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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
How do you overcome the ďI donít want to syndrome?Ē
I call the ďI donít want to syndromeĒ another disease.
Some call it laziness, but I am referring to even the things that we want to do but just donít get around to it.
For instance, you are a painter and you love to paint and have all the supplies that you need but for whatever reason just donít get around to paining like you had originally planned.
This force or power that persuades us not to accomplish our goals goes beyond procrastination.
What is the force and power involved?
The fact that I want some pussy willow right now is not going to happen in this Zen moment and masturbation and ejaculation equals lack of self control.
I closed my eyes focusing on the lust and the strong desire to fuck into a chakra meditation which charges the heart and throat chakra.
Any other way would have otherwise been spilled in some sink or a piece of tissue.
That was how I gained a little piece of mind in addition to not being afraid to write what I really wanted to write though I had my doubts and guilts.
Itís clearly evident that when I go into a supermarket, that neighborhoods are strategically designed by the upper echelon of rulers and blood suckers of the poor.
You can do this case study for yourself to see if Iím lying or not.
I was in one poor neighborhood supermarket to buy some peach ice cream and they only had three flavors; vanilla, chocolate and chocolate chip. There was really no choice of anything.
I went to a middle class neighborhood supermarket to find that there was all kinds of varieties of ice cream such as peach, pistachio, strawberry, orange sherbertÖ
It snowed while I waited for the bus to arrive.
I studied the movements of the snow, noticing how it fell as though it was moving in slow motion, landing on the sidewalk blending with other flakes of snow that had fell previously to the ground.
Some fell on my jacket and for whatever reason I was intrigued to take a closer look at the flake.
I was getting a close up of a snowflake that looked just like a star. It was like I was seeing snow for the first time. Really seeing it as it should be seen.
I had put up with the previous neighbors who were frequent party animals who did not give a damn about their other neighbors. I thanked God when they moved out.
Months later our new neighbors were some heroin dope head drug addict hillbillies and heavy cigarette smokers.
They smoked like trains on the Orient Express and their shitty smell would find its way into our abode often.
I was genius enough to find a way to block the smell out by taping the side cracks in the door and putting a sheet at the bottom part.
Now they are gone.
Santanaís music made me buy some wine that I hated called Glen Ellen Reserve, 2007 Pinot Grigio California.
I was supposed to drink wine, eat grapes, crackers, alouette spread, sharp cheddar cheese and apples while watching the God Father.
One glass of wine was one glass too many, it was like sipping bitter medicine. I could feel that it was making me horny.
I understood why this drink was unlawful and not good for my consumption. It was not even sweet like I thought.
I knew the remaining contents would be enjoyed by the pipes that were inside the sink.
I went to the Metaphysical Bookstore and saw books that I had never seen before. The selection of proper knowledge calls me. There was
Rumiís Book of Love, Carlos Cedilloís Cosmic Jaguar, The World Is As You Dream It
by Perkins, and
The Divine Blueprint.
Other categories of interest included Extraterrestrials, Native American Indian and more assortments of incense that I found.
While there I sort of felt that those people in there were a bit fake, or reptilians, or a combination of both, and belonged to some demonic covenant.
They were blood drinkers of the Sabbath, dragons in disguise.
As long as we attach meaning
and definition to words,
words will continue to be powerful.
I noticed that I had used the word canít a few times and realized that it was a defeat word.
Canít gives us permission to fail without even trying.
I was reading my November entry where I said,
Iím beginning to realize that I may never be fluent in the languages Iíve desired to learn like French, Arabic and Tamil.
In this sentence alone I gave myself permission unconsciously to just give up.
How dare you limit yourself and your vast resourceful capable mind!
I can agree with the definition of the brain being an organ of soft nervous tissue contained in the skull of vertebrates functioning as the coordinating center of sensation, intellectual and nervous activity.
Referring to the mind as the element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences, to think, and to feel is somewhat too vague to me as a definition.
It seems that the definition puts a big limit on the mind as though it is nothing else but that definition and that definition only.
The mind is so much moreÖ
I did a meditation that lasted 25 minutes and I swear that it felt like 5 minutes. Iím convinced that everything that Iíve ever learned about time can be thrown out of the window.
Meditation does not end after you open your eyes, but continues into the next action that you are doing, while being conscious that you are still breathing.
Todayís meditation has taught me that healing is possible through visualizations, my own composed music, herbs, stones, and Universal attunement minus conventional medicine.
