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03/01 Direct Link
She is officially gone from my kingdom. Now I have no queen.

She has decided to go back to her moms and settle what she has called a mess. To settle what had been stressing her out.

The bare walls and the silence embraces me as I sleep and the winds are eager to get inside my closed windows to carry me away to some distant and far place,
or to simply brush against my cheeks softly,
or whisper to me a lullaby,
or some ancient and forgotten chant.

Being alone will have to be my sacredness and my strength.
03/02 Direct Link
No sale of alcohol on Sundays, it’s the new Colorado liquor law. I only knew about this because when I was walking through Target they had the alcohol aisle cordoned off with yellow tape and a sign which said due to Colorado law, no alcohol will be sold on Sundays.

Is this supposed to be a Christian thing?

Why not don’t sale alcohol on any days and ban it all together.

Noor made it to Minneapolis and hurt her foot while there.

How did that happen? One complication added to another.

Her next stop is Japan, Singapore’s the final destination.
03/03 Direct Link
I did not get any sleep at all today.
I watched someone’s boys today and picked them up in the 2008 Chevrolet I was renting from Avis.
It was sad turning the car in.

Now I’m back to the civilian life again of waiting at bus stops and train stops again.

“I miss the comfortable car,” my daughter said.

“I miss the comfortable car too,” I responded. “Maybe we will get another one soon.”

While at work I could not believe that some marijuana was turned in.
I want to put a claim on it.
It’s been a long time.
03/04 Direct Link
Every room in the apartment is a mess. It has been this way ever since Noor left, and I haven’t adjusted to the new responsibilities.

I start with the refrigerator which has food inside that is older than the dinosaur age. The carrots are growing into a new species and broccoli from the past has almost turned into mush.

I finally wash the coffee cup that Noor had her last cup of coffee from last Friday, before leaving for the airport.

Things will never be the same anymore, now with her gone.

I’m back to living the single life again.
03/05 Direct Link
For most of us,
a particle of dust has no value or significance,
but to GOD,
one particle of dust is like an entire universe.

For me to gather the small particles of holy green herbs smuggled in a bag of corn chips meant everything if I wanted to have any kind of experience.

It had been years and past midnight,
candles and incense burned,
and God’s creation blew through my nose.

Initially I felt no effects.

Minutes afterwards it took me into lotus pose,
where I managed to see through my third eye,
and transform my body of thoughts.
03/06 Direct Link
Cooked a pot of navy bean soup.

I cut the vegetables according to the seven chakras.
I started with the red bell pepper
for the root chakra,
orange carrots
for the sacral chakra,
green celery
for the heart chakra,
and the white garlic and onions
for the crown chakra.

I didn’t have any yellow, blue, or purple vegetables.
I don’t know if there is a blue vegetable that exists.

I love bean soup,
but it tends to give me gas,
and gas can be deadly.

It’s worst trying to hold it in while in public, striving to avoid complete embarrassment.
03/07 Direct Link
I received my state taxes today and the State took a deduction from that check too, like $3000.00 was not enough for the federal government.

“You know what,
we feel we need more,
so we’re going to take more.”

In the meantime, they continue to take taxes out of my paycheck as well, like a highway robbery.

In this case, I never see the robber. I only know that I am robbed by the time I see my hard earned money.

No one ever agreed to taxes.
It’s fact there was a big war about it with boxes of tea.
03/08 Direct Link
Meditate every chance you get and strive to make time for at least one session per day, preferably two.

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe.
The key to love is loving self first,
because how can you love others and don’t love yourself.

Quartz and crystallize the entire atmosphere.
Crystallize the veins that lead to your heart.
Crystallize your heart that beats,
and crystallize your mind
which sees through these eyes.
Make them into a light which shines.

Crystallize your entire body and purify it
so that in time from a distance,
you shine like a star.
03/09 Direct Link
It’s daylight savings time and we have moved the clocks ahead one hour. We're made to believe that time can be moved so easily, simply by changing our clocks.

What is time?

Perhaps if we did not have motion, maybe time would not be a concept.

If time is a measurement of motion, why not just call time passing moments, and not something we wear on our wrists or hang on our walls.

Time did not begin with the invention of the clock or the hour glass.

There was more ancient concepts which made more sense, and created more visions.
03/10 Direct Link
Playing doctor with my coffee Verona, the coffee of the day, a little bit of crème
a little bit of brown sugar. Sip…

A little cream
a little sugar
and what I was thinking about while waiting for the bus across the street from the gas station.

Tonight gas is $3.09 and 9/10 per gallon.
I remember when I left the disunited Snakes, it was still around one dollar and some change.

Verona sounds like some woman’s name from some European country.

Russia maybe.

“My name is Verona,” she’d say
with her red passion lips
and an Ak47 on standby.
03/11 Direct Link
06:51

I don’t know if I was being cranky or not while ordering my tall chai latte at Starbucks on 17th and Stout Street.

