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01/01 Direct Link
After bidding farewell to my sister,
my four nieces,
and her shady backgrounded boyfriend
I headed west
on the 10
leaving Beaumont.

I wound up in Venice where I used to live many years ago. I am way past Hawthorne and navigate my way back and finally visit my momís new dwelling.

She is a true and natural interior designer and I was equally impressed.

I was surprised to learn,
after all these years of my life
that my grandfather served in the military.

I watched AI the movie and ate quesadillas.

I fell asleep on my great grandmothersí quilt.
01/02 Direct Link
I drove my mom past the house that my grandmother and grandfather lived in. This house had so much history and held so many memories for me. Now itís just like a castle in the sand.

I visited my grandmotherís grave. Her body is actually inside of a wall and my grandfather was put next to her. Mysteriously his name was nowhere to be seen.

ďI donít understand this,Ē my mom said, thanking me for taking her here while being somewhat emotional.

While contemplating the perplexities,
a hummingbird appeared
out of nowhere
like a messenger
from heaven
with a message.
01/03 Direct Link
Iím in Sacramento and Iím loving Northern California completely.

I drove to the womenís prison, not certain if today was her release date or not after an entire decade. Even the wardens didnít seem sure, but it was confirmed that it would be tomorrow.

I find myself slightly stressed as I realize that Iíll have to drive all the way to San Diego which wasnít part of the plan.

After leaving the prison I took the I-40 to the I-5 back to Sacramento.

I found a nice Afghani Muslim restaurant that served curry lamb to my delight with basmati rice.
01/04 Direct Link
Personally I could not imagine being in prison for so many years cut off from the outside world.

Today would be her first,
for so many things
and it was as though
she was either in a dream
or seeing the world
for the first time.

So many things had changed and her visit to the supermarket was unbelievable to her.

I felt as though I and people took these things for granted and our personal freedoms.

Things could be so much worst.

She had not driven in a car for ages and found the cell phone to be amazing.
01/05 Direct Link
I will truly miss this view from the 22nd floor in Sacramento of the Tower Bridge and other parts of downtown.

We had to leave early if we had planned to get to San Diego in time before the parole office closed. It takes more than 8 hours to get there. In the end, her parole officer was not even in the office.

I promised myself I would go to the beach when I got to California. I found myself at Ocean Beach for the first time which required going over a mountain of sand to finally see the water.
01/06 Direct Link
Check out is at noon at the Travel Lodge. I manage to wash and dry some clothes. I find San Diego to be completely different from LA and up north.

Another day has passed and her parole officer is still not in the office. This is becoming frustrating. We wind up driving down El Cajon and University Boulevard.

It was nice to see Muslimahs along the way. We stopped at the halal market where I bought a tea set and curry. She bought a prayer rug and my daughter requested henna. After eating mystic pizza we slept in the car.
01/07 Direct Link
We start the morning off by driving to Balboa Park, Seaport Village and the Santa Fe train station to kill time, since her parole officer wonít be in until past noon. Finally her bastardly parole officer is in the office and claims that she has a sister in San Diego but says he does not have her telephone number, only an address.

We utilize Borders bookstore not far from the parole office to find better directions on my laptop. She was quite close to having to go to a homeless shelter until her sister finally called. Suddenly closed doors opened.
01/08 Direct Link
I finally reached my dadís further up north, not far from Stockton. I left San Diego last night, but had to pull over several times due to drowsiness and periodic hallucinations. The plan was to just rest and head out in the evening, but I wound up spending the night.

I didnít expect to have a steak and hear my dadís story about some bizarre documentary done on the beef and chicken industry.

I have always found my dadís house to be extremely peaceful and easy to dream.

Iíve studied my return journey home on the atlas and McNallyís website.
01/09 Direct Link
I leave out at 08:00 and my dad is the only one up. I regret that I didnít get to spend more time here.

What was supposed to be the shortest distance to Colorado is turning out to be routes through mountains, 2 way highways and old towns with speed limits up to 10 mph.

Once night time reached I would have to pull over several times.

Most places were pitch dark with lovely views of the stars. I had severe hallucinations and saw a black shadow figure run across the highway.

Presently in Nevada, two hours away from Utah.
01/10 Direct Link
I donít reach Denver until 14:50. The drive through Utah was very scenic, but I promise myself I will never take this route ever again.

I had my car rental extended and dreaded the fact that I had to go in to work tonight. My apartment looks like I just moved in. I spend considerable time unloading the car and cleaning. It looks like we were practically living out of it.

I managed to get less than two hours of sleep. I was supposed to be in to work for Saturday and disappointed a few people.

