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BY xr

02/01 Direct Link
I'm writing the story of my life. I'm going to tell the world about my adventures, the places I have been, the food I have eaten, and the people I have met on my long journeys. I'm going to write the best book ever. It will be full of suspense, yet sweetly romantic at the same time. My book will be a best-seller, millions will rush to purchase it, and when they're done, they'll tell me that I have done a fastastic job. And I'll smile back and thank them for their compliment.
02/02 Direct Link
I can't wait for Saturday! It's going to be great. I have everything prepared for the big day. I've booked the entire place, ordered the food, and made arrangements for transport. All I'm missing is a bunch of eager attendees. I have tried putting advertisments in the paper, making announcements over the radio, and the distributing flyers to draw the crowd I need, but I doubt anyone will come. It's okay though, because I only ordered food for 40 to 50 people. Even if no one shows up, I can easily finish the food myself.
02/03 Direct Link
It's easy to talk to someone whom you don't know at all about some of the deepest and most personal things in your life because you know you'll never have to see them face-to-face. You'll never have to look deep into their eyes and wonder if they view you any differently after you told them you were gay. Or if they told anyone about the embarassing childhood crush you've been nursing ever since, because even if they did, it wouldn't matter. They're only random online strangers.

It's 100% risk-free.

02/04 Direct Link
I hate it when people whine and don't give names. If you don't like what someone is doing, you should tell it straight to his face instead of keeping it to yourself. If you don't say, he'll probably do it again to someone else, so you'll actually be doing him a favour if you say. It would be pretty funny if he came across what you wrote or heard you complaining and instead of realising it was him, laughed at that other person. That's gay. So if you're whining, please gives names, you.
02/05 Direct Link
Technically it's the 6th of February here on the sunny island of Singapore, but EST is about 13 hours slower, and that's why this entry is dated 5th of February. Sunny is the worst word to describe Singapore at the moment, because not only is it night now, it is also raining pretty heavily. The rain started at about 10p.m. and has lasted for the past two hours. I got caught in the rain just now, and although I had an umbrella in my hand, I didn't use it. I wonder what that says about me.
02/06 Direct Link
I was sitting on the right side of the bus today, beside the window, and the seat on my left was unoccupied. When I sit on buses I have to prop my legs up because they're too long for me to sit properly. So I thought I should sit sideways so I wouldn't have to prop them up. I was half-asleep when I felt something press against my thigh. I opened my eyes in shock to see a girl getting up from her seat. I apologised, adjusted myself a little, and let her sit beside me properly.
02/07 Direct Link
Today is one of my bad days. Nothing really bad happened today, actually. I just go a little crazy on some days. On days like this, I'm generally nicer to others until something they say or do ticks me off, which will happen eventually. And when it does, I get extremely nasty, even if my anger is unjustified. I'll start yelling and swearing a lot more than I usually do. And even though being hateful doesn't make me feel any better, I do it anyway. Why? Like I said, it's just one of my bad days.
02/08 Direct Link
I confess that I get extremely disgusted with the condition some HDB blocks are in. In most blocks, the stale air in the lifts, the dead cockroaches on the void deck floor and the uncleared rubbush along the corridors make me feel sick. I don't understand how the people living there can ignore all that. The block belongs to all it's residents, after all. Surely, someone could organise a spring cleaning of sorts. It wouldn't be hard, and it would make a huge difference, but I guess no one wants to be the one to do it.
02/09 Direct Link
I can't seem to tell the truth. If there's anything that I can lie about and get away with, I will. If you ask me what I did after school or ate for dinner, chances are that what I'll tell you is a lie. I don't lie because I have something to hide, but only because I enjoy doing it. I like telling lies. Maybe one day someone will expose the web of deceit I've built over the years, but it won't matter because I think I've told enough to last a lifetime.
02/10 Direct Link
I sit alone in the garden built by my fore fathers. A lone lotus flower floats on the water surface in a pond of green leaves. The bright yellow core, surrounded by a burst of pure white, stands out from the solitude that fills this place. A lone white crane stands proudly by the lakeside, stretching it's majestic wings and balancing tenderly on one sleek limb. It may be a sight to behold as it flaunts the grace it was blessed with, but at the end of everything, it is still without companion. I know exactly how it feels.
02/11 Direct Link
I lost money gambling with my relatives today. Initially, I played with rather small bets, but I decided that my luck was good enough to venture a bigger bet. So I bet $10 instead of my usual of $2. That same round, the dealer had such a good hand that I ended up paying double. Desperate to win back the money I had lost, I bet another $10. Again, I lost. I wanted to stop playing, but I couldn't, I had to recoup my losses. I thought my luck would turn for the better eventually, but it never did.
02/12 Direct Link
I hate it when my maid tries to clean up my room. She takes my stuff and dumps them into random drawers and cupboards. After she's done, I can't recognise my room anymore and I can't find anything I need. When I ask her where she put something, she claims not to know. When I finally find it, it's never where I left it. I'm sure I'll do something as stupid as putting a library book that I recently borrowed right at the bottom of a drawer I haven't touched since secondary school.
02/13 Direct Link
I only understood the meaning of the phrase 'splitting headache' properly this morning. In school today, I felt like my head was breaking up into a thousard pieces, like the ground during earthquake, or a mirror breaking into shards upon impact with the floor. I couldn't think about anything else but the pain I was feeling. It didn't hurt like an injury though. Instead, it throbbed from within my head, and sent waves of non-pleasure all the way down to the ends of my toes. It felt like shit, but it got better after I threw up.
02/14 Direct Link
It's in the middle of a cold winter somewhere far away.

