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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
Usually when we think of the number one, we think of a fresh start and a new beginning, and that we can start all over again.
When the first of the month comes for me I'm constantly reminded that the rent is due.
I have a neighbor across the hall from me that likes to play loud hippidy hoppidy music all times of the day and night.
I'm fed up about it.
I knocked on his door and asked him to turn it down. He complied for about 15 minutes then turned it up again.
He can go fuck himself.
I try to be nice to everyone and handle things in a diplomatic way. I also believe in the slogan, "don't get mad, get even."
I came home this morning from work and this son of a bitch was playing his music so loud like he was at a house party.
This is an apartment complex and he does not seem to care.
I wrote up my one and a half page essay to the manager. When I went to work tonight he had a Pay or Quit notice on his door.
I dropped my essay in the manager's box.
"Next time you ever encounter that problem again just call the police," said the manager "or you can call our after hour hotline and maintenance will respond. We would not want to lose you as a tenant."
I can imagine so, as I see so many apartment complexes with signs outside their buildings, bragging that they have the best move in rates available.
"We will give him his first warning and slip it under his door. If he gets three warnings all together he is out of here," she said.
That reallly brought satisfaction and a smile to my face.
I was not quite sure why I had to go to work at 19:00 and get off at 03:30. My ex didn't care if I had enough rest for the day or not. I guess her Arabic class was more important. To kill time as though that is possible, I went to the library to check out some books. One being about the papacy and the lineage of the popes. I will need this for my Western History class. The other book was on Japanese Art from the medieval era to the modern. This is for my Art HIstory class.
In the last week of my Art History class I chose a painting entitled, "Su Dongpo in Straw Hat and Wooden Shoes."
I related to this painting which deals with heavy rain that Dongpo was caught in on his way home.
Everyone in the village laughed at him because of what he was wearing, yet he kept his calm composure that he always carried as the poet that he was.
I was caught in a downpour years ago while wearing a suit and while being angry that everyone had ate up all the fish and didn't leave any for me.
My ex wife is always constantly calling me all the time. We had a daughter together so that always gives her a reason to call. To me, the things that she calls about are not always so important and quite minute. She is single and have been for years, so I'm the last one that she has been with to my knowledge.
People tell me that she wants to be with me again which I don't believe because I don't see the signs. Would you get back with her people say, would you do this, or would you do that.
I have a kite sitting in my living room that I bought the day after my birthday on the 15th of July.
Everytime I look at it I keep telling myself that I'm going to fly it one of these days.
In fact I tell myself a lot of things these days. This is why I like to do less talking and more doing.
I don't tell so many people what my plans are these days because they will have so many expectations.
Most of the things that I want to do in life are rather basic and zenfully mundane.
I was watching the Sun Dance channel which featured iconclasts Tony Hawk and Jon Favreau who directed the movie Iron Man.
My history class had me asking myself a few questions regarding purpose.
I realized how most people who were considered good at what they did was because they devoted all of their time and energy to it.
Then I thought of people who were never known to make any marks on history; like the general population.
My big question was what is my purpose for being here?
Don't tell me it is to make money and get a house.
I finished the last aspects of my French and European classes and don't want to see another book for the next two days.
The strain and weight of four classes at a very fast pace were not easy for me.
I've already registered for Fall semester and have put French on a book shelf and decided to go for Spanish again.
Tonight on my way to work there was various flashes of lightning. I was hoping that I would get struck by lightning because I was not afraid.
I am a believer in signs, omens, and that other psychadellic world.
Laughing is good medicine as I watched taped recordings of Saturday Night Live. When you can just laugh to the point that nothing seems to matter anymore, you miles well be enlightened.
Later in the evening while taking a shower I felt like I was in a dream. I asked myself how does one determine if he's dreaming or awake.
How do you know if when you're awake you're dreaming and when you're dreaming you're really awake?
I didn't have the answer to this question but realized that if we live life like a dream, we would be more alive.
It bothered me at first when I realized that I was responsible for possibly getting someone fired.
A deeper reflection revealed that I didn't get this individual fired, he fired himself by doing stupid shit he shouldn't of been doing and for being rebellious to authority.
I guess he thought I was a soft supervisor and that I wouldn't report his unacceptable and unethical behavior.
