04/01 Direct Link
They were a beautiful people despite their ignorance for the simple fact that they possessed one of the most beautiful qualities of all qualities and that quality was called love and is love.

Happiness abounded today as it was her birthday.

No she is not a fool and Fools Day came about by the Europeans tampering with the Egyptian calendar calling it a big joke.

No wonder why we are screwed today using the Gregorian calendar with uneven months that donít correlate with any natural events.

Well itís her birthday and she was very happy to get her Mariposa Barbie.
04/02 Direct Link
Missed Fajr prayers again but I managed to clean a lot of rooms today.

Our room,
her room,
the bathroom
the living room
and the kitchen.

I never received a call from Human Resources, so I called them myself and called some cash loan agencies.

Watched a few channels in EspaŮol.

Took the bus
took the train
and drank some espresso coffee at Starbucks.

Back home again and discovered a bird website.
I enjoy the process of identifying.
What kind of bird was that,
that I saw?

What was the sound
of the owl
that I heard
many moons ago?
04/03 Direct Link
Money order for rent.

Wells Fargo says they can do internet banking and overseas internet banking, which I seriously doubt.

Paid off my loan,
drank coffee at Starbucks with her
facing the on going traffic,
stopped at the pet shop
and she is intrigued
with the budgerigar parakeets,
which I myself contemplate
if we should add one to the family or not.

A stop at Target,
and itís starting to get cold outside.

Not sure why we are here
but I wind up buying the game Mancala,
a Dora coloring book,
Go Fish card games
and some Bicycle playing cards.
04/04 Direct Link
I shaved what was becoming a beard and felt zenful again and clean. I didnít want to argue with any supervisors or managers as to rather the hairs on my chin were a beard or just mere stubble.

The rule book says beards are permissible after a long vacation and well thought out trimming.

As the world turned, it was a well thought out designed plan to make the Asiactic Black Man forget his own mother tongue language, his mother and his country of origin.

Now the clock is turning back and time and the past is becoming renown again.
04/05 Direct Link
What the (watch your mouth) happened today?

Despite waking up around noon time which gave me more than enough time to get ready for work, I still found myself running at the last minute and rushing to catch the last bus for the night that takes me to work.

The problem is that the list of things that I have on my list to do for the day does not have an order.

In other words, I have a list of things to do, but donít put the list in order as to which do I do first.

Try again.
04/06 Direct Link
The notion that taking unknown paths,
and paths never taken
signify new beginnings,
is just a medley,
but not necessarily.

In light of the Buddhist precepts it would be worth the while to give loving kindness a try.
To emanate love is not to utter the word ďloveĒ spoken by every language in the world, and actions of those who can not speak.

Main focusesÖ

The main focus should be on the one who created us, and brought us here to this exact moment in time.

We neglect this Power and prefer it to television, money, fame, women and cars.
04/07 Direct Link
The smell of rose perfume invokes all kinds of pleasant memories and sensations within my being, just by the sense of smell alone.

My main concentration has to evolve more towards right here.

Right here being the skin on my body down to the inwards of the soul of my heart.

All here within and not the myriad of distractions without.

I read the back of a marriage certificate and realized that technically we were divorced to my surprise and all she would have to say is that I abandoned her for more than three months, thus making it nullified.
04/08 Direct Link
Do not bring any white spectral dogs into this house.

In fact, don't bring any dogs into this house at all, unless you are bringing in a sacred wolf.

Today I am thinking egg plant parmesan, broccoli with cheese, fettuccini and spinach.

It has been a long time since Iíve had eggplant parmesan or cooked any.

So we are in this galactic portal today.

I had her reading from the Quran which has words in old English such as ye and thou, and then she had her online class for the first time and is starting to enjoy math more.
04/09 Direct Link
I believe
I think
I know that
I was once a King
soon to be.

A mystic
a saint
a traveler
of distant lands
in Central Galaxies.

Where there was roses
there was love
of the most innermost kind.

Sublime in time
I knew texts unrecorded
delivered since the oldest religion
of I am began,
which is unknown
like the most high sky;
and angels
beings celestial
these time gaps,
piecing together
a divine realization.

Building a city
made of poems
if you understood it,
were willing to dive
deep enough
into that passion
of being ready
and intelligible.
04/10 Direct Link
I woke up around 4 am this morning and my anak perempuan was not to happy about it either.

I had to attend some mandatory meeting,
and here I was,
making all kinds of sacrifices to get there, though deep inside, I was despising every moment of it.

