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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
No, I did not bring in the New Year drunk out of my mind, staggering the streets like a drunken idiot or falling flat on my face busting my skull open.
I did not get stoned neither, wearing funny looking lights on my head like some clown in a circus of Soleil.
I brought in the New Year with a sober mind and consciousness. I read some Zen poetry and did a few prayers and a brief meditation.
Many will wake up with hangovers, severe headaches, and a bunch of regrets.
What a way to bring in the New Year.
I make resolutions loosely and not so strict. Iíve learned that making a resolution and calling yourself sticking to that resolution will not always work out exactly as you plan it.
For instance you might say starting on the 1st of January Iíll do 50 pushups every day.
What happens if you miss the first day?
Itíll be like you fucked up the whole year.
If youíre smart you would still keep your resolution instead of beating yourself up for missing a day.
Most of the times we forget about the resolutions that we made, until the next year again.
Today I did a Ďwho am I meditation.í After meditating for quite some time, I came to the conclusion that one of my first steps to discovering who I was without what someone else has told me, was to eliminate the concept of I.
I is the first trap of delusion which we believe is real.
In the public schools that I attended Black history was almost nonexistent.
Most Blacks were just slaves according to what I learned, but then all of the great parts of their history were excluded.
Black history covers just about every part of the Earth.
I remember when I was writing about New Yearís Eve and New Years and how I was trying to describe that cute young woman I saw leaning against the wall but couldnít recall all the details.
If I was really aware I shouldíve been able to tell you all the details, including what kind of shoes she was wearing, the color of her hair, her approximate age, what type of clothes she was wearing and jewelry.
If I got close enough I shouldíve been able to tell you what she smelled like and if she smoked some cigarettes or not.
According to the dictionary the word temptation means a desire to do something which in most cases is referring to something that is wrong or unwise.
A tempter is a person or thing that tempts and a temptress is a woman who in most cases seduces besides just tempting. I have had my share of being seduced many times.
I would consider lust as a main ingredient of temptation.
What are the seven deadly sins?
The seven deadly sins include wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. Other sources listed extravagance, acedia, [spiritual or mental sloth] despair, and vainglory.
Superb beauty doesnít necessarily equal perfection.
Sometimes I think we give some people more credit and awe than what their really worth.
If we see a woman who has a nice body and looks attractive our responses are full of ooohs, ahhhs, and oh baby.
We do this to the point to where weíre almost worshipping her, forgetting that we know nothing about her personality or beliefs.
We forget that she craps, farts, and has bad breath just like any other woman has.
We forget that she could also have a sexually transmitted disease and slept with a dozen men.
I called my school. Theyíre saying I have a balance where before I did not have one.
I keep wondering when is my money coming in. They told me not to worry about the funds but I am sort of depending on this money to get myself out of a certain educational financial squeeze.
The study of women should be done like a science project.
I was looking at one woman and I was seeing how she was teasing the men. I began to see some diabolic traits in her actions while posing to be innocent at the same time.
In one part it was stated how some women from whatever feminist groups were saying how goddess worship predates God worship.
This may be true I thought, but who made women to begin with?
I am convinced that women know something about men that most men donít know about themselves.
Women know how obsessed we are with them and they know how they can use that obsession to bring us to our knees or even uplift if they so chose to do so.
If she turned righteous overnight we would have a much better society in which to live in.
Someone else has set the agenda as to what we have to do and should do while we are living in this world and how to be successful.
Whose world is this?
The basic process is that we must first go to school. We must go to school because we do not want to be illiterate. We must learn how to read, write, and do basic arithmetic.
Then we have to get higher degrees so that we can get higher paying jobs, which in most cases is solely to buy and accumulate the things that this world has to offer.
Disappointment is the result of unfulfilled expectations. We expect certain things to turn out one way after we have made methodological plans and find ourselves to be highly disappointed when they do not harvest in the manner that we wanted them to.
If a plan does not come into fruition that this does not mean that the world is going to end.
Regardless to our plans the sun will still rise in the east, planets will continue to revolve, and flowers will continue to bloom.
Donít make one disappointment or several disappointments determine your day and how you should feel.
When we see an attractive woman we canít go beyond the expressions of awe and the verbal words we say to ourselves in our minds Ďsheís so fine.í
In most cases we donít have the balls to say how we really feel so why should we have awe and wonder to begin with.
