Families can be difficult at the best of times, and telling a difficult family member that youíre moving a long way away is never easy. Especially when this person has always been extremely critical of you, yet denies being unkind or negative. ďItís for your own goodĒ is her mantra. As soon as she walks in the door, before the move can even be discussed, she says how appallingly heavy youíve become since she saw you last, a year ago. No hug, no hello.
Maybe itís not far enough away.
Time to go.
I know itís always too little, too late with us. And you always knew there was something on my mind, even if we were talking on the phone.
So you probably arenít surprised to hear that Iím looking for your birth mother, even though she and you are gone. Iím not sure exactly what Iím hoping to get from this. I wish I could have told your mother that your adopted parents adored you and she had nothing to feel guilty about. I hope she has family I can tell, and that somehow, sheíll know, too.
Itís a house I have never set foot in, but I love it.
Itís an old Mediterranean style house in a quiet pocket of Oakland. It has a small back yard for my old dog to explore, a front and back porch to sit on and enjoy the sunshine. It has hardwood floors and a sunny kitchen and a non-functioning, but beautiful fireplace in the living room. My friends assure me I will love it. I already do.
Thereís a palm tree.
I hope I get it.
The biggest fear of any Bay Area exile is not being able to return. I want to beat the odds, be the exception to the rule.