Upon deeper reflection
I asked the question
ďdo you mean that we are more willing to make sacrifices for our jobs, but less willing to make sacrifices for Allah (God), after He gave us life, provides for us and blesses us everyday?Ē

At that moment I felt like a hypocrite and paused.
04/11 Direct Link
All my money is almost gone now after paying off my Qwest phone bill and half of my electricity bill. My electric bill is so high because I used space heaters frequently. At least that is what the electric company lady told me over the telephone when I asked.

I still do not understand why we have to pay for a natural resource such as electricity harnessed by mankind.

In the end it will electrocute the greedy bastards,
so hard up on greed
at the expense of
the large majority
of the poor.

They are rebels against solar powered energy.
04/12 Direct Link
The cold feels like a mild winter,
or how winter would begin,
but I see signs
of spring
as I walk across grass
that feels
like carpet
sprouting tiny yellow flowers
here and about.

Where tree branches once laid bare.
I see clusters of white flowers
making their way
through hard wood.

I find myself intrigued
by the fact
I can capture beauty
and admiration
in all things,
even things
considered ugly
by some.

I can see through the faÁade
people put up
without judging them.

I can feel the wind
and see the clouds move,
and these precious bodies.
04/13 Direct Link
I miss Singapore and Malaysia so much and never had the opportunity to go to Indonesia.

I was glad to learn of the various Muslims in the region of South East Asia and learn about the history as to how Islam spread in those regions through trading initially with Muslim traders from overseas.

There is the Acenese Muslims of Aceh of which until this day, not really considered safe to go. Some people donít want to recognize Aceh or the people.

Then there is the Chad of Cambodia and the Muslims of Thailand in the south and Chinese Muslim brothers.
04/14 Direct Link
Question: How are things going?

Answer: It does not get any better than this.

There is no need to say things are going bad, Iím so tired, or to lie with a smile saying everything is fine when you only have .39 in your pocket.

It does not get any better than this simply means whatever is going on in your moment is the perfect moment.

Donít hope you were somewhere else with someone else, or you still had your job, or wish you could be living the good old days.

Make today a good day and live it wholeheartedly.
04/15 Direct Link
As I walked into the night down quiet streets that led to busier and louder streets, I took the moment to notice a star above the horizon in a southwest direction flickering.

Flickering like a candle flame at the mercy of the winds, holding on to its last kindles of light.

My life flickers like that star sometimes I thought, when I lose focus on my goals, or when I waver in thought from here to there, not quite able to hold on for to long, or losing the process of self control.

Itís a constant battle deep within self.
04/16 Direct Link
Some tears flowed like a silent river after reading Al Ghashiyah, Aílaa, and Zilzal surahs.

Before I was informed, I had a dream and abang and Najaha were in it. In this dream, Najaha was asking me about a word she felt towards me and I asked her if it was feelings and she said yes.

She started to cry and weep.

When I woke up abang stopped by my house and stated that she was dating his number one enemy.

I could not believe what I was hearing and still donít believe that a Muslimah would choose a kafir.
04/17 Direct Link
If youíre pregnant, in Islam it would be a sin to kill the baby even in its embryo stage, unless continuing on with the pregnancy would be life threatening to the mother.

In the Holy Quran it says

You shall not kill your children from fear of poverty- we will provide for you and for them.

You shall not kill- Allah has made life sacred.

The devil promises you poverty and commands you to commit evil, while Allah promises you forgiveness from Him and grace.

Why deprive any being of the most precious gift called life?

Give life a chance.
04/18 Direct Link
She is talking about filing bankruptcy because the bills keep coming and the banks keep calling her. If she does not file bankruptcy, in time they will declare her bankrupt.

I continually reassure her not to worry and that everything will be ok, but my words do not seem so reassuring.

Children can have rather peculiar questions at times.

I was asked the question ďis there such a thing as White Muslims?Ē

Then I was asked what colour are Asians.

There is no one colour, either you are human or not human, if you want to talk about skin tones.
04/19 Direct Link
Probability, and what are the chances that this particular event will occur for your favour or a group of people?

Probability is like some type of voodoo prediction math.

If you roll the dice 100 times, what are your chances of rolling just sevens?

Iíve read on some sweepstakes for instance, or where money is involved, on how your chances are of winning.

For instance, our chances of winning the grand prize is 1 in 201,376.

I guess those odds are not bad, but think how 201,376 people would look and think on how only one of them would win.
04/20 Direct Link
Itís windy outside and Iím eating my curry in silence thinking of my strained relationship.

I have had no mood to listen to music today and have preferred the sound of the winds instead.

I never want to try out a long distance relationship ever again. They are too damn depressing.

