stopped doing my writing and took the earphones out of my ears to show that I was at least appreciative.
12/07 Direct Link
The temperatures are somewhere below zero; not quite reaching minus ten degrees yet.

Everything was working fine with the car, but it wouldn’t turn over.

It did not quite make it this morning.

I tried to shift into a different gear and the shift stick was frozen. Any harder would break it.

How much would that cost?

Please don't quit on me now battery...” I sobbed.

It did..., I knew that I would have to get a jump.

Sitting inside of the car was almost like sitting inside of a refrigerator.

Briefly I thought about outer space and the universe.
12/08 Direct Link
When people think about Kung Fu, they are normally thinking about the fighting techniques and the various types of Kung Fu weapons.

Rarely do people think about internal Kung Fu which deals with the life force and the powers from within.

If you really want to be a Kung Fu Master then you better be ready to train hard.

When I say train hard I do not mean get a hernia or bust one of your testis out of your scrotal sack. I am talking about pushing yourself beyond the limits.

If you can do more pushups, then do them.
12/09 Direct Link
The car almost turned over, but almost doesn’t quite cut it. I might need a starter.

Did you get all bent out of shape or did you bend things humbly in accordance to your will, your beliefs, your aspirations, your wishes, and your dreams?

Did you realize the dream that you have been dreaming all of this time?

Did you suddenly become lucid while wide awake?

Did you become fluid like water?

In what manner did you allow yourself to flow, to release, to simply let go.

Another night on the bus equals another two dollars and twenty five cents.
12/10 Direct Link
My idea of the muse was someone that gave you inspiration in your work, or just inspiration itself.

In Classical Mythology it says that a muse was any of a number of sister goddesses, originally known as Aoede [song], Melet [meditation], and Mneme [memory], but later commonly known as the nine daughters of Zeus.

The writer in the Wall Street Journal said 'poets stopped involving the muse centuries ago, eventually turning instead to caffeine, alcohol, and amphetamines.

I wondered what poets he was referring to, because as far as I was concerned, it just sounded like another made up stereotype.
12/11 Direct Link
I felt lazy and did not want to get up. I had to cut my hair and shave or else I would be going to work looking like Wooly the Wolf.

I was already out of the door breathing the nice clean cold air into my lungs and suddenly realized that I did not have any bus fare.

I ran back to the elevator, back to the front door, and had to take laundry money from my wife.

I ran like a mad ninja to the bus stop since it was scheduled to arrive at its destination in three minutes.
12/12 Direct Link
I have emotions?

I’m so out of touch with my feelings and emotions.

Only women and children have feelings and emotions.

How sadly I have been mistaken.

All my feelings and emotions have been buried. I have ignored how I really felt and ignored my emotions, sucked them up by saying ‘be a man and don't be a pussy.’

Where did I ever learn to block out my feelings?

Now I feel like I am discovering a part of myself that I never knew existed, like some unknown cave that contains all kinds of treasures, dragons, and wealth’s of information.
12/13 Direct Link
Green is a color for peace and harmony and was never to be a color intended for war. Green is the color of medicine, and the color of life.

There is no spy that could top a spy who has peeped into every single aspect of the universe and has seen things that we have not seen and probably never will.

Magic is nothing like what we’ve seen on television. It’s more pure and natural than that. You’ll never hear anyone writing books about this. To do so would be like pouring dirt into a glass of clean drinking water.
12/14 Direct Link
I fell asleep while listening to music and reading from 'Love in the Quran.' Later on I pulled out 'Stepping Out of Self Deception,' and 'Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism.'

I worked on the Rubik’s Cube briefly and managed to solve everything except for the last row.

I could never finish the last row until I watched a video from You Tube and forgot all over again after memorizing the algorithm’s that had to be memorized.

Use it or lose it.

There is no need to think about what tomorrow will bring, when you have the present moment to attend to.
12/15 Direct Link
My bike ride all the way to Aurora today was no joke. Once I got back home I was completely tired. The only thing that is on my mind now is getting the car fixed.

I stopped at the store on the way home to buy some doughnuts and coffee filters. While I am walking in the grocery store, I find myself checking out the women as though something is going to happen.

Am I or am I not wasting my time checking out women for their entertainment purposes, when I know that nothing is going to happen beyond looking?
12/16 Direct Link
I didn’t feel like I had any type of concentration or focus. I felt overwhelmed. I was too lazy to get in half lotus, though I did have the inspiration to meditate. I decided to lie down instead and simply breathe, while trying to empty my mind at the same time.

While being aware of the breath on a moment by moment basis, the one thing to remember is that you shouldn't just be aware of the breath without realizing and being aware of the other things that are going on around you; such as sound, taste, smell, and feeling.
12/17 Direct Link
Whenever I am on some kind of roll with my writing there is always some kind of distraction.

The main concept about Buddhism is forgetting the self, because in truth there is no self.

When you are born into this world you are simply born.

After you are born, you are given a name, and then you are taught words, laws, and customs until you are no longer what you were when you were born in the beginning.

We were all born with the no mind yet we had a mind and we were speechless in tuned with the silence.
12/18 Direct Link
If we want to really know the truth then we have to go out and seek it for ourselves. We do not have to go to some remote jungles or dry deserts or in a spaceship to find it.

If we want to really know the truth, we can start by looking within and start being brutally honest with ourselves as to what that truth is. Everything starts with the self.

While it’s possible that books can help us along the way to the path of truth, at some point you have to put the books to the side too.
12/19 Direct Link
Today I am glad that the bathtub leak was fixed and that the ceiling was patched up so that the hidden cameras cannot see me while I am showering or taking a dump on the toilet.