What bothered me the most was that he lied to me and his associates. I can't accept nor have sympathy for a lie. Not on my watch.
That was the end of his lifetime story.
It might seem insignificant to consider, but if we did not have breath, then what would we have?
We are so occupied with the world that we even forget we are breathing. We take breathing for granted as though it's something we have rights to.
Being able to breathe is probably one of our most precious gifts, as it entails that we are still alive.
Being aware of the fact that we are inhaling and exhaling throughout the day is not an easy task and requires discipline and simple self awareness.
As long as the mind wanders, so will we.
I don't have the mathematical and chemistry breakdown regarding sex but I can say that sex is a powerful force that I'm trying to understand.
What is there to understand?
A man and a woman gets together,
he puts it in,
and then that's it.
But it's so much more than this, believe me.
There is deep science and chemistry involved.
Besides it being enjoyable, why is it so desired?
Does restraining your sexual passions benefit you or does it make you more desperate?
Is there really an energy body within, in need of a recharge?
She keeps telling me that the sky is blue and she's only nine.
What does she know and any of us?
The sky is not blue I tell her, "it's an illusion."
What's an illusion?
It means that it's not real.
As we walked across the street, watching the cars driving by, the people inside of their cars, and the various buildings around me, I said to myself that its not just the blue sky that is an illusion. This is all an illusion.
Perception is not reality because what we see is not always what it seems.
I find myself being overly excited as the Fall semester is beginning and the approaching days of Ramadhan.
I had to sit down and meditate to ground myself as I felt like a wild fire losing control.
My fifteen minute meditation felt like five minutes.
Time went by too fast as well as Summer.
I did not have much time to do anything for myself, outside of school and work.
I stopped skateboarding also but I'm still receiving the subscriptions to the magazine.
When given the chance, I would like to get out there more often.
I miss the action.
There is no doubt in my mind regarding the existence of extraterrestial life forms possibly on Earth and beyond.
Recently I read the theory regarding the Reptillians and their agenda here on Earth. The agenda may seem far-fetched but you'd be surprised on how truth is much stranger than fiction, or science fiction.
There is nothing beyond possibility as history has proven.
Like I said before, perception is not always reality because sometimes we don't know what lies beneath the surface.
The movie "V" and "They Live" could be a possibility.
Do we have any way of proving theories otherwise?
Campus madness is what I called it. Fall began officially today, but my class does not begin until tomorrow.
I had to see if the books for my classes were at the bookstore, and to print out my class schedule.
It turns out that all the universities and colleges were like this all over the place.
I think most of the people were doing everything at the last minute, applying for financial aid and government loans.
I noticed that some of the students here were fresh right out of high school.
They definitely have a good start versus just waiting.
Today was the first day of my on campus Chinese class. Our teacher is from Shanghai and told us about herself and things about China. After she was done speaking, everyone had to go up in front of the class and state their name and why they were taking Chinese.
When it was my turn I felt so nervous and was certain that my entire body was shaking. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown.
I spoke more to the teacher than the class and was glad to get away from the front of the class.
It is very hard for me to read the Arabic inside of these translation Qurans by Doctor's Taqi Uddin Al Hilali and Muhsin Khan. Having a magnifying glass would really come in handy.
Magnifying glasses always remind me of my childhood and how I received my first magnifying glass inside of a Cracker Jack box.
It did not take me long to learn how to use the death rays from our magnificient Sun. I did experiments on ants, insects, leaves, and my own arm.
I also can't cease to remember when my brother received his first microsope.
Magnifications up close.
Today marks day two of my Chinese class. Today we had to exercise our memory, to see if we could remember the names of everyone in class from the last session. We have three more new students.
One of the new students is from some company and she seems like a real bitch.
One of the guys in my class said he would of remembered one of the females names if she had starred in a porn movie.
I don't think anyone caught what he had said. But he said it loud enough to where I could hear it clearly.
I had not talked to her in ages. She’s a Civil Engineering major at the University. She is very brilliant and I sometimes wonder why people I tend to really like or feel I can relate to always live far away from where I live.
Sometimes I wish we never had internet because of these reasons.
She questioned me about several books I never read but I wrote them down. I admired the fact that she read these books though English was not her first language.
However the books still seemed interesting in relation to Islam and our present world.