Oh well, tough cookies.
01/11 Direct Link
Somewhat sad after turning the rental car back in as Iím back on the train and bus again. I have labeled today humble beginnings and cannot stop thinking about my road trip.

I drove through New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, and Utah. I learned so much on this road trip and how to better prepare myself next time.

Things that I tripped out on my road trip were the red roads in New Mexico and their roadside graves. There was roadside kills in every state; most animals being unrecognizable by sight.

The view of the stars in Nevada was beautiful.
01/12 Direct Link
I cooked and measured spices and various liquids such as water and vegetable oil.

I pondered on the metric system and often remind myself how I donít know it. Every country Iíve visited uses the metric system. Why doesnít the US want to be in unison with everybody else?

I talked with isteriku and she asked me to guess who she saw.

I named an old colleague from my job in Singapore.

ďNo,Ē she said, ďsomeone I canít stand.Ē

Thatís when I knew it was Sita.

I couldnít believe she was back in Singapore.

I thought she was in Indonesia.
01/13 Direct Link
I had called to speak with Lele on the phone but was told that she was not there. At first the person was hesitant to tell me, but eventually told me that Lele had been incarcerated for violating her parole.

What?!

How could that be possible?

She just got out of jail, how could she have violated her parole?

I tried to think of every possibility possible and thought that maybe she left the state, or maybe she beat somebody up. But I knew that didnít happen.

I know that she is doing everything to remain in the free world.
01/14 Direct Link
Lele is free.

Her parole officer is the devil in human form. He accused her of leaving the vicinity of San Diego and going to Sacramento.

In truth he had it all backwards and all of his information was fucked up.

Lele told me that if she did not get out today, county jail was ready to send her to Chino.

Iíve heard about Chino before and I know that itís not a joke.

Only someone who is mentally institutionalized can like a place like prison. Some people just donít care.

Prison is not a place for Lele to be.
01/15 Direct Link
I submitted my appeal today regarding financial aid for school. Currently Iím on suspension for failing academically in Spanish III.

I received an F in Spanish, B in Chinese I, A in Creative Writing, and a B in Introduction to Business.

I bought some cinnamon sticks at Whole Foods and enjoyed the smell of their fresh flowers.

I bought some Jamaican lemonade ginger ale and a cup of latte.

I made a nice pot of curry chicken today.

I love how the cinnamon and star anise smells as it simmers in the vegetable oil.

I like the taste of tomatoes.
01/16 Direct Link
For the most part I relaxed at home and washed my clothes and my daughters clothes. I later learned that my ex wife had bags of clothes at her house that my daughter hasnít worn. My ex wifeís father bought the clothes for my daughter his granddaughter.

So what were those clothes supposed to do, just sit in the bags and collect dust?

What was my ex waiting for?

Was she waiting for the year 2012 when the clothes could not fit anymore, or was she waiting for judgment day?

I will be sure my daughter wears her new clothes.
01/17 Direct Link
This loneliness, restless, strange, yet beautiful magic in the distance filled with petunias and various discoveries of inner potential river streams that go up and down.

Like the small ball that bounces up and down, cats like to play, while eating satay, and you will never find happiness no matter how hard you seek.

Happiness comes when you stop searching and start living while you breathe now, just breathe, and juggle with an imaginary circus filled with dreams and trampolines and distant memories of childhood and today and all the extremes.

Itís easy when you just can rest very peacefully.
01/18 Direct Link
I made a list of fourteen things that I needed to do and excluded the other thousand things that needed to be done. I considered these fourteen things to be important which needed my immediate attention.

Writing down what you need to do is always the easy part, but actually doing it, is the most difficult.

In the end, itís the action thatís the most powerful, not the thought.

I like to write things down so that I can get it out of my head.

If I donít write things down I feel like my head is going to explode.
01/19 Direct Link
I went to the campus early in the morning though my first impulse was to go home and get some rest first. I went from one office to the next and spoke with this advisor, that case manager, the math assessor, and so on. Iím also surprised that I am 60 credits over my required limit. Technically I should have two associate degrees.

We donít have minors here she said, we focus only on the associate and thatís it.

Now I can only take math and science. This could have been my last semester but I really suck at math.
01/20 Direct Link
Instead of each person in the class introducing themselves, we had to introduce the person that we spoke with. We had ten minutes each to question each other on anything we wanted and then introduce that person based on the questions we asked.

Vanesa was young with her gaga goo goo eyes and indirectly she was giving me signs that she wouldnít mind doing the nasty with me.

She kept smiling at me, playing with her hair, licking her lips, and parting her legs as though she was waiting for that big ship to anchor.

I pretended to be dumb.
01/21 Direct Link
Meet Me Half Way

I kept hearing this song by the Black Eyed Peas on the radio for the first time. Most times I listen to my CD collections of music.

