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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
When I speak to most people even the so called educated people I rarely hear them use words like conceptual, obscurely, tantamount, culmination, impermanence, perpetual, constituent, pervasive and veracity just to name a few words.
These are words I am more than likely bound to find in a book and not in a basic day to day conversation that is normally asking me how my day went and what I had for breakfast.
So, if someone uses these words in a conversation does he or she seem more intelligent?
Is that person worthy of all praises and glorified word phrases?
What are your dreams?
I donít ask myself these questions enough.
The more I ask myself this question the more I look at myself and ask myself what am I actually doing to try to fulfill them.
I donít have the get a big house and get the nice car with lots of money dream.
Iíve always pictured the big family.
All the other things are rather simple but so difficult it seems because of that big mechanical time factor.
How often do we say that we donít have enough time?
Maybe we put too many unnecessary demands on ourselves.
I donít know why or if it is just me but it seems like the society here is designed for failure.
We will help you to succeed but after that we will make you wish that we never helped you.
I was looking at how much school loans I will have to pay back after getting out of school and just saw it as a big debt.
I thought about other countries where education is free and medical expenses and wondered which country was more backward than the one that made its citizens suffer the most.
Money is not everything.
I broke the E string on my guitar for the second time on the guitar, the one that has the highest pitch. It seems that right when Iím getting the proper tune the string snaps.
I thought today on how everyone wants enlightenment and higher states of consciousness but no one was really willing to make the sacrifices to get there.
I asked myself if I had to get rid of all my books, cdís, movies, and to give up writing could I do it?
If I had to think about it I knew that I would have a problem.
It is the little things in life that mean so much that we tend to overlook.
Something as simple as our breath is often taken for granted. The act of breathing becomes so common to us that we tend to forget that we are breathing or not conscious of the fact.
Being able to have food when we are hungry is something to think about if you can think about other hungry people in the world who are dying from starvation.
Just imagine how much longer they could have preserved their life if they had a simple bowl of rice.
It started this morning after I got off work. A slight irritation developed in my right eye. The irritation began while walking down 16th Street and it increased while I was on the train.
Once I reached home I spent hours trying to flush out my eye with water, visine, and having isteri blow in my eye to get whatever it was out.
It feels like maybe an eyelash is in my upper eyelid.
Briefly I wondered what life would be like if I had no vision and realized how fortunate I was so far.
I could easily become blind.
I had no choice but to go the doctor since whatever was in my now red and watery eye was not coming out.
The optometrist flipped my eye lid which felt very uncomfortable and snot started coming out of my nose due to the irritation in my eyes. He was polite enough to give me some tissue.
He had used a Qtip to rub the flipped eye lid and stated that there was a little bit of blood there but nothing to worry about.
The object in my eyes was in the cornea and was some sort of metal fragment.
While waiting around in the dentist office I managed to read some poems by Ikkyu and one of their National Geographic magazines they had laying around and a Dr. Seus book.
ĒIt looks like you have gingivitis,Ē she said, after poking every section of my gums with some sort of small knife.
After I was told about all the work that would be needed to fix my teeth I really felt like I was just some grotesque monster that had came from the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Tornado alarms sounded when I was told about my three grand total.
Today will be the last day of Ramadhan where many Muslims around the world spent fasting and abstaining during day light hours and reading the entire Holy Quran.
Some will be happy that it is over and some will not. I normally get somewhat sad when Ramadhan ends. Once Ramadhan ends it is like a good friend is saying farewell to you and you donít know if you will ever see that friend again.
Some will go right back to their evil ways, they are the ones who donít really believe and pretend that they believe when they really donít.
1 Shawwal 1431
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dengan ingatan tulus ikhlas maaf zahir batin.
Today marks the end of fasting for Muslims all over the world though in some parts of the world the Eid celebrations began on Thursday. Today is a day to celebrate after fasting for an entire month and a day to be with family and connect with loved ones.
Because Ramadhan is over does not mean that we should go backwards and begin our bad habits again which are considered haraam.
I want to keep up with my studies on the Holy Quran and learning languages.