Itís like having hope where there is no hope or thirsting for water that is only a mirage.
In the end what do we expect to happen?
Do we expect some miracle to happen, where she walks up to us and says would you like to fuck?
Today my ex wife dropped my daughter off sick. She is always happy to drop her off when things get difficult. It was the same when she was an infant and I had to raise her by myself. What kind of mother is she?
Letís try irresponsible.
Time is going by and my body is feeling sore. I hope that I get the chance to do some exercises and meditate before going off to work.
Iím thinking about doing some revolutionary.
Is it possible for me to go to work without carrying a back pack or any type of bags?
Today I made a pot of bean soup.
I canít remember the last time that I actually cooked since I have my help meet to help me now.
One thing that I do know is that I do not detest cooking.
When food is cooked from scratch I at least know where everything came from and who prepared it.
I have come to realize that one reason I love cooking so much is because it brings me so much into the actual moment. Time seems to slow down, I feel calmer, and I am more aware of my inner thoughts.
Weíre told what success is. Then we take what someone else says and try to live up to that definition.
What we need to do is to find our own definition of what success is and not what someone else told us.
Success has to be something in our minds but what if we did not have the desire to be successful.
What if we decided to live each day in the moment and not care so much about success or accumulating things?
Success could be something as simple as cooking a meal and getting some decent rest without interruptions.
Who would ever think that something as small as a two year old so cute and adorable would make you want to do the worst things to it like throw it out the window or put into a boiling pot of hot water?
By the way he was screaming you would swear up and down that he was being tortured.
You would have never thought that he was screaming hysterically because he was refused to have any more lemonade or that he was told not to play with the computer mouse which is not a toy for two year olds.
You should try looking at everything in your life and realize the truth of it.
I think real work deals with the resurrection of man, spreading the truth and telling it how it really is.
I think work deals with the evolvement of humanity, preservation of the Earth, and educating our children on the foundation of truth.
Work does not necessarily mean that we are going to get money for what we do. The real reward comes from the Supreme Being of the cosmic universe. Whatever we do in life, we should enjoy it to the maximum and fullest degree.
I have angelic wings on the back of my shoulders. My wings are attached to my clavicle bones and the scapula. It is not the first time that I have actually seen my wings as such. I think the first time that I noticed them was when I was walking to work down 16th Street.
People just sort of stared at me with their mouths wide open and I could not really understand why.
Were my wings a bit dirty, was I glowing too brightly, or did they think that I was going to sleigh them with my unseen sword?
Life in all of its aspects of brutality and most brutal moments; life still tends to get the label of also being the most beautiful and cherished thing.
What better way to begin the first day of school than with a brief meditation, lost sleep, and a spontaneous moment of sweet passionate love making.
Todayís the first day of the spring semester. I had problems finding my Liberal Arts Math class.
My teacher gives me the Return of the Jedi Yoda vibe and my chair was so small that I felt like I was in elementary class all over again.
After this meditation I realized how as human beings we have a tendency to react to outer stimuli.
Itís actually not the outer stimuli that irritate us; itís our reaction to the outer stimuli.
So when I heard Bini making all the noises that he was making along with the television blaring and Binti and Isteriku constantly telling him no, I realized that my reaction to this all came from my inner state of being and not necessarily what was happening outside of it.
We can choose how we react to whatís going on outside of us by being aware.
As I did my prayers today, and as I do them every day, I realized that prayers should not become something thatís done so mechanically because weíve done it so many times before.
Prayers must remain organic, fresh, alive and new.
Prayers should not be devoid of our heart totally being involved and a alert presence of mind of every word, breath, and action that is taken in each moment of the prayer, and in other aspects of our lives.
Besides prayers, nothing should become mechanical because weíve done it so many times.
Each moment should be like a prayer.
Any exalted state of mind can only be experienced in the now.
Awareness isnít just being basically aware; but taking it deeper too subtleties outwardly and internally.
Subtle awareness would be noticing the sensations in my eyes, head, hunger pangs, speckles of light on a grain of sand, the way a woman shakes her ass, and realizing that the nipples on a womanís breast are like mountain peaks.
If youíre looking for enlightenment you should be looking for it in the now at the bus stop, the city garden, passing cars with gas fumes up your nostrils.
