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Lets all declare our Independence. I did. You did. What's the song say? Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose. Here we are as free as we can be. And yet the alternative doesn't appear viable either. Can it be just a year ago that Mary Marie chose to leave the party? We all know she didn't choose. It was more a matter of not affording to stay. Still no one sees the need for universal health care. Everyone scratches their heads like confused monkeys typing Macbeth on a manual Olivetti. Our skinflint ways will kill us all.
I remember the chilly morning you decided you were going to learn to drive the car. I suppose it was after you heard your Aunt let her youngest practice in the K-Mart parking lot before he had his temporary license. Even though you knew I didn't want you to practice without your legal guardian, there you were putting the car in reverse. I watch you from the window. I want to scream for you to stop before there's a problem, but then I stop. Why am I being such a worrywart? This is something my mother would be upset about.
What's the harm. Of course you want to practice driving the car. It's a rite of passage. The road to freedom. Turn left Turn right, Step on the gas, tap the brakes. You have to learn the ways of the world. It does no good to hold you back. Beside we have 50 plus hours we have to log in the car together, parent and child. In theory it makes sense its just reality ca be scarier that theory. You recent my sucking my teeth in fear. You don't understand it's the best I can do. No reflection on you.
So we continue our dance of FREEDOM. You are FEARLESS and INVINCIBLE, COCK SURE of yourself. But I know of the all possible dangers, the landmines, coral reefs, and booby traps of life. I know of the twists and turns and dead ends waiting for you. You are COCK SURE that you will not make the mistakes of those that went before you. You are COCK SURE you know the answers. It doesn't help to know once I was COCK SURE too. Its all so clear for one of eighteen years. You are FEARLESS, INVINCIBLE and COCK SURE of yourself.
What is it about the teenage mind that makes you say you know that, and you know that? DONT TELL ME, I know that! You ALWAYSKNOW THAT till you don't. And then its, I DIDN'T know that! Now, I know why my father sighed so much. I can so clearly hear him say, Ah, Youth is wasted on the young&. Now I know what he meant. But did you know how proud I was of you when you single mindedly earned the funds for your first car. I was so proud of you. You got it! You really got it!
It was so so funny to see you work on the exact right interior for you new Toyota Camry 95 with over eighty thousand miles. Of course you needed to pay for a superior stereo system in the car with new cd player while I continued to drive with AM/FM cassette. And the touch I especially liked was the Zen Rock Garden in the steering-column storage well. I customized my first car too, a blue 57 Chevy inherited from my dad. I have no idea how many miles were on it but I programmed all the channels on the radio.
What the hell! Where the does the time go. It just slips away like rain on the hot pavement. Splat, crackle, sizzle, zip, bang, zoom and its gone. And why is it that time seems to speed up the older you get? When I was a kid the days and weeks and months dragged on for decades, scores, and centuries. Summer seemed to last forever and Christmas Vacation was at least a month but now the time is just sucked into a big black hole&& Maybe eventually I will be sucked in too. Right around the rim; into another universe.
How many days of rain and flooding can there be&. Lets build an ark&. Lets climb to the highest ground&. If we stand on the roof will we be safe from the water? Or is that cats and dogs that are pounding on the pavement? Alley Cats, Siamese, Tabby Cats, Calicos, and Dachshunds, Terriers, Great Danes,an Airedale or two, and FuFu dogs too. And then there it is more rain. IT pours, the old man snores. Did he go to bed and then bump his head? And what if he doesn't get up til morning? Will it still be pouring?
I remember fighting ferociously with my sister. Hair pulling, biting, gouging and drawing blood. One can only fight with a sibling this way. So they continue to fight. Each screaming at the other that THEY STARTED IT! Each screaming the other is wrong, the other is the infidel, the barbarian, the murderer, the satan. They are WAY WAY beyond DON'T CROSS THIS LINE!!!!. They are into eye for an eye, arm for an arm, soul for soul. And they won't be happy til they drag everyone into it. We will all be blind, memberless, widows, widowers, orphans and goldstar mothers.
Depression they say is a CRISIS OF Energy. Why don't you just pick yourself up and brush yourself off? Start all over again. After all &. Success is just getting up one more time that you fall down. What the hell do they know? Depression is a dark odorless, colorless, invisible vapor that permeates EVERYTHING. It seeps EVERYWHERE. It turns the brain numb. It turns the heart cold. It turns the skin sallow. It makes the eyes dull. It steals the laugh. It swipes the joy. It turns the soul to HARD stone. How else can you stop the pain?
Okay so you can do this &. Just get ready and go& it doesn't matter if there is no job& it doesn't matter if there is no future&. Just pack the bags and go&. Go see what there is to do & maybe this time& maybe this place&. Maybe this will work& you won't know if you don't go& so pack the bag& prepare the clothes& things will fall into place if you just have FAITH?!?! So that's my problem &. No faith? What did the kid say .. oh yeah& I'm too passive. Well he still fight at fifty?