I finally saw the video and dedicate it to my road trip and my loved ones. I especially liked the futuristic aspects of the video. It was science fiction in its truest form.

Whoever said that science fiction had to be fiction?

In the book that I read, anything is possible.

This video also touched on teleportation which was a discussion that I had with Lele not long ago.
01/22 Direct Link
I tell myself often to do all the things that I need to do for the day and the things that I plan to do in the future. When I make those lists I find myself also adding more things to the list.

What if after making that list we decided on how we would not do so many things and instead of acquiring things make a list on how we would give away the things we had in our life and how we make a plan to want less and give more. My financial aid appeal was denied today.
01/23 Direct Link
Today Iím thinking about buying the game Scrabble and just learned about Kakuro, which is similar to Sudoku except Kakuro is like doing a crossword puzzle except in this case youíre using the numbers 1 through 9.

What if legends and myths were not just fascinations and imaginations of the mind I pondered? After all, isnít truth stranger than fiction?

I wondered if it was possible to live a spiritual life from one moment to the next and what would that spiritual life entail.

One aspect would be keeping all my thoughts positive and being aware of them without deviating.
01/24 Direct Link
I woke up feeling as though I had been transported from a completely different world, and that a part of me had been left behind. I remember before going to sleep that I looked at the Sun with a tear drop in my eye.

I wanted to ground myself and decided to do a 25 breath meditation. The meditation turned out to be more than 200 breaths and I felt as though I could meditate in this state forever.

There is something about the inner being that feels so beautiful.

Once you experience it, you never want to leave it.
01/25 Direct Link
I finally went out for a morning jog, not remembering when was the last time that I actually went out for a jog, specifically for the purpose of jogging.

Iím enjoying this run completely
along with my I-Pod,
coupled with patches of snow
here and there
and sleets of ice
that beg for caution.

The air is so clean and fresh,
with trees everywhere,
and wild geese
congregating around
the frozen lake
and walking on it.

Iím hoping that Iíll see
a wolf or a coyote
so that we can run
together like brothers
and drift with
the fiery winds.
01/26 Direct Link
I postponed my initial plans to run this morning, as my legs were extremely sore and painful, but in a good way.

What I would like now is a nice hot Japanese bath, coupled with a nice massage by an Asiatic or Asian woman, working out all the kinks in my muscles.

I checked my email past midnight on my break. It looks like my financial aid appeal is being reevaluated after being denied. I was told to continue attending classes.

Itís too bad that I already missed Monday due to my denial letter. Should I buy my math textbook?
01/27 Direct Link
It was the crimson tide of my day to receive the news that my appeal was approved this time around. I donít know if I should thank the Art Department or the forces of the unknown. I felt like this was a miracle.

I bought my math book at the bookstore and saw this cute girl there giving me the eyes of allurement.

Itís a good thing that Iím shy because I had no idea what to say.

My math class seems small and that there is barely enough room for all the students. We have beaucoup homework to do.
01/28 Direct Link
I had barely walked into Office Max before the asshole asked me aggressively if he could help me.

You can start by getting the hell out of my face and no I donít need your help. Iím quite capable of finding what Iím looking for by myself.


To top things off the bastard had the audacity to follow me around pretending he was doing price checks with his hand held computer device.

Give me a fucking break.

Once I got to the register I asked if they were going out of business.

Everyone will eventually
he said.

What an idiot.
01/29 Direct Link
Today is day one of my fast, which should last until the end of the month. Though Iím cutting vegetables and measuring spices, I know that I will not be eating today. Thatís how I feel now.

In the meantime, I have lots of homework that needs to be worked on. In various degrees I think it is way too much.

Iím always getting pop ups from webcam girls wanting to chat with me. What they really want is my credit card information to milk me from my financial funds.

Please baby she says, I just need your age verification.
01/30 Direct Link
The highest purpose of sleep is to be used as a link from this world to the dream and spiritual world.

Finally, I went to see Avatar and liked the previews of Alice in Wonderland, which is also in 3D. Avatar has now made it to the top list as far as my favorite movies goes.

I could relate to the plot line as far as the indigenous people were concerned.

Even today people laugh
at the mention of other worlds,
worlds unseen,
prayers,
plants and animals
that talk,
and medicine
that does not come
in a plastic brown bottle.
01/31 Direct Link
I just had to go back to the store for an avocado. I could not imagine having my salad without an avocado inside.

I broke my three day fast today.

Itís true that normally our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. What we fail to realize is that though we may be hungry, our stomachs really donít call for so much food.

For some reason we like to over stuff ourselves and even eat when we are not hungry.

Now I am super stuffed and doubt that I will eat anything tomorrow.

Itíll be just like the good old days.