I woke up and asked my daughter if she was hungry because normally she will not say anything unless I ask. She is usually too engrossed into her cartoons or the computer with videos and updating blogs.
“I’m not eating,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“It’s not Ramadhan,” I tell her.
I called the Mosque to check and sure enough it started last night with the lunar calendar so today is 1 Ramadhan 1430. Luckily I did not eat or drink anything.
So now we will both be fasting today and breaking our fasts together after the sunset.
I lost all my August journal writings on a disc at my job that I believed this new fat guy at my job tampered with. I should have logged off but called myself trusting him to relieve me for a short break while I left my flash drive in the computer. When I got back and he had left. I checked my flash drive to find a blank page of my entire journal. That fat son of a bitch! I couldn't prove it, but he was the only one at the desk. The truth will reveal itself in the end.
Today I made a list of things to do. To make things easier for me, I put these items into categories. The categories included things that need to be done on the computer, telephone, indoor activities, (such as washing dishes, sweeping the floor, throw out the moldy bread) writing, reading, work, and things that needed to be researched.
The list is extensive and though the “to do list” seems simple, I wonder how long it would really take to accomplish.
Sometimes one phone call can last an hour, writing about something could take more than two hours, and so on.
How was I supposed to respond when she said things like I will just kill him (in reference to my son) and how she wished we had never met each other?
How should I feel when she tells me that she pinched him, that she spanked him, and yells at him?
I wondered if she knew the ability of an eleven month old baby and what the results of her actions would lead to, as well as the consequences.
It is easy to run away from difficult situations that arise, but facing them with patience and perseverance develops true character.
Divorce isn’t always the option we want to take in life, especially if children are involved. But when it comes to the primal question of happiness for yourself and the whole, maybe it’s the only choice.
For starters, I have a non tolerance level towards the abuse of children. This includes physical, emotional and mental abuse.
You’re not going to yell at my kids and treat them like stray animals on the streets. Even animals don’t deserve harsh treatment.
I don’t care how much you love me, if you’re abusing my kids I can be like the angel of Death.
It was stranger than fiction,
a box of various perfumes
in my mail box
a box of doughnuts.
He was just an aphrodisiactic kid
with his beast like friends.
Here on the 10th floor
or was it
the 10th dimension
with a floating butterfly
complimenting the perfumes
is it you,
is it you
beloved in disguise
or is it
some strange magick?
These are not ordinary circumstances
and this has been
my strangest Ramadhan
being full of manifestations,
pregnant with eccentricities
and maybe 10,000 stars
Sometimes in life we suffer, not necessarily because of our own actions towards ourselves. I believe that suffering is a great tool that leads to liberation. When we suffer we ask ourselves why we are suffering. In many cases we are not following our hearts. Sometimes we are trying to fix something that does not want to be fixed or change something that does not want to change, even if it is for their own good. At some point our spirit and soul must move on. As big as our Universe is, there is someone out there especially for you.
We talked on the phone very briefly. The discussion didn’t have any enthusiasm in it.
That was the end to all of my art supplies. All of my acrylic paints, paint brushes, and scalpels were placed on the sidewalk for whoever wanted them.
In addition to my art supplies being salvaged, my long and tedious task of writing over 300 Chinese characters on flash cards with their meaning were also placed on the sidewalk, for whoever wanted them.
I told her I was taking Chinese classes on campus which would have been very useful. I guess it didn’t really matter.
As I begin to work on time management I can really see what takes up a majority of it.
Work takes up 8 hours of our 24 hour day leaving us with 16 hours.
Eating takes up a lot of time. If you calculate the time it takes to cut vegetables, warm up the food, preparing it, and finally eating it, you might be looking at a good 3 to four hours.
How about the time required for transportation? Getting from point A to point B takes up time.
What about school and homework assignments?
What about time for sleep?
My sadness emerges
like the last bits of a fire
in a fireplace.
There is only small hints of red embers
and a glow as the sunsets
at this time.
Another aspect of my life has come to an end. It is confirmed
and that is why
it is so sad.
My eyes burn at first
but that burning turns into tears
that glide down the sides of my face.
My heart yields up its burden
but still worries
for his innocent loved one
who knows nothing in this life
and his age except
everything is wonderful
as he transforms.
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