Enlightenment is now,
While walking to Target I was staring at this star which may have been Sirius [but do stars turn different colors continuously] and I felt that this star was staring back at me and that we were inseparable, together enmeshed, and that there really is no separation just because there is a presumed distance. This concept goes the same for other things in nature and in the world.
The dream or illusion that we are living is thinking that everything is separate, one from the other and categorized when in fact it is from the same source and same element.
I caught myself judging people at the supermarket.
Later on I began to reason why I had no right to judge.
I do not have the foresight to see the bigger picture.
I donít know how or why events are tied together to form bigger events that make changes in history.
Itís true that we might seem to be of no significance in comparison to this gigantic universe, but even the smallest itch can be irritating to a giant.
Itís said that the flapping wings of a butterfly could cause hurricanes somewhere else far away according to chaos theory.
One aspect of good conversation requires the ability to listen. When you listen you become the receiving end of the message that is given.
The most difficult part of any conversation is being able to convey a message clearly enough so that the other person can really understand what youíre talking about.
When you speak, you should try your best to choose your words carefully.
Sometimes there can be a communication barrier due to two people speaking different languages.
Some people talk with no real purpose in mind but to spread mischief and gossip.
Sometimes silence is our best ally.
I had this great feeling of content after my meditation this evening.
Over all things to desire, desire inner wisdom, inner knowledge and inner knowing while seeking advice from the inner voice.
Find contentment in your inner being and inner consciousness while realizing the interdimensional aspects of yourself.
Before I lied down to rest I closed my eyes while focusing on my third eye region. I believe that focusing on this region [which is in truth one of many chakras] would raise my consciousness to various levels of awareness and being and would aid me more in my dream exercises.
Regardless to what we have been told, rather it be the so called American Dream or that we need to eat three meals a day, we really need to sit down and ask ourselves where does all this dogma come from and is it necessarily true.
One subject that I am struggling with is the statement Ďwe need eight hours of sleep.í
The statement contradicts other statements Iíve read which states we could do fine off of four to six hours of sleep.
Some have even stated that we are better off doing long meditations versus long hours of sleep.
On another note you might see everything as coming from the source of mind or one mind.
Out of all minds of existence thereís the one Supreme Mind that reigns over all other minds.
In this case of knowledge then everything has to be seen as an aspect of mind.
In this case food would be mind, your breath would be mind, your body would be mind, and the birds outside would be mind.
You wouldnít label things or experiences as separate from each other but have to realize that they are all one and the same under one source.
I find in many cases that I think that I am me and that I am somebody. By me thinking this I have managed to see that I am truly disillusioned.
I notice how I see things outside of me as different due to shape, size, texture, et cetera, but is there really an outside and an inside and is there really a difference?
Ordinary people, including myself at times tend to be drugged by lies of this world.
What I really need to really understand is how are outer things also a part of me and the inner me.
My son fell asleep in the hallway after I refused to give in to his demands and whining. I went to sleep soon afterwards.
While I slept, a strong odor of marijuana came under our doorway. The smell was so strong that it smelled like someone was in our apartment smoking a bong load full of it.
Later in the evening I spent considerable time on You Tube learning about the Columbians in Columbia whose descent came from Africa, about the origins of Islam in the Philippines off the Mindanao Islands, and the beauty of ethnic Chinese Muslims in China.
The weather report says tomorrow will be very cold, dropping below the teens in temperature.
Itís true that after having sex or masturbating to the point of ejaculation that you get tired.
Why is that?
If we donít release our sexual fluids then we donít get so tired.
Maybe what the yogis say about the sexual fluids is true. They say that itís better to control our sexual desires and to preserve our sexual fluids so that we can charge our energy centers within our body which would in due time lead to our liberation, and higher states of consciousness.
I was watching the news this morning and they stated that the US scored the lowest in science proficiency in comparison to other countries. Iím sure that itís not just science. The US scores the lowest in almost every subject.
The big question that needs to be asked is why.
Are we becoming a nation of idiots? Are the masses becoming like unintelligible cattle that can be easily led to the slaughter house of ignorance?
Thereís has to be a reason behind all of this.
Someone does not want you to think for yourself and ask questions like scientist do.
The Tip Jar