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Farewell My farewell will be honest. A friend and I were talking and came to the conclusion that, I was making this harder than it actually is. As Lauryn and Ziggy would say I was putting myself in boxes that everyone else set. I’m me, and I can’t do what they did. What good is a farewell if it doesn’t send a message for people to think about? Anyone can get up here and reminisce about the good times. I’m not going to do that. I’ve never been a person of big words just small ones that say big things.
History repeats its' self History repeats its’ self over and over. My present is constant repetition of my past. Past lives, past passions and past cries. Past tears, past painful years. But the same fears linger. Old loves, with new faces saying the same lies. I can’t see with my eyes and they’re wide open. I see with my hands now, yet feel the same old things. I feel what hurts the most, yet feels the best. I feel what’s soft and smooth. Yet puts friendship to the test. The exact same things leave memories, that left here in vain.
Damm This Damm this, you got love? Well I got love too. You got history? But I got just as much as you. I had love in my heart. Not in and on my mind. And I was growing to desire him It was making me insane. I gave love from my body, but received none. I was thought to be okay, but I was far from fine. I was loosing the threads that I thought were the make up of me. Loosing part of myself, dam near, paralyzing my identity. When I lost him, I almost lost my poetry.
I am not your girl! I’m not your girl, and you’re not my man.I am never going to be in love with you! Never going to hold your hand.You’re never going to wake up to my smile. Never going to think about having your child. Cause in my eyes, I know where we stand! I’m staying here; it’s going to be like that.It’s a woman’s world. And I ‘m here because;I’m okay with that.Committed and dedicated, to no one but myself. All I know is I! I don’t give a damn about no one else.
I like him a lot I call, but no one answers the phone! I’m in a room full of people, but I still feel so alone. I talk, but no one seems to hear me cry. When I cry like this, I hope he notices my tears. I’m often out chilling’ with friends, but always feel like I’m by myself. I try to date or even talk to other people, but there is no one else. My friends want me to let it go, but I know I can’t. Contrary to the way I act, I like him a lot!
I Looked at Him I looked at him, and saw who he really was. Not what he was on the outside, all of what is inside of him. I saw his very essence, after that I felt his love. His love rained down on me like the showers of April. He was beauty and his possessions where the angry beast. He was naked, with clothes on. And I was fully dressed in my birthday suit. I then looked at myself, and I looked at him. I said… No, we can’t do that! But you don’t know what the question was.
I think I think, but no thoughts form. The heater is on, yet it’s still not warm. I talk, but no words come out. I read a book, yet I don’t know what it’s about. My eyes are open, but I do not see a thing. I am a person, but not considered a human being. My ears are listening, I don’t understand. I can’t touch things, without using my hands. I understand, but I do no comprehend. I live in my imagination, but I find it hard to pretend. I love, but never like. I don’t like it here.
I took out a pen/ I took out a pen, and began to write. All the things I started to say but didn’t. It wasn’t right to say at the time. When the time came, I said it. It didn’t change a thing. I spoke the truth. All truth! Recalled all the facts that lead to the bed they once shared. Wasn’t my fraught! I was a victim of a misguided head. His lies had twisted the turned the truth. I remember taking out my pen and his lies down. So I would remember them when this day came around.
A poet If I were a poet, I would kidnap you; hide you in stanzas, then put you in a rhyme. If I were a poet, it would take sometime, but I’d kill you off in my end rhyme. If I were a poet, I would be rape you with my words. Then make love to your mind, caress your soul and call it inspiration. As a poet I’d suck out all your emotions. Then take those emotions and use them in potions. I’d give to you, with a note that says I love you. If I were a poet…
This room /I’m stuck; I keep running into this darn three-sided wall. I have been through all this before. The cycle repeats it’s self. I know what I must do; I just don’t want to do it. I feel like I’m preparing him for the next person. Maybe I am. What kind of picture are you painting? It’s like going into someone’s house, always having to use the back door. How many people have that same living room that no one can sit in? I want to sit in that room. I don’t want to be treated like everybody else.
Independence Day/ Knowing what I have to do, then doing what’s right. A struggle from within, I hate to fight. I can’t win, against myself. Who can I talk to now? I have no one else. When I had him, I seldom felt alone It was just the conversations, to hurt, to condone. I knew what I had to do! I thought my troubles were through. He had part of me no one had. Now our unique relationship is through. God told us both the same thing, we both knew. My pen and paper can’t express what we went through.