Getting a tall chai latte was just an option to avoid going to a place I didn’t want to be, while waiting for the school to open.

I did not appreciate the service from that oreo cookie.

“Would you like a doughnut with that?” he asked me.

Hell no, just give me got damn chai, we are too busy fighting for a revolution.

There is so many fake mother fuckers in here.

It's time to leave…
03/12 Direct Link
I made salmon sandwiches today. Some say tuna, but salmon and tuna are two different types of fish.

I came across some website called Hentai which I have yet to know the meaning of, but it seems that they have a video game where your moves are kisses, rubs, and other erotic X rates activities, including various positions.

Then they have X rated Manga cartoons. I didn’t know that this existed either.

I would not be surprised if they came out with such cartoons as Popeye, where he makes love to Olive Oyl in a manner that children shouldn’t watch.
03/13 Direct Link
I was going through created boxes I had in my e-mail and came across the first e-mail that she sent me. I almost cried for reasons unexplained.

She introduced herself briefly and stated that she was not looking for marriage. I told her the same thing, since I had just finalized a divorce.

Fate and destiny would carve things out in an unexpected way.

We talked, we chatted, made phone calls and now married almost five years now, barely hanging on or trying to make something out of absolutely nothing.

I wonder if she has the first e-mail I sent.
03/14 Direct Link
I couldn’t believe that lard ass was being so anal and punitive about giving me my check on check day, since we both worked in the same department, but different shifts.

It was 09:48 in the morning and he said checks were given out at 10:00. He couldn’t possibly be serious.

Maybe if I were a woman in a mini skirt with parts of my breast showing, he would have bent over backwards to give me the check.

He was talking this bull shit about how the cameras were watching, and corporate was on property.

Oh! Now I’m so scared.
03/15 Direct Link
I mustered the energy to go to the library to turn in two books that couldn’t be renewed, and paid off all my library fines.

It seemed that the young librarian was trying to flirt with me in a discrete and polite way with her devilish blue eyes and black iris in the center.

She smiled gingerly making me nervous as I shifted my eyes to the books that were on hold behind her.

Odd that this happened, because before my arrival to the library, I was reflecting on my marriage and how my heart and spirit felt from within.
03/16 Direct Link
Study and master this job I said. Whatever job that was, even if you did not like it.

I said this not because I seek some management position or desire to be a Mr. Know It All, but it is practical to know about everything that you are involved in.

Personally, I would prefer to be doing something else,
but until I get that chance,
I am better off learning how to do my best at what I am doing.

Not just at the job,
but the city I live in,
the state,
the country,
the planet,
and our Universe.
03/17 Direct Link
The possibility of pregnancy still lingers in the air for her and the doctor thinks she might have a growth inside of her stomach.

Is it cancer?

I would hope not.

What else grows inside of a stomach; a fetus maybe?

Since her menses were so irregular, it’s really hard to tell if the possibility of pregnancy is possible.

I released every ounce of the Milky Way that was inside of me into the womb of Venus, but didn’t the pregnancy test come out negative?

There's still a warm happiness within me, with the thought of having yet another child.
03/18 Direct Link
I dropped some money in his chest of dreams as he played the saxophone so melodiously. It’s rare to hear the saxophone on these western streets in a cowboy like town.

I see the sunrise on my way home from work and see the sun set as I walk towards the West, where do I get the chance to sleep or to rest?

I feel sad sometimes when I think about how many times we have departed from each other so many times throughout our marriage.

I think deeply and wish, when all the wishing in the world isn’t enough.
03/19 Direct Link
The cooking process is long and arduous but rewarding in the end.

Be sure to get all the ingredients at the store. Miss one thing and you’re screwed.

Take everything home, unpack the groceries, wash the vegetables, and then peel, cut, chop, discarding the refuse.

Measure out spices, water, rice and specialties.

Heat the stove, heat the oven with careful precautions as to not over burn.

After all of this, simply wait, with confidence hoping it will all come out good and that everyone will enjoy it.

Its good taste and wholesomeness brings a smile to any cooks ardent face.
03/20 Direct Link
Turn off the cartoons and pray first I told her.

I had to attend another orientation class for the new company’s take over. They are forever having meetings. I guess they don’t mind paying us overtime.

After the class it was time for uniform fittings.

Please don’t give me that funny looking pin stripped shirt I pleaded within my mind. Tell me it’s a joke and that I’m only trying on the shirt.

The tailor to my surprise was from New York and a Muslim.

I would have never known if he never spoke to me in private and discretely.
03/21 Direct Link
It’s Good Friday according to the calendar book and Benito Juarez’s birthday.

Who in the hell is Benito Juarez?

Sometimes we come across things that we are not looking for which tends to open up new doors we did not know existed.

At other times it seems that when we are seeking something, it eludes us.