Can anyone tell me where the real privacy is?

I guess you can say that as human beings for the most part we’re not really honest with ourselves and that we are deceptive because we do not express what we really want to express.

Perhaps we do not express what we want to express because we do not know how or where to start.
12/20 Direct Link
I saw the mysterious moon coming up behind one of the apartment buildings behind our apartment from the east side.

It was large in size and had an orange yellow type color.

I lit a lua there and enjoyed the view temporarily in the crisp cold air.

I thought that if we could learn how to stop attaching words to everything we see, including ourselves, then perhaps we could be on a road that will lead us to true guidance and the ultimate truth; which are just more words I have added to what is supposed to be the wordless.
12/21 Direct Link
At various times I learned that I was not who I thought myself to be.

I am not the name that my parents gave me.

I did not ask for a name to be given.

What would it be like if after the child was born there was just handshakes, friendly gestures, and smiles with no words spoken?

It would be like we were some far advanced type of human beings who realized that names were not something that were mandatory in order to exist.

In a world like this, I am sure that this society would be highly civilized.
12/22 Direct Link
I left the apartment wearing all black insulated by the blackness of the Universe.

Above I saw stars as truth was verified in a darkened black sky.

When the wind's blow again,
it will be cold outside,
27 degrees Fahrenheit,
blowing five miles per hour.

22:26
On the train now,
heading to downtown,
heading to work,
looking for any fat lady
who is willing to sing.

Fares please say the officers in their uniforms, guns, handy ticket machines, and walkie talkie radios.

No free rides buddy!

The streets are empty,
nothing like New York,
and I have
never been there.
12/23 Direct Link
Since my transfer still had time on it and I had groceries to carry, I decided to catch the bus.

It took a while for the bus to arrive.

The bus driver happened to be this Black guy with a short grey afro and mustache, with no expression or emotion on his face.

If he was happy or extremely angry, you wouldn’t be able to tell.

I have to admit that it feels funny riding the bus all over again, and seeing certain people that I used to see back in the day.

Time to get the car fixed again.
12/24 Direct Link
I sit on this cold green metal bar like bench.

The sky is serenely blue.

You can see nice puffed sized clouds passing by at a snail like pace.

There is an absence of people.

The peaceful presence of nature, with gentle blowing winds, fondled by a warm cuddling sun comfort me.

It is somewhat amazing to see how some brown leaves on various trees have still managed to stay on.

It makes me wonder if perhaps they might still be alive and have some kind of eternal life; where in spring they will turn green again.

True inner reflections.
12/25 Direct Link
After my Zuhr prayers I briefly thought about love, but not love in the sense of loving your spouse or your favorite ice cream, but the love of God and constantly thinking of God on a continuous basis.

In Buddhism they have something called metta which is like universal love, a love that isn’t measured and a love that loves simply for the sake of love itself without any judgments. That is probably one of the most difficult types of love to exercise.

It seems that Jesus was quite familiar with metta and its speculated that he practiced it to.
12/26 Direct Link
I am up again after going into some kind of deep sleep while listening to ambient music.

Before this, the last thing that I was looking at on the computer was Sacred Geometry and Native American Indian Sand Art.

In the old days which are not so old, I had developed this new pattern where I was going straight to sleep when I got home and then waking up later on around Zuhr time and staying up until it was time to go to work sometimes and sometimes I would try to get some decent rest in between that time.
12/27 Direct Link
The copy of ‘The Heart Sutra,’ I have, was translated by Red Pine. It was not exactly the type of copy that I was expecting to read. The commentaries are somewhat inspirational.

On page 42 it says ''The word arya [noble] originated with members of the nomadic tribe who referred to themselves as Aryas [Aryans] and who crossed the Hindu Kush and occupied the Indus Valley around 1500 B.C.

It really dawned on me that the Aryans were not white people as we have been led to believe.

Later on I read an article that said Nazis were not Aryans.
12/28 Direct Link
Another wasted weekend?

There is a part of me that wants to go to sleep, but another part of me wants to stay up all night long and take advantage of my last night off before I have to go back to work again.

While I was doing Isha, it sounded like loud winds were coming from outside. When I looked outside the window, the entire ground was covered in snow. I do not recall any forecasts stating that it was going to snow.

It does not look like I will be working on my car any time soon now.
12/29 Direct Link
We were interrupted by the wolf boy, which meant that I would not be taking the special shower.

I would be saving my veerya known as seminal energy. 'Veerya,' as it was stated was said to be God in motion, dynamic will, soul force and the essence of life, thought, intelligence, and consciousness.

Furthermore, Brahmacharya goes on to say that 'from food, chyle is manufactured; out of chyle comes blood; out of blood comes flesh; out of flesh comes fat; out of fat comes marrow; out of marrow comes semen.

Semen is the last essence and the essences of essences.'
12/30 Direct Link
When I left the store I managed to see that the bus that I was supposed to catch had just turned the corner. I soon realized that I had two choices ahead of me. I could wait forever for the next bus to come, or I could just walk all the way home.

I decided to walk.

I contemplated that the scariest thing for man is when he stares himself in the mirror and really looks at himself for what he truly is.

If a man was encouraged to let his wife nag, how much was he supposed to tolerate?
12/31 Direct Link
Let this New Year's Eve really be a time for you to really decide what you want to do with your life.

I do not think that anybody should have to live their lives in fear. Living in fear is not healthy at all.

I need to learn how to really listen to my heart more.

Just to think that the calendar we’re using became the world standard in 1582 and that it is based off of the Vatican Catholic Church, Pope Gregory the 13th, Caesar, and the Roman Empire makes me want to abandon it right away and forever.