Pain/ They say pleasure is pain. Someone needs to explain. Can’t help but to cry, even though this is the same old same. I’ve got body that hurts and a heart that aches. I don’t think I can take it My bed I never make. I only sleep on top of misery. What I feel won’t fit in a card. I cry when alone. Pain is my only song. Cause if I end it now, I’ll be dead wrong. And if I sleep it out, I might be okay. But that just leaves room, for it to come another day.
You Said / You said you weren’t going to do it! But you did. You made yourself a liar. You supposed to be over her. Yet you’re still selling her to me. I’m not trying to be your girl. I guess instead of writing this, I should be telling you. Damm that! It’s my paper. I write what I feel. And I feel what I write. But this is new to me. I’m not going to sleep it on my mind. I’ve done did that before, won’t do it again I’ll be damn if I loose sleep; I’m only your friend.
Scheming While you Dreaming/ Scheming, while you dreaming, of me? You seek your deepest desires to be fulfilled. But your boyfriend and I we’re friends, while you slept. Where does it end? Will you see the light? Your going to have to fight for what you want. You want to be me, don’t you? I think he likes me more. What difference does it make? He was here with me last night while you slept. He’ll be there soon; to tell you he’s leaving you. He’s coming home to me. I’ll make sure you get an invitation to the wedding.
Secrete Feelings/ Secrete feelings, between us? It’s like whenever I’m around you, I get little attention from you. And when a boy has his arm around me, you see him as your competition. It feels like we’re no longer in a relationship. It just seems so strange. It makes me ask myself, what’s the reason? But from time to time, you make all that change. You make me go back to a place, that I once was. I almost want to make a commitment. Thinking about letting love come in. Whenever I’m around you? I feel “Love”. Maybe, I think.
She Stands/ She stands as tall as she can stand. She’s Human. She understands that she needs no man. She does not need a man to take her hand and lead her anywhere. But she might like it, one day. She can’t deny it, or defy it. She tried to fight this urge, tried to fight. But still, she gives into her will. She’s trying to heal. Trying to heal her inner self. She has no one else, but she’s never alone. She’s too strong to feel alone. She won’t let others see the pain that lies beneath She’s Me.
Tribute to a Friend /Hello, good-bye. I knew we couldn’t be friends long. We got issues! Differences! Differences that shouldn’t come between friends. We’ve shared memories and laughter. Now we don’t even say a word We’ve told secretes, told lies, but never good byes. You’ve touched my body, my mind, my heart, and my inside parts. Now you can’t even touch my hand? You misunderstand how to be a man. You have chicks and hood rats, but not one woman or a true friend to count on. What was really important is now gone, and will never come back agai
Wednesday?/ Wednesday, It used to be our day. Then we gain most of the month of May. Now who can say, what the future holds? What the future holds for us? Or for that fact what the present will bring. The only thing that’s for certain is the past. Who wants it to last? Who’s willing to let it? We once were conditioned to win. What we are trying to do is no sin. It’s fells so right within and on the outside. Don’t let go; don’t let the lies make you weak in the end. You can’t give in…
You know who I am/ This is who I am. How I am going to be. I went on a date with my ex-friend’s, ex-man. I’m wrong you say? I don’t give a damn. This girl doesn’t like me anyway. She doesn’t even talk to me. But it doesn’t bother me. They don’t speak when they see me, her and that click’. Neither do I. I not going to’ cry. I can’t even lie. Hell, I’m on peacefulness, Not deceitfulness. I didn’t deceive you. Nor do I need you. And you know it’s true. Don’t you? That’s who I am.
I Like Someone That I Can’t Possibly Be With/ What if I liked someone that I couldn’t possibly get with? He’s, a friend. And if we got together, our friendship might come to an end. He’s the person, I tell my thoughts to. The only person I want to be with. I sometimes feel he’s my other half. When I’m feeling down, he’s the shoulder that I lean on. Which give me second thoughts, about putting down. I want him to always be, in my life. I don’t want to ruin it, By saying something stupid, Like, I love you.