I really didnít want to write about September 11 today. So much negativity is regurgitated regarding it and not enough exposure in regards to who was really involved with the collapse of the Twin Towers. If you have not seen Fahrenheit 9/11 I strongly recommend that you do so.
Why would a so called pastor in Florida want to burn Islamic holy books? How could you call yourself a pastor?
How many people actually read the entire Holy Quran?
Now it seems like a big problem to put a Mosque near the Twin Towers site. Innocent Muslims died there too.
Shibari in Japanese means to tie or to bind. According to what I read it denotes the artful way of tying things up. Kinbaku is the word used for bondage. Bondage is something I had always wondered about but knew nothing about it besides someone being tied up.
I was surprised to learn that the art of tying knots goes back to the ancient historical times of Japan. When they made pottery they would tie knots on it which denoted their connection to the gods.
Japanese soldiers and samurai warriors used knots to subdue their prisoners and to immobilize them.
I am really in that lazy mode where I donít feel like doing too much of anything anymore. I have to go in to work tonight after being off for four days.
More and more I feel like getting rid of all my possessions so that I can have what I feel will be a freer life.
Normally we think that the more we have the better off we are, but with more materialistic things comes more responsibility and in the end just more clutter.
Lately I have been really enjoying Dewdrops On A Lotus Leaf Zen Poems of Ryokan.
When I got home this morning I watched a little bit of Eros and some documentary on the 9/11 conspiracies.
Once the truth is known on any subject there seems to always be some force out there that tries to debunk the truth and keep people believing in the same old lies.
Once I woke up I ate some sayur lodeh and took part in an extracurricular activity which made me tired again.
I dreamed some weird dreams which included various ways to play a harp that had only four strings but was shaped like a gigantic jazz bass guitar.
It has been a subject on my mind for quite some time now. Everyone knows that we will ultimately die at some point in our lives, but we donít like to really talk about it too much. We try to hide from this one fact that will ultimately end our lives as we know it on a daily basis.
I think the one thing that most of us wonder about is; is there really a life after death.
Do we continue on once our physical bodies expire or do we just die and that is the end of our story?
Datuk our new found friend took us to several international markets today that I did not know existed, all this time that I have been living here in the Rockies.
Now I know where I can buy more halal meats and fresh fish and all the hard to find Asian vegetables. Now we have enough food to last us for a long time.
Weíre afraid that maybe some of it might go to waste which would be a major sin if you stop to think how much wasted food could feed someone else in need. Our Eid blessings are here.
Iím on the second floor at the organic food store, writing in my journal.
The rubix cube waits to be solved which I have learned to do without instructions.
My head is filled with organic thoughts, it must be this latte and cinnamon coffee muffin.
Iím home schooling my daughter and any future children because I will be got damned if they fail in a failing public school. There could be nothing worse than being uneducated.
Repetition is a powerful tool. It is how we learned a foreign language by hearing the words so many times and then verbalizing them.
One is the loneliest number in the world. I had left the house and no one had realized it since they were all sleeping. I went out into the night skateboarding and tried landing 360 pop shove its with no success besides the fact that I had at least tried. I did come close to landing it.
The person who at least tries is better off than the person who sits down all day thinking about it and talking about it.
Actions are far more powerful than words.
Once back home I showered and finished reading Wild Ways and Skeletons.
Since weíre all going to die, what difference does it make what we do in our lives?
Do we think we can do whatever we want in this world without any consequences?
Did we create ourselves from nothing or did something else create us?
Allah says in the Holy Quran that he did not create the heavens and the Earth without purpose and that he did not create it for mere sport and play.
Man will be held accountable for his actions and deeds rather he believes this or not.
Ultimately we all have to face our Maker and Creator.
Folded remnants of rice paper
While he wears his brown robes
Learning to write
Without the words
Figuring out what to do
Or not to do
Piss on the pot
Stretch and crack my bones
Burning sandalwood incense
I hear thunder in the far distance
Days are still hotter
Nights are growing colder
Chirps of crickets
Increase in winds
Signs of the end of summer
Guerillas in the midst
Of the mist
Standing in the mirror naked
Who am I
ĒWaiting For Superman,Ē coming to a theatre near you in Los Angeles and New York.