Too PASSIVE? So Depressed. Neurotic and distressed. Don't dare complain others have it worse, others would love your place. Ha& well there you go again& its always easy to see the others faults, how the other is going wrong, exactly what the other should do. So what if I want to contemplate my naval & where did I come from? And what am I here for? Exactly why isn't LIFE FAIR? And who cares if the early bird gets the worm? I don't want to eat worms anyway. Oh Hells Bells and Wishing Wells. Carters Little Green Pills. Chill Bill.
They tell me the 13th is unlucky & Friday the 13th is unluckiest unless you are in Latin America then its Tuesday the 13th but no one can tell me why. Something to do with Judas. the 13th Disciple? Is that why in Sleeping Beauty it's the 13th Fairy that makes the curse? Or is there another reason? Twelve months in a year. Twelve days of Christmas. What about the Knights Templer? I don't know much but I know you shouldn't throw the Pagan Baby out with the Bath Water. And if a Pagan Baby swam would it find Nirvana?
Well it's a done deal&. Your keys may be locked in your car& but you will have to leave you stuff as it is & cuz you are on your way to the Top of the World now&so just chill & just go with the flow&stay cool & and keep your feet on the ground &. Your head in the clouds &don't lose your ticket, don't lose your bags, don't lose your mind. Don't matter that they changed the Gate twice. Just remember its first Medina, then Brunswick, Strongsville, Parma, Berea, Cleveland, Chicago, Aurora, Denver. Top of the World, Ma!
Okay shall we count this as day one or two? Looks like there will be that small period of adjustment as Tennessee Williams would say. So its hot and its dry. Red is having trouble walking even with her crutch. Tomb is frenetic and his stories come out like a flood of nervous words, a waterfall of pronouns, nouns, verbs, adjective, adverbs and prepositions. Red has the same high pitched little girl voice she had in school that goes higher when she is excited about something but she looks so much like her mom now. I haven't changed a bit!
Body Works is here and so we will view it. More men than women and all the parts are there white and wrinkled elongated toad stools with cream colored sacks attached. The invisible man with all the parts cut away and shrinky-dinked in plastic. They hide away the fetuses fearing fanatics no doubt. The angle woman ice-skating does have a certain strange beauty to her. Soul is clearly gone but her shell is left like a beautiful crystlist. We have a camel but no archer or warrior on horseback. It figures a Prussian came up with this idea. Amazing parts.
Denver is cool and comfortable in the morning but unbearably hot mid day till sunset like a oven or a giant sauna. And always the mountains in the background. Blue and purple, hazy white tops in the distance. They are amazingly beautiful and still the dry heat & till sunset when the desert breeze cools everything&.They tell me the sun shines just about everyday and there are only 10 too hot days and 10 too cold days&. But dare I say out loud that I miss the water? I'm a Cancer after all I need to be close to water.
I sleep each night in the high school football hall of fame. A wall of plaques announcing achievement, success and completion. Male grunting, brute strength football photos look down upon me as I rest. Young titans dripping in sweat and testosterone pictured on the walls. Trophies, certificates and souvenirs of masculine success packed in the room. First I feel like a intruder there at first but soon I make it my own. I have my radio and found my NPR AM 1390. So I will rest in this male haven for a little over a fortnight. X and Y Chromosome.
They will see Lipstick on Your Collar. I will tell and introduce Lipstick on Your Collar to everyone who will listen. This is the best BBC series Dennis Potter ever wrote. It is a brilliant depiction of Fifties life in the UK with the drama of life counter weight against the delightfully zany lip synced production numbers as Pvt. Francis Francis, Sylvia Berry, Pvt. Mick Hopper, Col. Bernwood, Maj. Hedges, Cpl. Pete Berry, Maj. Church, Maj. Carter, Lisa Trekker, Harold Atterbow, Aunt Vickie, Uncle Fred, Lt.Col. Trekker, Dream girl, Brig. Sanders all sing and dance. Told a tale on them.
I travel up and down and around, Peoria, Havana, Colorado, Chambers and Mississippi And all the other streets and roads, highways and expressways. Denver is on a grid and very easy to travel. No roads change and its all very simple and yet I'm always in the wrong lane when I should turn. If I need to turn right I'm in the left lane and if I need to turn left I'm in the right lane. If I should be driving toward the Mountains I discover I'm driving away. Just about the time I've learned the roads I must leave.
We have raspberries and blueberries every morning. I love raspberries. They have such a delightful favour as each little bud bursts in your mouth. Raspberries are such a more sophisticated fruit than strawberries. Strawberries are such peasants, but raspberries have a sort of class. Then of course blueberries are cool and fresh and smooth. When they burst in your mouth their flavour is soft and refreshing. Blueberries are my carving food. I never cared for them before I was pregnant but ever since then they are number two on my list. Raspberries are number one. Thanks gram for introducing us.
