In the month or so I have lived here, I have had the worst pizza and Chinese food of my long life. Seriously. I picked up some good food and brought it home. I am my own delivery man.
"Open the door, bitch! Open the damn door!"
Pause while guy looks at door, which looks back. Guy resumes pounding door and kicking it:
"Open the damn door! I know you in there! I know it!"
Second intermission. Guy gives it another try:
"Stop doin' all that damn oxycotin 'n' sleepin' all damn day. Then you can answer the damn door. Damn!"
And on the Lord's Day, too.
After a few minutes, I peeked out from my refuge and saw that my porch was once again weirdo-free. On further peeking, I noticed Gas Can Man shuffling away, presumably to scare someone else.