Iíve added the miniature sized Merriam Webster dictionary to my collection, the thesaurus, and vocabulary builder which all came in one set. I believe I saved more money this way.
My stomach is complaining while I am fasting, making up the days, making up the strengths.
Iím trying to get more organized with my independent implemented blue print plans. Iím trying to keep my mind focused on the more pertinent things in life; things that have meaning and on things that will make a difference.
Take out the trash
And the shitty diapers
Recycle aluminum cans
Walk through the park
And my secret passageway
Finally I have found
The poetry section
And the smell of coffee
Outside it rains
The smell I enjoy
Dark grayish clouds
Mixed with concrete
Soft virgin earth
Of wild plants
By the roadside
This is the city
Women are poetic
Because they are
Their subliminal mind
Masters at temptation
And the empress
Wears no clothes
What am I going to do with all these VHS videos? Weíre using DVDís now.
Helping binti clean her entire room today was not part of the plan. The plan was to help her with all her math homework.
She and I found all sorts of things that we had been looking for. I have found that being in a place thatís really organized gives me an exhilarating feeling.
I broke my fast today to isterikuís wonderful tandoori chicken and nasi briyani. Itís the best that she has done so far and it seems like her cooking just gets better.
We made love past midnight while watching the Doors and while the Doors watched us. I like the death poem at the end of the movie. Have we ever thought of composing our own death poems before we die?
My son reminds me so much of my brother when he was younger. Everyone believes that my brother is dead now, but no one has absolute proof. Does reincarnation really exist?
We had halal turkey pastrami sandwiches which brought back memories of the time that my sister, brother, mom, and I were all living together. Past times which are gone forever.
My condolences go out to the day shift supervisor in my department who died last night of a heart attack. I still find it hard to believe, yet we all know that our paths will end up at the door of death. Itís just a matter of time.
There will be no more ďgood mornings,Ē and ďhow did the night shift go?Ē questions.
Some suspect foul play. The police had asked a few associates if she had any history of heart failure and chest pains.
The silence was my response.
Thinking it is one day when it is actually another. What do you do when you are given the worst?
So Iím rereading about Brahmarcharya also known as celibacy, wondering if I would lose it without sex or would I truly experience that eternal bliss like the Gods do.
Iím done reading Dew Drops On A Lotus Leaf, Zen Poems, but Iím not done with Zen.
I continue to read Remembrance Of Death because itís so easy to forget that one day I will truly die.
So far, how many cubits of air has the Creator granted me to breathe?
We received a not so well pleased visit by two police officers. Thanks to a 10 year old who told her online teacher that her parents were not home.
ďAn online excuse for an online class,Ē said the tall stout jelly doughnut eating looking officer while chuckling.
I faked laugh with them while wanting to ring my daughters neck, who knew I was sleeping in the other room.
Smile now cry laterÖ.
Tears streamed down my eyes as I visualized a casket covered with white flowers and my body inside being carried gently and carefully to the final resting place.
Children always learn and discover new things because they always go about life with the unknowing mind approach.
Stop in this world that is moving so fast and slow yourself down. Become like a turtle and breathe, taking careful observed steps.
Donít be angry because your internet connection was cut off. It may feel good to say fuck the phone company and all the bastards that work there, but these words will not work like abracadabra and turn it back on.
If it was turned off due to high winds, you would still have to live with the fact.
Sometimes a short nap fully refreshes you and sometimes it only makes you feel more tired. My attempt to deliberately stay up for 36 hours has not been successful as of yet.
I came up with some methods that might help to stay awake when you start feeling sleepy.
Throw cold water on your face.
Pretend like you are in an actual dream.
Do some physical exercises.
Never lay down.
Watch something interesting.
Dance to some music.
Act like a fool and make yourself laugh.
Scream out loud as though you have lost all of your senses.
Zenfully walk outside.
Please follow instructions.
As I raise my children I see God. I see God in the sense of how I am constantly telling my children to do this and to do that. They are all a set of simple instructions.
As adults how are we different? God asked us to do things too, so how do you think He feels when we donít listen?
We spank our children or pull out the belt when they donít listen. God has promised us fire and boiling water if we donít obey. Maybe we should exercise more compassion and restraint with our children.
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