I would like to learn more about chi, acupuncture, my meridian body, and 2012 native prophecies.
You donít necessarily need to meditate to bring things submerged in your mind to the surface.
In my case I was washing dishes in what Iíve called the Zenful way. While washing dishes I noticed this anxiousness or anticipation within me that was unsettled. Something inside of me wanted to just move on to another activity.
My unease in the present moment I believe was attributed to the coffee I had earlier.
The remedy was drinking lots of water and eating some bread with bean soup.
I found concupiscent, lascivious, and libidinous to be a more sophisticated word for horny.
Masturbating without releasing,
women of the world,
out into the cold,
a mind unkempt,
jumbo jet in the sky,
so keep on walking.
Take a proficiency test,
on all of the languages
in the world,
wait for the bus
to show up
a glass of water
or boil some Thai noodles.
Black seems to be the color,
my favorite color
and everything Asian
the black robes
of Zen monks
and the black belts
of grand masters
stars decorate it in the night
embraces us in our sleep.
The street people were the people who were uneducated and poor, or the people who did not manage to make it into the work force of the office buildings. They were also known as blue collar workers regardless to what color shirt they were wearing.
Meanwhile the office people were the elite, the so called upper echelons of society. They were the successful who made it to the top of the pinnacle or so called American dream.
In truth it was the poor who were rich with creative minds, love, and soulful living, while the elite were like cardboard robots.
I canít believe that I called these chat line type numbers that you find in the newspapers. I always wondered how they worked.
Itís like a dating service where you leave a message describing yourself. First you say what your name is, but itís up to you to leave your real name or not and then you describe yourself and how you look and what you are looking for.
After that you cross your fingers and hope that someone decent calls and that the fat chick did not lie by saying she had an athletic body with a cute face.
I am guilty,
the whole human race.
If it were judgment day today, I would not ask God for mercy. I would ask him to put me in the depths of hell fire because I feel that I am not worthy of living in His paradise where all the righteous servants reside.
If I were to say that I deserve paradise I would feel like a real hypocrite, so I have to be honest with myself.
December is the wickedest and evilest month of the calendar full of temptations, drunkenness, false worship and beliefs, commercialism, adultery and sins,
The Sun is setting now and theyíre playing jazz music on television which has been on since I got home this morning. My apartment is a complete mess. Iím passing gas and what the hell is that nasty cooking smell coming from outside of my door?
Iím broke right and surviving off of vegetable rice and sometimes the nasty food at the job.
Nobody is going to call me, and if they do itís going to be some fat chick.
How well does a fat woman douche herself and clean the dirt in between the cracks and layers of fat?
They never taught me about Willie Lynch in school, not even in the so called institution of higher learning.
I wanted to cry as I read some of the horror stories of slavery in the Americas and really realized that the condition of Black people in America today did not happen by some illogical consequence. It was all meticulously planned and plotted.
People often say, ďoh that was then but fail to realize that the effects of slavery damaged Black people on the mental, psychological, spiritual and intellectual level which was passed on from generation to generation, with everything forgotten.
I have finally confessed that I am an idiot for not managing my funds more wisely. In a way Iím glad that it happened because now I am learning not to do it again.
Iíve managed to scrape up some loose change which totals out to be a grand $7.75 if you donít count the pennies. Now we can buy some milk, eggs and possibly a water refill.
This split in my right big toe is really bothering me.
The atmosphere here really dries and cracks your skin like a lizard.
To survive, you need plenty of oils and lotions.
How did pornography begin?
I always wondered about that and how did a society based on morals and self respect become a society that was so sex crazed to the point of making sacred sex acts into something that was more beastly and public.
My research traced pornography back to prostitution and the writings about prostitution which began in Europe.
Soon after this it did not take long for the written to be replaced by the graphic and voila like an overnight snowstorm, there was pornography in everyoneís face; and then came film, newspapers, and no zeal to stop it.
Finding a mate in your life for the first time of which you have never met can be quite difficult. Some men are rather shy on approaching women and talking to them for fear of being embarrassed or rejected.
So now they have books out there that you can get on how to approach a woman, what to do and what not to do on a date, how to be a player or a playboy and about how women prefer a bad boy over a nice guy.
Whatever happened to just being yourself and not worrying about what people think?
It was beyond being selfish. She calls me every day to bring sugar to put in her daughters oatmeal.