What is depressing, is not being able to spend time with the person you supposingly have a relationship with due to distance, immigration,
land masses,
bureaucratic tape,
expensive phone bills,
and stamped letters
that seem to take way too long,
time zones and
twilight zones
wrecking your brain.
04/21 Direct Link
I am reading about the 99 attributes of Allah which are also characteristics relating to the divine. In addition to this I am trying to keep a frequent reading schedule of the surahs Mulk, Waqiah, and Sajdah.

Sometimes when people talk about prayer or doing prayers they may often look at that person as some kind of religious nut, without realizing that everything in creation that Allah created prays.

This has been done for ancient times now. Trees, birds, plants and even insects pray at prescribed times.

Prayer is like an intimate conversation with the Supreme Being.

Prayers are sacred.
04/22 Direct Link
Third world countries
and poverty stricken neighbourhoods
is the place to find real people;
people who are down to Earth
and worthy to tend the land
and be caretakers of it.

There is true potential in the impoverished people as they tend to be more humble and know the true values of life.

Life is not about the dollar or about paying taxes,
it is about rich and fertile land to grow food,
decent shelter and transportation
and something that is more truthful
than the lies spread on television and advertisements
as to how to be.

Simply be,
truly yourself.
04/23 Direct Link
I took the small moments of time to smell the jasmine flowers growing in clusters on those trees, which reminded me so much of my mystical childhood.

I didnít care that people saw me smelling them like a mountain deer.

As I walked away I began thinking on the One who made this scent possible
as well as countless other aspects of His creation
and began to wonder on a deeper scale,
ďwho is this Creator so mysterious
yet so powerful
of whom many worship?Ē

Now itís understood why mystics
strive so hard to reach
nearness with Him.

Mi senda.
04/24 Direct Link
Reality has its way of slapping us into the present moment and taking our eyes and mind out of the sky, and back down to Earth where it belongs.

Instead of going to sleep as I planned, I find myself staring at the ceiling asking the questions, ďWho am I, does the stomach have a mind of its own, and who or what is life?Ē

Is life some entity you can meet on some corner and say ďhow are you doing life, glad to have met you.Ē

Then death comes along and says lets go.

Life promises us absolutely nothing.
04/25 Direct Link
An alien and extraterrestrial God, in which He and we are more than just human beings.

My break down experience.

Allah is love, light, and mercy.

Some blockage in my throat chakra with the realization that I have healing hands which I could use to heal myself and others.

Language of the Mystics who speak in proverbs, literally.

She says that I know how to use and speak good words, but they are not just mere words my darling.

My words are backed by belief and an inner and outward knowing of something far greater than I can ever imagine.
04/26 Direct Link
A day of manifestation as hers spilled out like a busted dam. Her faith and belief did not even amount to a mustard seed. She lost all hope and was on the verge of jumping into oblivion, talking about suicide, and how things would be better that way.

Screaming from the top of her lungs like some wild animal from out of the jungles or a wild bat fleeing from the gates of hell.

The subject of divorce came up again and she said we should of done so, a long time ago, but she always said, ďdonít leave me.Ē
04/27 Direct Link
If it was important Iím sure she would have left a message. Finally after several calls on every phone, and me not picking up, she did leave a message. Turns out she wanted to know the reference number to the other funds that she was sure I would never send.

I can tell already that she is sorry, but sheíll never say the two words ďIím sorry.Ē

Things will build up again and explode and the lessons will never be learned as stubborn as she is.

Iím sorry that I am not the rich man she expects me to be.
04/28 Direct Link
Much to my surprise, she did apologize for her outbursts and unjust statements. Apologies can do wonders to a broken spirit and wounded soul.

I attributed her outburst to stress and an increase in hormones.

The pregnancy was confirmed and the end of her first trimester.

It all began on Saint Valentines Day. The immaculate conception began approximately six days later.

She says she could hear the heart beating and that I can look forward to the mammogram. It might be a boy.

Whatever the case may be, I only pray that it is healthy and that it develops maturely.
04/29 Direct Link
Two drunk Indians on the bus going westbound. One was lost while the other knew which was East and which way was West.

I closed my eyes briefly and heard a soft peyote ghost song that carried me into some deep inner soft parts of the Universe and back home again.

Being mystic is not some thing that you think or wear.

Many books promise all these different altered states of consciousness, but to cheap to tell you the easy way to get there.

Simply give up all the concepts of who you are, the world, and the word mystic.
04/30 Direct Link
It was an extremely hot day today like summer and it is hard to believe that the forecast for tomorrow states that there will be snow.

I went with my ex wife where we shopped at the Salvation Army to buy some decent children clothes for Azima. The selection was not so big but it was enough for the time being.

The Honduran cashier at the store was nice in manners and in her looks.

She had this lingo about her
that me think of the jungles
of South America
and the puzzle in my mind
needing her tropical keys.