A beggar's child stands shivering outside a candy store. The warmth of the well-lit store is a stark contrast to the bleak, grey surroundings.

The boy stands outside the candy store, pressing his hands agaisnt the glass window, staring intently at the front display. His eyes are trained on the biggest lollipop the store has for sale. He's lost in the swirling patterns on the lollipop, and in his mind he can taste it already.

Too bad he'll never be able to afford it.

02/15 Direct Link
A few branches on a big tree were quarrelling among each other.

The first branch said to the second branch, "I am bigger and stronger than you. When the wind blows, I will not be the one to fall."

The second branch replied adamantly, "I am longer and more supple than you. Even if the wind blows and I snap, it's okay, for I am still young, and out of me, new life will grow."

It didn't matter who won in the end, because the very next day, a few woodcutters came and chopped the big tree down.

02/16 Direct Link
Every Sunday, Mother would bring us to her grandmother's place. I don't remember anything about my great-grandfather, so I think my great-grandmother had lived alone since before I was born. I would reach her house in Toa Payoh with my parents early in the morning and she would have ready for me a packet of my favourite breakfast, chee cheong fun. For lunch she would fry lots of yellow-coloured fish and carefully remove all the fish bones for me so that I could eat them without choking. Unfortunately, she died when I was only 5.
02/17 Direct Link
You told me long ago that if you had only one day left to live, you didn't want to die a virgin. You said that you wanted to get married first and have sex before you went away because you wanted to know what it felt like. I laughed and told you to give me a call if you thought you were dying, and I'd come right over. I wanted to be with you so badly then and I still do now. You also told me that you wanted to meet Brad Pitt in person before you died.
02/18 Direct Link
I met her today by chance. And by that, I meant that I waited at a bus stop for hours until she came along. I pretended that it was pure coincidence that we met, but the truth is, I would have left in 15 minutes if she didn't show up. She was with a few of her friends, so I didn't dare to do anything. Not yet. I waited until they were nearly out of sight, and then I followed them. I had to make sure that her friends were gone. Only then would I make my move.
02/19 Direct Link
They say that when it comes to making decisions, guys are all about integrity, responsibility and honour, whereas girls are more about how they're feeling at that moment in time. A guy will consider the friendship he's sacrificing if he sleeps with his best friend's girlfriend before he does anything, but the girl will throw herself at him as long as he makes her feel good. In that sense it's the guy who has more control of the situation and hence it is his responsbility to make sure that he does not let his friend down.
02/20 Direct Link
Like a tourist in a foreign country, without even a street map to guide me, I'm standing at the crossroad where our lives intersect and right now I have a decision to make. Do I take the straight path forward and continue with my life as if we never met, or should I change direction and walk life's journey with you? Right now I'm facing the road we took together, looking back the history we shared. I don't think I want to move on, so I'm sitting here until I have made up my mind.
02/21 Direct Link
I would love to tell you more about my life and some of the painful memories I hold. I'm sure that you'll understand them and empathise with me, but please believe me when I say that I have tried and found myself unable to do so. Everytime I start, I can't continue, because I find that doing so leaves me too exposed and vulnerable for my liking. Some of these things are extremely private and I don't like sharing them with others. Don't worry, the problem isn't you or me. It's something else.