I had no problem with it but began to think, ďDonít you have sugar in your house? So I asked her and she said that she did have sugar but it was running out. So you mean to tell me that you canít share with your own daughter?
Now I know why I am not married to you now. You are so selfish and you think only of yourself while neglecting your own flesh and blood and your next door neighbors.
Prayer is nothing if the heart, sincerity, and devotion is not there. The words recited in prayer are nothing without being said with meaning or taking careful thoughts before saying them.
I have been reading about the Olmecs lately and Iím really intrigued about their African connection.
Iím sure they did not call themselves Africans, just as the Native American Indians did not call themselves Indians.
Itís amazing how someone thinks they can just name you and categorize you like you are some animal or object and then call themselves superior over everyone else when they did not create themselves.
I tried to astral travel when I went to sleep this evening and wound up dreaming about being in this marsh or swamp like area.
I remember that I was trying to find or to buy some marijuana but was not able to find anyone that had any.
I canít remember the last time that I ever smoked marijuana.
I think the day is coming when it will be legal once again, when it was first introduced in America and we will be able to grow it in our own back yards like George Washington did; the good old forefather.
Extremities of cold do tend to fuck with your senses and alter your state of consciousness. Iím not intoxicated with any foreign substances but I feel like there is something strange and eerie about tonight that I canít explain.
Itís so cold tonight and yes I would like to boil a pot of coffee and to purchase one of those Eskimo styled jackets that I see people wearing often out here.
I constantly remind myself donít be so angry about not having the proper gear in the region that Iím living in, because Iím not a native to this region.
If you know that your body is craving something you shouldnít deprive it. I did some weight lifting while at work which was designated for the guest, but it was so dead that I decided to go there to try to keep myself awake.
After the workout I felt so grounded and closer to Earth. My body has been craving this workout for a long time.
I enjoy the stress that is put on my body as I lift, press and push the weights and then add more weight to add more stress; getting reacquainted with my inner God force.
The phrase that women use when frustrated that she doesnít need a man and the man who says he does not need a woman is not only a lie but an urban myth.
The woman who says this usually becomes a lesbian or allows herself to be used by men on short term relationships time and time again.
The man who says this usually becomes a womanizer and refers to women as a sex object and calls her bitch. He thinks that his sexual exploits are heroic in deed and actions.
Deep down inside their heart and soul is wounded.
I looked at the young child who still asks questions like what is this and what is that. It was more descriptions, titles, names, functions and rules explained about how this world worked but in truth it did not have to be this way.
It was and has been a generation of programming that has been long outdated.
The ancient people who were called primitive were more advanced than we are today but it seems that the programmer of today has deleted all of the files from our system.
Iím still looking for the backup disc stored within my DNA.
Today I did a 200 breath meditation which is probably equivalent to about 30 minutes of mechanical time.
By the time I got to the 101st breath I was deep inside of my third eye and reflecting on my loneliness.
It occurred to me that within my entire life I never dated before or went on a blind date. I began to wonder what that was like.
One has to feel somewhat awkward meeting a complete stranger they never met in person.
Thanks to the cyber world everything is real except for the physical part which is the most crucial.
Phone sex is really not sex, especially if one of the persons on the phone is faking. Take for instance the sex chat lines that men call.
For starters, they are getting paid to entertain you and convince you that they are fulfilling your so-called wild fantasy.
Most of the time these phone sex operators arenít wearing what they tell you they are wearing and when you ask them to do things like rub on their clit or rub on their tit they are not rubbing anything at all and probably just eating a sandwich and sipping on a latte.
The Kaaba or Black Stone in the holy city of Mecca can stand and symbolize many things.
A lot of people donít like to admit that it could stand for the Black man and woman who were here since the beginning of time.
Nor would anyone like to attribute it to symbolizing the Black man and woman who had been downtrodden in the hells of North America for a period lasting more than 400 years.
People will admit that Black people originated in Africa and the regions nearby and that they are the oldest known humans on the planet Earth.
I am convinced that the best way to meet a woman is at the spur of the moment. When you see a person face to face you get the opportunity to see everything from how they look, dress, act, and sense their energy and vibes.
In addition to this I am also convinced that if I do my own thing that I have always wanted to do like meditation, yoga, running, lifting weights, art, et cetera, everything will fall into place.
There is no book that tells you how to be yourself. Only you know what your true self is.
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