What if There is no Love to Loose?/ What if there is no love to loose? No sun to see, no inspiration to be. No supplement to use, nobody to accuse. Like an engine with no fuse. . No one to sit with, to be real with. Knowing they’re too complex to deal with. But still you try. Try to be better than the next guy, Or past girl. Whatever is in your world? Who ever is in your heart? Admitting is a start, but that’s only a small part Of Love. At least that is what I was told.
What is love? / Love is the things you put up with. It’s when you can see that person doing no wrong. Love, is the lame excuses given for why you can’t be together. Love is when they don’t tell you the things they think will “hurt” you. Love must be when they call to see where you are, just to make sure you don’t catch them cheating. Sex may be exchanged with you and their “close friends”. I guess they still need to see what’s out there. This can’t be love. That’s just you being really dumb and stupid.
You can’t stay down forever/ I know life aint fair, but there is not much we can do about it. Live, explore, breathe. Take a walk by yourself in the park. You don’t need any one to do anything for you, some things you can handle on your on. You were made strong. You don’t need pity, but you do need love. Don’t stress it, it’ll come to you. Directly form above, sent from god. It won’t always rain. You can’t always feel pain. Turn and walk away from misery. You want to, don’t you? It’s only up to you.
Was Daddy Wrong?/ You were created the same way, as I. Daddy said we are both his special, perfect princesses. And told us to never let anyone tell us that we were worthless. He said, "An education could take you anywhere you want to go". He once wanted the best for both of us, but now he’s gone. He desired so much more for you. I’m tired of pulling this heavy load all alone. One day it won’t be like this. There is an equal to you that exists. Somewhere out there, there is someone who will match your madness.
Wonder Why They Call You Names/ You sometimes sit and wonder why they call you names. Lets look at what’s in a name, the Truth. But you see it so differently. You see something else. You’ll never be what they call a sophisticated lady. So don’t claim to be one. A woman, that is something that you are not. You don’t carry yourself like one. The only reason I would say you’re a girl, is because of the plumbing that you were born with. You’re going somewhere; no place I want to be. So please, please get away from me.
Wondering/ I always wondered if things were supposed to be this way. I sometimes wonder if the man in my life will always be here. I wonder if our love will stand the test of time. Will he always be here to make me laugh or hold me when I cry. Seeing that he’s the only one that has ever put this kind of sway in my hips when I walk. I wonder if he understands me like I understand him. Am I supposed to be the one who he comes home to? Will love find its way through?
Do I need you here with me? Is this separation part time or for a lifetime? Or can we make it last always and forever. Will there no, longer be birthday wishes shared between us? We still do not understand one another, why? We don’t understand one other because of things we do not discuss. Issues are always left lingering, unresolved. I don’t fell my needs are being taken care of. There seems to be so many differences between us two. These differences are starting to drive us apart. Was this supposed to be written, or spoken directly to you?
You’re a dead man. / You must be a dead man, because you don’t act alive. Live a little, why else were you sent here? I shed tears, for all the time you have wasted. No one is sent to earth without a purpose. No man lives in vain. It’s up to you to claim your prize. I live day by day, the same as you do. But I’m trying to win. You’re dead wrong I’m too headstrong to give up. I know what I must do. I must help you, help yourself. Then leave you to live, not die.
Reach out a hand; help your sister or brother. Learn to love and respect one another. Try to cry for someone else, instead of always feeling sorry for yourself. Give the gift of life, end unnecessary abortion. All life passes through our savor, above. Love is pleasure, and pleasure is pain. The truth is in the end. Life is pleasure, and so is sin. You must learn to sense it, and understand pain on your own. Sin is the pain of life, and pleasure is the love of sin. Temptation of pleasure, leads to damnation, if you are not careful.
Battle/ Fighting a battle she can’t win. Against an opponent, that can’t be beat. She’s strong, but at the same time, she’s weak. Her battle won’t end, because she’s fighting what’s within. It’s body verses mind. They’re trying to come to an agreement, but they don’t. She can’t take it and begins to drink. She falls deeper and deeper into her sorrow. Her cries for help are ignored. Her last hope is prayer. Will she try it, or drown in her misery? Trying to be “strong”, she thinks she needs no god. She wrong, he is her way to salvation.
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