When we forsake a thing it tempts us.

I took the 0 down Broadway to Meininger’s Art store to purchase art supplies.

Along the way and past the art store were many Oriental and Persian rug stores selling carpets at 50% to 70% off.
03/22 Direct Link
I missed my bus by fractions of seconds and witnessed it as it turned the corner while beads of snow fell on my face and trench coat.

Is this what you call the beginning of spring?

What are the levels of math?

We have basic math such as addition, subtraction, division and multiplication. Then we start getting into fractions and decimal points, and let’s not forget word problems such as if Jane had 10 apples and ate three, how many does Jane have left?

Pre Algebra and Algebra where the question is asked, how is it practical. Geometry, trigonometry, calculus…
03/23 Direct Link
Papa needs a new pair of shoes, so he submitted some numbers to the Korean shop hoping that he would hit the jackpot, while thinking at the same time that the lottery was fixed, just like slot machines.

If you really study the lottery, notice how the winners are almost always old people who are on their last leg. Besides travelling what will they do with it?

The next demographic seems that they are almost always white people.

Who is to say that perhaps, even the numbers are pre selected by putting magnets inside the numbers that were not chosen.
03/24 Direct Link
If I had to make a list of things that I hated,
two of them would be rushing,
and being late.

I hate rushing to get ready,
and once I have left the apartment,
realize that I have forgotten something.

I hate rushing to a bus stop
only to realize that I had just missed it.

I hate doing last minute projects;
rushing through the research without doing a thorough job.

Time is of the essence,
but its not something that should be rushed.

Prepare yourself one day in advance;
get ready hours before schedule,
getting things done more efficiently.
03/25 Direct Link
The manager of my department was fired today. Since the new company has taken over it seems like all the managers have been fired, leaving the body with no head.

I can’t help but to think of Sun Tzu and his strategies on The Art of War.

Chaos…

Time…

Revolution…

ln face of chaos is there any type of order?

Is it possible that, that which appears to be chaotic is in reality perfect order?

Sometimes only time can tell and the answer can’t always be known in the exact moments we desire.

Revolution and evolution is necessary for change.
03/26 Direct Link
I noticed that she was writing some of her lower case letters wrongly and not in the proper strokes.

It reminded me of the lessons I learned in my Japanese class about the proper stroke order when writing Kanji characters.

We worked on simple math that took more than two hours. I see that she was easily frustrated when there was no real reason to be.

Later on we will work on your geography.

North…

East…

Southwest…

I don’t remember learning all these lessons when I was in the second grade.

I have had thoughts to possibly be an ustaz.
03/27 Direct Link
I have been too tired to cook anything at all this week.

The selections of my meals have ranged from black peppered sea salt potato chips, frozen french fries bakes at 350 degrees, to blueberry jam and tahini butter sandwiches. No cutting or dicing needed.

I fell asleep with the television on and the kitchen light on.

I thought you were supposed to stay up for the entire night and try out your new Kevalia coffee machine and gourmet coffee.

You were going to organize all those papers scattered on the floor in your room and clean the kitchen remember?
03/28 Direct Link
The last words my Director told me eight days ago before he was given the das boot was “I took care of your check for you and everything should be settled on your next check.”

If only those words were true.

I was screwed again and the grey headed payroll administrator acted so nonchalant about the entire ordeal. I was so infuriated, but kept my inner tornado and hurricane under control.

Scene II

I’m at the bus stop watching three Oriole birds in what I called the perfect Zen state.

They were’nt worried, anxious, grieving or even scared;

and I?
03/29 Direct Link
Relaxed throughout the day with prescribed routine prayers in between.

I contemplated the clouds through my blind windows and the silence.

No matter where I am,
moments of silence always embrace me
and I am convinced that I come from some place
so far away beyond this planet and hemisphere.

I found myself caught in this dream like drowsiness
between the end of the day
and the beginning of the night.

It’s like this mystical birth of vines and branches from a seed and it spreads.

The night is full of power
and the stars bear witness
with the moon.
03/30 Direct Link
Fear is a disease.

There's no doubt in this statement.

The funny thing out of all commercials you see on television and out of all the advertisements you may find, you never hear of fear being spoken of as some disease or about some miracle cure.

You don’t hear doctors say, if you are ever feeling afraid, just take two of these pills and give me a call if you have any side effects.

Fear can be so deeply imbedded within us that we may not even recognize some of our fears.

It’s a matter of being present and aware.
03/31 Direct Link
One small thing can change into a myriad of other things.

It's often that small things are taken for granted; meaning that not much thought is given to it.

We can take ourselves as an example.

Our size in comparison to how at one time we were invisible to the naked eye. Just a mere sperm drop emitted through some backbone of a man, which fertilized some woman’s egg; also naked to the eye.

It only takes one match to start a forest fire
and a group of termites
can destroy an entire house,
an ideal can change the world.