02/22 Direct Link
Picture this. We're sitting right next to each other, on a bench, in an otherwise empty room. I want to start talking but I notice that you're about to do the same, so I hesitate, and pause to let you have your say. You're about to start as well, but you notice that words are on the verge of coming out from my mouth, so you decide to listen first before you speak. The result? Two silly people, each waiting for the other to start, neither person saying anything. Nothing is said, and so we continue sitting.
02/23 Direct Link
You're a leech, but the insult doesn't just end at how much you suck. You're a leech because leeching is all you do. Nothing about you is truly yours. Your hair, your clothes, your handwriting, even your personality seems to be borrowed from somewhere. You never affirm your friends nor compliment them. Instead, you're always criticising or making negative comments. You're constantly breaking others down in an misguided attempt to build yourself up. You're nothing but a blood-sucker, draining the life-force of others. Get a life, one of your own this time.
02/24 Direct Link
I'm tired. I wish that there was something I could take to get instant energy. Caffeine doesn't cut it because all it does is keep me awake against my will. What I want is 8 hours of sleep condensed into a single pill. If they existed, I would carry a few of those all the time, and whenever I feel the urge to sleep, I'll take one and feel 8-hours-of-sleep better. No more sleeping in lectures and tutorials. Too bad, there's no such thing, so excuse me if I doze off in school.
02/25 Direct Link
I think I did what a friend should have done in that situation. It was for your own good that you be found out and dealt with accordingly because it could have destroyed your future otherwise. If I had to do it again, I would, with no regrets. I'm sorry. I know getting scolded isn't exactly the most enjoyable experience to have, but I swear that I did it all for you. Please forgive me. I hope we're still friends after today. (I thought the expression on your face as she scolded you was really funny though.)
02/26 Direct Link
How can you expect me to keep talking when all you've said in response to what I said earlier was 'HAHAHAHAHHAHA'? I'm sorry but I'm not going to waste my time if you're not willing to waste yours. I come online nearly everyday, if only to while away the time between now and when I go to sleep. It's funny then that I said I'm not going to waste my time on you because I'm sitting here wasting my time anyway. I should go offline and do something productive like write a book.
02/27 Direct Link
I was watching you from where I sat. I saw the both of you talking and enjoying yourselves. Everything he said, you listened attentively to. Everything he said, you nodded back in agreement. I don't think you really understood what he was saying, but it didn't matter to you. You just nodded on and on. I was getting sick of it really, so before I went home, I went out and bought one of those toy figures that nod their heads repeatedly at a single push. I took it home, set the head in motion, and smashed it.
02/28 Direct Link
Everything's different now. You went your way, and I have gone mine. But I think what really counts is that we once shared something worth remembering. Maybe more could have happened, or maybe not, but it doesn't matter anymore, because love, it's just a concept. You are a concept - one that I conjured with my imagination. You were an idea I had, one that I fleshed out and gave life to, but one day, everything fell apart. You exist only in my mind now. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to forget you.