Celestial Seasons offers free Factory Tours daily and so we go. We go to Boulder on Alpha Goddess suggestion. The fragrance of the teas and herbs are everywhere&we sample red zinger iced tea and a zillion others. Their Bumper Art and Clever sayings are Everywhere. The big treat is the Peppermint Room. Peppermint permeates practically pretty much everything. Lucky I like mint. Finally we exit in the Gift Shop where we buy way too many teas, Fast Lane, Morning Thunder, Of course exotic flavors too. And postcards and other things.. don't tell anyone but their Earl Grey tastes like peppermint.
Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse Is right there on 13th Street. Mayor Maksud Ikramov presents Boulder with a Tajikistani Teahouse hand-carved and hand-painted ceiling, tables, stools, columns, Persian art, stellar, solar, and floral, by the repetition of patterns, lavish color. Manon Khaidarov and Mirpulat Mirakhmatov carved their names in the ceiling. A message carved in the ceiling reads "artisans of ancient Khojand whose works are magical". Mongols and Alexander the Great but where are the Seven Beauties. But then we are served by Beach Boy Blonde College kids but the Corn Soup is delicious. And I wish I had some right now.
I don't know why I thought Boulder was like Provo Utah with Blonde Haired Mormons& Its not, it's a zany wacky college town with street performers and college kids dressed in medieval costumes playing dungeons and dragons while carrying walkie talkies. There are ice cream vendors and snowball vendors. There are jugglers and fire eaters. They are all there walking up and down the Mall .. and I thought it was going to be like the Mall of America. Am I too old for this? Am I Peter Pans Grandmother? Well I'm certainly not Tinkerbell. Speaking of Tinkerbell. Clap Clap.
She was dressed in greens and blue and had all sorts of green and blue and pastels on her face. She was thin with thin carved features. Her wings were a soft gauze but clearly the right size for her body. And two little Blondie's were mesmerized by her exotic looks. She was offering feathers for a donation to the Kids Shakespeare of Boulder. And with a little prompting she was busy quoting the Bard with a lilting voice that held those babes attention til the end. They were sure the feathers were magic. They must be, no? Abracadabra& Poof!
Did I tell you about the trip up the Mountain top? Well first we stopped at an Outlet Mall! Come on they had a Coach Bag Outlet store! Surely you can understand why I had to look. So bimbo, gimp and geriatric hound stopped at the Outlet Mall at the foot of the Mountain. The bimbo lost her cell phone in the Colorado River. Well the water had to come from the Colorado River&Gimp got her clothes, her pots and the Hound got her fair share of sense to smell. Then we left the detour and headed up the pass.
Up the mountain top we wound in second gear to save the breaks. We stopped at the Continental Divide for a Photo shot and a look see. And she told me, You know what the continental divide is don't you? If you were a teenage boy and pissed on the continental divide half would flow east toward the Mississippi and half would flow west toward the coast. Is that what Klimzack taught us? I really don't remember. But the analogy is apt. Once the divide was explored we headed down into the Park, Granby and Grand Lake. Two more Libraries.
Grand Lake was such a pretty little town. All quaint, rustic, green and bright floral colors along misty dewy shores. Cedar Log buildings and green pine and spur. We had dinner at the Bears Den; talked to Steve Richardson who swore he was a real cowboy come from Wyoming cuz it was way too lonely. Now he worked for the biggest Ranching Franchize in the USA. He even got benefits. It was quite a coupe. All the horse trail tours included breakfast or lunch with Cowboy Coffee. Its like Mexican Coffee. Just Boil the water and throw the grounds in.
We traveled up the Mountain Pass to the Top of the World with nothing on either side at times. I forgot to mention my fear of heights or that I have vertigo. But we made it up anyway along with tens of other tourist. We all ran to the window when the Ranger announced there was a Prairie Dog carrying on for our entertainment. I had a dirty water hot dog and a root beer then down the mountain we went. True to her word Estes Park was a tourist trap town but one of my libraries was right there.
I had so many libraries in Colorado it was amazing to me. Now if those people ever bought from me it might be a different story. Denver Colorado is a young town, is a friendly town, is a rough and ready town, is a rich town, is a military town, is a Chicano town, is a Jewish town, is a Russian town, is a Korean Town, is an Islamic town, is a dry town, is growing town, is a college town, is a country western town, is a Martini on the Rocky's town, is a thunderstorm in the afternoon town.
Once again the universe was trying to send me a message. Once again, my radio receiver was only picking up static. I felt it through the miles and still was helpless to understand it or stop it. Meanwhile back in Ohio Ms Marple was putting together her detective clues and pronouncing me dead. And getting the rest of the town involved in this misguided investigation. Just because a person leaves their car parked in their space for a little more than two weeks does not mean they met with foulplay. Why I think there might be a bit of disappointment.
The Tip Jar